Hi people. I'm an anatomically married 'male' and I've been exploring/thinking about my sexuality/gender for around a year now. I've always had a feminine side since my teens but I am progressively disassociating myself from titles such as male/man/straight. Since Xmas I have experimented a bit more with wearing my wife's clothes/undies and, recently, traying make-up which I've really enjoyed - not so much in an erotic capacity as just feeling nice and expressing myself.
Luckily, my wife is wonderfully open to me dabbling with my feelings, though I am reguarly concerned with upsetting her or turning her off etc. But recently the desire to play around with my gender has been on my mind a lot. I'm also a philsophy graduate and I'm really enjoying reading Gender Trouble by Judith Butler which is helping me make sense of a lot of my feelings and attitude towards my gender.
As far as coming out to friends/relatives is concerned, the thought of leaving the house with just make-up is pretty scary and I struggle with anxiety/panic attacks so that may be make it difficult. But I want to express myself so I'm thinking about working up to that...
And it's certainly something I wouldn't share with parents, they'd freak and I'm quite used to having a lot of my me-ness kept hidden. I know some of my friends would be totally sympathetic but I'm not even sure where I'm at with it all!
I've pretty much just passed my feelings/thoughts off as phases or erotically driven, but my identity as a male (especially a man) is becoming increasingly undeseriable and I thought it may do me some good to share my thoughts with a nice bunch of people and learn about the various non-binary ways of experiening identity.
Look forward to chatting with you all!
