Ok guys I have been worried I am a transsexual for a year now but today I had the though "I wish I was a woman" I haven't had this thought before so I'm guessing this confirms that I am trans

Usually when I think "maybe I am trans" I feel fear but a couple of times in the last couple of days, I felt fesar then the fear went and then I felt sightly happy

But I don't want SRS.

Maybe I am just starting to accept that I am trans. I did think the thoughts were OCD as my reaction to them and stuff fitted the OCD symptomology and I have had similar worries about other things (e.g. being a paedophile) but this fear has been the biggest

Also I used to worry about losing my penis cos I heard about a disease that makes men randomly chop their penis off and I was worried I was going to get it then I worried about it on and off for a few years.

Also sometimes I get an image in my head of my penis damaged or pouring our blood or whatever


I just don't know if I am trans or not.

It first started when I was reading some articles for a uni paper about trans people and I thought "am I reading articles about trans people because I am tras" but I didn't worry excessively

THEN I dressed up as sporty spice as me and my mates were meant to go to a party as spice girls but first I tried it on in my room and I stuffed socks in the top so it looked like I had boobs. Also, I chose to be sporty spice so I wouldn't have to be too girly. After I tried it on I started to think "Am I a transsexual"

But the thought proper started a week after after I came out to my mum (about my sexual identity not the trans thing) and she didn't take it amazingly, also I was really upset at the time cos the guy I was in love with broke up with me and said I wasn't attractive

I have tried dressing as a girl but I don't feel like I am suddenly being true to myself or anything, it was just kinda weird when I looked in the mirror

Also I have tried tucking it between my legs and seeing if it looks better but I didn't think it was but then I did it again and I wasn't sure


HELP AM I TRANS OR AM I JUST WORRYING TOO MUCH?

ANY ANSWERS WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED!

Hi, Fresh.

I can't speak for everyone, or more than myself, but I think you need to spend some time in introspection. The brain is a funny thing, and individual thoughts don't really mean much - it's more about feelings and constant states of thought.

For me, I had a constant, constantly-buried desire to be female over the course of more than ten years; when I finally gave in to it, it came not as fear or a revelation, but as a sense of peace with myself. Since then, I've known with rarely-wavering certainty that I was on the right track.

Quote from: ZoeM on April 19, 2013, 02:00:59 PM
Hi, Fresh.

I can't speak for everyone, or more than myself, but I think you need to spend some time in introspection. The brain is a funny thing, and individual thoughts don't really mean much - it's more about feelings and constant states of thought.

For me, I had a constant, constantly-buried desire to be female over the course of more than ten years; when I finally gave in to it, it came not as fear or a revelation, but as a sense of peace with myself. Since then, I've known with rarely-wavering certainty that I was on the right track.

Ah, I see I'm glad that you have managed to find peace within yourself!

What was it like constantly burying a thought? And were you aware that you were burying it at the time?

Mine came as shock and revelation when I started thinking it last year but the thoughts earlier today made me think it was even more real

ok so here's the deal.

you've been popping around here for, what?  two months?  a little more maybe?  and if i remember correctly this has been going on for a while before this.

so i'm gonna let you in on a li'l secret.  now take this at face value, because that's what this is.  i'm not saying "you are trans" or "you aren't trans" because those aren't questions with neat answers.  like, NOTHING has a neat answer, but jesus christ on a saltine, this question especially is messy and ugly and blurry and vague and nobody ever really figures out what it MEANS.  and it's alright that this is kind of like, not obvious, because it's not really obvious to anyone who's standing at this precipice early on.  i really didn't understand it either until years and years later, well after i'd thrown my hands up in the air and just did it on basically impulse and nothing else.

so here's the secret.  secrets, actually, because there are two different parts that are ultimately kinda sorta two different facets to the same greater structure that holds them up.

a) cis people straight up don't spend two months of their lives agonising over whether they're trans.
b) you will never know FOR SURE FOR SURE that you're trans.

it just sort of is like......since cis people kind of uphold this structure where you're cis until proven otherwise, there's this tendency to backbite, to hold your mouth until you've proven that you're SURE you're sure you're sure you're sure, you know?  like, the whole gatekeeping thing is sort of like that.  where if you haven't proven that YOU KNOW IT IN YOUR SOUL well enough, then they spit you out and tell you that you're probably a freakazoid.  and so with all that disincentive to do it, there is this thing where like, people will tell you you shouldn't do anything until you're positive.

which is silly!  because that kind of certainty doesn't really exist.  i mean, i've been transitioned for what, like, two and a half years now?  i don't even really think about it that often, but i still couldn't tell you i'm SURE.  because it's entirely possible that i could have done nothing and i would have been fine!  but the point is ultimately that it's not about the decisions you don't make, it's about the decisions you do make, and as long as you're solidly alright with those then things might be ok?

that said if you've been wheeling back and forth for this long, that's something to think about critically.

$.02, yo.

Hey FreshGuy,

I wouldn't be able to tell you if any of that makes you trans.  What I will say is that not ever transwoman out there has severe dysphoria over their genitalia.  I know we have it locked into out minds that men have a penis and women have a vagina, but it comes down to a lot more than that in reality,lol.  There are many women out there who are non-op and are perfectly fine with that.  I personally couldn't relate with that, but we are not a homogeneous community and body dysphoria is a very individual thing. So, I really don't think that one factor rules you out one way or the other.

Let me ask you, do you see yourself as man or woman?  And regardless of your identity, would you prefer to live the rest of your life as a woman and sacrifice any element of living as a man?  These questions can help you sort your identity out, but remember only you can know how you feel.  Also, not everything is so black and white.  There are plenty of bigender people as well. 

Quote from: FreshGuy on April 19, 2013, 01:41:56 PM
I just don't know if I am trans or not.

And you think the forum people are going to say some magic words that the chat peeps haven't said that will make you into what you are deluding yourself into? (being something that you are not)

Work with a psych on the OCD and work things from there.

Quote from: learningtolive on April 19, 2013, 10:55:47 PM
Hey FreshGuy,

I wouldn't be able to tell you if any of that makes you trans.  What I will say is that not ever transwoman out there has severe dysphoria over their genitalia.  I know we have it locked into out minds that men have a penis and women have a vagina, but it comes down to a lot more than that in reality,lol.  There are many women out there who are non-op and are perfectly fine with that.  I personally couldn't relate with that, but we are not a homogeneous community and body dysphoria is a very individual thing. So, I really don't think that one factor rules you out one way or the other.

Let me ask you, do you see yourself as man or woman?  And regardless of your identity, would you prefer to live the rest of your life as a woman and sacrifice any element of living as a man?  These questions can help you sort your identity out, but remember only you can know how you feel.  Also, not everything is so black and white.  There are plenty of bigender people as well.

Well I see myself as a man and I am comfortable living as a man but I keep on worrying that I could be trans and thanks Flan, I will continue to work on that

One word. Therapist. No one can ever help you better clear those doubts and worries.

If you're comfortable as a man and living life as a man then why would you want to go through the heartache and effort to transition?  I'm not saying it's painful for everyone, but it would be a heck of a lot easier to live life as a cis person if that's who we are.  We transition because the struggle is worth the end result and is better than living how we were.

If you see yourself as a man and are comfortable with it, why is it that you are concerned that you may be trans?  I ask because most people aren't comfortable with the prospect of living as their birth sex when they are transsexual.  Some don't experience an intense dysphoria, but most really want to live as the other gender.  While it all varies, there is usually something there that indicates they are transsexual or need to transition.  And usually this feeling persists for years without decline (But again, there are some deviations where it surfaces later on and/ or dysphoria isn't as intense). However, this is very individual and only you can discover yourself.  Personally, I could not make an assessment of your gender through one post on the internet.  Gender identity can be complex and isn't always so simple to spot.  I'd say continue to explore and experiment. Eventually, you will find things out. 

I should also note that there are plenty of people who are transgender but not transsexual.  There are people who are androgynous, bigender, crossdressers...etc.  Not everyone fits on the transsexual or cisgender scale and that's completely fine. 

I do think therapy may be a helpful guide for you to learn about yourself and discover your identity.  There is no shame discussing this with a professional.  In fact, it could help you discover the answers to these questions. 

Please talk to the therapist.  We can't tell you if you're trans or not but your OCD seems to be a roadblock in figuring yourself out so you should probably get that sorted out first.

I like all the responses that say that if you're questioning if you are trans then something is wrong, because healthy, mentally sound cisgendered people don't tend to spend much time even thinking about gender.

Now, I don't think that questioning your gender automaticaly makes you transgendered. And it sure doesn't make you a transsexual. But it means you need to see a therapist. Someone that spent years in school and has worked with hundreds of patients with gender issues who will help you.

But I can give you some free advice that my therapist gave me, he told me to experiment. Go out and buy a dress. Try it on. You can be secretive about it. But until you've done something you're doing the worst thing you or anyone can possibly do, ever, you're THINKING. Thinking can be alright sometimes. But usually, especially if you're OCD, it can lead to horrible thought circles that lead nowhere but hell.

Only you can escape. Go try something to make you feel more female and see what happens. Do something and stop thinking. Feel a little.

Well I pretty much agree that cis people do NOT worry , think, etc. about being trans. You need to look up the term transgender as it is a big umbrella term meaning lots of different experiences and so on. Transsexual (though as I have said many times I don't like the term) applies to someone who wants to change their body thru either hormones or surgery or both to live as the other gender. There are plenty of people taking hormones for other goals, such as feeling more comfortable in their skin. But I don't think being transgender, per se, is anything to "worry about". I think you are or you are not. The other thing is your experience can change over time, particularly if you are over the age of 35, because we are so unfamilar with the whole issue of gender, but maybe otherwise.

I am FTM (going the other way, so to speak), I can say I started out thinking I was in between, and still am to an extent. I gradually changed how I feel I identify.

I agree re: therapy, was awesome for me. See a gender therapist not a regular one as I don't think other therapists understand this necessarily.


--Jay

Nobody could ever hope to know better than you if you're transgendered or not.

Early on when I was living abroad in Poland I had a therapist who was the spitting image of Albert Einstein. He gave me one of the best pieces of advice ever..

'You only have one life. Be careful not to squander it by building your own invisible prisons.'

I would ditch the question you've come here to ask - am I transgendered?

Instead ask yourself 'Who am I?' Start digging, dig deep and don't flinch or avoid finding the answers to the difficult questions.

You see the answer to the question 'am I transgendered?' is not a simple answer. It's rather a process of exploration, experimentation, and discovery.

The reason being is that, if and when you do realize that you are trans in however which way applies to you individually, you should have all the answers to the questions which are asked.

Don't be afraid to involve those with clinical experience. Some can lead you to the right answers quicker and better than doing this on your own or among others without such experience.

I would also recommend seeing a psychologist.

Based on what you've mentioned, it sounds as though you may have a tendency towards paranoia. It would probably be very helpful to talk over such concerns with someone, regardless of if you do end up confirming your trans feelings.