im nearly 20 yrs old and i want to be a girl. but i am scared of firstly telling my family and family friends, the other problem is i live in a small town where alot of people know me and the area in which i live in is also very narrow minded where even being gay or lesbian is seen as being wrong let alone being transgender which makes me scared of peoples conceptions and any abuse that i may suffer (i lived my whole school life being bullied which drove me to drink and drugs and i dont want this to happen again)

one good thing is, i think my mum already knows i want to be female (something like mothers intuition)

please help been really down just lately and i just want to get this out in the open
thank you

Hey,

First of all, congratulation on taking this first step.  I know simply talking to others about this can be very challenging and scary, so you have already made some good progress by just doing that.

I can completely relate to having fear about coming out.  I am out to a few friends, a support group, and this wonderful forum.  Yet, I am scared about confronting my family.  Transitioning is difficult in some many ways.  It's not an easy move or something for the weak.  You will have to make sacrifices and confront dilemmas that you hoped could be avoided.  But, if you feel that transitioning is worth all the hassle that it can bring, than you have to move forward.  I am learning on doing this and will not let anything stop me.  You can do this as well if you have faith in yourself.

You say that your mom knows.  Is she accepting?  If so, you already have won the support of an important member of your family.  That's great.  In time, maybe the other members of your family will react just as well.  As for your neighborhood, don't worry about others.  You have to live for yourself.  If you really don't feel safe or comfortable, you could always try to relocate. 

Don't worry so much and just take the steps you feel comfortable with.  I would suggest talking about this with a trained therapist so you can discover what your path is and how you should go about traveling down it.  Good luck.

Welcome to the forum

Congrats on finding this place. You'll find a lot of help here and positive, kind souls.

I live in a medium sized area, so it wasn't quite as bad to come out, but I was still terrified. If you think your mom knows, you might go ahead and ask her about it. It will be super awkward but you'll probably feel a lot better once you do it. I remember the day I told my mom (my dad is dead). I was sooo scared. The day before, my mom came to my room and told me she was so glad I wasn't a girl. That freaked me out.

It will be hard, but you will be able to do it. If you find even one place or person to find comfort, you can make it through. I've been out for a year and... a month? A year and three months depending on how you look at it.

Best advice I can give is to learn to cry. I went through a lot of stuff as a kid but wasn't really able to cry. Once I came out and learned to cry, it was just so liberating.

as to thinking that my mum knows, she has always said that if i am gay or somthing like that (she has never actually said anything about me being transgender)  then it would not bother her as long as im happy but i get this feeling that shes doing what alot mums do and that is not actually being ok with it and just saying she is to help me.

also its not just a case of relocating cuz i work in a male orientated profession which is barbering

if there is any1 on here from Cambridgeshire, uk i would love to meet up for a drink and chat i feel this would really help me   

i am trying to make steps forward and taking them at my own pace like wearing ladies clothes im trying to do this more in public. i have always worn dorothy perkins jeans for the shape of them and the leg legnth. the best thing is i have always thought that ladies clothes fit me better cuz i already have curvy feminine body,b cup breasts and wide hips.

another problem i have is my size im 6ft 6inch, size 13 feet and weigh 230lb
what is every1's opinion on this i think i will just stick out like a sore thumb
thank you every1 for your support

Well, I can relate with your situation. My mom has always made it clear if I was gay she would have no problem.  Sometimes, I wonder if she knows about my identity.  This could be the case with your mother as well.  Nonetheless, it is very different to come out as transgender instead of gay.  You should really think about this all and speak with someone about this.  But, from what she said, it seems like she is open and accepting.  That's a good sign.

I am not too familiar with being a barber, but is it possible you could work towards becoming a hair dresser.  It seems like some of the skills should be transferable even if there is a learning curve.  Plus, that environment would be much more tolerant and accepting of alternate lifestyles.

its funny you say hairdressing as that's what i originally trained as but since leaving college the job search did'nt go to plan so now i find my self working in a barbers, which i now think could turn into my own piece of hell.

i would feel alot more comfortable working around and with women and i have always been like this even at secondary school the only friends i had was 3 girls

thanks