Quote from: Ativan Prescribed on March 23, 2013, 06:22:48 PM
Had I known back then, had the world been as it is now, I probably would have done a full transition.
Instead, I went totally into that hyper-masculine mode.
*Sorry world for the mean bastard I turned into. Nobody should have to go through what I put myself through.

It is really encouraging to hear about what some of you have done or are planning.
Had that been an option when I was young, I'd be so damn Androgynous looking...
But I'm comfy with where I am for the moment.
We'll see what comes along, I'm mentally in a good place and that's the most important thing there is for me.
I'm taken care of by some of the best gender specialists in this country.
Things are good, for now.
Ativan

I too went hyper masculine for a while and also emotionless for a while. Both these states harmed me a lot, in terms of emotional well being. But that's the past now. Even though I have not started any kind of medical intervention, it is something I am considering strongly. Just not totally sure about it because I am attracted to women, and am a bit afraid of never having a partner. But that's just fear, and I am sure it will be overcome sometime soon... hopefully :-)

Ativan, great to know you are being taken care of by some of the best gender specialists, and it's working out so well. I hope all of us find peace and joy in life. It's really awesome to be non-binary, but sad that we often find it so hard to be able to express and just be ourselves.

Quote from: Ativan Prescribed on March 21, 2013, 11:23:08 AM
Just realized I derailed the crap out of this thread!

OK, meanwhile, back at the Androgyne HRT Ranch...

It sounds like I'm going to have to talk to my Dr about dose's.
It's all so very cool that people are taking doses that will put them physically where they want to be.
It's really encouraging to know that the medical profession is good with this. 
And there is less of this:
I am curious about getting to where you want to be and then maintaining that.
There must be as many ways of doing that as there are doing a low dose for dysphoria.
Ativan

Not really.  I could sit at your feet all day and just listen. 

Oh!, and I would love to emulate my avatar, Hermaphroditus.

Quote from: ChrisJ on March 18, 2013, 02:19:08 PM
That's interesting because just the other day I was watching a documentary on transgender people and they had a non binary trans woman on there. She got hrt and top surgery but did not want lower surgery to remove her penis. She was extremely proud of her mixed physic, not just happy with it. After this woman was done explaining how happy she was with her body they cut to a scene where a therapist explained (rather uncomfortably imho) that some people dont get lower surgery because of complications and money issues and, etc etc... Like she was making up excuses on the behalf of this transwoman who was perfectly happy with her body! I was actually mad about this, cause I was sitting there thinking "Oh thank god. Finally a trans* documentary where it's not all focused on binary trans people who are either ftm or mtf only and have the typical narrative. Here's a non binary who loves being a "hybrid" as she herself put it." And then some therapist twiddles her thumbs and starts explaining away this womans pride as if it were nonsense. At least thats how I saw it.

I love mixed gender expression and I feel at home around other people who dont have to/want to go through a full transition. Even better when people strive for a mixed presentation. I hate prejudice against non binary trans* people within the trans community, its horrifying to me.

A few years ago Oprah Winfrey had a panel of three or four different women born with Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome (AIS). All were obviously women but have XY chromosomes rather then typically XX as cis females do. The interesting part of the discussion was that two of them had SRS to correct their genitalia to be more aesthetically female, while the last one being obviously female was quite boyish and enjoyed herself in either mode as it so suited her and had no desire to get her genitalia fixed. I thought she was the most honest and real one in the group, I admired her for her attitude.

Hellow everyone, i am ema, i am from Mexico and i´m 30 years old, well i began crossdressing since 1990, at first i thought it was like a fetish, all my life i thought this was not a big issue, i got married, had a kid, then we separate, i was 28, and was living alone for the first time, well being alone help me bring back my crossdressernes, but now it was different, so i felt the need to tell my baby´s mom about me, she was in shock, but accepted, so she wanted to know me as a girl, and she did, but with the time i was like OMG, i want to be a girl, fully a girl, so the last 2 years i though i was a transgender woman, i had a bad therapis for around 1 year 5 months, she did not help me, in fact, she affected me, now i am with a sexologist-psychologhis,therapist, i dont know how to say that in english, hope you understand, well the thing is, i discover i am androgynous, INSIDE AND OUT, and that is why i´m here, there is no information about people like us, and i need help.

Well first of all, HRT, i love my genitalia, and i don´t want to quit to that part of me, i like the pros of hrt, but i don´t like the cons, so my plan is to get FFS, lipoesculture and hip augmentation, i won´t get breast, because i don´t want to quit being a DAD, so, and right now i am comfortable with the size of my breats, i just want to embrace my femininity, people DO get confused right now, some people think im a girl, some other people think im a guy, and that´s great, im ok with that, but i guess i feel more comfortable being trated as a girl, the big BUT, is that if i want to be a DAD, i would have to try to act more like a guy will act, maybe like a feminine guy, but still a guy, i know right now i am thinking a lot of what society would think, and i know that with the time i will not care about it, but well i will have to work that with my therapist, so i need help.

There´s a lot of "complements" for crossdressers, ->-bleeped-<-s, transgender people, have anyone tried those? Does it work? i don´t know if surgery will quiet that NOISE every androgyne talk about, i don´t know if i can mentally balances my masculine side and my femenine side, i don´t know if people like us need that, right now i am done planning about my physics, but there´s a lot to do about the psychological part, any advice?

Why i was considering not going for hrt? Well first of all, i don´t want to be impotent, but i think it would be great to low my libido, the other thing, well my mom have high pression ( alta presion en español) sorry, i don´t know how to translate it, my dad had an infart, and a openheart operation, my dad´s mom had diabetes, so i don´t want to embrace that with HRT, i just want to be happy, accept myself as a human being, but i don´t want to die trying to achieve that, you know what i mean? Here in Mexico surgerys are not so expensive as in USA, with less than 20,000 usd i can get FFS, lipoesculture and hip augmentation, so i feel that is the way to go, but i´ve been thinking on hrt for 2 years, and i need people like me, who understand what we feel as bigender or androgynous persons, to help me with advices, i really like this forum, everyone seems to be so great persons, and i am glad i find this website, so basically what i want to achieve is to be more femenine and still can be a guy or a girl when i feel to, i want my mind to match with my body and viceversa, i want to feel complete, i want to become ME, and not the "man" i used to be, because hiding this GID helped a lot transforming my male side into a "macho" and i am not a macho, hell no, i feel like i´m an angel, a beautifoul angel, with both characteristics male and female, and i think this is beautifoul, i want to be proud of who i am, but the thing is, that right now i think that i need to transition ( surgerys) to become me, and maybe hrt could help with that, what can you guys recommend me? i am still so depressed, not about my gender searching anymore, i am depressed about my economical problems, about my past, about my relationship with my parents, i am treating my depression, but i am still not ok, and that is affecting a lot with my MTA transition, so i hope you can help me guys, if you need more information about me just ask ok? best wishes for all of you, and nice to meet you, xoxoxo, ciaooo

Quote from: Shantel on March 18, 2013, 05:01:57 PM
Ativan,
    Time to come out of the forest my friend, your posts are usually terrific, articulate and well thought out. The rest of the folks on Susan's have been missing out on some great commentaries that many could benefit from.

I second that

Quote from: Emanuelle aka ema on April 05, 2013, 04:23:06 AM

Hello Ema,
         Such a nice long post, it makes me feel like I know you much better already. You are at the right place here and let me suggest that whatever you do concerning changes that you take it slowly and enjoy each day being whoever you wish to be. I had originally intended to transition fully, but for several reasons decided against it and have found peace in the idea that I can be happy appearing to be any mixture in the gender spectrum and enjoy just being me. You can achieve that by taking it slowly living your life one day at a time making a plan for each day so that you don't feel like you are in limbo. Further along on your path you may decide on some changes, maybe a low-level feminizing HRT. No-one here can make up your mind for you, any changes you make to your physical appearance all have to be your own decision coupled with the advice of your therapist. Long heartfelt conversations with your your spouse and loved ones is always most helpful to a continued relationship. Good luck amigo, we are all in this together so feel free to consider this as your extended family.

Hellow SHan, nice to meet you   yes you´re right, and believe me i am "transitioning" step by step, te be honest, 3 weeks ago i was talking with my therapist about fully transition, but in the mid-time i took the c.og.i.a.t.i. test and another one for transgender people like us, and my results were almost 50 50, in the past i used to think that i could be ok being a man, and i could be ok being a girl, but i wasn´t aware that if i get exactly to the opposite side of gender i could have a lot of problems, so my first fear of all, was to fully transition and then with i don´t know 10 or 15 years being fully, regret it, so i was on youtube searching for androgyne peoples, genderqueers, non binary, and i was like OOHH, it do exista "label" for my GID, i refused back in the days to catalogue my self as a crossdresser, because i though that was contradictory for a trans person,   now accepting myself as a non bynari or androgynous persona, is helping me a lot, the first great experience about being androgynous is that i can still be my baby´s daddy, and the second best part is that i can be the girl i am FOR ME, and society would think oh, that guys is so beautifoul that he passes as a gilr but HE IS a guy, you know what i mean? like a lot of persons here, i need to be responsable with my son, and also i need to be responsable with myself, so being androgynous is like 2 x 1 price, i get to be the girl and the dad, so i am happy about it, right now i am thinking about letting my high heels, skirts and make up for my closet, i won´t be able to dress so so femenine in my laboral life, but i´ve been dressing unisex clothes 5 years now, and no one notice, i literraly only wear boxers and tennis shoes from my male wear, my jeans and t.shirts are girl t shirts and jeans, i have a mid-long hair, i have a curly hair, people when they realize im a guy and not a girl, they usually think oh, he is like a " rockstar" hahahaha so i am ok with that.

Well that is something more about me, about HRT again, anyone know if just taking estrogen could help with the emotional issues? and not blocking T? my fear about blocking T it is my sexual drive, i want my buddy to work hahah, i ggotta be honest with ya´ll, that is my biggest fear being honest, and also breast development, because my ants and my sister have huge breasts, and i have big breast right now being a guy, and having big breast won´t help me passing as a male, so that´s why i am thinking about FFS and lipoesculture and hip augmentation,  BUT if i get HRT, my hips will be natural, my waist, even my face will be more femenine, and maybe i won´t have to spend money on surgerys, BUUUT again hahaha, there is a possibility of no erections, and breast, i am also ok being a little strong, i mean i don´t want to have muscles, but i want to be able to be strong too, so i really don´t know what to expect with low HRT, i am thinking about it again like a posibilitie, but i want to be healthy too, so i really don´t know what to do, and i like to plan things before doing anything, right now i am searching about hrt, and maybe i will start next year, the same about surgerys, i know i have to heal everything inside first, and then start something to match my mind and body, also my fear of hrt, is that if i start right now, i don´t want to get suicidal, i think about that right now, but not in the real way, maybe i can say somedays i want to die, everything is messed up, but i know i won´t kill myself, i have an angel, and he is 2 years old and i love him, like a mother loves her kids,  so if someday i want hrt, i know i have to be psychologically ok, well that´s it for today, i´ll be waiting for everyone´s advices ok? xoxoxo, ciaooo

Quote from: Emanuelle aka ema on April 05, 2013, 12:55:55 PM
Hellow SHan, nice to meet you   yes you´re right, and believe me i am "transitioning" step by step, te be honest, 3 weeks ago i was talking with my therapist about fully transition, but in the mid-time i took the c.og.i.a.t.i. test and another one for transgender people like us, and my results were almost 50 50, in the past i used to think that i could be ok being a man, and i could be ok being a girl, but i wasn´t aware that if i get exactly to the opposite side of gender i could have a lot of problems, so my first fear of all, was to fully transition and then with i don´t know 10 or 15 years being fully, regret it, so i was on youtube searching for androgyne peoples, genderqueers, non binary, and i was like OOHH, it do exista "label" for my GID, i refused back in the days to catalogue my self as a crossdresser, because i though that was contradictory for a trans person,   now accepting myself as a non bynari or androgynous persona, is helping me a lot, the first great experience about being androgynous is that i can still be my baby´s daddy, and the second best part is that i can be the girl i am FOR ME, and society would think oh, that guys is so beautifoul that he passes as a gilr but HE IS a guy, you know what i mean? like a lot of persons here, i need to be responsable with my son, and also i need to be responsable with myself, so being androgynous is like 2 x 1 price, i get to be the girl and the dad, so i am happy about it, right now i am thinking about letting my high heels, skirts and make up for my closet, i won´t be able to dress so so femenine in my laboral life, but i´ve been dressing unisex clothes 5 years now, and no one notice, i literraly only wear boxers and tennis shoes from my male wear, my jeans and t.shirts are girl t shirts and jeans, i have a mid-long hair, i have a curly hair, people when they realize im a guy and not a girl, they usually think oh, he is like a " rockstar" hahahaha so i am ok with that. Yes, I am in complete agreement with you on this, and have adapted to this in my own life as well, you can still live on either side of the fence as you choose without going through a lot of expensive surgery and procedures that are permanent and may be regrettable later.

Well that is something more about me, about HRT again, anyone know if just taking estrogen could help with the emotional issues? Yes, I went from a more aggressive personality to a more passive one and am more likable by my family than I once was as a little dictator.and not blocking T? my fear about blocking T it is my sexual drive, You don't need to use a T blocker, most MtF's use it to further enhance the feminization process and stop any further masculinization. However, continual use of estrogen will eventually kill your "buddy" and he will atrophy (shrink) and your sex drive will be diminished and breasts will become enlarged, this is me after several years on HRT, so you will have to think it over as it might not be what you want.

Shan hellow again, thank you so much for the fastest reply , can i ask you something? i am quite confused right now about estrogen effects on you, i read that the possible effects without blocking testosteron was nule, did you also block T or not? another thing, which is the one who have worst secondary effects E or blocking T, i mean in my sexual activity, i remember once i bought some creams with phytoestrogen, those creams people sell, that help increasing your butt and your breasts, this are for man and woman, i bought the creams for woman, so i remember in those days i was feeling great, in that time was when i decided to tell my wife about me, so i don´t know if my body was happy for the phytoestrogens or it was just me, what do you think? to be honest i will looove to have bigger hips and thinner waist, less muscle, so the question is (obviously in the future befores taking any medication i will see an endochrynologyst) if a person takes low doses of estrogen, that helps a little bit with body distribution? is it dangerous to stop estrogen for some months? I´ve read about fully transition doses of hrt, and the effect of going out of hormones it is dangerous, so my question is, is it still dangerous for me even if i consume a little bit of E? i am thinking, if i do not block my T, i won´t have issues with my buddy down there, is that true? i don´t know how to upload photos, please help me out

Also i am like 80% sure about my future surgerys, because i want a more femenine face, and also i want a more curvy body, no question about it, my dilemma is what can i fix in my face, without loosing my androgynous face, you know what i mean? i think fixing my hairline, my nose and my lips are the best way to go, without loosing the "strenght" of my face, i mean strength= masculinity, some days i just feel like i want a girl face, sometimes i feel like i need only to embrace my femininity by only doing my nose lips and hairline, and when i want a girl face i want to do more about it, so there´s no doubt about me having fix some of my facial features, but my dilemma is what to fix, so i thinks if taking E without healthy problems, and not blocking t, and if i get the results you got could pretty much femenize my face enough, and possibly in the future i just get my nose and lips done, so please could you be more specific about all the good changes in your health and physics and psychologicals, and all the bad problems with taking E? i know everyone is different, but i with your story and other one i could make a better decision, today im still depressed, just when i talk about my transition i feel a little bit calm, maybe something is missing and it could possibly be estrogen, maybe it is just my depression, i don´t know, that is why i am here with you guys because in some point we all go through the same things, the bad ones and the great ones, so i´ll be waiting for your advices, xoxoxo, ciaoo

Hi again Ema,
         I don't want to discourage you in any way, but on the other hand I think that you really need to discuss most of what you are saying here with your counselor. Let me assure you that taking estrogens isn't going to be helping your male business at all, some people  become completely disinterested in any kind of sexual activity after having used estrogen. A man's penis will atrophy and become quite small, like that of a child. It doesn't sound like a good plan for you at this time. So discuss the pro's and con's of this with your counselor.
        Concerning uploading a photo, most have an online location like Image Shack where they can store photos. Then you get a link that you can cut and paste on your post and your photo will come up.

Hellow Shan, ok, so no photos for now hahaha, well you are right again, and i think for now i won´t think about hormones, because i am not willing to get the cons of it at all, so i guess i will have to learn how to deal with my GID mentally speaking, i know i can, i think i just need time to evolve, this is why in the past i decided to not go for hrt, i just had like the dream if there was something out there that will help without hormones, like the complements i talked about, a lot of people say they work, but the cons are the same, and to be honest i don´t want my buddy to be smaller than it is, if you know what i mean hahahahaha, so the right path for me, at least for now, is achieving the body changes i need to feel more stable with surgery, i think about it this way:

My dysphoria is about not feeling comfortable about my BODY, all of us as transgender persons (because i think we all are transgender but there are some levels about it) have a not matching "alarm" about our body, some people need srs, some of us don´t, some need breasts, some of us not, and there´s the opposite of us, so the big deal with our problem, in my opinion, it´s our body, so surgery could be a safe path for me, i hope i don´t get that noise in my head after surgery, i think i will not get that, so in my opinion our problem basically it´s our body.

We all know who we are, what we feel, and there is a NATURAL femenine or masculine side inside of us, and at least for me, i don´t think i would have to be medicated to feel it, in the past i felt that noise, but now, that i am accepting myself i feel more comfortable day by day, obviosuly i need to achieve my physical changes to stop thinking about it, because right now my transition it is only in my mind and soul, and i need changes to feel more comfortable, if you know what i mean.

But well there is something bothering me right no, i don´t know if this happen to someone around here, but it seems like i can´t concentrate, right now i am living as a zombie, i just eat and sleep, i usually search for information about people like us, everyday, i don´t know if this is ok, or this is wrong, like i told you, i am depressed right now about my financial situation, not about my GID, my GID is what keeps me motivated, but i am loosing control of my life, it is like i don´t feel nothing, i can´t cry, i can get angry, but i can´t cry, that is something i will talk with my therapist next session, i hope somone went through this ( not in the bad way) so you can give me some tips to avoid this kind of feelings, well the good part for today, is that Shan opened my eyes and mind again about HRT, and i want to thank you about it, it is great to have this kind of help, but to be honest, can anyone talk about complements for feminization? there is a complement named ova-glan from cross-dress.com so i hope anyone can talk about this products, maybe creams are not so dangerous, i don´t know, that´s why am asking well that´s it for now, see you tomorrow Shan, have a great week end, xoxoxo, ciaoo   

Hi again Ema,
        It seems like you are getting some thinking straightened out in your head now, I'm glad for you about that. We are all here to help one another and share experiences. I have not heard about that product that you are referring to so I can't comment on it. Meanwhile, you're zombie-like emotions are probably from over-obsessing about this GID related stuff, we all do it at times. Are you getting your proper sleep at night? You may just need to take a break and get some good food and some rest. Be sure and discuss all of this with your counselor and don't hold back any secrets, they can't help us if we aren't completely honest and give them all the facts. Wishing you well! ((hugs))

Hellow shan, how are you, thanks for your comments, to be honest i don´t like to be thinking everyday about this, i  mean i know i am learning and learning more about me, but i don´t know if this is an obsession or just i am searching to be ok with my body, the thing is, i am depending on money to get my body to match, and my financial status is not ok, so maybe my depression it is based on money, i have to be honest, i was raise as a superficial and materialist person, so the money for me is a huge deal, in the past i had a good life economically speaking, and know that i am broke, everything is getting worst and worst, i know i won´t be broke all my life, but right now this is affecting me so much, i studied mechatronical engineering, i graduated from the best universities here in Mexico, but even before i graduated i started some bussines ( companies ) and now that i am broke, no one wants to give me an oportunity, because people think i don´t know nothing about jobs, so that is a pain in my ass, i think basically my issue here is money, because i know that my therapist is helping very very very much about my gender issues, and my life issues, but she can´t do a lot for me in the economic fill, i hope i can get a job soon, i really like doing bussines, but right now i don´t have money to start, so i think maybe this is the biggest problem i´m going through, and it affects all aspects of life, with my wife, with me, with my transition, even with my therapy sessions, what do you think about this Shan?

Another thing, i was talking with my wife today, about my face, she some days is very understanding, some other days she is not, today she told me that she thinks i want to change of face, i mean she put it this way: you want to be other person, and that make me thing a lot, i don´t want to change who i am, i just need to"fix" my body, i want to embrace my femininity around my face and body, that´s all, i want to feel comfortable with my face and body, and right now i´m not, my wife sometimes tell me she is going to leave, some other times she tell me that she wants to stay with me, this problems of being together started even before i told her about my GID, i guess in the past the reason was my machism, right now i am quite done with the "macho" thing, and that is great for me, so could you tell me what did you feel when you wanted physical changes, did you say you just wanted to fix your body, or did you think you wanted a whole new body or face like my wife told me? i feel it is important, because i do still care what other people say, i´m not done with that, possibly after 3 or 4 months of therapy i will don´t care about what people say, i am just being me, and i just want to be me, but i feel that i need some changes physically to be ok, and i know the majority of us need this, some a lot of changes, some very few, so i hope you can help me about this again, xoxoxo, ciaoo   

Quote from: Antonia J on April 05, 2013, 05:28:37 AM
I second that

Thank You! 
I'm sure at some point, I will venture out more...
IRL, I have done much in regards to this.
I have farther to go. I am still in a kind of recovery mode of sorts.
But thanks everyone for the encouragement!
It means a lot to me.
Ativan

Quote from: Emanuelle aka ema on April 06, 2013, 01:41:58 PM
Hellow shan, how are you, thanks for your comments, to be honest i don´t like to be thinking everyday about this, i  mean i know i am learning and learning more about me, but i don´t know if this is an obsession or just i am searching to be ok with my body, the thing is, i am depending on money to get my body to match, and my financial status is not ok, so maybe my depression it is based on money, i have to be honest, i was raise as a superficial and materialist person, so the money for me is a huge deal, in the past i had a good life economically speaking, and know that i am broke, everything is getting worst and worst, i know i won´t be broke all my life, but right now this is affecting me so much, i studied mechatronical engineering, i graduated from the best universities here in Mexico, but even before i graduated i started some bussines ( companies ) and now that i am broke, no one wants to give me an oportunity, because people think i don´t know nothing about jobs, so that is a pain in my ass, i think basically my issue here is money, because i know that my therapist is helping very very very much about my gender issues, and my life issues, but she can´t do a lot for me in the economic fill, i hope i can get a job soon, i really like doing bussines, but right now i don´t have money to start, so i think maybe this is the biggest problem i´m going through, and it affects all aspects of life, with my wife, with me, with my transition, even with my therapy sessions, what do you think about this Shan? I and many others here completely understand about the lack of finances, many have lost jobs and are struggling to survive and to not become a street person. This will surely put one's plans on hold for awhile, but my life's experience is that these things are just for a season, meanwhile sometimes we have to think outside of the box and reinvent ourselves in the job market. I have done that several times rather than wait until I lost everything.

Another thing, i was talking with my wife today, about my face, she some days is very understanding, some other days she is not, today she told me that she thinks i want to change of face, i mean she put it this way: you want to be other person, and that make me thing a lot, i don´t want to change who i am, i just need to"fix" my body, i want to embrace my femininity around my face and body, that´s all, i want to feel comfortable with my face and body, and right now i´m not, my wife sometimes tell me she is going to leave, some other times she tell me that she wants to stay with me, this problems of being together started even before i told her about my GID, i guess in the past the reason was my machism, right now i am quite done with the "macho" thing, and that is great for me, so could you tell me what did you feel when you wanted physical changes, did you say you just wanted to fix your body, or did you think you wanted a whole new body or face like my wife told me? i feel it is important, because i do still care what other people say, i´m not done with that, possibly after 3 or 4 months of therapy i will don´t care about what people say, i am just being me, and i just want to be me, but i feel that i need some changes physically to be ok, and i know the majority of us need this, some a lot of changes, some very few, so i hope you can help me about this again, xoxoxo, ciaoo I think a person has to consider what is most important and prioritize everything. For me my marriage and my family was infinitely more important and there are things I had to put on the back of my list for awhile. Most importantly if you intend to keep your wife and family you need to have a lot of long conversations and keep her advised of what you are doing and try to minimize in her mind and heart about how little this will affect the relationship that you both have. If you can't do that effectively then you will possibly lose her. It happens to a lot of us here, sometimes it's best to make changes slowly and incrementally rather than all at once. It seems that you have no choice right now anyway so perhaps that is the silver lining in the dark cloud for you. Sometimes we don't see setbacks as a blessing, but this may be the case, so get focused on getting some work and give yourself a break about over-thinking the GID stuff[ so you don't become loco de la cabasa!/color]

Ema,
What Shan is telling you is really good advice. Go slow.
From a Dysphoria standpoint, HRT can be just the thing for anyone.
I'd try this first, but that's just me. You are the one who decides.
I have stressed this point before, also. You are the one who decides.

Dysphoria can manifest itself in different ways.
How we react is going to be different for each of us.
There isn't as much information as there should be.
But regardless, we are all going to react in different ways.

Ema, like Shan has said, it really is something you need to discuss with your therapist.
Even when they don't have an answer for you, just the act of talking it out is revealing.
For many people, it's not a difficult thing to deal with.
For some, the realization of how it is affecting you might not be fully realized.
For MAAB's, hyper-masculinity is sometimes a reaction that we don't realize we are having.
For FAAB's, hyper-femininity does seem like a distinctly actual response. I haven't run across it, yet. *MAAB, here.
Something to keep in mind, not only for reference, but as an actuality that some may not have considered.
My point is that not enough is known for anyone but yourself to make that call.
And it may take talking it out with someone, preferably a therapist to help guide you through.
There isn't, like so many things about being non-binary, a well worn path to follow.

This is true about HRT for us, whether low dose, full dose, or anything in between.
It's really not a 'Your mileage may vary', it most certainly will.
It will change as you change. It will be different for each person.
Low dose HRT is rarely harmful as far as I have heard, not initially anyways.
You HAVE TO do it with supervision, and finding a Dr that really is up to date is priceless.
It's not taking a medication, it is messing around with your hormonal balance.
And there is a range that balance needs to stay in.
This means getting bloodwork done. T bockers means getting your free and total T levels checked.
You also need to know if your BP is too low. Yep, they can lower your BP.
You need to know your Sodium and Potassium levels, they are diuretics and you can build up too much Potassium.
That alone is dangerous enough, so you need a balance here also. Think sports drinks. Kind of like that.
T blockers usually will tell you within a week or two if they are right for you, 'emotionally'.
Also reversible in the short run, a few months usually. Maybe longer, maybe not. YMMV.
In very low doses, they may have almost no affect on your libido, or size. They probably will eventually.
Always start low.
The less effective dose for you, the better off you will be, whether you are looking for large or small changes.

Taking E is pretty much the same approach, but it is a hormone as opposed to a side effect that will change your T levels.
So the result is going to be different. But not so much the approach. You still need to keep things in balance.
You still need bloodwork done. (Stop going  'Ewww', it's just a simple blood draw and you don't have to look).
Here again, you can get doses that are so low that it will take quite awhile before any real physical changes take place.
But they will, eventually. More so with E as I understand it.

So much for dysphoria kind of doses.
If you are looking for physical changes, they may or may not work the way you want.
Again, you start low and work up, with Dr permission and supervision, to what you want, based on the results.
You will experience a loss in libido, how much depends on how you tolerate them.
You are screwing around with your hormone levels, and that's all there is to it.
Your body as it is, really isn't designed to do this.
Thank everyone before you for paving the way. If it wasn't for Transsexuals, you wouldn't have this opportunity.
But their path is well worn with lots of information and Drs are much more familiar with cause and effects at those doses.

There aren't any shortcuts, there isn't (yet) any magical way of doing this.
This isn't like taking any over the counter cold medication. People have died trying to go it alone.
The odds of something going wrong, by not having this supervised by a Dr who is familiar with this, is enormous.
What is right for your sibling even, doesn't make it the right dose or way for you.
If something at least small doesn't go wrong, even with a Dr, you're lucky.
Sound like something you still want to try?
Go for it. If it helps you, it's worth it. Just be careful.
Ativan

Hellow Shan, i agree, right now i definitely shoud be focuse about money, because this is what is affecting me, about my relation with my wife, to be honest, i don´t know what will happen, since we been separated twice, i don´t know what to expect, it is difficult for me to try to understand her, sometimes she makes me feel that she is not happy because of my GID, so i tell her if we should separate, then she agreed, and next day she says she loves me and don´t want me to go, and it is difficult for me, because so times i think, well great if we can be together, and i plan our future, but then, in a second everything comes apart and she is like ok, we better be apart, i know i can be happy with or without her, but i don´t think this relationship depends only on me, i try to be the best husband for her, she have other 2 kids, from different fathers, her fathers are not in the picture, they don´t even know the girls, they are my daughters, and they like me as her father, infact, they know about me and they accepted me, but again, i don´t know what my wife wants, she is not bisexual or lesbian, that´s why she is distant with me, we don´t even have sex now, no often, sometimes, and i try not to talk a lot about that, because if she doesn´t want to, i won´t insist, so there are a lot of ups and downs with our relation, and sometimes i don´t know what to expect, sometimes i am preparing myself to be alone, and when she says: i still love you, i am like really? it is so confussing, i love her, sometimes i try not feeling anything, but i know deep inside of me i love her, but sometimes i think it could be the best for us to be separated, obviously just not living in the same house, i will see her everyday, because when we are separated, i see my son everyday, right now i am a little bit calmer, i guess everything its going to be ok in some more months, i realize my biggest problem is money right now, and i hope i can get some within this days.

Back to feminization, wich part of the face do you think can make a change about appearing more female? i am thinking nose and lips, and depending your hair, maybe hairline, because i am thinking about just getting my nose and lips fix, and maybe my hairline, so the question is, if you could get FFS, and you want to pass as male and female what changes would you do? i think fixing the jaw will take the strenght of my face, and without that maybe i could not pass as a male, what´s your opinion? xoxoxo, ciaoo

Hellow Ativan, thanks for your response, first of all, i want to congratulate you, i really like your comments, i´ve been reading and reading, and i think you are a great person.

About Hrt, yes, right now to be honest, there´s still a little noise about HRT on my head, but i think hrt isn´t good for me, maybe talking with a dr could help, but here in Mexico there is no so much help for transgender, so non binary people like me will be like crazy people to drs, i live in a small city, so i don´t think endochrynologist here know about hrt for people like us, another thing, i wanted hormones to get body redistribution, soft skin, hips, bla bla bla, so to be honest i wanted hormones just for the physical changes, also hrt help keeping your hair, but weeks ago, before i subscribed this channel, i was like, ok ema, you want a more femenine face, hips, long hair, etc.. there are 2 ways of achiving this, surgery and diet, and hrt and diet, obviously i have to do some exercise in the 2 options, but that is something normal for me, hrt was less expensive in the short run, surgery is less expensive in the long run, so then i had to re-evaluate this options with the cons of the 2 options, and surgery was a winner, because like i told SHan, i love my buddy down there, and i don´t want him to die hahahaha, and that is a big deal for me, also in the past i was thinking about orchydectomy, but i guess it would affect also my sexual life, look, about my buddy the only thing i want to is to be able to have erections and orgasms, also i was walking away HRT for the mortal secondary effects, i just want to be happy, i don´t want to die trying to be happy, you know what i mean? my body is not too bad, i really think some liposuction will help a lot, and my face is really androgynous, the thing with my face, is that i want to look a little bit more femenine ( hrt could help with that) so the only way to not have drastically changes on my body or face will be surgery for now, but it got my attention HRT in low doses, because i was reading how do porn actresses ( transgenderwoman) do to keep their buddy working normally, they have great bodies, very femenine, and those bodys are not just surgery, they stil get hormones, but i heard that they take it some time, and then stop it, take it some time and stop it, i am talking on a high dosses hrt, and doing that it is also very very dangerous, so i was thinking well ok, if i get a very very low dose of hrt, i can be on and off, and maybe keep all the changes i want, i mean phsycal changes and not killing my buddy, but i don´t know if this is something possible, so that is the reason i wanted to contacted you guys, well i will wait for your answer, xoxoxo, ciaooo

Quote from: Emanuelle aka ema on April 06, 2013, 05:37:37 PM
Hellow Shan, i agree, right now i definitely shoud be focuse about money, because this is what is affecting me, about my relation with my wife, to be honest, i don´t know what will happen, since we been separated twice, i don´t know what to expect, it is difficult for me to try to understand her, sometimes she makes me feel that she is not happy because of my GID, so i tell her if we should separate, then she agreed, and next day she says she loves me and don´t want me to go, and it is difficult for me, because so times i think, well great if we can be together, and i plan our future, but then, in a second everything comes apart and she is like ok, we better be apart, i know i can be happy with or without her, but i don´t think this relationship depends only on me, i try to be the best husband for her, she have other 2 kids, from different fathers, her fathers are not in the picture, they don´t even know the girls, they are my daughters, and they like me as her father, infact, they know about me and they accepted me, but again, i don´t know what my wife wants, she is not bisexual or lesbian, that´s why she is distant with me, we don´t even have sex now, no often, sometimes, and i try not to talk a lot about that, because if she doesn´t want to, i won´t insist, so there are a lot of ups and downs with our relation, and sometimes i don´t know what to expect, sometimes i am preparing myself to be alone, and when she says: i still love you, i am like really? it is so confussing, i love her, sometimes i try not feeling anything, but i know deep inside of me i love her, but sometimes i think it could be the best for us to be separated, obviously just not living in the same house, i will see her everyday, because when we are separated, i see my son everyday, right now i am a little bit calmer, i guess everything its going to be ok in some more months, i realize my biggest problem is money right now, and i hope i can get some within this days. When a woman marries a man she has the expectation for the man to remain her man. When the man decides to feminize then it becomes a source of fear and insecurity for the spouse and social anxiety and a possible source of embarrassment. That is what is going through her mind right now. Then when the man suddenly is unable to support the family due to a job loss, that just exacerbates her anxiety and makes matters much worse for her and the children. You could change this by getting a job and put this other issue on hold until you are financially more secure.

Back to feminization, wich part of the face do you think can make a change about appearing more female? i am thinking nose and lips, and depending your hair, maybe hairline, because i am thinking about just getting my nose and lips fix, and maybe my hairline, so the question is, if you could get FFS, and you want to pass as male and female what changes would you do? i think fixing the jaw will take the strenght of my face, and without that maybe i could not pass as a male, what´s your opinion? xoxoxo, ciaoo
I'm sorry, but I can't possibly give you any suggestions about this until you get a photograph up.

Hellow Shan, this is sooo truee, she always talks about the "man", one day i told her, are you with me just because my buddy? and then i laugh, i was trying to make her understand that i am not a monster, that i am the same person, no matter if i change my looks, i will still love you, but well, she is going through this too, and money is the answer, but sometimes my female side just want her to hug me and tell me everything its going to be ok, you know what i mean? when i am around guys i feel girlie, when i am around my wife i am like, how do i suppose to act? i can´t feel femenine because it is like comparing her natural femininity with my femininity, and i feel less girlie, and sometimes i don´t feel like a real man, i just feel like a scared of life man or something like that, the therapist told me to act more often as if i am wearing my female clothes, i mean my feminine side comes more alive when i wear my eyelashes and lipstick, i usually don´t use make up, just eyelashes, so i have to do my homework, that brings another question, did you feel the same when you were wearing something femenine? i feel like more outgoing, more secure about myself, sexy, beautifoul, and being a guy i am insecure, not outgoing, quiet, and i need to mix those feelings to become who i am, basically i was like dividing myself into 2 different personalities, the man and the woman, and i felt great when i discover that i just need to mix this 2 energys to become who i am, but i don´t know sometimes my girlie side it is just to loud that i need love, and sometimes i feel like i am the man and i don´t want nobody to f..k with me, hahaha, it is weir but funny at the same time, i haven´t learn to be neutral, and i think that is what i need to be calm down...