Hey everyone, i'm a new member here in this big family, i haven't talk to another transexual since 5 years i guess...i had some ts girlfriends in the past, but unfortunely they have choose some dangerous ways to live life (prostitution ecc) so i just run away from them, and now i have only natal female friends, which can't understand me of course.
I'm 27 yo, i'm italian and i had my srs about 5 years ago. I started taking hormones at 19yo and told my parents about the situation at 16yo.
As everyone of you i guess, i had a pretty awful life since i was born, but i don't want to be boring telling you what i've been trough 'coz i'm more then sure that all you can understand what i'm talking about.
However, despite all the pain i had to suffer, i actually have a pretty nice life. I have a boyfriend since 3 years now, who loves me to death and has accepted me as i am. I have an amazing family who have always supported me in every step i took and even finaced my surgeries. I have a work, which i hate, but it's still a good work.
I mean, i have everything, i can't complain about my life, but despite all of this, i still hate what i am.
I hate it, i hate it as hell. The fact is, that after all this years, after years of terapy and surgeries and pain, i still can't accept what happened to me. It's wrong, it's unfair and i'm really upset. I know what your are thinking, i'm a post op ts and i still don't accept what i am. Well, i can't. I pass 100%, in fact i live as stealth because i had the miracle by jesus (ironic) to have born with female features. But, who cares,  i can't have an uterus or have kids on my own. I know i sound selfish, but i'm really freaking upset.
Anyway, i'm here to scream all my pain out to people who can understand my feelings. Who can actually get what it's like to live as a TS girl. I'm here because after all this year, i look at myself and feel sick. I'm a fake, a replicant, i can be a perfet women, but i will never be happy about it. Because i was born as a male. Damn...how can you accept this? How can you live an entire life like this? It is even possible? I often tell my boyfriend that probably, one day, he will find me dead in the shower, because i can't imagine to live a whole life like this. And i'm afraid that one day i will crack. I'm afraid to die, really. I look at all my genetic gf and sometimes i just wanna disappear...I'm not like them, i don't have my period, i can't have kids, i don't have a regular vagina that lubricates, i don't have a F***! They treat me like a regular female, but i don't feel like one. I'm not...i will never be.
So my questions are, how in hell can you accept this tragedy? Is there someone who has my problem? Am i crazy?
I'll appriciate any answers...i need them.

Julia

Julia, this will surprise you, but what you're struggling with hits nearly everyone at some point in their lives. People struggle to find meaning in their lives, something that makes more sense than existing day to day.

Problem is that for a lot of women, we know that means having kids, and that avenue is closed to us (and a lot of cis women who, for all kinds of reasons, will not be able to have kids either).

Find someone or something to care about. A good cause? A change you want to see in the world? Someone or some people who are down on their luck and need a helping hand or a caring ear?

Find a way to bring joy to the people in your life and improvement in your world. That might help turn your focus away from you.

Good luck. I hope this helps.

Girl it will get better and life gets as fun as you allow it to be. I get hung up on the not giving birth thing for a minute every once in a while bug being a mommy doesn't mean you have to give birth.. Your kids you adopt or spirm will love you just as much. It's about the love and support. Blood doesn't mean as much as some people want you to think. Now the becoming ok with yourself takes time and extra work for some. You can learn to love yourself . Just take things one day at a time. Set goals and try to learn something positive that you like about yourself every week.

Being a woman is not really about boobs and vagina. There are two attributes that are widely considered to be female only experience: female orgasm and period. But surprisingly many natural born woman NEVER experience orgasm or have problems with their periods. Are they fake in any way? Do you think any man willingly would go through all this trouble as you did just to feel like a woman? Of course not. You are not fake in anyway. You are woman like everybody else.

 
Awwwh, Julia. Your post made me cry....I have similar feelings.  Sometimes you may feel like you arent like the other girls. But in so many important ways that matter, you are. All of us are. You have the true feminine nature, a feminized brain. And female emotions, the heart and mind of a woman. Like you, I and many others here cannot have their own children. Or a period. And it does hurt and can be depressing. But there are genetic girls out there that cant have children either.
Focus on the positive things only, and know that you were born a girl like al the rest, but with transsexualism.
You ARE a WOMAN. I AM a woman. WE, are women.

I plan adopting, if you want children, you could find a surrogate, or adopt.  You will be loved by that child as if you were their paternal mother, and although he or she wont be born from you, it would be an amazing experience all the same.

Please give your life a chance, you are young and there are lots of things that can make you happy. Find those things, and focus on them.  All the best!