Hello, I hope I'm on the right forum now.....
I'm the mother of a transgender MTF child.I found out this info a few months ago. I have NO problems accepting this, I love my child. I have soooo many questions. I'm not to sure if my child can answer all of them. One major concern is how life will be for her. Unfortunately our society is a very ignorant one ,not all, but we have a long way to go. every parent just wants their child to be happy, healthy, safe. We want to protect them. as they grow we let them go out into a world that isn't very forgiving for NON transgender people. I worry about the hardships that will come alone, not just life but life as a transgender person. I want to put my arms around her and shield her from the world...but I can't.

Are there ANY other parents, moms/dads that have children transitioning?
I'd really love to hear others stories, I want to be there for my child through the good, bad and the unknown.   
Thank-you Luvnmom

I have a transgender son .... he started transitioning his sophomore year in college.  He's now graduated college for a year and is engaged to be married. 

I WAS a transgendered child (with unsupportive parents). I transitioned and had surgery at 24, some 39 years ago.

Sure life is hard and everybody takes their share of knocks but I stole a phrase from a bumper sticker - THE WORST DAY NOW IS BETTER THAN THE BEST DAY BEFORE!!!

I know I am out of date but if there is anything I can do to help, just ask!

May I ask which country you are in?

In the UK there is an excellent organisation, recommended by the NHS for the parents of transgender children of all ages.

I know it has sister organisations apparently offering similar support in other countries. Though I honestly don't know how good any of them are.

The British one is mermaidsuk.org.uk

Quote from: Northern Jane on May 13, 2013, 12:03:00 PM
I WAS a transgendered child (with unsupportive parents). I transitioned and had surgery at 24, some 39 years ago.

Sure life is hard and everybody takes their share of knocks but I stole a phrase from a bumper sticker - THE WORST DAY NOW IS BETTER THAN THE BEST DAY BEFORE!!!

I know I am out of date but if there is anything I can do to help, just ask!

Jane, you know as well as I do, that life experience is never "out of date."

We are like good red wines ... we get better as we age 

@luvnmom - you are in the right place!  But feel free to review as much of the site as you wish.  You will find that transpersons have some unique issues, but we are just people too, with the same sorts of interests, hobbies, politics, beliefs, and worries as much of the rest of the world.

Thank-you for the replies, I don't have anyone to speak to about this, so It's nice to know I'm not alone.  I'm from Canada ,B.C. We have a huge support system here, but my child is in China. He's going to University, and working there. His father/ my X husband lives there so that is who he's living with. I still referring to my son as him/son, not she/daughter because that's the only way I know at this time. I  haven't physically seen him for 4 months. We e-mail regularly.
I'm sorry you had non supportive parents    I couldn't imagine how hard that is/was. I love my children ALL of them, no matter what. I welcome a daughter with open arms, really. It's just really new. I still have questions, worries, mother tuff. He's young, 19. In a country I know nothing about......I feel he should be home in Canada. We have a huge support system, but he will not come back, yet. He want's to start a new ....everything.
As a parent, how could I have not known? He was so good at hiding his real self. I feel so guilty, like I let him down. Knowing my kids are in pain is like a whole in my heart, it doesn't get easier as they grow. It's harder, I can't protect them from the cruelty of others ignorance, and uneducated people.

How did some of the other parents cope? What is the best way to support him? He knows I love him and always will, and that I'm 1000% beside him......I want to do more, but what?

How long does HRT take from start to end? What will that do alone in the transition? Then what?

Mermaids is generally aimed at parents of rather younger children. It's good to hear a little more about your child.

I do know there are loads of Canadian members here and even a few fortunate enough to live in Vancouver!

We offer support here, so much support. It is for you and given freely. We can give you the information and experiences we each have. Many of us can and will supply endless reliable links to more information that any human could possibly want.

It's so good to have you here.

Your child's history is not unusual and many here will sympathise. As you will have gathered by now, many of us also have had rather more negative experiences. But all of us are only too ready to offer you the support you are looking for and need.

@luvnmom

Lets start with the easy questions.

Hormone are forever and it is important that your daughter have a knowledgeable endocrinologist, which shouldn't be hard in Vancouver. It isn't the kind of thing a GP should be doing without the supervision of a specialist. (Well-meaning GPs managed my care and that resulted in osteoporosis before getting back to an endo).

Many (most?) parents are never aware of what is coming so don't' beat yourself up about it. The best thing you can do for your child  is to continue that unconditional love. You can not shield her from the hurts that will come but your support will provide a solid base from which to handle those hurts. Building her self-esteem and don't falter in your acceptance in her as your daughter - it will give her strength and confidence.

Some parents cope well; others not! I knew other TS youth who's parents were accepting and supportive and I SO envied them! My adopted parents, particularly my mother, never did accept the situation and disowned me when I had surgery. I met my birth mother when I was 40 and she never missed a beat. She said "You're my child no matter what!" and that was the end of it.

Love and acceptance are the keys my dear so stick with it!

(PS I am Canadian)

I'm Canadian also. .British Columbia...
I started my first transition Vancouver in late teens...

I really can't remember anything negative about it
In Vancouver.  As a matter of fact I plan on returning one day....

Message me anytime you please mom!!!

Hello @luvnmom. I know it's been a while since you posted.  I too am a Mom of an early stage MtF child. She's 19 and has been a loner and virtual shut in all her life. I am still shocked because I saw no feminine gender traits in her growing up. Just no interest in sports, but that means nothing since I work with "manly men" that don't care about sports either.
I was actually raised like an only child of a bachelor Dad. I am NO role model of femininity with a masculine name. always short hair, traditional male dominated career, and I could go on...
Now I feel like I need support for her sake.  I have no fashion sense, dislike long hair that she has lovingly grown but not properly groomed.
Now she's fighting course body hair and beard.  I have no advice. 
I need a role model for both of us!.
I look forward to hearing how you both progress through her transition.

all the best,
tb

Quote from: tbunny on August 28, 2013, 11:31:57 PM
Hello @luvnmom. I know it's been a while since you posted.  I too am a Mom of an early stage MtF child. She's 19 and has been a loner and virtual shut in all her life. I am still shocked because I saw no feminine gender traits in her growing up. Just no interest in sports, but that means nothing since I work with "manly men" that don't care about sports either.
I was actually raised like an only child of a bachelor Dad. I am NO role model of femininity with a masculine name. always short hair, traditional male dominated career, and I could go on...
Now I feel like I need support for her sake.  I have no fashion sense, dislike long hair that she has lovingly grown but not properly groomed.
Now she's fighting course body hair and beard.  I have no advice. 
I need a role model for both of us!.
I look forward to hearing how you both progress through her transition.

all the best,
tb

Hello I hope you all dont mind but I am a MTF, first year university student.

I thought I would help out by explaining from the point of view of the child. The first thing is to tbunny your daughter sounds very similar to me however I started HRT at 16. This didnt prove that helpful as still I present as male. I understand that you have issues with fashion and such but don't worry as your daughter is 19 she is at the age independence(sorry for the spelling) and if you tried to help here it may back fire as she may not be ready yet. The main issue with us younger MTF is well courage, mainly with someone like you daughter who like me was never into sports or social situations so learning things like make up is quite embarrassing as we dont have the best self estem. Its all about pase but be care saying things that require a gender marker like him/her can cause many issues. If you call her a her but she isnt ready it could embarrass her so try keep to name basis.
I am sorry if you believe I over stepped my bounds I am just trying to help as i know how early little word effects girls like us.

Now sorry to be so side tracked luvnmom.
My main suggests are simple. Try pick up on the pase she is at and just keep at it. If you fall behind its okay but never get ahead it could easily embarrass her cause her to be more self concious. Things I picked up on as my mother is half supportive and half against it is; when you see your daughter needs help, then help her. For example I needed a bra in 2011 got one in late 2012, the reasons are simple I was to scared to buy one for myself in fear of being judged and secondly my mothered ignored my plea for help.

To the concern on protecting her I can only offer this. Tell her to be careful very careful of who she tells thats all you can do to protect, I told people who I wasnt 100% sure of and it got me hurt so many times.

Then the whole new start, this is a common dream and wont just happen you should try let him understand that, as for me when I entered university I wanted my new start but until she can trully pass or at least to the point she is happy she wont get that new start. If you want her to get that new start the best way to help her get her hair(eyebrows, cheeks and body hair under control),  get her voice training for her voice(Itrust me the joy of getting her true voice brings such joy) and then HRT plus what else is needed. I understand its expensive and so I say start small do waxing and such all the little things mean a lot more then you can believe.

I again apologise if you found my reply in anyway negative to what you are searching and for sorry for my english I am only a engineering student we dont write much.

I wish you luck with you daughter.