I checked out the SO board but it doesn't look like it gets a lot of traffic.

My husband needs to tell his parents about my transition and while I think he'll be pretty straight forward about it I myself am a nervous wreak about it. His parents are kind, generous, thoughtful... everything mine aren't! I don't want to lose them in our lives but it's not really my decision.

I was already full time when my gf and I got together and they never had any idea. I ended up telling my gf's dad a few years ago because he came out to me as an ABDL (Adult Baby/Diaper Lover). Soooo yeah, I'm far from the most interesting one in her family.

Just be straight forward and say that you love, respect, and don't want to lose them but they need to be informed. Just leave everything open for further questioning down the road. If they're as laid back as you say they are you really shouldn't have much to worry about. Best of luck.

I'm not sure my ex ever DID tell his parents.

We rented from them but used to leave rent checks with his sister a lot of the time. His mother would come by to do yard work every few months. She came by to mow the lawn once when my voice was changing, and she thought I had a cold. By then, my relationship was either ended or ending, and I didn't say anything to her because I didn't think it was my place. That was about four years ago. I didn't really see her after that, and I used to see even less of my father-in-law. I don't even know whether my ex's sister knows now, although I suspect that she does.

If we'd stayed together, we would have had to tell them, of course, and I have no idea how we would have done it. So I guess I'm no help.

My husband told his parents. He called them (thankfully they live many states away) and just explained the situation to them calmly. He then emailed them resources after the phone call (pflag brochure, etc). I then called them to tell my side of the story. The gist of the conversation was that I wish to remain a part of their lives, I know this is a shock, please ask me any questions, that sort of thing.

In the end, they flipped out and cut us both out of their lives (me for being different, and their son for supporting me). I knew from the start that they weren't going to take it well, but it was something that had to be done. My husband has been on my side 100% and hopes that some day his parents will come around and step out of their narrow little world-view, but we have each other and that's what matters.

If your in-laws are anything like mine, they are going to be (understandably) more concerned about their child than you, so be prepared to explain how this change is going to effect your SO and what it means for your relationship. For example, my father-in-law refused to wrap his head around the fact that his son is gay (or at least that our relationship looks gay to outsiders). I think that 'side-effect' bothered him a lot more than the underlying cause of me being trans.

It sounds like you have a good feeling about your in-laws, and that's a really good sign. Just be kind, patient, and straightforward with them. Like others have said, make sure they know they can ask you questions. Also give them time. You don't have to have a huge lengthy discussion about all the ins and outs of trans at once. Introduce the subject, let them mull it over for a few days, and then ask them if they have questions.

Good luck!

On Tuesday or Wednesday I talked to my husband and we were discussing things he could do with his time off and I suggested writing (he enjoys writing and has been working on a sci-fi story). He then said 'I could write that letter to my parents.' I asked him what it would say and he told me 'Oh you know - things are going well, I love my job, my wife's really my husband, how's the weather?'

I have no idea if he wrote that letter. I haven't asked. When I've brought up him talking to his parents before, the conversations were short and I took it to mean he didn't really know what to say to me or to them so there was nothing to talk about. I'm dying to know if he wrote it but I'm leaving it alone until I see him in person next week.

I sent my letter off to my parents and they should have gotten it by now. I've surprised myself by worrying about them reading it and being upset. So much for being stoic! I think it's more of a dread about getting a phone call with a nasty attitude on the other end.

I also unintentionally outed myself on FB by commenting on a news story that linked up to my page and I didn't realize I needed to check a box or something. I quickly deleted it and I'm hoping that if anyone saw it they kinda blew it off or didn't know what was going on so ignored it. Last thing I want is to do it on FB. It works for others, but it's really impersonal and there are lots of people there from our mutual friendships that it would make things awkward for my husband before he has a chance to talk himself.

I still have two FB pages because I don't want my worlds to collide...

Quote from: Arch on April 28, 2013, 09:44:23 PM
I still have two FB pages because I don't want my worlds to collide...

I have a feeling I'm going to be this way too for the forseeable future. Some people just don't need to know...

My boyfriend just flat-out told his parents that I'm a transguy and that my parents don't accept that, he let them know when I came out to him (with my permission, of course).
They're very open, loving folk and often have asked me to stay at their house more than I do, they practically consider me family. People like them give me hope for the future of this world. I know what i's like when your SO has those perfect parents and they're the opposite of yours...it's painful and heart-warming at once. Sounds like they'll be accepting of you, but I wish you luck anyway.

My ex's parents found out by mistake, a few months after I took steps to get on with transition...she had told her sister, and one day her sister was a little drunk with her mum and just blurted out "SO DID YOU HEAR ABOUT...." Lol. my ex was honestly really horrified. But her mum and dad were very accepting of me. They messed up the name and pronouns constantly, but they always corrected themselves after, and felt pretty bad that my parents didn't even want to try (at the time).

Quote from: Arch on April 28, 2013, 09:44:23 PM
I still have two FB pages because I don't want my worlds to collide...

I think I'll do one of those soon as well. Really good idea.

It's not that I'm embarrassed of being trans. It's just that there comes a time when having to explain it to cis people gets tiresome. Life is just easier without dealing with people's prejudices and curiosities.

Quote from: Simon on April 29, 2013, 01:03:18 AM
It's not that I'm embarrassed of being trans.

I envy you. I can tell other guys not to be ashamed...and I do...but the same rules don't apply to me.

My boyfriend hasn't had a chance to tell his dad yet because he feels this is something he should say in person. He's seen his mom recently though, and he came out in the least graceful way possible xD. His brother started it by outing him to the family and being a general butthead (he's since apologized and they're cool again). So when it came time to see his mom, he essentially told her "My 'girlfriend' is actually a dude and I'm into men and women." After God knows how much awkward silence, she finally asked him some questions about how this affects his life and future, then she told him that he needs a car XP. She took it better than we though, especially since she didn't take her own brother coming out as bisexual many years ago very well. We're guessing there was some guilt since the lack of support from his whole family eventually led to his death. Regardless, she's been very good to us about being accepting.

When my boyfriend finally sees his dad again, he's gonna explain me off since he's already come out to his dad and he took that very well. We're guessing he's gonna take it well so I hope he doesn't surprise us XP.

As for the rest of his family (siblings and extended)... He's being a bit of an ass about it xD. He's decided not to say anything and just wants to pretend that I've always lived as a guy. It's confusing the hell out of his family. I've told him repeatedly that he needs to talk to them, but he insists that this is funnier. This is what I get for dating a stand-up comedian @_@. No doubt that this is going to end up on his routine one day XP.

I don't think my girlfriend has told her parents, but as it's not common knowledge that I'm either male, or with her to anyone, including my parents I'm cool with that.

My ex told their mother though, but I don't know how they did it.  I do know that she wasn't particularly accepting of it, she was married to a trans woman who was still closeted before and had a rough experience of them transitioning to an extremely macho man to a femme woman.  She would use male pronouns and my name to my face, well over the phone, but would revert back to female names and pronouns for the most part when talking to my ex until they cracked down on it.

Quote from: Arch on April 29, 2013, 05:51:10 PM
I envy you. I can tell other guys not to be ashamed...and I do...but the same rules don't apply to me.

Oh, I used to be extremely embarrassed about it. I think a lot of the embarrassment eased up once I started passing all of the time. It's hard not to feel down when everywhere you go people invalidate the core of your being.

Then there was the embarrassment of going to the doctor. I kinda had no choice once they found all of my physical issues. It was either stay at home and die or suck it up and do what I had to do to survive. I'm now to the point where I'm really laid back with docs. They know they can ask anything (I mean anything) related to trans issues and I'll discuss it. I'll show them if they want to see, lol. They appreciate how candid I am. Part of why the government studies me (besides my illness) is because I am transgender.

Sorry to hijack the thread. Just responding to Arch.

The thing is, when it comes down to it I don't care what anyone thinks of me. Either they like me or they don't. I try my best to be polite and courteous to everyone until I have a reason not to be. I know I am a good son, friend, etc. If someone who doesn't really know me wants to try to pick me apart because of something I can't help...then that reflects on who they are, not on me. I'll rip them a new one and be done with it.

Trans people spend so much time worrying it's a wonder that all of us don't have bleeding ulcers, lol. It's cool to take other people's feelings into consideration but I can guarantee that everyone would sleep a lot better at night if they stopped caring so much about the opinions of others. That includes the opinions of family, friends, partner's family, and whoever else wants to throw their two cents in on what we're doing with our lives. I don't dictate how those people live their lives and they're not going to dictate how I live mine. 

I think my fiancee told her mom something along the lines of "[birthname] has decided to transition to male and everyone needs to start calling him by Evan and using male pronouns". It didn't quite go over that well at first because her mom and I weren't getting along at the time but my fiancee finally said something like "look you are being extremely disrespectful and you need to cut it out." Except she probably said it a lot more eligant with a subtle slap in the face because she's good with words like that.

I don't know what my SO told her parents exactly, but she just explained that I was transitioning. So now I was to be known as male and my name is Sebastien.

They took it surprisingly well. She said after she told them that that was the only way they referred to me. Then later when I eventually had to go over with her they were spot on with the name and pronouns. So they never had an issue. It's interesting how easily that went over with her mother (she's a life-long practicing Mormon), but her father has always been extremely laid back about everything and seems to be very open minded.

Note: Just because her mother has been great with all this doesn't mean she llikes me any more than she did prior. Passive agressive before, passive agressive now. My SO is an only child and I think she has it out for me for taking away the dream life she envisioned for her daughter. Also she might blame me for my SO leaving the church, but that was all her because she has never believed it. Anyway...