Hi my names Elle, I've always known I wanted to be a girl (MtF) since I was little - just told my parents and doctor to get things going on NHS. I had alot of trauma & illness as a kid, pulling my hair out and dressing up like a girl as often as I could - my mum didn't mind she thought it was a phase. I played with dolls and have always been very femanine. Even playing with Star Wars/Batman I loved being Leia or Catwoman way more then any of those manly characters.

I've been living as a girl for about a month, painting my nails, wearing skirts, make-up and wanting my hair to grow in - never had long hair as a boy, so excited! I'm scared about going outside as a girl - I know this is the next step but it's freaking me out! I pass for a girl pretty well and people have said "thanks hen" etc. when interacting with them as a male...

I know I have to do this, I've been unhappy for a very long time and need to be myself - wearing girly clothes, dying my hair, painting my nails, shaving my legs and arms it all feels natural and normal. I want to make this next step but am scared of peoples reactions - going shopping over the weekend to get some clothes and I'm hoping to 'out' myself next week any advice would be greatly appretiated xx

Does anyone have any experience of dealing with NHS?

I've been to councelling to help with all this too.

Hi Elle,

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Janet  )O(

Hi Elle  , there's plenty of people here who have dealt with NHS, ask around in the "transsexual" or "transitioning"  section to get lots of guidance.

Hey Elle,

I don't have experience with the NHS, but I wanted to wish you lots of luck on the beginning of your journey

Hi Elle, and welcome!

Yes, there are quite a few people here who have experience with the NHS. (I'm guessing from your use of the word 'hen' that you mean the British NHS?)

I'm currently transitioning on the NHS myself. Did you have any specific questions?

It's up to you how, when and to whom you come out. There are also various types of people to whom you may want to come out and you might want to approach each one differently. For example, you might choose to go into a lot of detail when coming out to very close friends, siblings or your parents; but people you only speak to occasionally won't need much detail at all. Just take your time & think things through. As LearnedHand suggested, have a look at some of the more specific boards for some good ideas about coming out etc.

Also, UK law has certain protections against discrimination & harassment due to your trans status. This isn't a magic wand, but it gives you legal protection from being discriminated against in things like employment & accessing services.

Have you discussed with your counsellor how/when it might be right for you to come out?

Hi thank you for the responses

I spoke to my councellor a few weeks back and came out then. I told my mum the same day as I couldn't keep on lying to myself about it - she has been very supportive and understanding. My dad knows somethings going on and told her he has nothing to do with it...

I know he knows already, I've always been very girly and I need to change now as I'm very unhappy. The last few weeks have been great, just living as myself but the problems come when I think about facing the outside world. I've been hiding away for like two months, barely going out and only seeing my immediate family.

I've changed my name, just awaiting the documents now. I'm worried about peoples reactions - I know I'll get abuse in the streets and shouted at...

@FTMDiaries : I'm nervous about what they'll ask me and if they'll say I'm making it all up. My dad was against me being very girly when I was younger so I had to hide somethings from him, like dressing up and my dolls. He didn't even want me to have dolls - he's old fashioned and can't accept people who aren't like him... But I have a very vivid memory of someone catching me dressed as a woman, I think it was my dad. This was around my teens. After which I went very into myself and coudn't express what I wanted to be.... I was still very girly - like sewing and making costumes etc. but I started copying boys to try and "fit in".

I recently left a very unpleasent work place where I got cought up in loads of stuff... The councelling has helped my confidence and personality to return and I'm happy being me again. It's like I went through a phase of copying guys to fit in because I have a male body but in my mind I kept saying "this isn't me!" 

So I've dealt with all that now and am ready to begin transitioning - I really need to face the fear and just get out there.

Hoping the next few weeks will change the way I feel at the moment, which is kind of directionless... although I have plans to change my hair, wear female clothes in public to the first meeting with NHS.

Quote from: Elle16 on May 11, 2013, 12:43:33 PM
Hi thank you for the responses

I spoke to my councellor a few weeks back and came out then. I told my mum the same day as I couldn't keep on lying to myself about it - she has been very supportive and understanding. My dad knows somethings going on and told her he has nothing to do with it...

I know he knows already, I've always been very girly and I need to change now as I'm very unhappy. The last few weeks have been great, just living as myself but the problems come when I think about facing the outside world. I've been hiding away for like two months, barely going out and only seeing my immediate family.

I've changed my name, just awaiting the documents now. I'm worried about peoples reactions - I know I'll get abuse in the streets and shouted at...

@FTMDiaries : I'm nervous about what they'll ask me and if they'll say I'm making it all up. My dad was against me being very girly when I was younger so I had to hide somethings from him, like dressing up and my dolls. He didn't even want me to have dolls - he's old fashioned and can't accept people who aren't like him... But I have a very vivid memory of someone catching me dressed as a woman, I think it was my dad. This was around my teens. After which I went very into myself and coudn't express what I wanted to be.... I was still very girly - like sewing and making costumes etc. but I started copying boys to try and "fit in".

I recently left a very unpleasent work place where I got cought up in loads of stuff... The councelling has helped my confidence and personality to return and I'm happy being me again. It's like I went through a phase of copying guys to fit in because I have a male body but in my mind I kept saying "this isn't me!" 

So I've dealt with all that now and am ready to begin transitioning - I really need to face the fear and just get out there.

Hoping the next few weeks will change the way I feel at the moment, which is kind of directionless... although I have plans to change my hair, wear female clothes in public to the first meeting with NHS.

I was the same Elle when i first went to CX. It's such a big step to make and i guess you feel that you need to justify or convince people of your GID. The fact of the matter is, is that everyone is different. There is absolutely nothing wrong imo of wanting to be a masculine female or a female who exhibits masculine traits. It's not for other people to decide who you are and who you should be.
By that i mean, don't feel you have to flag up moments in your life and say 'you see! this is why i know i have GID' and now i need to conform to a stereotypical girl/woman.

As far as CX goes, i'm sorry to say that not everyone has such positive experiences as FTMdiaries. Yes they are overworked for sure, and i understand that people need to be patient, but after pretty much a year of waiting and trying to get therapy on the NHS, i arrived at CX for an hour with a doctor - who i felt just went through a list of questions and wasn't too interested in deviating from that - and then a further 6 months for another appointment. So effectively having gone to my GP initially looking for counselling on the NHS for my GID, i had one session at my local hospital with a psychiatrist who honestly said he had no idea how to approach the subject, and then straight to CX were they asked me to come out at work, change my name and dress fully female for my next appointment in SIX months time (even though i arrived in unisex/female clothing). I mean wow.

Hi just wanted to say hi. Im at the same stage as you are with regards to the NHS just got my app through in the next few weeks. as far as coming out to people, well im not sure there is a right or wrong way. However you do it it's inevitable that someone will have the arse with you about it. i came out to certain people face to face then did the rest on facebook. that worked fairly well not perfect but had what i considered an acceptable fallout.

Quote from: Bardoux on May 12, 2013, 06:14:10 AM
As far as CX goes, i'm sorry to say that not everyone has such positive experiences as FTMdiaries.

Just to clarify, I'm not with CX. I was originally referred there by my CMHT but after waiting 7 months from my referral without hearing anything from them, then discovering that it may take a year or two before I could get my first appointment, I cancelled my referral there and applied to a different clinic where I was seen much more quickly. So I feel your pain.

As a general piece of advice to anyone in the UK: ask whether there are any options available for which GIC you attend. Then before deciding on one, give them a ring and ask what their waiting time is from referral to first appointment, and then what their waiting times are between routine appointments. I'm lucky that there are a couple of GICs in my catchment area. CX made Bardoux wait 6 months between appointments; my new clinic makes me wait 6 weeks. That's a massive difference, particularly if you don't want to wait years until you're presenting convincingly. To my knowledge, there are 10 NHS GICs in the UK: Charing Cross (London); Tavistock (London - under-18s only); Sheffield; Leeds; Sunderland; Nottingham; Town Close (Norwich); The Laurels (Exeter); Sandyford (Glasgow); and Northern Ireland (Belfast). I've just compiled a list of all of them, along with their contact details and websites: this might make a good Wiki (or sticky).

If you're in Scotland you can refer yourself to the GIC without even needing to see your GP first. If only we could do that in England. 

Here's the NHS's latest advice to doctors about how to treat trans patients. It gives some good advice on the pathway they have to follow, what treatments are available, and it also tells you what to expect at the clinics. It's worth a read: http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/Transhealth/Documents/gender-dysphoria-guide-for-gps-and-other-health-care-staff.pdf

Don't worry about what they'll ask you. You're the only person who can tell whether you're trans and you already know the answer to that question. The GICs are just there to help you make sure you're making the right decision, and to make sure you don't have any mental illness masquerading as being trans, so that they can give you the treatment you need. Just be yourself, be honest, and know that they're there to help you.

If you haven't seen their site yet, GIRES has a lot of useful information about what to expect as a trans patient. Try here: http://www.gires.org.uk/transpeople.php  Some of the medical info is out-of-date, only because PCTs were abolished a couple of months ago.

Good luck!

Thank you xx

I came out to my dad the other day, I was just fed up of waiting for the right moment and had to tell him. He already knew so there wasn't much of a blow - seems ok with it. I'm dressing as a woman daily now, feels right to me and when I look down at my chest I see breast shape that should have been there all along. I used to roll up socks and pretend to have boobs when I was younger lol! I feel generally alot happier knowing my family are fairly accepting.

I got a call from the doctor today, he's reffering me to Sandyford in Glasgow - so I'll be waiting on them getting back to me. I'm ok with how things are progressing, feeling better in general too.

On Thursday I have my last councelling session and I'll be going dressed as a woman - I feel like this is a huge step, really excited and nervous at the same time. I don't want to hide away anymore, I miss going out - even just for walks and stuff so hopefully if all goes well on Thursday I can continue being myself without worrying about others 

Also I answered a phone call earlier and the woman asked what's your name and I said "Elle" super happy!

Quote from: Elle16 on May 13, 2013, 11:05:10 AM
I came out to my dad the other day, I was just fed up of waiting for the right moment and had to tell him. He already knew so there wasn't much of a blow - seems ok with it.

Yay for positive family reactions!

Quote from: Elle16 on May 13, 2013, 11:05:10 AM
I'm dressing as a woman daily now, feels right to me and when I look down at my chest I see breast shape that should have been there all along. I used to roll up socks and pretend to have boobs when I was younger lol!

Y'know, a lot of cis girls start out that way too.

Quote from: Elle16 on May 13, 2013, 11:05:10 AM
I got a call from the doctor today, he's reffering me to Sandyford in Glasgow - so I'll be waiting on them getting back to me. I'm ok with how things are progressing, feeling better in general too.

As far as I know, the Sandyford is the only NHS GIC in the UK that allows patients to refer themselves: you don't need to wait for your doctor to write to them. So if you wanted to get things moving faster, contact their administrator on 0141 211 8137 and ask for a 'first appointment' but if you do so, please let them know that your doctor will eventually be writing to them so you won't get double-booked.

Quote from: Elle16 on May 13, 2013, 11:05:10 AM
On Thursday I have my last councelling session and I'll be going dressed as a woman - I feel like this is a huge step, really excited and nervous at the same time. I don't want to hide away anymore, I miss going out - even just for walks and stuff so hopefully if all goes well on Thursday I can continue being myself without worrying about others 

Also I answered a phone call earlier and the woman asked what's your name and I said "Elle" super happy!

That's the spirit - go for it! And please don't be nervous about what other people may think. This is your life; they have their own lives to worry about. Anybody who wants to judge you should wind their neck in.

Quote from: FTMDiaries on May 13, 2013, 06:47:26 AM
Just to clarify, I'm not with CX. I was originally referred there by my CMHT but after waiting 7 months from my referral without hearing anything from them, then discovering that it may take a year or two before I could get my first appointment, I cancelled my referral there and applied to a different clinic where I was seen much more quickly. So I feel your pain.

As a general piece of advice to anyone in the UK: ask whether there are any options available for which GIC you attend. Then before deciding on one, give them a ring and ask what their waiting time is from referral to first appointment, and then what their waiting times are between routine appointments. I'm lucky that there are a couple of GICs in my catchment area. CX made Bardoux wait 6 months between appointments; my new clinic makes me wait 6 weeks. That's a massive difference, particularly if you don't want to wait years until you're presenting convincingly. To my knowledge, there are 10 NHS GICs in the UK: Charing Cross (London); Tavistock (London - under-18s only); Sheffield; Leeds; Sunderland; Nottingham; Town Close (Norwich); The Laurels (Exeter); Sandyford (Glasgow); and Northern Ireland (Belfast). I've just compiled a list of all of them, along with their contact details and websites: this might make a good Wiki (or sticky).

If you're in Scotland you can refer yourself to the GIC without even needing to see your GP first. If only we could do that in England. 

Here's the NHS's latest advice to doctors about how to treat trans patients. It gives some good advice on the pathway they have to follow, what treatments are available, and it also tells you what to expect at the clinics. It's worth a read: http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/Transhealth/Documents/gender-dysphoria-guide-for-gps-and-other-health-care-staff.pdf

Don't worry about what they'll ask you. You're the only person who can tell whether you're trans and you already know the answer to that question. The GICs are just there to help you make sure you're making the right decision, and to make sure you don't have any mental illness masquerading as being trans, so that they can give you the treatment you need. Just be yourself, be honest, and know that they're there to help you.

If you haven't seen their site yet, GIRES has a lot of useful information about what to expect as a trans patient. Try here: http://www.gires.org.uk/transpeople.php  Some of the medical info is out-of-date, only because PCTs were abolished a couple of months ago.

Good luck!

Thanks so much for sharing all this! I honestly had no idea, i thought the only route is CX... and yeah we all know how i feel about that hehe.
I also received an email from Bethany which was very nice of her, letting me know about the route she took to speed up her treatment.

I'm going to be honest, the last few months i have been self-medicating. I was at such a loss with the NHS, my GP wanted to help but she is so overworked and hasn't had previous experience with Gender issues (her face when i first told her was just shock lol). I felt dejected and deflated after my first appointment with CX, i thought i'd be the opposite, but i got the distinct impression that they didn't care all that much. Of course this is my own personal experience from my one visit, and i am sure there are plenty of people happy with the treatment they have received, but i do feel that it's not just the waiting times that is the issue.

I've been following recommended hormone dosages from a Canadian medical board, information that appeared to correlate with other information available online uploaded by medical professionals. I'm not going to mention doses as i appreciate self-medicating is discouraged due to the very real risks of medical complications with improper supervision. Anyhow after thankfully coming across another private GIC in London i was over the moon. Whilst i have to pay for my therapy and appointments i feel that at last i have come to a place that i can grow and explore.

I find it shocking that GP's are so ill equipped to provide direction and advice on how to proceed. Indeed whilst at the A+E recently and having disclosed i was on an AA and estradial transdermal patch, two doctors asked me why i was on HRT? To which i replied to change my gender... (I present androgynous at the moment). But why else would a biological male be taking estrogen!

Quote from: Bardoux on May 14, 2013, 05:26:25 AM
Thanks so much for sharing all this! I honestly had no idea, i thought the only route is CX... and yeah we all know how i feel about that hehe.

You're welcome.    Your feelings are understandable considering your experience; I feel similarly and am grateful I found a quieter GIC.

Quote from: Bardoux on May 14, 2013, 05:26:25 AM
I was at such a loss with the NHS, my GP wanted to help but she is so overworked and hasn't had previous experience with Gender issues (her face when i first told her was just shock lol).
...
Anyhow after thankfully coming across another private GIC in London i was over the moon. Whilst i have to pay for my therapy and appointments i feel that at last i have come to a place that i can grow and explore.

Have you considered printing out that PDF I linked to in the post above (http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/Transhealth/Documents/gender-dysphoria-guide-for-gps-and-other-health-care-staff.pdf) and giving a copy to your GP? Most doctors don't have experience of transsexual patients so it is (unfortunately) up to us to make sure they're informed.

Here's a quote from page 8 of that document:
"After assessment at the Gender service, the GP is responsible for the initiation and ongoing prescribing of endocrine therapy and organising blood and other diagnostic tests as recommended by the specialist gender clinician. In the longer term, primary care is responsible for the life-long maintenance of their patient's wellbeing. This involves conducting simple monitoring tests, examinations and medication reviews as recommended, initially by the discharging gender specialist, and thereafter according to extant best practice."

So if you've attended a private clinic and have a diagnosis of GD from a practicing psychiatrist, your GP should arrange your hormone treatment on their recommendation - you shouldn't need to self-medicate. Why not ask your Gender Therapist to write to your GP?

Quote from: Bardoux on May 14, 2013, 05:26:25 AM
I felt dejected and deflated after my first appointment with CX, i thought i'd be the opposite, but i got the distinct impression that they didn't care all that much. Of course this is my own personal experience from my one visit, and i am sure there are plenty of people happy with the treatment they have received, but i do feel that it's not just the waiting times that is the issue.

They are horrendously overworked at present, so they can't give each patient the attention and care they would like to. I'm sure it breaks many of their hearts to know this.

Quote from: Bardoux on May 14, 2013, 05:26:25 AM
I find it shocking that GP's are so ill equipped to provide direction and advice on how to proceed. Indeed whilst at the A+E recently and having disclosed i was on an AA and estradial transdermal patch, two doctors asked me why i was on HRT? To which i replied to change my gender... (I present androgynous at the moment). But why else would a biological male be taking estrogen!

It seems we have to educate all the medical personnel we come across, because so few of them have (knowingly) met any transsexual patients. Mine has a couple on her books, but I'm the first FtM. Still, at least she had a clue. The worst thing is when they ask about your trans status for completely unrelated things. If you've broken your arm, it hardly matters whether you've had 'The Surgery', does it?

Well yesterday was a huge leap forward for me!

I went to councelling dressed as a girl for the first time, I felt happy and scared/nervous all at the same time. I walked along a really busy street with cars and people going about there daily business - it was a terrifying thought... BUT I did it! 

My mum was with me and she supported me the whole way. I got a few looks and people whispering but it hasn't bothered me that much. I know going out as myself for the first time was difficult but am happy in the knowledge that I now know for certain I can't go back now. I really am quite clamer and happyier in myself now, just hoping I can keep on going and not get bogged down with negative thoughts etc.

Looking into facial hair removal creams for my skin, trying the louis Mercel one on Amazon - hoping it'll work as my facial hair is quite dark and shaving all the time is a nightmare., my skins so sensitive.

I'm quite cheery today xx

Quote from: Elle16 on May 17, 2013, 06:48:35 AM
I went to councelling dressed as a girl for the first time, I felt happy and scared/nervous all at the same time. I walked along a really busy street with cars and people going about there daily business - it was a terrifying thought... BUT I did it! 

Well done! That's the spirit.

I had a similar story as you Elle. I came out last year but my parents didn't respond well to it, they are old fashion too. They thought for me to truely be happy would only come from meeting a girl and the dresses ect was just a way to deal with loneliness. They advised that I started being more masculine and go out with friends more and try to find a woman. I took their advice for an entire year and it never really left my mind and I am more sure then ever this is what will make me happy. I haven't talked to them about it again yet. I want to start therapy and that way I have a therapists backing that this is who I truly am. 

Well it's funny because I tried so hard to fit in, be a guy and do guy things but it was awful... 

In my mind I've kept saying "this isn't me!" - it's like I was running from something but didn't entirely know what it was - only now can I accept myself and be true to who I am. When you know you KNOW and there's no denying that anymore.

My councellor has been amazing and helping me through alot of stuff that I kept bottled up for years, it made me massively depressed, self harming and feeling neglected. I'm getting there now, my mind and body is changing, I can wear what I want to wear and be the way I've always wanted too - this isn't something anyone can run away from.

Also as I said before I told my dad and he accepted it for all one one night then said in the morning to my mum "I guess the freak show has started" - it's caused me to have some doubts but really it's nothing new, he's bullied me from a young age, I used to be terrified of him - NOT anymore! All the nights I spent crying and unhappy as a child cause he wanted me to be a boy and stay that way...

He just cannot accept people for who they are on the inside, he's a very old fashioned person with delluded views on the world and the people living in it. Am I really supposed to go on feeling angry and unhappy for the rest of my life because of him? Sorry this probably isn't that place for that but it's hard living with such a stubborn and immature biggot for a father.

*end rant*

Yes seeing a therapist will help alot, my feelings have never been so clear and my mind at ease xx

I am glad that things are progressing well.  Going to a therapist and dressing in public is a major start.  You are doing well

Don't let your father get to you.  Hopefully he will accept you for who you are.  If not, then it is his loss. 

Thanks for the support xx

I actually can't wait to go out again, going for a run tomorrow - trying to shift those excess pounds, lol!

Elle I hope I didn't offend you in some way in the earlier post. You followed my post with quite a rant like you were upset at me for my post.