The purpose of religion has always been that someones (or a group of peoples) personal single-minded view of the world can be handled as some greater truth and the "word/will of god".
In fact it's sort of a synonym for intolerance. Of course it doesn't sound as well when somebody states "hey, I'm intolerant" as when he says "i'm very religious".

Wars have typically been fought as of "god's will" (last time in Iraq), people have been tortured "in the name of god" ...

I hope I don't offend anybody here. Wanted to be a nice girl. (but I just had to say that)


I wish you the very best Anna. I believe that personally I would have given up on your parents a long time ago.
But it's good to see, how understanding other people here around are. Even to people like your parents.

Have to admire the way you're handling all this. I mean this is what life is all about. This is religion in its reality. From a certain perspective you cannot fault God and divine wisdom for giving such people of faith offspring who just happens to be trans.

It never ceases to amaze me the amount of people who quote from the Bible and miss out on the quote of quotes, the mother of all quotes, the one which captures the very essence of Christianity and what it's really all about.

I'm referring of course to John 14.

This is the stuff Jesus said about 'I am the way, the path and the truth..' Here he was being very clear in that being a Christian isn't just about being able to talk the talk, you also have to be able to walk the walk and do all the stuff that Jesus did in his life such as standing up for the prostitutes, supporting the homosexuals and helping the poor, the sick and the needy.

The prophet Mohammed was a bit more blunt on this subject.. 'Before you learn to love God you must first learn to love your fellow man.'

I can't say I've read all the Bible or even that much of the Koran, but I can't really recall reading anything in any of these scriptures about Jesus and his disciples persecuting gays or or harrassing trans folk.

Therefore I can't really understand why your mother has decided to go all Charles Manson on you just because you appear to have left the brotherhood of their cult of the self.

But on the more positive note your parents are supporting you in a way which is going to help you in your transition and that is by inspiring in you great fortitude and courage. This is all you can really do in such situations, and that is when such people aren't as forthcoming in their support or acceptance you have to exploit the situation and relationship and come up with whatever positives you can find yourself.

I know that it must be draining for you, upsetting at times, but you're doing all the right things. Besides there's none so blind as those who will not see.

Quote from: PrincessDi on April 19, 2013, 11:10:41 PM
You are incredibly strong. I am so proud to see your willingness to live honestly and maintain the faith that you have in yourself.

Thanks .  One thing my dad pointed out is that I tend to be quiet and only speak up when I know I'm right.  I have no idea why they thought this situation would be any different.

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I would turn the tables slightly by suggesting that she gets help for herself. I would offer her a lot of love and compassion because her suffering is so evident, and I would empathize with how hard this obviously has been for her. Then I would tell her that despite my compassion for her, I was not willing to expose myself to her relentless, selfish assault. I'd wish her well and let her know the consequences of her actions. Don't worry about her crazy demands for money from you.

I agree that she needs help, but does counseling or therapy work as well when you don't seek it out yourself?  I had a difficult time opening up to my therapist when I first started seeing her and I went voluntarily.

Quote from: StellaB on April 21, 2013, 02:36:58 PM
Have to admire the way you're handling all this. I mean this is what life is all about. This is religion in its reality. From a certain perspective you cannot fault God and divine wisdom for giving such people of faith offspring who just happens to be trans.

Right, at the very least they should be thinking that their god made be this way.  Why argue it and refer me to those "fix LGBT people by making them pray more" programs?

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But on the more positive note your parents are supporting you in a way which is going to help you in your transition and that is by inspiring in you great fortitude and courage. This is all you can really do in such situations, and that is when such people aren't as forthcoming in their support or acceptance you have to exploit the situation and relationship and come up with whatever positives you can find yourself.

If I can handle my parents then I can handle anybody!

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I know that it must be draining for you, upsetting at times, but you're doing all the right things. Besides there's none so blind as those who will not see.

Thanks   Reassurances like that one make it easier to keep going.

You are sweet AM and didn't deserve this.  Luckily,  as I have found and many before us,  friends can become family.  Hugs x

Quote from: Steph21 on April 22, 2013, 06:43:41 PM
You are sweet AM and didn't deserve this.  Luckily,  as I have found and many before us,  friends can become family.  Hugs x

Thanks Steph .  I have no idea where I would be at with this if I didn't have everybody here and some of my other friends to support me.

Here is today's scare story (as if that could change who I am)

Subject: in 34 states it's legal to fire someone solely for being transgender.

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Medical bills can also be a problem. Tim Chevalier, a 32-year-old transsexual man from California, has a high-paying job as a software engineer at Mozilla. But he's still struggling to make ends meet after racking up $50,000 in medical bills from his reconstructive surgery and related medical costs that insurance wouldn't cover.

The company I work for is EOE, so I don't think they can fire me for wanting to be me.  I can't help but wonder if I fall under California or Michigan law since I work remotely.

Looks like changing my locks paid off, I have successfully avoided an unplanned and unexpected visit from my dad!

Quote from: Anna! :D on April 27, 2013, 10:45:21 AM
Looks like changing my locks paid off, I have successfully avoided an unplanned and unexpected visit from my dad!

He just showed up without calling and tried to enter your home? Wow my parents ain't looking so bad now! Anna I'm sorry your having to go through this. I hope your parents come to realize how silly they being. Being trans is not the end of the world! Maybe one day they will see that for themselves.

Quote from: Heather on April 27, 2013, 01:44:13 PM
He just showed up without calling and tried to enter your home? Wow my parents ain't looking so bad now! Anna I'm sorry your having to go through this. I hope your parents come to realize how silly they being. Being trans is not the end of the world! Maybe one day they will see that for themselves.

He rang the doorbell and knocked a few times after that.  I'm guessing the unidentified sound after that could have been him trying the key to the old locks...

Now I have an email saying "Please call home, your dad has a question for you".  I really, really, really don't want to talk to them right now so I may respond with an email "What is the question?"  and hope they don't call to answer.

Quote from: Anna! :D on April 27, 2013, 08:05:44 PM
He rang the doorbell and knocked a few times after that.  I'm guessing the unidentified sound after that could have been him trying the key to the old locks...

Now I have an email saying "Please call home, your dad has a question for you".  I really, really, really don't want to talk to them right now so I may respond with an email "What is the question?"  and hope they don't call to answer.

You should email them back to find out what they want. But if I was you I know I wouldn't be really up to talking with them just yet. Unless they're willing to admit they were wrong and they want to apologize.

Quote from: Heather on April 27, 2013, 08:25:52 PM
You should email them back to find out what they want. But if I was you I know I wouldn't be really up to talking with them just yet. Unless they're willing to admit they were wrong and they want to apologize.

An apology is a standing pre-condition I have with my father.

It won't be an apology, or the note would have read "we are sorry,  can we talk?" 
I have a question for you is something they don't want to reveal just yet.  Why?

Quote from: Anna! :D on April 27, 2013, 08:05:44 PM
He rang the doorbell and knocked a few times after that.  I'm guessing the unidentified sound after that could have been him trying the key to the old locks...

Now I have an email saying "Please call home, your dad has a question for you".  I really, really, really don't want to talk to them right now so I may respond with an email "What is the question?"  and hope they don't call to answer.

My response would be something along the lines of 'in view of recent events I'm open to receiving an e-mail but not telephone conversations or meeting in person until we have come to a better mutual understanding. Therefore if you do have any questions please feel free to e-mail them.'

I don't feel so much that an apology is necessary at this stage. Let's face it, anybody can say sorry, it's just a five letter word at the end of the day.

However there does need to be some middle ground and some effort made by both your parents to achieve that middle ground. Anything less than that middle ground is going to make any apology they make meaningless.

This way you're showing them that you have the control of the dialogue. I understand that this might be hard for them to deal with, might even come as something of a shock but if they're up to it as parents they'll deal with it.

It also puts the ball in their court and gives them an opportunity for change.

I have this same condition with my family who don't accept me. I'm open to dialogue via e-mail and they can send an e-mail to me whenever they like. They've got the rest of their lives to send one, but if they don't I'll understand.

In the meantime you can get on with your life and I guess, they can get on with their's.

He was in the area to help my brother pack before leaving town.  I have no idea what my dad wanted, but maybe my brother knows.  I'll find out when I see him in a half hour.

I'm really amazed by you. Keep holding on sister, and remember we really are here for you as true support. Means a lot to me that you share this with us and I hope it helps you through this to do so. Hope today is going OK, wonder what your father wanted? x

Quote from: PrincessDi on April 28, 2013, 12:17:04 PM
I'm really amazed by you. Keep holding on sister, and remember we really are here for you as true support. Means a lot to me that you share this with us and I hope it helps you through this to do so. Hope today is going OK, wonder what your father wanted? x

Posting seems to help, so I'm going to keep sharing and asking for advice as things come up.  I hope this story has a happy ending!

I have no idea what my dad wanted.  My brother and I ended up chatting about his summer internship and plans, and I didn't feel like bringing up our parents.

Quote from: Anna! :D on April 28, 2013, 02:39:14 PM
  I hope this story has a happy ending!

Anna I still think there is a chance for a happy ending! It's hasn't been that long since you first told them they could still accept you! When I first came out to my parents back when I was younger. My parents were just as unaceppting as your parents. But they've come around somewhat you'll probably never have the whole were happy we have a daughter but neither will I. If they really love you they will want you in their life no matter what. As many arguments I have had with my mom she has told me that even though she doesn't agree with me transitioning she will always love me and she doesn't want me out of her life. I don't know if she will ever fully accept me for who I am but I do know she will not abandon me. Which is not the whole happy ending I envisioned but for now it seems as close as I'm going to get. Anna sometimes these things take a lot longer than we want. But never give up on a happy ending I know I'm still hoping for one. 

Have I mentioned that my mom is pretending to be me on some online dating site?  I got this text from her while I was out this evening:

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I will assume you still like ladies. So there is a lovely petite lady who emailed you and went to <the same college I did>. I am going to give her your personal info to contact you

So now some stranger has my phone number.  Great.

Quote from: Anna! :D on April 29, 2013, 08:49:08 PM
Have I mentioned that my mom is pretending to be me on some online dating site?

I think, yes, I think that one broke my mind.  Then if you get a call, on the angle of someone else being drug into your parent's mess, that's just so unfair to the caller and of course you too.  Try Googling yourself to see if you can find where she's got it?

Quote from: Misato on April 29, 2013, 09:09:37 PM
I think, yes, I think that one broke my mind.  Then if you get a call, on the angle of someone else being drug into your parent's mess, that's just so unfair to the caller and of course you too.  Try Googling yourself to see if you can find where she's got it?

I know where she has it.  She forwarded me the girl's profile.  I went to their customer support site page and asked them to kindly remove it.