Hey y'all,

How many of you have dealt with 'that voice'? The one that says, "You're six feet tall, with VERY masculine facial features, a very deep voice, and you'll never ever pass. Even if you ever manage to get hormones (a low-probability event), you'll look just like a guy. You're hosed if you transition; you're hosed if you don't."

And if so, how were you able to deal with it?

This is tearing me to shreds. I know that I'll never be able to pull off a female presentation, and I'll never be able to afford FFS. But the alternative is even worse.

I know what I need. But I feel like it's outside my reach. How do you deal with that feeling? I can't be the only one to have had it.

-Claire

Hiya,
Yes I have to admit I have had this pain in the ass voice come on a few times. The voice which tells you in the morning that you'll never wake up a girl like in your dreams. Everything is too expensive, you'll never get the letters you need and you'll never start to transition.

You just have to fight through those days, let your own voice tower over it. Keep trying and trying, believe me I think I annoyed the doctor a bit after my 5th visit. But then she finally gave me a referral to a psychiatrist which has in turn sent a letter back. I'm still waiting on that letter but I know it's coming 

Also height can be a real pain, being 6ft 3", a fairly deep voice but I used to sing so I can adjust it but not much before I sound squeaky. Nobody in the world looks perfect, everyone has their own unique features. You never know what you may find or turn out to be until you try.

I'm still early on in my transition even though I've been at it for 5-7 months, but I'm pushing through. Even if it's slow at times, you can still make progress.

"That Voice" haunted me big time in my 20's. Both times when I experimented with transitioning it constantly shouted "Forget about it!" and more. At 6 ft tall, deep voice, balding rapaidly, big hands and feet, etc. I never thought I passed. The laughing, snickers, strange looks and worse, confirmed the worse.

It took about 30 years before I really got that "Attitude is everything" adage. Lots of self examination, hard work, starting with a TG group, loosing all that shame and guilt did wonders to boost my self-esteem and hence improve my attitude. Magically I started passing 

During those 30 years I did my best to fake "normal". Occassionally cross-dressed at home to escape. More often during high stress periods. Eventually married a woman that was sort of OK with the trans stuff. Mostly relied heavily on Diversions, Distractions and some denial. Buried myself in work, my other self identity as uber engineer. It all mostly kind of sort of worked. Untill the excrement really hits the air-handler and existential crises time follows.

Not a technique I would recommend. Best bet is work on the self esteem and loose the shame and guilt. A TG group changed my life by really opening up my eyes. Therapy helped a little with the other life issues. No real gender therapist in under a 3 hour drive for me so all I had access to was a TG friendly one.

"That Voice" still tries shouting in my head. Sometimes successfully in the short term. When I remind it of all the ways it's been so totally wrong for decades it tends to go back into hiding

Quote from: RandomWalk on April 15, 2013, 02:27:22 PM
How do you deal with that feeling? I can't be the only one to have had it.

No, Claire, you're not. I hear it many times a day.

Here's my answer.

I want to transition to be a beautiful, feminine, clear-skinned, silky-haired, full-breasted, high-voiced woman.

But I tell myself ain't gonna happen. Accept it. Move on.

But I will transition. Oh yes. I'm going to be seen by the world as a woman, be referred to by female name and pronouns, wear the clothes I want and live the life I want.

If I have to do that as an overly tall woman with huge ears, a clumsy gait and persistent body hair, then that's the kind of woman I'll be.

But I WILL be that woman.

No one can stop me.

I hopes this helps, sweetie. You're every bit the woman you need to be.

I can relate to this. I've dealt with that since I was a kid and decided I would go through with transitioning "someday". Sometime during the last year I must've found a really good roll of duct tape because I rarely hear it anymore. On the other hand, when it does break through it comes back with a vengeance. Hopefully therapy will help me find a way to throw it out for good.

There's always something, and for some, that something is height.

Consider this, a cis person can suffer from a physical aspect just as much.

I am sure, a fat as hell cis person, feels worse about their weight, than a real tall trans female feels about her height when tall.

Everyone has their personal hell. I am lucky in the height department. Whipdeedoo I have the neck of a 6'4" 300 pound linebacker, but on a 5'7" 225 pound person. Think about that one. I'd rather try and solve a height issue some days. I spend all my time pondering hair styles that can hide my neck.

I like wearing pretty necklaces, I just bought a new one today (well ordered it that is). I KNOW I will need a means of extending that one too. I am thinking of just buying long necklaces and taking my avon items, and removing the came with it chains, for purpose purchased multi use chains that permit me to use the thing that hangs ON the chain. I'm pretty much expecting most if not all of my necklaces will be for women with MUCH thinner necks. I added a 4" add on to my necklace, and it still feels a bit tight.

The only way to beat the voice, is to just do the research I guess. There are always tricks of fashion that can hide or diminish a trait.

You always seem to bring up fat people, Lesley lol.

Anyways I've had my own voice all day. Am I doing the right thing? I feel like I am but I have my.. worries and doubts I guess? Seems to be a common thing though, or from what I've seen so far. Maybe it's the fear of how my mom will react, or the huge change in life I wish to make. It's nerve wrecking all the same

I had it and spent a lot of time crying with my therapist about it and she assured me time and again that transition changes a person.

I won't lie to you. It's a lot of work to get from there to here and there are time when it seems hopeless.

If you go down this very difficult road, however, you'll find that the rewards are there and that while you will never look the way you dream or wish you could, you will look like the woman you are and if being that woman is a necessary part of your life, you'll get there.

Quote from: NJade on April 15, 2013, 11:14:01 PM
I had it and spent a lot of time crying with my therapist about it and she assured me time and again that transition changes a person.

I won't lie to you. It's a lot of work to get from there to here and there are time when it seems hopeless.

If you go down this very difficult road, however, you'll find that the rewards are there and that while you will never look the way you dream or wish you could, you will look like the woman you are and if being that woman is a necessary part of your life, you'll get there.

Well said

Quote from: Jerred1985 on April 15, 2013, 11:00:50 PM
You always seem to bring up fat people, Lesley lol.

Anyways I've had my own voice all day. Am I doing the right thing? I feel like I am but I have my.. worries and doubts I guess? Seems to be a common thing though, or from what I've seen so far. Maybe it's the fear of how my mom will react, or the huge change in life I wish to make. It's nerve wrecking all the same

I see too many fat people in my routine day. I just assume most of them are likely unhappy being fat. I mean, I know happy people that are fat, but, I doubt they consider being fat a thrill.

I consider myself 'fat' and yet, I see so many people so much bigger than myself, and I wonder, 'ok I hate being THIS fat, I can't picture them being amused at being more fat than me.

I hate listening to the voice in my head some days, it seems too self absorbed sometimes. To me centric, too obsessed.

My wife is coping with some VERY serious depression right now, and just the slightest bit of focus on me seems unacceptable seeing as she seems to be doing worse than me.

Lesley, ya I see a lot of bigger people too. I myself am not exactly thin. I'm 5'1 and nearly 200 pounds. People say I don't look it but wearing big baggy mens clothes tends to hide the fact that I am over weight. I get a bit self conscious about it lol

You may not be able to change some things like your height or face structure but you certainly can change your situation. When I was 20, I remember sitting on my porch smoking a cigarette and deciding to transition. I knew it was the right path. I didn't need a therapist. At that point I had already thought about for over a decade. I just knew I would be happy if could change my physical sex. I had nothing at this point and no reason to think things would change.

But I thought if I could get money I could do it. And that's what i did. I went to school and all I did was study because studying led to good grades and good grades would lead to a god job and a good job would lead to a sex change. It took me 10 years (it actually would have been shorter but I got sidetracked) but here I am. So it can be done. It will take effort.

Quote from: Lesley_Roberta on April 16, 2013, 12:22:15 AM
I see too many fat people in my routine day. I just assume most of them are likely unhappy being fat. I mean, I know happy people that are fat, but, I doubt they consider being fat a thrill.

Almost every big person I have ever met is not so much upset about being big as being called names and such, by the press and generally.

Frankly, it's nobody's business. And incredibly childish.

What about all those bald people, wandering around as if being bald is normal. They could get a wig, or even a hat. Instead, the normies have to deal with the gleam from their bald skulls, reflecting the sun and forcing car drivers off the road.

Signed Increasingly bald  Apologising for hijacking the thread.

Quote from: spacial on April 16, 2013, 06:33:03 AM


Signed Increasingly bald  Apologising for hijacking the thread.

I like you Spacial.

I never know when a fat person is concerned about the weight or not.

Heck I have one friend, his only real trigger is bald jokes though actually

Bald isn't life threatening though.

The only reason I hate being over weight, is I don't need any additional health hassles. Got plenty already.

Always told the wife, I plan to enjoy our sex life regardless of her weight, but I'd likely be enjoying sex with her for a lot more years if she was lighter and didn't die sooner than she needed.

I've also mentioned, she wants to live long enough to enjoy being a grand parent if possible.

Weight can kill you a lot easier than the more supposedly bad things out there. Burgers kill more than smoking eh.

O_o no offense Lesley, but if I were your wife I'd probably punch you in the face for that

Quote from: RandomWalk on April 15, 2013, 02:27:22 PM
How many of you have dealt with 'that voice'? The one that says, "You're six feet tall, with VERY masculine facial features, a very deep voice, and you'll never ever pass. Even if you ever manage to get hormones (a low-probability event), you'll look just like a guy. You're hosed if you transition; you're hosed if you don't."

And if so, how were you able to deal with it?

Yeah, I know a few things about that voice. It's present almost daily, reminding me that I'm unattractive, that it will be forever until I can change that, and telling me that I don't really pass - that everybody knows, and they just don't tell me to spare me.

I don't really know how to deal with it, to be honest. I imagine getting FFS will solve the problem, but that's just guesswork. Therapy could probably help, too, and I suppose I could be helped if I had someone in my life to act as an "anti-voice", reminding me of how I'm beautiful, smart, and kind.

Positive reinforcement and professional help can work. At least, I hope they do.

Quote from: Jerred1985 on April 16, 2013, 07:56:12 PM
O_o no offense Lesley, but if I were your wife I'd probably punch you in the face for that

I am not sure why?

My wife dropped 100 pounds as a result of diabetes (she was awesome being able to do that too).

Prior to that and prior to being told about her diabetes she was fairly over weight.

Now I am not the sort to tell a person to lose weight for cosmetic preferences. I think it is as bad as any other life endangering circumstance. I have wanted her to lose the weight, but how do you encourage someone eh?

I made it clear, I wanted to grow old with her. And at her weight, I figured the only one that was going to end up old was me.

Sometimes, people need a reason to tackle those tough challenges.

My dad stopped smoking at 50. The doctor told him, you have a choice, stop, or it kills you. He lived till 80, not 60. His breathing improved almost immediately.

Dropping the weight is my current number 1 goal. Everything else, is just cosmetic nuisance. Having a large neck size, it bugs me of course, but it isn't the same as being over weight. I have 50-75 pounds that don't belong here. I wish my disability didn't get in the way of being more aggressive in turfing it.

Bought the wife new pants today. Her weight reduction has played hell on her wardrobe.

Quote from: Lesley_Roberta on April 16, 2013, 07:53:25 PM

Bald isn't life threatening though.

Being overweight isn't either!

The issues are so much more complicated than simply laying down an ideal weight for someone's height.

But it's the very simplicity of the claims and the huge amounts of money being made by the charlatans to promote them, that should be an indication that something isn't right.

If that doesn't convince you, then try to do a very simple test. Find any group of people. Check their BMI. I guarantee that most, who are over 25, will be overweight and the majority who are under 25 will also be.

It's that obvious.

There are hyperactive 5 yo olds being sent home from school with letters saying they are fat! When I was groing up these kids were said to have puppy fat. 

The condition Anorexia Nervosia first emerged in the late 60s, in some pop stars. It didn't have a name even. By 10 years, it was frequently referred to in the press and cases attracted intense interest from jr Drs. Another 10 years and entire hospital wings were filled with these kids. Another 10 years and entire hospitals. Another 10 years and talk is of public funding to find a cure!

There is a basic principal in indoctrination. Written about, extensively, by our old friend, Dr Goebbels. (He of Adolf Hitler fame). He stated that if you repeat a lie often enough, then no matter how preposterous it is, people will believe it.

Still the weight loss industry makes a load and emplys people. So, a few hundred thousand dead kids is perhaps a price to pay?

Sadly, Spacial, most of the world is indoctrinated. It's something I know fairly well about just by observation alone. We as a species will take things for granted simply because we're told it's ok to. We, as a species, will eat up what the TV tells us, simply because it claims it's telling the truth. We, as a species, will ignore what is right in front of our faces, because we fear change and difference. That last part could be due to a number of things. Religion, how our parents brought us up, politicians, and any other number of things we are exposed to daily.

Are we all indoctrinated in some way, shape, or form? I believe we are.