I don't remember a time when I felt this emotional about it. Its getting the best of me.
6 months on T as of next week. Each day something reminds me that even though I look just like a normal young man, I am missing the essential part of being a man - a penis. Every single day I hear or see something that makes me think of it. Even songs. The most essential thing about being a man is having a penis, sperm, and being able to penetrate a girl. Now, I think T altered my thinking...I have been getting the phantom limb feeling for a month or two. I have never cared before if i have a penis or not. Now its an obsession. Suddenly, to me life feels as if it is all about genitals, when i know it is not. My fiancee, soon to be wife in 3 more months, keeps saying "You have me, why worry? It's not like anyone else will be seeing you naked besides me. And you have what i prefer". But now, is that true? I am thinking how in college, among other men, i will be the only one without proof of my male gender. You know what I mean?
You guys think im burdening myself with excessive unnecessary thoughts? I mean, there's more to life than what's in your pants, am I right? It feels like today's world is all about that, though, and i wont be able to lead a normal life if I'm different. I won't be able to party in college (or will I?), ill always bs paranoid about someone finding out I dont have one... Or is this all unnecessary?

I know this is FtM territory, but if I may...

Yes, what You are describing IS dysphoria. But here You are making one fundamental flaw in Your presumptions

Quote from: BearGuy on April 26, 2013, 04:56:35 AM
The most essential thing about being a man is having a penis, sperm, and being able to penetrate a girl.

And You know it Yourself, because further in Your post You did acknowledge that life is not about genitals. However, this is how boys think during their puberty, which is essentially what You are having now - Your second puberty and being obsessed with sex driven thoughts. My story was a different, but I was never a boy, at least technically. Nevertheless, my point here is - and hence the choice of terms - being a boy does not make You a man, not even closely. Being a man, or dare I say - Man - is essentially another story, which is much more complicated and means growing out of those thoughts that everything works around penises, sperm and penetrating women. And not all of the boys ever reach that stage, remaining boys for the rest of their lives, or men without that big capital letter. It is inner strenght, just as much as physique, certain values, honour and willingness and ability to live by them and uphold them, if needed. Readiness to step up and protect the weak, adequate and calm response in respect of every issue, which life might throw at You. Knowledge of Your weaknesses (because nobody is flawless ) and admitting that You are at first a human being with emotions and not a kind of walking terminator. And finally, but the most importantly - open, kind and loving heart.

I totally understand you, brother. And I'm not even on T yet. Also, I dont like women. Go figure.

But yes, the penis envy is a big one. We can get something that looks alike, even has some feel to it, but that's it. And its a burden.
And as much as Sammy is right, it is a shame that most people do not share these thoughts. We understand what a man should be like, and we also understand that its not all about exterior, or what is in your pants. But we understand that due to the struggles we face. 'Normal' people don't face this, and can remain shallow. And society does exactly that. So even though a few will understand (such as your wife to be, she sounds lovely), most of them will not and that just makes it harder.

Are you planning on bottom surgery? Because it sounds like it would be good for you to consider. And partying in college? You can definately do that! No genitals needed, after all!

I was talking to someone recently about this and here's something to think about. You may not hear about it much but accidents can result in the loss of a man's penis. Does that make that man less of a legit man? Nope! Think about it in the same way as a woman who has to undergo a mastectomy because of breast cancer. Does she become less of a woman because she's lost one or both of her breasts?  A man, with or without a penis is obviously still a guy because that's who he is inside and identifies with.  All those packers and STP devices are also used by guys who have these kind of issues too, not just trans men. I actually happen to know one cis man who managed to impale himself on a fence as a kid and it caused some major damage down there. I didn't consider him any less of a man for it when he told me. He uses a STP device and packs sometimes too.

I'm glad to see the men here comprehend that being a real man has nothing to do with what's between your legs. I heard of a man who had a horrible accident that mutilated his genitals and almost killed him due to blood loss. Part of his leg was cut pretty badly and he had to learn how to walk again. After he recovered he started volunteering with disabled kids. To me, that's a real man. Someone who gives despite having things taken from him.

Sounds like dysphoria to me.  I'm in a similar boat with sudden onset of lower dysphoria, too.  Obviously life isn't all about genitals, but it still bugs the hell out of me.

Yep. I'm going through something similar, especially with being in a high school and hearing about people hooking up all the time. Not only is it gross because they're kids, but it makes me feel even worse knowing I couldn't do that even if I wanted to. Bothers me when I STP (have to shut my eyes and avoid the fact that something is missing), when I shower, when I have a constant nervous worry of things slipping during my daily activities. I hate not being able to walk out of the house without concerning myself with all of that crap, because it shouldn't be that way. I have the phantom limb you're describing, and it gets awkward when you clearly feel something there that isn't in the physical sense.

I was just watching a special on bioprinting, it really gives me hope that someday soon we could use that as an option for fixing lower dysphoria, maybe even creating functional parts. That'd be great.