Has anybody ever wondered, that the mirror might be lying? To put in other words, that we perceive ourselfs totally different then others do?
Now i do realize that perception changes the way you see yourself in the mirror, but shouldn't that change over time?

For instance, i see my flaws and find myself a long way from what i feel to be me, others will say that I'm cute.
Or the other way around one day i'll find myself looking cute and others see me as ugly.
It's like my mind is seeing things that aren't there. Especially with pictures, god do i hate them, I'll start running when somebody is shooting pics.
And if they catch me, i'll walk up to them telling them to remove it. If they get away, that will irritate me for a whole week and after.
I can't stand a picture taking without me being in control.
When i see a picture taken i can never believe that's me. Unless i took it.

Do i have issues, or am i not alone in this. What are you're findings.
This has been bugging me my whole life, and i can't figure out what's going on.
Maybe i'm just crazy, i dunno.

Hopefully somebody figured this out.

I think it has to do with attention. Suppose you had a tiny pimple on your chin. You know it's there so you see it every time you look in a mirror. Someone else, well to them it just blends into your face. If you pointed it out, maybe they would notice it.

We're very aware of our self-perceived imperfections so we see them with every mirror-gaze. Others just form an impression - often not based on how we look but on all sorts of information about how we present, our mood, how we treat them, etc. And a lot of people can look past surface appearances and see the person inside.

You are cute.

But I am convinced the issue is our own expectations. When we doubt ourselves, other pick up on that and the insecure use it to justify their own insignificance.

Have you ever recorded yourself talking or singing? When I have, it's like, "OMG do I really sound like THAT?!?"

Same thing when you're videotaped..."I can't believe I walk/talk/look like that...!"

So yeah, a mirror shows us ourselves, without our own filters of self-image or self-esteem, thus the unease when we see or hear ourselves (aka "cognitive dissonance")...but the truth is that other people DON'T  see us with our filters...that's why they aren't critical of how we sound, how we look, how we are...to them, we're just normal.

Hey Evy,

I agree that we can be our on worst critics.  It's natural for us to pick ourselves apart for every little imperfection.  I think years of body dysphoria trains us to be this way.  Also, as women, there is always societal pressure to make sure that we fix every little imperfection and that our appearance is top notch.  So it's normal.

I can totally relate to hating pictures.  I think it has a lot to do with dysphoria, but I don't know if it will go away once I start passing. 

However, judging from the picture, I don't think you have much to worry about

I think I know what you mean...my face looks nice in my very own mirror...but seeing my own reflection elsewhere can send me into shock....UGLY!!

I don't photograph well and I really HATE cameras and what I even hate more is people in general who don't believe my fear of cameras and try to convince me to have my picture taken and then, after seeing the picture taken agree with my fear of cameras.
And that makes me slip into a depression for a week or so.
I can't stand seeing pictures of me and I can't stand seeing my reflection in another mirror than my very own.

The strangest thing of it all...is that men let me know very clearly they find me attractive.
Very sweet behaviour towards me, all smiles, courteous, friendly, chatting me up...today three times while shopping for groceries...
People in general treat me very nice,pleasant,  kind and friendly.

Makes me wonder very often..I'm probably not that ugly as I think I am.

It's a very strange 'split'between my self image due to bad pictures and reflections elsewhere and how I'm perceived and treated by people in general.

I'm considering having an artist make a cast of my face (without colouring) 'so I can see for myself'.

Evy your not alone feeling this way I struggle daily with my refection sometimes I can be happy with the person in the mirror but most times I am not. My problem with taking pictures is I have a hard time believing its really me even though I took the picture. I think well maybe that was just a lucky shot because I take bad pictures as well! But I will admit my pictures do seem to be getting better I don't know if its from my looks or if my picture taking skills have increased. Maybe its a combination of both looks and skills or maybe I'm just crazy and I have neither the looks or skills and I'm just ugly and cannot see it!  :laugh:I guess the point I'm trying to make is we are on worst critics all the bad that we see isn't really all that bad!   

I have learned to embrace my reflection or pictures.  I use them to make sure I am still as sexy as I was when the day began.

I don't care to have my picture taken, never have.  I just don't think I look all that good in candid shots.

Evy, I agree you look cute, very feminine & just great. I'm trying to take some new pictures today, they look terrible so far, without makeup my face is just so plain.

I perceive something in the mirror and when I figure out just what it is, I'll let y'all know.

I do know that I don't like my pic being taken by others, I usually hide from them when they break a camera out.

I hate the mirror and as you can see I hate my face. But I totally know what you mean about what we see in the mirror and what other people see. The other day I even passed the thug test as I walked thru a bad part of the city. Soem guy tried to sell me some xanax and was like "want some blues sweetheart?' I don't know. I don't see it. I still get sir'd. Never get ma'amed. But then people react differently and this one dick I know goes around telling everyone that I know that I look like a girl. I actually find that endlessly funny since he thinks he is hurting my feelings and doing me some disservice but he actually helping me by making my transition easier since I don't have to tell anyone he has done the work for me. And he is helping me feel better. How ironic huh?

So, it's so hard to say when you are only two months into transition as I am too. I have decided to just be patient and work on myself as much as possible and to save money. I figure if good things are happening now and men are calling me sweetheart and other men think I look like a girl then the HRT must be working and to just go with the flow and do everything I can to get to that end goal: SRS.

Quote from: Evy on April 22, 2013, 08:38:46 AM
Has anybody ever wondered, that the mirror might be lying? To put in other words, that we perceive ourselfs totally different then others do?

Do i have issues, or am i not alone in this. What are you're findings.
This has been bugging me my whole life, and i can't figure out what's going on.
Maybe i'm just crazy, i dunno.

Hopefully somebody figured this out.

Kia Ora Evy,

Some food for 'thought' to ponder 

For the most part how we see things depends upon how we 'feel' at the time...And what we 'see' can also affect how we feel...

If one is in a happy, light-hearted  mood, then 'reality' will be reflected as such [including how one sees oneself ], and feeling sad/negative could have the opposite effect upon what one 'thinks' one sees - 'reality'...

Feelings feed on perception and perception feeds on feeling....And therein lies the 'paradox'....

Or to really get a grip on things, one could check out Quantum Physics, bearing in mind we are just mind and 'matter' ie, a mental and physical phenomenon...



Reality is just an illusion [be it a very convincing one at that] -A take on Einstein's comment...

Metta Zenda

First off I have to say you really are cute. Secondly I think we do see ourselves differently than how others view us. As far as pictures being taken I think that's a self conscious thing. I personally hate having my picture taken yet I'm ok with doing it myself. It's a matter of how you feel regarding that. You don't have a weird issue, it's normal, for trans and non-trans alike. It's ok to feel that way just don't let it control you or your life. You're a cute girl, and I'm sure you have a lot going for you. Don't let it ruin your day.

I can relate to this. I rarely ever think I pass, but unless I'm wearing my nametag for class or clinicals I hardly ever get misgendered. Pictures have always been my worst enemy because most remind me of a time when I was constantly depressed, on-edge, and full of self-loathing. I've worked through most of that now, but having a house full of old pictures isn't a nice reminder.

I avoid cameras, mirrors, and other reflective surfaces like the plague. I don't need self doubt and dysphoria tagging along just when things start feeling good. I'm hoping some facial hair and a little more weight loss might help, but for now I just make sure my piercings aren't in danger of being ripped out and walk away.

wauw so many replies , i wanna thank you all for taking the time to think about it. I wish i could reply to everyone individually but that would take a long time .
I value each answer and it's going to take me a few passes of this topic to really get it all in.

Also thanks for the cute comments, but i guess the main issue now is. Can i ever see the truth for myself?
Like is there a way to see, what really there?

My sister has a DSLR camera, so i thought, that must be accurate, it can't be offset in anyway. We took about 50 pictures, only 1 i liked.
The rest, well i was about to cry, so bad, horrible, just sickening to the bone. And since that, I really started wanting to figure this out.
I'm growing paranoid, like the pass days, I've been checking every mirror or camera in the house to see if there's not scale deformation.

All and all. My cam and My mirror are the best, it would seem. Still others come close. And some i know never to look in.

Lighting must be key IF there's an external source for the perception, still i know it's my mind. But why doesn't that filter work on picture and only in a reflection.
Eeeh maybe i'm going overboard with it, probably.

So guess my question now is. Can i ever see the truth for myself?
Is there a way to see, what's really there? - Meditation perhaps -
(The face print is a good id, but allot of work :p)

I hope this doesn't come off as mean... But I think you over think it too much. I also don't want to sound sexist, but judging from female friends a lot of women go through this "Do I look good enough" type of conflict. I think it's a society pressure and perhaps even a self conscious thing. Really you look cute, and the only way you can believe that is to allow the complements people give you soak in. I don't know how else to put it, I sort of suck at these things.

Like I have to be honest, first time I saw your pic the thought cute came across my mind. I just hope one day you'll believe in it yourself.

That's not mean at all, i value truth. In every way

That picture was taking by me on my cam in my room. so i'm comfortable showing it. I could place another and you'll go, those are not the same persons.
And i'm not talking about what others think of me, i'm talking about my own perception, why it changes while i'm outside my comfort zone.

Talking about pictures taken:
Maybe i warp my face different, maybe it's lighting. maybe who know's.

Not to sound rude or anything and don't take this the wrong way, i'm not asking you to judge my picture, though lovely comments, that's not what i meant.
I would like you to judge your own, and see if you have the same predicament, that i have with it. The title is Perception of ones appearance, not yours over mine.
With all due respect.

Thanks for the response, and yeah i'm an over thinker

Quote from: Evy on April 23, 2013, 12:00:50 AM

Also thanks for the cute comments, but i guess the main issue now is. Can i ever see the truth for myself?
Like is there a way to see, what really there?

My sister has a DSLR camera, so i thought, that must be accurate, it can't be offset in anyway. We took about 50 pictures, only 1 i liked.
The rest, well i was about to cry, so bad, horrible, just sickening to the bone. And since that, I really started wanting to figure this out.
I'm growing paranoid, like the pass days, I've been checking every mirror or camera in the house to see if there's not scale deformation.

You'll eventually see the truth for yourself it may start off as glimpses of yourself but gradually you will see yourself for longer and longer. And the time your not seeing the real you will become shorter and shorter. Since I started transitioning I've took a ton of pictures actually hundreds to be exact and most of them I cannot stand! But I'm finding as I get further along with hormones I'm finding more and more pictures I actually like of myself. Just hang in there it will get better eventually it just takes time you will see the true person you really are.

One of the 'things' to help if you feel uncomfortable or not sure of your features is a comment that the film director Roger Vadim made about his wives Bridget Bardot and later Jane Fonda. He made the comments I think in an interview with Michael Parkinson.

He said that both woman were so insecure in their looks that they at times refused to leave the apartment as they felt ugly.

We can take this and think that if two very beautiful woman had problems with accepting their looks then we don't have a chance. Or we can go the opposite direction and say what you see in the mirror is totally irrelevant, we are all beautiful and we love and accept ourselves. Be proud and walk tall and stuff the opinion of what others think where it belongs.

I, of course, have chosen the latter 

Hugs Sisters

Cindy

Hi Evy,

Fascinating thing this transition business isn't it.? Really makes you think about lots of things you never thought of before.

Quote from: Evy on April 22, 2013, 08:38:46 AM
Has anybody ever wondered, that the mirror might be lying? To put in other words, that we perceive ourselfs totally different then others do?

No! Not at least my mirror. It reflects what I know to be true

Quote from: Evy on April 22, 2013, 08:38:46 AM
Now i do realize that perception changes the way you see yourself in the mirror, but shouldn't that change over time?

And that is the difference between perception and the absolute true of knowing exactly who you really are.

When you dig deep into your inner most core of existence and determine who you are; that is what is then radiated from your inner self, to those in your current circle of influence. There are certain aspects of how you know yourself, that will resonate your inner core, as being the absolute immovable truth. Finding all of these aspects is the journey of transition.

It may be likened to the following mantra

Watch your thoughts; they become your words
Watch your words; they become your actions,
Watch your actions; they become your habits,
Watch your habits; they become your character,
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.

Oh! And yes. I do have flaws. They are all uniquely mine and I love them. But they don't tell me who I am.

Huggs
Catherine