I just ordered a Nikon D3100.  The race is on for it to arrive before I start hormones!

I'm trying to build up the courage to call endocrinologists in my city. Really, this is my doctor's job, but she's not doing it (and she did say she would look into it) which makes me even more nervous. What if I'm told I'm not allowed to start HRT?

Quote from: Edge on April 23, 2013, 09:13:03 AM
I'm trying to build up the courage to call endocrinologists in my city. Really, this is my doctor's job, but she's not doing it (and she did say she would look into it) which makes me even more nervous. What if I'm told I'm not allowed to start HRT?

Good luck!  I had to call an endo on my own, too, and it took some courage-building before I was able to pick up the phone.  It was still much easier than setting up my initial therapist appointment!

Thinking about getting (FTM) top surgery one day. I'm not sure how willing I'd be, I guess it would be worth the pain though!

I have a tiny little secret fear about going under the knife. Odd considering how I wanted to be a surgeon for a long time... but that's probably part of the reason, honestly!  I've seen a lot of guts in my time, considering.

Wow I know what I was thinking about and then I forgot so now I'm thinking about inch worms and now I need to turn my mother's t.v. down.

I want a deep dish pizza but thinking about inch worms kind of ruined that for me.

I remember now.  I want to get married one day.

Quote from: Malachite on April 23, 2013, 03:29:00 PM

I remember now.  I want to get married one day.

I'd like to get married, too.

I'd need to find a nice asexual, though, or at least someone who would be okay with never having sex.

Quote from: A. G. Bheur on April 23, 2013, 04:45:30 PM
I'd like to get married, too.

I'd need to find a nice asexual, though, or at least someone who would be okay with never having sex.

Oh Please stop it!  Look, eventually you'll get a life hon and that special someone will totally smoke your heart and you'll do a 180 on that mindset. Auntie Shan knows about these things, trust me on this A.G. 

Quote from: Shantel on April 23, 2013, 06:06:15 PM
Oh Please stop it!  Look, eventually you'll get a life hon and that special someone will totally smoke your heart and you'll do a 180 on that mindset. Auntie Shan knows about these things, trust me on this A.G. 

Nope, no sex.  I've never had much sexual attraction, if any, and I don't enjoy the act in any form. >.> It's just not something I'm interested in or something I feel is important.  I've always been happier on days where I wasn't being asked for sex. <.<

Quote from: A. G. Bheur on April 23, 2013, 06:08:11 PM
Nope, no sex.  I've never had much sexual attraction, if any, and I don't enjoy the act in any form. >.> It's just not something I'm interested in or something I feel is important.  I've always been happier on days where I wasn't being asked for sex. <.<

Well first of all it isn't something that someone who really loves you asks for, not ever. It's something that is mutual that happens when you both love each other so much that you can't eat or sleep and it comes when the trust level is huge and goes both ways and the dynamics are completely mutual. So if you have experienced anything less than that I can completely understand where you're coming from. We're not suppose to be someone else's mattress or sexual use. That would poison anyone's heart about sex.

Quote from: Shantel on April 23, 2013, 06:21:32 PM
Well first of all it isn't something that someone who really loves you asks for, not ever. It's something that is mutual that happens when you both love each other so much that you can't eat or sleep and it comes when the trust level is huge and goes both ways and the dynamics are completely mutual. So if you have experienced anything less than that I can completely understand where you're coming from. We're not suppose to be someone else's mattress or sexual use. That would poison anyone's heart about sex.

My ex-fiancé and I had a fabulous relationship at first.  It was entirely trusting and we just couldn't stop thinking about one another and loved one another.  The main issue was that he wanted sex and I did not (and never have).  I just wasn't interested in it with anyone.   He thought it was the glue in a relationship and I thought it was unimportant (and still do).   Towards the end, however, I started to get real jaded against sex because he liked it a lot while I just tolerated it for him because I loved him.  When I started to back off from sex, he started to get pushy about it.  It was one issue among many (all that sprung up about the time he moved in with me) that led me to breaking up with him.  It wasn't fair for him to be with someone who had no interest in sex and it wasn't fair to me to be with someone who wanted sex.

Overall, I've never wanted sex in my life and I've only ever done it because it was expected of me to have it (constantly seeing sex everywhere, being told 'oh, it's awesome!' or 'it's what people in relationships do if they love one another', or any other thing under the roof suggested that people have sex if the love each other or supposedly love each other or that the only way you can be in a fulfilling relationship is by having sex).  So I had it.  I also had it to make sure that I really didn't have a sexual interest.

And I don't, and I'm cool with that.  It might change, but I doubt it.  I'm far happier when I don't have sex.

Now I think I do like her back. Great.
I can't tell if she's actually clueless about the fact that kissing someone all over their face is generally seen as flirting, or if she's playing mind games with me. She said she makes out with this guy but they're not really dating and was telling me all sorts of things, and made up about 50 million reasons why she kept kissing my cheek and stuff. I can't tell if she's naturally flirty and attempting to friendzone me or if she's doing this to make me confused and jealous so I'll like her back. Dammit, isn't being trans supposed to give some sort of insight into the mind of the opposite sex? Girls confuse me, and now my own feelings are coming into play to further complicate the situation. I don't need all this crazily complex stuff, it's making me feel restless and nervous.

Quote from: Liminal Stranger on April 23, 2013, 06:37:55 PM
Now I think I do like her back. Great.
I can't tell if she's actually clueless about the fact that kissing someone all over their face is generally seen as flirting, or if she's playing mind games with me. She said she makes out with this guy but they're not really dating and was telling me all sorts of things, and made up about 50 million reasons why she kept kissing my cheek and stuff. I can't tell if she's naturally flirty and attempting to friendzone me or if she's doing this to make me confused and jealous so I'll like her back. Dammit, isn't being trans supposed to give some sort of insight into the mind of the opposite sex? Girls confuse me, and now my own feelings are coming into play to further complicate the situation. I don't need all this crazily complex stuff, it's making me feel restless and nervous.

Nobody understands girls. Not guys, not cisgirls, not trans girls. We just are, little enigmas with earrings.
I hope it works out - might be best just to ask, but I never did understand myself so I could be wrong.

Quote from: A. G. Bheur on April 23, 2013, 06:35:34 PM
My ex-fiancé and I had a fabulous relationship at first.  It was entirely trusting and we just couldn't stop thinking about one another and loved one another.  The main issue was that he wanted sex and I did not (and never have).  I just wasn't interested in it with anyone.   He thought it was the glue in a relationship and I thought it was unimportant (and still do).   Towards the end, however, I started to get real jaded against sex because he liked it a lot while I just tolerated it for him because I loved him.  When I started to back off from sex, he started to get pushy about it.  It was one issue among many (all that sprung up about the time he moved in with me) that led me to breaking up with him.  It wasn't fair for him to be with someone who had no interest in sex and it wasn't fair to me to be with someone who wanted sex.

Overall, I've never wanted sex in my life and I've only ever done it because it was expected of me to have it (constantly seeing sex everywhere, being told 'oh, it's awesome!' or 'it's what people in relationships do if they love one another', or any other thing under the roof suggested that people have sex if the love each other or supposedly love each other or that the only way you can be in a fulfilling relationship is by having sex).  So I had it.  I also had it to make sure that I really didn't have a sexual interest.

And I don't, and I'm cool with that.  It might change, but I doubt it.  I'm far happier when I don't have sex.

Sorry if this was in any way offensive to you dear, you know I care for you in a big sis sort of way. Guess we can say never say never because you're young and it isn't going to be a closed topic in your life and will resurface periodically. If you plan to remain asexual then it's best that you don't get on T because it will heat up your libido big time.

I'm old fashioned so sex is one of those things I'm looking foward to after marriage (and after GRS).

Quote from: ZoeM on April 23, 2013, 06:42:06 PM
Nobody understands girls. Not guys, not cisgirls, not trans girls. We just are, little enigmas with earrings.
I hope it works out - might be best just to ask, but I never did understand myself so I could be wrong.

I don't know, they all seem to understand each other perfectly fine and have these tiny nuances of what people should and shouldn't do or say and timing is big too, it's like their social interactions are a game of chess with explosives and I don't know how to play the game, I'm practically unteachable yet the girls I know mastered it without ever being taught .-.

See, with guys it's just straightforward, no complexities. You just say what you're feeling, if you're angry at someone then you let them know, maybe things get worked out calmly and maybe you duke it out a little. But you don't give each other the cold shoulder or send them this vibe of happiness that's really fake and is thinly veiled anger and stuff. Emotions get way too complex when girls get involved...no offense ladies, not trying to stereotype or anything but that's how things just are with the ones I know. I hope it works out too, because I don't want to give her unbridled control of my emotions and basically put my heart on a leash if I confess to her that I like her and she turns out to have been doing this to get me under her thumb as a game or something. Though that wouldn't make sense, we're friends. I don't even know anymore...I'll see her tomorrow afternoon at the latest, we'll see how things go then, I guess.

Quote from: Shantel on April 23, 2013, 06:45:31 PM
Sorry if this was in any way offensive to you dear, you know I care for you in a big sis sort of way. Guess we can say never say never because you're young and it isn't going to be a closed topic in your life and will resurface periodically. If you plan to remain asexual then it's best that you don't get on T because it will heat up your libido big time.

I don't really plan on anything. :/ It's not like I chose it -- it'd be far easier to be heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, pansexual, or anything else and I'd rather be any of those things instead of asexual.  Things might change, or it might not.  Either way I'll get to it if it happens. 

@ Liminal:  Seriously, be wary of her.  She sounds like she's someone is pushy and overly-clingy and those aren't good things.

I'm trying to be wary, normally I'm overly cautious and mistrusting of people in general but that's gotten relaxed since I started passing more and now feelings are getting in the way. I really hope this doesn't turn out badly, she is still my friend and I'd like it to stay that way.

Asexual is a perfectly valid orientation and it's not any more a choice than any other orientation...

There is a lot of pressure to have sex. I'm not naturally asexual, but the amount of pressure there was and all the crap that comes with it made me develop an aversion for quite awhile (and the pressure and public view of it still creeps me out). I imagine it must feel worse for someone is naturally and stably asexual.

I'm thinking if I keep working out like I currently am (daily cardio and lifting) I'm going to be JACKED in a year or so. Wish I had some workout buddies though. 

Honey, I paint nails and kick asses and I am afraid I am fresh out of nail paint sweetie. - Yep, that's how I am feelin'.
Bring it on.