I will say up front that not everyone's personality changes on hormones or during transition - and in fact, had that happened to my wife, I would have left, because I refuse to be married to a stranger I don't necessarily like. (It was one of my greatest fears, actually, which is why I'm mentioning here that it doesn't *have* to happen.)
It sounds as if your partner is in a difficult in-between stage and relying on you a great deal for emotional and other support, while also seeing you as the only "safe" target for temper and bad behavior? That's not altogether surprising, since it can be human nature to heap the most nastiness on the people we trust to love us unconditionally... but it doesn't mean you should have to put up with it. Frankly, I'm impressed that you stuck things out this long, given that you have a history of abuse to make you (rightly) sensitive to the first steps down that path again. I don't have any really good suggestions for how to make someone else behave and treat you well (if I did, I'd've magically fixed up my abusive mother right away!), but I'll reiterate that you do NOT have to calmly accept inconsiderateness and taking you for granted. And don't ever let anyone tell you that it's transphobic or bigoted or unreasonable to expect that your partner treat you with respect and care, either. She's damned lucky to have someone willing to be as loving and supportive as you are, and she's throwing it back in your face.
As for the sexual stuff... sure, there are people who have romantic relationships without sex. (Asexual people, elderly people, people with sexual dysfunction, to name a few.) You don't *have* to be happy with that, but by the same token it's also perfectly OK to decide that a relationship without sex is fine by you and choose to stay with her regardless. It sounds as if she hasn't generally pushed you in that regard, which is good - if unexpected given her other lack of consideration - but I'll chime in as a voice saying that you are under no obligation, ever, to partake in sexual acts that make you unhappy. It's common in our society to tell women otherwise, but your body and your sexual choices are yours alone.
And now, having been rather hard on your partner, I'll add that transition is fundamentally a very selfish experience which takes a tremendous amount of mental and emotional energy. It's been my observation that a lot of generally kind, caring, thoughtful people will have wacky moments (or longer stretches!) where the stress and effort of transition turn them temporarily into pod people. It's like the strain of sleep deprivation while caring for a newborn that way.
If, and this is a big if, she's *trying* to meet you halfway and in calmer moments acknowledges that blowing up at you is unreasonable, and you have some indication that she's making progress, there's a decent chance that when the hellish midpoint/limbo part of transition is over she will return to being a better partner. However, what constitutes "enough" progress and how patient you're willing to be is entirely up to you, and again, nobody else gets to tell you whether or not you tried hard enough to salvage *your* relationship. (That's a rule I live by in general, not just for transition; romantic entanglements always have depths that outsiders don't necessarily know.) Love sometimes doesn't conquer all, although it's a damned good start.
