QuoteMy job would crucify me if they ever found out so I'm extremely careful. Lately though I'm having the desire go out in public and party with girls like you
Something to remember for everyone trying to decide to come out or not. It would be politically preferrable for all to come out, but aside from that, yes there is a lot of personal risk. Some can adapt to that and handle it quite well, others will litterally be broken by the consiquences of it.
I've seen many posts from those at this point which would indicate that the authors are under the impression that coming out leads to better self esteem and makes life more "fun". I beg to differ with that.
Having been full time, living and working as female and having all identification other then the birth certificate itself in female name and gender for some years now, I think I know a little of the truth.
Not being 100% "passable" and everyone who knows me or been around me knowing what I am, having watched it all occur in front of them, I encounter all levels of tolerance and acceptance. Some of it is disturbing and I am still working through some of my feelings about that. There are good times when in the company of those who are most understanding and fortunately, there are enough of those, and enough strangers who take me at face value that I can make peace with those few who consider me an abomination or crime against nature, but I am only recently beginning to accept the fact that there are some places and peoples will never make peace with me and still control the urges to retaliate in an unproductive manner toward them.
Once out, you can never completely regain the things you lose when you do, I won't go into all the negatives you will encounter, you just have to take each one for what it is worth, and if it is important enough to you you will come through it and go on.
The best advice is never come out unless you absolutely must do so and if you do, it must be completely and totally, as you must have a consistant relationship in all levels of your life. If you try to live by two gender standards, it is extreamly hard for anyone to take you serious or realize the seriousness of what you are doing, they will always think of you as simply strange or some kind of deviant. Only the consistancy of your presentaion makes other people believe in you and take you serious as being what you believe yourself to be. When considering the opinions of you by others, remember that unless you are 100% about what gender you are, they will never give you the respect and acceptance that they give those who are.
Others will differ in thier opinion, but in mine, it is all or nothing, there is no half measures and the majority of mainstream will adapt to a 100% conviction, but if you revert to birth gender for any reasons at all, then they will only consider you confused or perverted and will not be at ease with you.
If you are not willing or capible of going all the way, or feel you can't for other personal reasons, it is generally best not to come out to anyone other then those who have a stake in your life and deserve to know. there is little if anything "fun" about all this, especially when you can no longer dress, relate or pretend for personal gain to be of the birth gender anymore, you must face life for better or worse as the gender of your conviction, even if it means losing or obtaining a job. Fun? Try walking into a courtroom for jury duty in complete female presentation with a weeks worth of hair on you face in order to be ready for Electrolysis the next day. You can't even shave for passibility because to do so would mean missing the electro appoiintment which you can't do because if you do you will start using any excuse to put off appointments and so extend the time to get it all done or never finish at all. To me, a little humiliation is far better then missing or prolonging such things. Then to there are many appointments when you must be at your best and that can vastly affect your life and you must face people (often strangers who know little or nothing about you other then what they see and judge at the moment) in a condition where you have no possibility of "passing". Parties and such? These things cost money, I haven't been to a movie theater in years, I almost never eat at a restraunt and only very rarely at a "fast food" establishment and only on rare occassions am found at my favorite bars and such. Simply can't afford to do such things. It means giving up most any kind of "fun" because it all cost money I can't spend. Fun? Only if you love punishment, and all others I know in person with the same goals are in much the same boat. Think about that one.
It all comes down to the fact that each of those who are fully convinced they have no other choice must dive in and swim in the deep water without knowing beforehand if they have the strength or resources to make it across the river, they have to go in, sink or swim with no safety nets or predetermined knowledge of success, They either make it to the other side and live with any and all consiquences of the jouney or sink to the bottom enroute, thats the honest truth of the matter of actual realistic transition. It is truely a matter of life or death and only the strongest make it all the way, It must be a do or die attitude with no regrets about the hardships. Believe it!
Serious Transsexuals really have no choice but to be out 100%, but if you are a crossdresser, it is probably best to advise only those that you must for various reasons.
I hate to be so negative about this, but having 4 brothers who haven't even sent me a letter or even a phone call, depending on which one from 2 to 20 years and a mother who has hated me since childhood and many friends who have said nothing but have gradually distanced themselves from me and a ruined carreer, all because of this "gift" I have my opinions about it and first and formost of these opinions is that if you don't absolutely have to then by all means don't.
Terri
