Hello everyone,
This is my 3rd time editing this. I am not very good at this type of stuff, but her I go.
As a young child I knew I was different. I was always watching my mom do her hair and put on makeup. I would sneak into my parents room and dress up. I would do that from the time I was 3 until I was 19. I didn't have any friends until I was in 7th grade. I would watch girls in school play and have fun and I was jealous. I wanted to be playing with them. Since I was ten until 19 and then on and off again between 23 and 32 I would wish and pray to god that I would be transformed to a girl, recently the last two years that consumes most of my thoughts. It was hard to hide it from my family who I wanted support from. A few times growing up, My mom would say to my brothers and I "If anyone of you tells me your gay I would disown you. When I was 19 my mom had a nervous breakdown and I was afraid that she found my stash of womans cloths and if was my fault. so for a long time I gave up dresses and tried to "Man Up" I had one girlfriend that ended badly and made me very depressed to the point that I don't think I ever truly recovered properly. At age 23 I would start whereing dresses, ect. again maybe once every 5 or 6 months. Last year I felt I needed to come out to my family and start wearing girls cloths permantly and get a sex change. I didn't tell them about the later but I did about the dresses and explained to them that this wasn't anything new that I had been doing this a major part of my life. my brother just kinda shrugged it off. My dad said he was there for me, tried to talk me out and told me that he couldn't beleive it because I was to "manly" My mom on the other hand told me this wasn't right and started quoting scriptures. She also said that I was getting in touch with my feminine side because I had no girl in my life. I needed to find a girlfriend and give up this nonsense. I wouldn't be truly happy in dresses.
So I gave it another year still the thoughts dominated my mind, only time it didn't was during football season when I was talking so much about football with friends. then a few months ago I started thinking about it again. I think I have accepted it and a few weeks ago I started herbal HRT. Soy Isoflavone, Wild yam, and a phytoestregon pill that contains Black Cohosh, don qui, and soy. last week I switched out Soy Isoflavon for Saw Palmetto. and added Milk Thistle to help help my liver.
I don't have the money to see a therapist to get started on a real Hrt. I am hoping soon I will before the herbals do damage. It does seem to work good for me though, my skin is soft and smooth my lashes seem to be bigger and my breast have doubled in size which was never truly flat chested. my sweat(with the exception of feet) is alot less and including feet I seem to have less B.O. from sweat.
I accually really think I could be intersexual because I was looking at that forum and it seems alot of the "symptoms" are present in me.
Well anyways that's my story
