I agree.  He needs to hear it from me and not from my parents.

Here is an update after my two week break from my parents.  I sent this email last night:

Quote
Hi Mom and Dad,

It's been two weeks, how are you both doing? I have been keeping busy with friends and work, and I had fun in Chicago last weekend.

I hope things are going well on your end!

And the reply I got was:

Quote
Seriously?  Do you feel the presence of Archangel Michael around you?

MOM

I have no idea what she means by this or how to reply to it.  The best I can guess is that she's referring to my Uncle Michael who left home the day after he turned 18 (it was raining the day of) and has pretty much done his own thing his entire life.

I think the perfect reply would be:

"What?"

Quote from: ChrisJ on April 04, 2013, 10:06:31 AM
I think the perfect reply would be:

"What?"

...or to ignore it and go live a happy and authentic life of your choosing.

Quote from: ChrisJ on April 04, 2013, 10:06:31 AM
I think the perfect reply would be:

"What?"

That's what some of my friends are saying, too.  I'll probably send something along the lines of "I don't understand what you mean by that"

Quote from: Antonia J on April 04, 2013, 10:16:00 AM
...or to ignore it and go live a happy and authentic life of your choosing.

Well, I'm going to live a happy life of my choosing anyway.  It would just be nice to have my parents on my side

I would ignore it. And if you havent by now googled it ( I have because of my stupid curious nature) here is what this references. Take it however you see fit.

From wikipedia:

QuoteIn the New Testament Michael leads God's armies against Satan's forces in the Book of Revelation, where during the war in heaven he defeats Satan. In the Epistle of Jude Michael is specifically referred to as an "archangel". Christian sanctuaries to Michael appeared in the 4th century, when he was first seen as a healing angel, and then over time as a protector and the leader of the army of God against the forces of evil.

Im not religious so I find it comical I cant speak for others though.

Quote from: Erin S on April 12, 2013, 05:34:44 AM
Im not religious so I find it comical I cant speak for others though.

I'm not religious either, so I have no idea why my mom thought it would work on me (maybe she's in denial about that as well? :/).

I've decided I'm not going to reply to anything unless it says "We don't care about your gender anymore, we want YOU back in our lives.  We are sorry for the way we reacted"

Don't hold your breath. Sometimes parents just get in this rut that circles the thought: what have we done to deserve this? what could we have done differently to avoid this disappointment? why is my child hurting me like this?

You and I know how damn selfish it is for them to think these things, but believe you me, it comes up. Even with my very accepting mother, once or twice early on, it reared up. We got over it, I explained to her it was selfish on her part to bring MY mental/medical issue back to her, and she ended up getting that. But yeah, don't wait for spontaneous anything from them in a positive light, I'd say. If you take a breather for a while, then come back and make the effort to change their hearts and minds a bit more, then back off and regroup, then try again, rinse and repeat. Tough stuff, but prolly the only way. And if they are throwing bible quotes around, well, that might really be a lost cause.

Well what I think she means by the whole presence of the Archangel Michael thingy is that she has been praying and that she feels God will send the Archangel Michael to you to help guide you back to a righteous path, i.e. she thinks you are being seduced by evil thoughts or some type of demon and that Michael will save you and you're no longer be Trans. If you are not religious, you'll need a level of cognitive dissonance to understand it.

I wouldn't bank on anything if she is praying to God to save you from being Trans. I guess I could be wrong about this. 

It can be quite confusing.

I wish I could come up with a mature well constructed responce but at the moment I cannot, Hopefully what I will say isn't too mean but what I am taking away from your situation is that at least for now you're parents are selfish immature morons.

Again sorry if that is too harsh towards your parents but that is how their comments have made me feel I can only imagine how bad it was for you the person who experienced them first hand.

In regards to my family I think my parents are supportive, certainly didn't react like your's did. But then if they did react that way I'd be screwed as I live with them and do not for see my being able to afford my own place any time soon.

Quote from: GendrKweer on April 12, 2013, 11:04:10 AM
If you take a breather for a while, then come back and make the effort to change their hearts and minds a bit more, then back off and regroup, then try again, rinse and repeat. Tough stuff, but prolly the only way. And if they are throwing bible quotes around, well, that might really be a lost cause.

I'm enjoying this breather so far .  Life is just so much better when I don't have to hear people lecture about how they know more about what goes on in my head than I do...

Quote from: Joanna Dark on April 15, 2013, 02:36:13 PM
Well what I think she means by the whole presence of the Archangel Michael thingy is that she has been praying and that she feels God will send the Archangel Michael to you to help guide you back to a righteous path, i.e. she thinks you are being seduced by evil thoughts or some type of demon and that Michael will save you and you're no longer be Trans. If you are not religious, you'll need a level of cognitive dissonance to understand it.

Oh Zarquon... I honestly liked it better when I thought she was talking about my Uncle.  Praying for it to go away might seem like a good thing if I was still in denial, but I don't want being trans to go away now because then I can't become the girl I've spent half my life wanting to be.

Quote from: EmeraldPerpugilliam on April 15, 2013, 03:38:57 PM
I wish I could come up with a mature well constructed responce but at the moment I cannot, Hopefully what I will say isn't too mean but what I am taking away from your situation is that at least for now you're parents are selfish immature morons.

Again sorry if that is too harsh towards your parents but that is how their comments have made me feel I can only imagine how bad it was for you the person who experienced them first hand.

In regards to my family I think my parents are supportive, certainly didn't react like your's did. But then if they did react that way I'd be screwed as I live with them and do not for see my being able to afford my own place any time soon.

Sounds like you're lucky, I'm happy for you .  I'm used to hearing mean things about my parents now, so I'm not taking any offense.  My parent's reaction pissed off the real-life friends that I'm out to and they've said some not-nice things too.

Well it barely(ie rarely) gets discussed, occasionally I will mention something related but it doesn't go far so I haven't really had a chance to assess what they really think other than a few comments like such classics as "I don't really understand it" "Could your friends have put these thoughts in your head" But nothing hostile. They haven't protested me starting HRT and my dad takes me to my endo appointments so that helps.

I really hope it all settles itself for you. To loosely quote a song "When will they open their eyes and see what they've done" slight adjustments made.

Well, here is everything that has happened over the last few days.  My mom sent me this:

QuoteAre you back to being <male name> yet?

I replied with "No. And I really don't want to spend the week [while on vacation] getting lectured, either. Can I please have my airplane tickets refunded?"

She first replied with:

Quote
I suppose you will have to call me since you choose not to answer your phone if you want your plane info.

What exactly do you want from me? How can you expect me to change how I feel about you when I know you no other way?

Are we all to act like we are all dead to each other and or that we never existed?

I don't understand why you hate us so much when we have done so much for you including paying for your school, helping you get your car, working on your condo, paying for some of the expenses to your condo, paying for your medical bills. Are you going to refund us for all the time and money we gave you?

As my friends and I were working on a reply she also sent this:

Quote
FYI ... here is the cancellation policy. Since I originally made the reservation, I will keep the credit to my account. I am also going to keep the money you gave me to pay for your seat. I will consider it reimbursement for the monies you owe me. You can start paying me back for the UM tuition/room & board now. I work for an attorney and know my legal rights to get my money back. Perhaps you should take out a loan to pay me back.

I will continue to love you and pray for your soul that evil does not find you.

At this point I'm done with her.  She's not even attempting to understand at this point and she's interpreting me wanting to be ME as an attack on her.  I can't put up with this crap any longer.

Quote from: Anna Michele on April 19, 2013, 05:24:31 PM
At this point I'm done with her.  She's not even attempting to understand at this point and she's interpreting me wanting to be ME as an attack on her.  I can't put up with this crap any longer.

Good for you! 

My jaw has dropped by the selfishness and self-centeredness that's been on display here by your parents, this last post making my jaw fall the furthest.

If there's no proof of a loan, a cursory check of the Internet says you'll be okay.  In fact, she admitted it was a gift right there in the e-mail.  I suppose you could sue her for stealing and you may have a chance.

Still good luck in these trying times.

Quote from: Misato33 on April 19, 2013, 06:16:14 PM
Good for you! 

I was really hoping it wouldn't have to come to this, but putting up with their nonsense takes a lot of energy.  One of my friends even asked "Why is your mom 5 years old?" earlier.

Quote
My jaw has dropped by the selfishness and self-centeredness that's been on display here by your parents, this last post making my jaw fall the furthest.

I think they need to see a therapist more than I do at this point.

Quote
If there's no proof of a loan, a cursory check of the Internet says you'll be okay.  In fact, she admitted it was a gift right there in the e-mail.  I suppose you could sue her for stealing and you may have a chance.

There is no proof of a loan and two of my friends that I'm out to have parents that are lawyers.  Both the lawyers agree that I should be okay.  I don't think it's worth the legal fees to sue to get my $500 back.

Quote
Still good luck in these trying times.

Thanks, I'll need it.

I think the whole lawyer thing is just to scare you into complying with what they want. She is coming of incredibly selfish and self centered(different things right?) and immature, if anything she is the one being 'controlled' by evil with her behavior.

I hope things work out for you.

Quote from: EmeraldPerpugilliam on April 19, 2013, 07:48:30 PM
I think the whole lawyer thing is just to scare you into complying with what they want. She is coming of incredibly selfish and self centered(different things right?) and immature, if anything she is the one being 'controlled' by evil with her behavior.

That's what I'm thinking too.  It amazes me that some people can claim to be religious and then give a reaction like this one.  My understanding of religion is that it is supposed to be about teaching peace, love and acceptance (in other words, it's about teaching people to be hippies).

Quote
I hope things work out for you.

Thank you

You are incredibly strong. I am so proud to see your willingness to live honestly and maintain the faith that you have in yourself. Your parents are in a delusional cycle of self centered fear. Your mothers messages are filthy, she doesn't deserve to be given a response.

I would turn the tables slightly by suggesting that she gets help for herself. I would offer her a lot of love and compassion because her suffering is so evident, and I would empathize with how hard this obviously has been for her. Then I would tell her that despite my compassion for her, I was not willing to expose myself to her relentless, selfish assault. I'd wish her well and let her know the consequences of her actions. Don't worry about her crazy demands for money from you.

So sorry you're dealing with this. Lots of love...

x Di

Quote from: PrincessDi on April 19, 2013, 11:10:41 PM

I would turn the tables slightly by suggesting that she gets help for herself. I would offer her a lot of love and compassion because her suffering is so evident, and I would empathize with how hard this obviously has been for her. Then I would tell her that despite my compassion for her, I was not willing to expose myself to her relentless, selfish assault. I'd wish her well and let her know the consequences of her actions. Don't worry about her crazy demands for money from you.

I couldn't agree more with Di. I would try to be super nice and show them how happy you are. (Even if you're not right now.) Maybe even keep emailing them, telling them how happy you are and how transition is the best thing that has ever happened to you. That you're finally happy. And just ignore her negative comments when they come.  Kill their hatred with warmth, compassion and love. The money thing is a threat. Don't worry about it. They have nothing. It's emotional blackmail.

I agree with Di, also.

Quote from: PrincessDi on April 19, 2013, 11:10:41 PM
...Your mothers messages are filthy, she doesn't deserve to be given a response.

I would turn the tables slightly by suggesting that she gets help for herself. I would offer her a lot of love and compassion because her suffering is so evident, and I would empathize with how hard this obviously has been for her. Then I would tell her that despite my compassion for her, I was not willing to expose myself to her relentless, selfish assault. I'd wish her well and let her know the consequences of her actions.

Tell her you love her, and never stopped loving her, but you also love yourself and are finding peace in your body for the first time. And then suggest she get help to overcome her suffering, and let her know you are done with the affair as Di suggested.