My head feels a but jumbled at the moment so I will try and explain this the best I can. I know this is normal, but for some reason this feels different.

I've known I am trans for s couple of years now, and I came out to my parents a few months ago. My friends know and find it hard, but they're OK with me. So I've gone through the process of deciding a new name and was all set to change t legally in August.The gender clinic has a long waiting list and I'm not sure if this is making me feel uneasy.I've just suddenly come over terrified. I know what I am inside but sometimes I think is this really me? When I pass as male I'm overjoyed but the concept of changing my name in august is very daunting for me. The fact I probably won't pass at universityis very daunting. People are going to judge me, and I'm not sure how truly prepared I am for that. I've just suddenly found the whole thing daunting and I don't know what to do. I'm doubting myself and thinking about this too much but it is literally always on my mind.

"People are going to judge me"

True. So what? No one has to live your life but you. Hugs, Devlyn

 Well, if you don't think you can handle not passing, then feel free to delay your name change and full-time until you reach a point where you feel you can.

However, if that's not an option... then there's not a whole lot that you can really do about your situation. Therefore, you'll just have to keep in mind that most people will probably not take much issue with it - the world has progressed a lot since so little as ten years ago, and university is probably the best place to be in transition.

Address your questions, fears, and discomforts, and try to think everything out thoroughly, calmly, and removed from outside pressure or influence.

I have come across a similar feeling recently. Not so much the fear of actually transitioning.. I'm trying not to think too much about that until I am in a better position to actually start the process (by seeing a therapist with a background in this sort of thing). My fear was that at college the other day I had went to school with a bit of a different attitude. I was acting differently than I normally would.... No let me correct myself... I was acting more myself than I have in a very very long time. I felt like everyone who looked at me just suddenly knew and were silently judging me.

But as the day went on I realized no, no one there knew, and they weren't judging me. Maybe they noticed a slight change in me but I doubt they were truly judging. One thing I've learned about the people in my town (since like forever ago) is that someone has an issue with you they don't keep it to themselves. People here are blunt to a fault.

So there will be moments I'm sure when you are terrified out of your mind. Maybe it's you're over thinking things, maybe it's the fact that you are taking a huge step in your life right now. Change can be a terrifying thing... But the thing is we have to embrace change when we know it will make our lives so much better instead of fearing about it.

Take a moment to breath lol. Take some time to just lose yourself in something you find fun, be it video games, movies, music, or some other hobby that makes you feel relaxed. Everything will be alright and will get better with time.

Jerred

Hey Joey,

I relate with the fear aspect.  I once allowed fear get the best of me and prevent myself from transitioning a few years back.  All I can say was that was not the right move for me.  I allowed time to pass without living as myself. While the time pass allowed me to gain courage and strength, I can't help but feel I denied myself some important moments.  Sure, I am still young, but I get sad about thinking about the missed time.  Now, I am here again planning on doing everything successfully this time. The thing is, it doesn't go away.  So, while we have fears and get scared about doing this, it is something some of us need to do.  If you feel that this is important for your happiness and that you need to transition, than you need to let your happiness beat your fear.  It is a tough thing and I'm not fully there myself.  But, if this is what you need, than you can't let fear overcome and defeat you. 

Having said that, there is no shame with transitioning at a slower pace.   If you feel the need to slow down, than do just that.  But, make sure you are doing it for the right reasons and not just fear.

Another normal reaction.

As for being judged at university I should think the absolute worst thing to be judged as is a normal!

I mean to say, have you ever seen a normal student?

If there was a transition centre for the universe its university.

As for changing your name. I'll give you one piece of advice, written in stone.

Keep at least one good quality document in your old name, preferably 2. Because no matter how hard you try, someone is going to send you something which you really need, such as money, in your old name.

No-one needs to know, but speaking as someone who changed their name I know how much of a problem that will be.

People have been judging me all my life.

It's ok, we all do it.

I think people are generally stupid

The only person you need to worry about, is you.