(I'm new here and I have no idea if this is the right place to post this but I need a little so sorry if this is the wrong place)

Hi All,

I'm a trans women who is in the early stages of transition and I need a little help with some self esteem and body issues I'm having at the moment. This is embarrassing but I use to be fat due to depression but since coming out as trans and making the decision to go through the transition process and I've worked on my body and lost the weight but its left me covered in stretch marks (thighs inner and out, stomach, back, arms, waist, and bum) they are so gross! I mean I look like a tiger, and not a cute cuddly one .

I experience server dysphoria about my body as it is and it seems like I have this body issue to deal with as well. Now I know it sounds a little shallow but it really does get to me and I just can't cope sometimes especially at this stage of transition because I feel that I'm just an ugly trans freak who won't ever be loved or accepted as a women by anyone anywhere. What really gets to me is that I have never ever been on a date with anyone or had a partner (for obvious reasons). So I feel that these things make it impossible for me to find the women of my dreams.

I know that it's virtually impossible to get rid of stretch marks (which suck!) so what I want is help with self acceptances or I don't know some ideas on how to boost myself image and be more positive about my body. Also if folks would like to try and cheer us up that would help as well.   

Best wishes,

Alice   

Welcome Alice

I'm a ftm, but I see why the stretch marks upset you. Firstly I want to congratulate you on losing the weight, that takes a lot of hard work (as I'm finding out haha). It isn't impossible to get rid of stretch marks. Try Bio Oil. It's expensive, but it works wonders.

You WILL find someone who loves you. Everybody has someone who loves them, even if you haven't found them yet. I know it's hard right now trying to accept yourself. I've heard that putting notes up in places you see often (mirror, purse etc) reminding yourself that you're beautiful help boost confidence. You are you, and you will soon find somebody who loves you for you. I'm still trying to accept myself so I don't have much more advice to give but just know that everyone on Susan's is here for you.

Are they red? They will fade. And it will look better. I had some on my breasts due to puberty and now some on my stomach due to weight gain and they're hardly visible now.
If it doesn't, remember that many (probably most) women have stretch marks, especially if they have had children. Some men have them too, especially if they're heavy, but it's largely a female concern.

Hi Alice, welcome to Susan's Place! Here is a wonderful series of posts on self esteem written by Sephirah:

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,122320.0.html

Hugs, Devlyn

Hey Alice,

I used to be overweight when I was younger for the same reason.  Food was always a comforting thing to me whenever I felt down. Unfortunately, I have been putting it back on now that I'm struggling to find work. So, I can relate to you.  In my experience, losing the weight will make a HUGE difference.  Honestly, your body can easily improve if you put the effort in.  As for worrying about every slight imperfection, that is completely normal.  I don't think I have ever met a girl who was happy with her body.  It's just how we think.  Truthfully, we are our worst critics. I have sisters whose appearance you'd never criticize, but they can never stop spotting their flaws.  I guess, it is harder for us because we have additional body issues to worry about,lol. However, if you work on it all you will feel better.  And once you feel better, you will have confidence that will override those nagging fears about any flaws or imperfections. Believe me, the little things that you care deeply about mean little to nothing to most others. 

Thanks guys for taking the time to help and give me advice. Honestly, it really means a lot to me. Thank you & Hugs  

I get what you all are saying about love yourself and there could be a whole lot worse wrong with my body. And I understand that there most likely is a lady out there for me, who you will love me and won't care about my body. It's just I get scared that there isn't such a person out there for me. It's just so hard to have hope that I will find someone who would cradle me in her arms. I don't know how to shack this feeling that I going to be along for the rest of my life.

Hugs,

Alice

Alice,

The fear of being alone is something that really does get to me as well.  I really would like to go out and meet guys, but I know I'm not what they want.  It really does suck because I'd love to go out on dates as a girl.  However, I try to have faith that things will improve once I start hrt.  I know that many women have had a lot of luck with dating after making further progress in their transition.  Don't let it get to you because eventually you will meet the right person.

Also, I would imagine that it may be easier for you because women tend to be more open then men (this may just be a generalization and this statement may be unfair to men, but that's how I feel).  So, don't give up hope, you will find a special women one day!

Learningtolive,

Thanks for the kind words. I hear what you are saying about the progress of transition being a factor when it comes to dating which frankly is very frustrating for me as I have only been out for 4 months and I've slowly started my psychical transition but I still look very male just a little more femme. Also the UK rules for trans people to get access to medical treatments such as HRT means that I am years away from getting it and I don't know how effective hormones would be anyways.  I just feel so very frustrated that my body is not what I want it to be and the whole finding a partner thing is just so scary for me to deal with.

I know I sound like a whiner I just would like to know that there is hope for me to find someone special and on some level I believe though it is hard. I mean being trans and having unsightly body flaws are not the biggest obstacles to finding love. I know we are in the same boat and this may sound a little rich coming from me but hang in there you are a kind hearted women some man will fall head over heels for one day.

Hugs,

Alice

Alice,

I understand how you feel about the stretch marks but they usually do go away. I lost around 30lbs and it took over a year of looking and going yuck. Although there is always the option of things such as cocoa butter cream if it really bothers you badly.

Just remember we are all beautiful to someone even if we don't feel that way sometimes about ourselves and like the saying goes "it's not what you look like but whats inside that counts."

Jamie

learningtolive,

Love your avatar Rinoa from Final Fantasy... lol. She was based on a real japanese girl btw.

@Jamiemarie,

Thanks so much for the support I just need to learn how to love myself and believe that there is a woman out there for me. Any suggestions on how to accomplish this? 

Alice,

Take a look at all the couples that you know in your life.  Are all of them the splitting images of models?  I'd imagine that is not the case.  The fact is that beauty is not a solidified concept.  It varies from person to person.  We are trained to think the models on magazines are the ideal image.  Yet, how many of us look like that?  Every girl has perceived imperfections because of this.  Don't worry about this.  I know so many guys who bitch about their girlfriends insecurities when they themselves don't see anything wrong.  We are our worst critics.  You will find somebody, but you might have to look.  Love doesn't always seek you out (though it does at times).  Sometimes you have to seek it out.  I knew this guy who was really cute, but he was really shy.  See, he was overweight and thought that no girls would like him.  However, he was such a sweet guy and had an amazing personality (plus his weight really didn't matter too much).  If he had some confidence and believed himself, he would have found someone.  Yet, he was always too afraid to make a move and expected love to find him.  I think this applies to women as well. Just believe in yourself and keep your head up.  You will find someone, but you need to have a positive attitude and be proactive.  There is no harm in flirting with people

Quote from: jamiemarie on April 28, 2013, 07:26:27 PM
learningtolive,

Love your avatar Rinoa from Final Fantasy... lol. She was based on a real japanese girl btw.

Well, now she is based on a real American Girl 

Quote from: AliceAnneRipley on May 05, 2013, 06:10:27 AM
@Jamiemarie,

Thanks so much for the support I just need to learn how to love myself and believe that there is a woman out there for me. Any suggestions on how to accomplish this?

Some people actually adore stretch marks. And when you really love somebody, sometimes it's the little imperfections you end up loving most, much more than the 'perfect' things about them. Those imperfect things make them unique and special, even if you would have never thought so at first.

And remember, most women have to deal with stretch marks at some point especially if they've had children, so I doubt many would be that judgmental about it.

About accomplishing 'finding someone', I wouldn't worry about it for awhile if you're medically transitioning. You might be more comfortable with yourself then. And also, it may be easier on a new partner not having to watch you change, you know? If she meets you as a 'man', she might expect that no matter what you tell her. If you meet her as a woman, you'll be more confident in yourself and what she will see is what she will ultimately get. Of course, if you meet someone in the interim, by all means go for it. I just wouldn't stress about it right now.
Anybody can find love if they open themselves up to it. Don't be discouraged and open yourself up to what comes along. Someone could want you right now and you may not see it if you think you're unlovable. Love comes when you're ready for it.

Well, we all have to make the best of what we've got. I can tell you there are plenty of glamorous Hollywood starlets with stretch marks and other visual flaws, but you never see them because they're very good at making sure you don't. I heard an interview this morning with someone who had bad burns on his arms, so he got tattoos.

My bony legs haven't exactly been glamorous since my 30s so I just don't show them off so much. Thank God for skinny jeans, leggings and black tights. I don't do swimsuits or the beach.

~ Lyric ~

oh my gosh I was fat in the beginning of transition. Halfway through I got even chubbier, since then I am doing well, and my stretch marks certainly have faded except at my boob area. Stay happy now!

Hi all,

I just like to say thank you all again for trying to give me helpful advice and support about such a silly issue. I am trying real hard to accept the parts of my body that make me feel so ugly but it is hard to be honest. I've also decided to go and see my doctor to talk about possible option for improving my appearance. I still have fears of being rejected by women I would be interested in dating I just find it so hard to see how any women would want me as a partner. I don't know what else to do try to stay positive about myself.

Hugs to you all,

Alice   

Alice,

This is far from a silly issue.  Self perception issues and the desire for romance is something that everyone here has experienced.  Hell, even outside of our community this is a common problem that most go through.  If you are looking for cosmetic surgery to feel better, there is no shame in that.  We would all be hypocrites here to judge you for that reason,lol.  Just remember, sometimes the greatest improvement or cosmetic procedure we can have is changing the way we perceive things.  While I don't know you personally, I really think you are probably being to hard on yourself.  I really hope that one day you will meet the special woman you deserve.  I have faith that you will.     

Hi,

I still have issues with my body but I've started to deconstruct my skewed image of what I think a trans women should look like which I feel is part of the cause of my issues. Hopefully if I develop a realistic and healthy idea of what a trans women should look like I might be less scared about finding someone as well as have a  healthy view of myself. 

@Learningtolive,

You are such a sweet helpful lady thank you so much for being cool. 

@Everyone,

Thank you it really is nice to know that there are trans folks out there to turn to for help when you need it. This place rocks big time.

Lots of luv,

Alice

That's great!  Working on self perception is one of the best things you can do.

Agree, You gotta focus on feeling good about yourself. Thanks for sharing