Well I finally built up the confidence to come out to my dad. My mum had known for a good couple of months before hand so I think that helped. He doesn't seem to have taken it badly, just that he thinks a lot about it now. I can see it in his face that he doesn't really know what to say to me, he seems to hesitate in what he says so that it doesn't sound like something you would say to a male. It's a little weird.

But even though both of my parents now know it hasn't changed how depressed I am some days. I would get up in the morning and just look at myself, think about what I'll most likely be doing that day and what I'll look like. Just makes me feel so utterly depressed and sad for the whole day I don't feel like living. And one of the worst things is I literally cannot show my emotions. I feel just as I am about to cry or burst out laughing or any kind of emotion, something suppresses it. Just at the very moment I feel it is going to come out, it vanishes. Which makes me feel depressed again. I am trying to do something with my hair as well, It's kinda like in an in between stage where it's not quite long enough to style into something female but too long to look male. It's horrible, my brother's are always telling me to get my hair cut even though I have told one of them.

It depresses me further when even though I have told someone they dismiss it. Thinking it's just another one of my excuses to get out of doing something. But I'm being serious about transitioning but other than my mum and possibly my dad, everyone else just ignores it.

It's been a rough week, been times where I have been stupidly happy and other days which have made me feel so sad and depressed I couldn't concentrate on even doing my work.

This is a tough situation. Feeling depressed is probably natural in these circumstances. I know it's rough, but if you're seriously feeling like you don't want to live, you need to find professional help. Maybe get on anti-depressants? I know they have helped me when I was pretty damned close to just shutting down.

Things will get better, but you'll have to work on it. There is a long road ahead of you, of me, and everyone else in the beginning stages of a transition, or thoughts of a transition. As the saying goes, it'll get worse before it gets better. But it WILL get better. We just have to work really hard on it.

Don't give up just yet. It's a rough thing for everyone to digest, yourself and family included. It's a big adjustment and it can be a world changing thing. You have to keep going along though, even if it hurts some days. Maybe even go to an LGBT center if you have one, or try to find a support group of some kind that is in a similar boat as you. It may help out.

These things are just apart of our transition into becoming who we really are inside. Don't let it rule you though, let it free you. You will be alright, but I strongly suggest getting some extra help through these tough times.

Jerred

I will second Jerred's thoughts.  This is tough to deal with, but things do get better.  I struggle with the same thing at times, but I just try to be as positive as possible.  Even though things may seem bleak, the right mindset can help you progress towards a better tomorrow.  It isn't easy, but once you get into a positive perspective it's not too hard either. 

I can second the hair concerns.  It sucks when it is in the awkward growing phase.  You have to deal with criticism while knowing yourself that it looks messy.  Eventually it evens out and grows into a normal state.  If not, that is why there are straighteners,lol.  And hair can make a big difference.

Lastly, please don't quit on yourself.  I know what those thoughts can be like and they are extremely difficult. I am in the beginning stages myself and don't know when I will financially have the ability to leap forward.  That gets me down a bit cause I won't to move rapidly and not slowly. But do know that life can improve with time. And if you ever need someone to talk to when you get down, the  Susan's community and myself are always here for you:)

i'm getting the same responses, but over time i do see it's getting better, slowly.
And some persons need a long time to adjust to the new you.
Just hang in there, slowly, time works healing.