Hello everyone!

I wanted to get some opinions. My girlfriend believes that she may be trans. I'm concerned that my own transition may be influencing these feelings. A little background, we've been together now for 6 years, have 2 kids and so we know each other pretty well. I've always known that she has hated being a woman. Over the years, it's caused her a lot of emotional stress whenever my mother would drag her out to do "girly" things; whenever people told her to be more "girly." It just wasn't until recently in my transition that she arrived at the conclusion she may be trans. I am very excited about her figuring out who she is but also incredibly worried that this, again, may be influenced by me. I'm not using he only because at this point there's no definite decision to move forward yet and she hasn't asked me to, so please don't think I'm misgendering.

Thanks for any opinions, advice, or stories

That's a very interesting scenario.  I think it is very difficult to come to a determine whether you have influenced her view of her own identity through transitioning with what you said.  While many trans people hate identifying with activities or qualities of their birth sex, this can also equally be applied to many cisgendered people as well.  For example, I know straight men who are more girly in a stereotypical sense than some trans women.  The real factor comes down to how one feels internally and how long those feelings have persisted.  Did your gf have consistent feelings throughout life that she is a man or would have been happier living as one?  Or did these feelings appear after she discovered your identity?  It seems most of us have had these feelings for most of our lives.  Of course, she could have realized things latter in life, but it would be questionable if she didn't have any sense of her identity before your transition.  However, gender identity can be really complex and is not simple for everyone to figure out.

Clearly, you have some knowledge with this and would be able to help find her true feelings.  I think you should talk to her about your concerns and learn more about her feelings.  Additionally, maybe you guys could go to a support group or therapy together. 

P.S.  You must be an awesome gf to support her through this time.  I say this as a straight woman,lol.

Michelle, I don't think you can influence someone to be trans. You can, however, influence them to explore feelings that have been there all along.

In your girlfriend's case, it seems like her gender issues have been there at least as long as you've known her.

I didn't think about transitioning until I went to a gender support group and was around a bunch of MtFs who had done it successfully. Did they make me think I'm Trans? No. But they showed me what was possible.

Could that be what's happening here?

It is possible that the element that draws you two together, might be shared emotional and similar ways of thinking.

Maybe that you are alike, is what you see in each other.

This is very interesting. I agree with some comments that I do not believe you can really influence someone to be Trans anymore than say a straight man to become gay. However I do agree that the transition that you have made when so close may well have 'opened the box' for your girlfriend to become herself / himself.
I know that I helped my boyfriend in a similar way to start and escape and we are dealing with that now. Good luck to you both.

Thanks for all the input! Very good point that "turning someone trans" is as ridiculous as saying "turn someone gay or straight." That really put both of us at ease.

She's gotten pretty serious since the last post so I'm going to say he now. So exciting!

He was a totally tomboy growing up working on his fathers cars and playing with the neighborhood boys. Then his family kind of ran into a rough patch and he spent 8th-12th grade with super conservative Baptist grandparents who refused to let him see a psychologist because they felt the Bible was the only true answer to his overall depression. All of this really sounds reminiscent of many transpeoples' experiences I think so I'm really starting to feel better. I just didn't want to be responsible for somebody making the wrong choice. I didn't want him to think that transitioning was going to end all of his problems.

It could be the element that bound us like suggested. He's always hated being physically female and I couldn't stand being physically male. We were both sort of a comprise for each other. He being more attracted to women and me not really knowing what I was attracted to - very confusing time.

I doubt there are many here on Susans' for example, who are not heavily influenced by each other. I, for example, come here for a daily fix of influence.

I don't belive you can influence anyone to be trans but i don't see that as what you mean.
as I see it your worry is about whatever your parter think of being trans because of you? (is that correct?)

I guess for advice what you can do is to be surportive but in a neutral who isnt about "what to do" but about options of what is posible. so dont rush things just wait for him to mention it himself and then answer his question of it. so dont say. "you need a therapist to get homones" but if he say, "I want a therapist to give me homones" then you can be helpfull to educate him or maybe show him a good one you know.
in caise neither you say something neither do him but you feel the topic is needed then ask neutrally, by that I mean you ask so theres space for both answers. "what pronouce would you prefern I use?" "should I keep calling you ___, or another name insteed?" is neutral question: "if your a guy then you would want me to call you by a guy name right?" isnt a neutral question. just to give an exemple.
--

I was one of those people who was forced into a closet by christian parents,even knowing how i felt inside and who i really was.Of course over time,this drove me to ask questions and i had to know.I dont see myself as influenced by anyone but the truth of what was going on for me.After reading up on the things i WAS dealing with,this is how i came to find out.No one put a bug into my ear and as i was around other trans people,i did see what doors opened for me and my future.Im glad things are getting better and that both of you are happy.as the above poster said,yes i would go with the same flow that you would want and let them be their self.Good luck to you both