Since I started crossdressing in my teens to when I discovered masturbation I continue to dress up like a woman and masturbate with the image of me having sex with a man.I have never had sex with a girl of any kind, but just keep on having this behavior. I try not to cross dress, but the urge will come on a different times even if has been a long time since I last dressed.
What I am trying to figure out is if my male part I enjoy using in this fantasy or I am just using that part because it is what I have, and can not be a woman. There is a part of me inside that knows I would love to have breasts and a vagina and make love to a man. I am starting to realize the attraction I thought I had for women was just a desire to be one myself. Have any of you had similar feelings? matty

Matty, many of use fall somewhere along the gender spectrum.  We many be binary, or non-binary, or neutrois.  Cross dressers, transsexuals, transgendered, or whatever.

There is no hard or fast law that says that you can't grow and change.  Indeed, I would expect change.  You could easily be genderfluid.
You might want to have a similar discussion over in the Androgyn Talk forum.

I totally get what you mean

I start by wanting to be female this can last about a two day then I get the urge to masturbate and after I'm not thinking the same this last about a hour craving a female life again one part of my thinks this is were I got messed up

Quote from: ->-bleeped-<- link=topic=133743.msg1063870#msg1063870 date=1358115092
What I am trying to figure out is if my male part I enjoy using in this fantasy or I am just using that part because it is what I have, and can not be a woman. There is a part of me inside that knows I would love to have breasts and a vagina and make love to a man. I am starting to realize the attraction I thought I had for women was just a desire to be one myself. Have any of you had similar feelings? matty

Yes. I have had the same feelings as you. It has been difficult to analyze.

Barbie~~

I am having a tough time with my wife. She has just told me that she is not ok with me dressing like a woman. I thought of r8 years she was, now I am confused she says she will never leave me but yet I don't want to go back to the way I use to have to live suppressing my urge to look like a woman. This sucks!!! I am just getting comfortable and enjoying the peace of mind that I have never known and now the war starts again. I am all alone.

I've done quite a lot of thought about the subject of crossdressing and sexuality. It's really one of the most misunderstood variations of human sexuality I know. It's not only misunderstood by the public at large, but often by the person involved. For many it's considered simple fetishism, though I've firmly decided it's much more than that. In recent times we've seen greater understanding and tolerance of gays and lesbians, but not as much for the sexual aspects of crossdressing. But being gay is, essentially, about sex-- it's about what turns you on. There's nothing wrong that. I believe the same can be said for the sexual crossdresser, which should be recognized as just as valid a gender minority and lifestyle.

There is what I believe to be a flawed clinical term for male-female sexual crossdressing: autogynophilia. I think a more accurate term might be autogynosexual. Unfortunately for us, autogynosexuality is not as easily understood, nor is there any clear lifestyle model as with the other sexual minorities. We kind of have to create a lifestyle for ourselves.

A lot of other people share similar fantasies to yours, but fantasies tend to vary considerably from person to person. How you deal with and manifest yourself sexually will, in the end, be something that's entirely up to you. I believe, though, that you'll be a much happier person by doing so than by trying to adhere to an off-the-shelf lifestyle and conform to any assumed societal norm.

~ Lyric ~

In reply to Matty's original post and also to Lyric's excellent post above.
It will probably come as a surprise to many that I get sexual feelings when I wear kilts with navy blue knickers underneath as I did when I was a boy and a young man. I liked the feel of a kilt and also the fact that it was acceptable for boys to wear navy blue school knickers under it but mainly it was because I always envied the girls with their pleated skirts and kilts swishing and flying up revealing their knickers too. That was the thing that started me wanting to wear either a skirt or a kilt and the kilt was a great way of fulfilling my feelings without the need to be secretive as I'm in Scotland. I just always also had this confusion about why, when I put on my knickers and then the kilts that I had sexual feelings mainly about being admired by girls and then being able to have physical contact with them. I really couldnt sort this out in my mind at all and in fact on occassions did buy and wear in private skirts and womens knickers then as I got to the point where I wanted to masturbate in them I would blow up 2 balloons and push them tightly into the blouse I had to simulate breasts. The feel of the balloons made me even more intense and aroused and that started another little fetish.

All totally confusing but thats life I suppose.

QuoteSince I started crossdressing in my teens to when I discovered masturbation I continue to dress up like a woman and masturbate with the image of me having sex with a man.I have never had sex with a girl of any kind, but just keep on having this behavior. I try not to cross dress, but the urge will come on a different times even if has been a long time since I last dressed.
What I am trying to figure out is if my male part I enjoy using in this fantasy or I am just using that part because it is what I have, and can not be a woman. There is a part of me inside that knows I would love to have breasts and a vagina and make love to a man. I am starting to realize the attraction I thought I had for women was just a desire to be one myself. Have any of you had similar feelings? matty

I know the feeling all too well.  I started experimenting at the very early age of 5.  I tried over the years to repress the feelings and urges but no matter what I did, it kept coming back. I'd get a small hoard of clothes, usually stuff my mom was throwing away and I'd keep it hidden.  I'd try throwing it away and telling myself I was giving it up but sometimes the stuff never made it out the house to the outside trash can, sometimes it did.  No matter, I'd gather another small hoard somehow and here I'd go again.  I never felt attracted to guys however, I've always liked women but as I've gotten older I do feel more bi-sexual now but still not strictly attracted to men - no attraction actually except for that part (sometimes).  Like you, when puberty hit, I'd dress up and have to release myself and then I'd feel dirty and like something was wrong with me and I'd have to hurry and get my female stuff off and packed away.  I think it's about just accepting who you are and telling yourself that you're not some dirty person or perv or whatever it is you might think or feel.  That's what I did, sometimes I still get excited and have to take care of that first before I can just be Kayla but once it's out the way, I can let her stay the rest of the day for days on end if possible and everything is fine.

Quote from: ->-bleeped-<- link=topic=133743.msg1063870#msg1063870 date=1358115092
Since I started crossdressing in my teens to when I discovered masturbation I continue to dress up like a woman and masturbate with the image of me having sex with a man.I have never had sex with a girl of any kind, but just keep on having this behavior. I try not to cross dress, but the urge will come on a different times even if has been a long time since I last dressed.
What I am trying to figure out is if my male part I enjoy using in this fantasy or I am just using that part because it is what I have, and can not be a woman. There is a part of me inside that knows I would love to have breasts and a vagina and make love to a man. I am starting to realize the attraction I thought I had for women was just a desire to be one myself. Have any of you had similar feelings? matty

Well, you are not alone matty. I do have same feelings. I cross-dress occasionally and have desire to have nice womanly body and have sex with men. But there also masculine side which is very strongly attracted toward women. In a sense I think I am bisexual.

Ditto here but my fem self is lesbian, I must admit though I do have a curiosity for Trans girls. I too go through phases were my fem self has to come out, particularly during very stressful situations.

I had a friend who admitted t me that he dressed and was lucky enough t be married to a woman who was okay with it, how lucky. They even went shopping as girlfriends, luckier still....

me too

Well i am a FTM but you would be surprised to see me though... I can be quite sweet and i can look like a girl on my good days. But then, on my REAL days i look like a guy and i dress like a guy and i act like a guy too. Cos this is who i REALLY am. I can pretend to be a girl. I can survive  for a day or a few days/weeks. But then there are times when i must turn into a guy cos i am a guy deep inside. Even though no one can really see it and they can only see what i am on the surface.

I understand that feeling and I have had it before.

Quote from: Lyric on January 31, 2013, 10:43:14 AM

A lot of other people share similar fantasies to yours, but fantasies tend to vary considerably from person to person.

Thanks, Lyric, for your insightful post again.

I also some times have fantasies.

But I think there is other additional aspect. Most people think I am very aggressive in my work, but actually my physical strength is like between average men and average women. When I was virtually raped by a man in a public parking lot, I just gave up resisting, because I realized that my muscle power is far less than his. Sometimes my mind becomes very passive. I ask other men to open a beverage or wine bottle for me. But at home, I try hard to open bottles for my wife and kids.

Also, I remember that my classmates used to say my body movement during physical education is like women's. Even nowadays, some people say my dancing movement is feminine.

In my case, there are some interactions between body and mind.

barbie~~

Yike, Barbie. I'm sorry to hear you were attacked. I highly recommend taking a good self defense course. A lot of strength isn't necessary if you have the right skills.

~ Lyric ~

Yes I have similar feeling which is why I am not sure either. I wish I knew, but I don't. I identify as bigender to myself because that is the only thing that makes sense. Some days I want to be female and others I am fine being male. On the other hand the feeling seem to subside the most after I masturbate. I can't seem to explain it. It would be easier if I knew, so that then I could come out as something. Oh well good luck to figuring things out yourself

Hey Matty
You are so not alone here, I am a very late comer to the cross dressing scene. I am 40 now but for the most part of my life never had any sexual feelings or fantasies towards guys. It was only a few years ago that I started dressing as a girl (in total privacy) and i then began having the desire to be penetrated by a guy. I see myself in the mirror when I am dressed up and in my mind I am a female and I get a thrill from thinking that I could turn on a guy to the point that he would be attracted to me or want to do things to me.
I have never been with a guy but I think as my desires are so strong that I could be bi sexual.