Like most of the late transitioners I guess, it took me a long time to get to where I am now in spite of knowing from quite an early age that I felt far more comfortable with women than I did with guys, so this is a little long.

My earliest childhood memories are of playing girls games with the girls in my neighborhood and thinking how much I wanted to be like them. This extended to dressing up as a girl every opportunity I got in spite of learning very quickly that I was doing something I wasn't supposed to do. I also spent  my 7th year of childhood as one of only two boys in a class full of girls, further developing my sense of being a misfit, an outsider.  I wanted to be one of the girls but for them and the rest of environment it simply wasn't on.

I have little recollection of the primary school years afterwards except that for a while, my attraction for all things feminine went into hibernation. The only thing that stands out was life at home where I learned to do all the same things as my two sisters  between whom I was sandwiched , cooking, ironing, housecleaning etc.. Nothing particularly glorious about any of that but it is interesting to note that, of the three boys in the family, I was the only one who went remotely down this route. 

Anyway, with adolescence, the desire to dress as a girl at every possible opportunity came back with a vengeance. All of this was in hiding of course the only exception being a fancy dress party at my school when I was  16 or 17 when I got the chance to out in public as a girl. I can still remember my older sister  doing my make-up and Dad's very obvious misgivings. However I was thrilled...

At the time I also had a hidden collection of girls clothes that my mother stumbled across while cleaning the room I shared with one of my elder brothers. They were not very well hidden. Anyway,  this resulted in a discussion with both my parents where they, like I, were obviously very uncomfortable  and we collectively decided that it was a subject no one wanted to dig into too deeply. The incident was swept under the carpet and never discussed again.

Another one of my own memories concerning all of this was reading an article in either the Sunday Observer or Sunday Times review about  a book called "Conundrum" by one of the first people to have a sex change operation in the UK, Jan Morris.  Without making a complete link with my own attraction for all things feminine and what I I was reading , I was absolutely fascinated and read it over and over again.  I think this was in 1974 when the book was first published.

The last thing of real note from those years  was a period  where , with hindsight, I was clearly suffering from anorexia,  quite unusual for a boy. At age 16 I weighed about 110lbs. This was right in the middle of my adolescence/puberty and, again with hindsight, can probably be interpreted as an unconscious desire not to grow into the man I was becoming in spite of myself.  I succeeded quite well because my puberty only really started when I hit age 18.

Overall, I was deeply unhappy at the time, always feeling I didn't belong and to be honest, this is a sentiment I lived with through a very large part of my life. It was this feeling of not belonging which explained my need to get away from home as quickly as I could, at first to a Jesuit seminary  just after graduating from high school and when that didn't work out,,(it only took 2 months to arrive at that conclusion  )  by more radical means. My "mal de vivre" was so strong I just had to get away . Result,  a few months before my 19th birthday, I ran away from home  and after a couple of months  working on a farm in Southern Germany, I came to France where, in the greatest act of denial in my life,  I joined the French Foreign Legion. 5 very long years to try sort a few things out in my head. I also saved enough money to be able to finance my studies when I finally got my freedom back.

Straight out of the army, I married the first woman who showed any interest in me resulting in a  very unhappy and violent mariage with only one outcome I can consider positive, the birth of our three kids. In 18 years  of life together , my first wife never once said she loved me.

That I got into such a masochist relationship at all and stayed in it for so long is in itself a statement about how negative I felt about myself.  Things  at last started to change after a week-long  group psychotherapy I did in July 1996. I finally came to see some things that I had been totally blind to up until then and this set off a process I have been moving through ever since.

I started by getting out the very destructive relationship I had with my first wife and used the years between 1999 and 2005 when I met my second, to explore my feminine side far more deeply than I had ever allowed myself up until then.  Among other things, I started going out regularly "en femme"  and got enormous pleasure from the experience.  It felt like a liberation and little by little brought me to realize that I had far more to gain by accepting who I was than constantly running away from it.

Because of this, when I met my second  wife, I very quickly told her about my feminine side which she accepted from the beginning.  She accepting me for who I am is the single most positive thing that has happened to me in all of my life and over the years, this acceptance has allowed us to reach a level of understanding and love as a couple which I had never thought possible. Actually, the difference between my life with second wife and  my first is so great that I still have to almost pinch myself to make sure that it is real.

Her acceptance also created the conditions which allowed me to further explore my feminine identity. In September 2008 I started HRT. The most obvious immediate effect of this was a feeling of inner peace that I had never experienced before. However, when the first physical effects started to manifest themselves ie. the development of breast "buds" I got scared and stopped. I started and stopped again a couple of times between then and September 2010 before finally deciding to fully take the plunge. Since then I have done very complete FFS, beadr removal etc. and each and every one of these  steps has further reinforced  my feeling that I am on the right path.

Today I fully assume my "trans" identity and have never ever been happier with who I am.   I still need to successfully transition at work, a real challenge, but otherwise, it has all worked out remarkably well so far.

Not exactly a simple story but when I was a kid in the nineteen  sixties and early seventies, the subjects we discuss so freely here were simply not on the agenda. I guess that is why we are seeing so many of us transition today in our fifties.

Bises à toutes et à tous!
Donna

Quote from: Miranda Elizabeth on May 14, 2013, 04:27:43 PM
I have come to see one thing in myself since I've transitioned, am now coming close to physically matching the emotionally female Miranda for two years and SRS is within sight. I'm finally and truly at peace most of the time and happy, and it has brought a real empathy with others, no matter if their burden is physical or mental. With that I realize I was in so much constant physical, mental, and spiritual anguish I couldn't empathize with others, no matter what I believed at the time. And I thought I was a very caring soul. I've considered myself born again for more than thirty five years, but the God I pray to now is far different than the one I cowered under and slaved for a salvation I never believed I would receive. I loathed myself while thinking I was under the condemnation of being transsexual. My heart bursts for all of you women who haven't yet been able to decide if transition is the only real option you have if you're really transsexual, because I know for most of, if not all of you, transition is the only way you'll find happiness in this life and on this planet. And isn't that what we're all trying to find, peace and happiness? God bless us all, we deserve it, along with constant compassion and love. Miranda

Hi Miranda,
We both wrote our posts at the same time. I could also say pretty well all the same things as you say above and really believe that by finally accepting who I am, i have become a better person.
Wishing you all the best for your next steps.
Donna

Quote from: Donna Elvira on May 14, 2013, 04:35:05 PM
Hi Miranda,
We both wrote our posts at the same time. I could also say pretty well all the same things as you say above and really believe that by finally accepting who I am, i have become a better person.
Wishing you all the best for your next steps.
Donna

Hi Donna, first, I have to tell you that your photo shows very well the peace you've found since finding your second wife and both of you accepting who you are. Second, I can't believe you can possibly present as male, anywhere, anytime! You're too pretty and femme for your coworkers not to see what's going on. And finally, thank you for your kindness. I'm not sure when I'm getting SRS, but hopefully it will be within a year or considerably less. My mom has offered to pay for my surgery, and being injured, I don't see myself making enough money to save for it. I'm really looking forward to it and so is she. Thanks again, Donna. Hugs, Mira

I knew around 5 that something was going on.  As my mom would do laundry I'd take things from the basket to try on.  I remember her telling me not to let my dad find out, and I am pretty positive that's where the self-induced suppression started.  That young I had no idea what the terminology was, but I did know I preferred girly things and couldn't figure out why it wasn't acceptable.  As I got older, maybe 10 or 11, I saw a talk show where the topic was transsexualism.  I immediately got excited, I finally knew there were other people like me.  My parents made their negative comments about the people on the show and I asked why they had a problem with them.  I grew up in an evangelical christian home so their answer was that those people were going against God and would go to hell.  That tightened my feelings of hiding what I felt.  I didn't want to disappoint my family and I didn't want to disappoint God.  That didn't stop any of the crossdressing and it didn't stop me from praying every night that I'd wake up the next day a girl. 

As I got older I fell into the trap that a lot of others do in thinking that a relationship would help me battle my feelings.  I still always had the feelings, but at least I had another closet to raid.  Relationships came and went, none of the women ever finding out my secret, although a couple made comments that made me think they suspected something.  Fast forward to the relationship I'm currently in.  We were together 4 years and my girlfriend cheated on me.  I left her and decided I was finally going to address my trans feelings.  I looked up therapists, I stopped binging and purging with clothing, I actually accepted who I was.  I left my door unlocked one day to run to the store and while I was gone my then ex snuck in, found all my clothing, makeup, shoes, etc and waited for me to get home.  She demanded to know who the girl was I was seeing.  I came clean to her partially.  I told her I was transgender, she asked if I wanted to make the full change and I lied and said no (biggest mistake ever).  We ended up getting back together.  She's never accepted this side of me, relegating me to only being myself when she's not around.  For the most part she went on day by day pretending she didn't know I was trans and I did nothing to make her face it.  When the Tom Gabel/Laura Jane Grace interview came out in Rolling Stone she again asked if I wanted to transition.  I finally told her the truth that I did.  That didn't go over well and I was overwhelmed with statements from her like "if you loved me enough you wouldn't feel this way", "if only you loved yourself more you wouldn't feel this way", "if I made you happier you wouldn't want to be a woman".  I exhausted myself trying to explain that me being trans has nothing to do with her, it's been something I've felt since early childhood and that I've hidden out of fear; that I've finally hit a wall and can't keep living life not being who I feel I am.  I'm 32 now, so I've know since 5 and hid it for 27 years before finally coming to terms with it.  It feels really good to finally accept and embrace it.

Quote from: Donna Elvira on May 14, 2013, 04:31:45 PM

Another one of my own memories concerning all of this was reading an article in either the Sunday Observer or Sunday Times review about  a book called "Conundrum" by one of the first people to have a sex change operation in the UK, Jan Morris.  Without making a complete link with my own attraction for all things feminine and what I I was reading , I was absolutely fascinated and read it over and over again.  I think this was in 1974 when the book was first published.

I so, so, so remember that article! It was actually an extract from the book and I can remember exactly where I was when I read it. That was the first time that a light went on over my head and I thought, 'Oh, so THAT's what I've been feeling all my life!' But then I had no idea what to do with my discovery, being a boarder in an all-male school ... And besides, I'd learned the habit of surviving by just burying all the unhappy feelings I had about never seeing or really even knowing my family, so I buried this feeling as well. It was just a matter of survival ... but that habit has turned into my worst enemy ...

I think I always knew, when I was young and we would play, I always wanted the female role... Teenage years I experimented with cross dressing.. by wearing pantyhose and trying on panties, never anything more i loved wear pantyhose.. actually still do..

I was around 19 the first time I became a crossdresser, wearing full outfits etc. I actually started shaving my legs and got my first holes pierced in my ears then. Then I started exploring transexually... I joined Susans around that time too.  I when to gender therapist a year later and began my transition at the age of 21.

The hormones were a wonderful release and I felt right... I am now a very happy well adjusted woman..

When?  Sometimes I think it was when I was 11, when my breasts first began to develop.  Sometimes, I think it was just a few days ago, because every day I seem to learn more about myself and my body. Who knows?

I was born in 1957,transexuals only appeared in seedy newspapers. I disliked sports but did boy stuff like fishing and model making and had toy cars.It's only with hindsight that I can now see the signs were there early on.I often day dreamed of being a girl when I was 7 or 8,I wanted to be French because French boys were called Jean!I went to an all boys junior school,the fearsome Miss Bennett would make a boy play a girls part in the school play and other boys were terrified of being chosen.i wondered why they were so scared of having to play a girl If Miss Bennett told you what to do you did it quick!
I hit puberty at 12 and hated it,I realised I wasn't going to be a girl and became hell kid,my school work declined at an alarming rate I dropped from 6th to 26th.I was attracted to boys and girls to add to my confusion.I skipped meals and self harmed and discovered alcohol at 13.I was a big kid and because I could get served alcohol i suddenly became popular.I was never a hard case but I never backed down from a fight even if I would lose,an ass kicking took the edge of my inner pain as did drinking,eating disorder,self harm and OCD.I first cross dressed at 13 when I was given a bag of my sister's and Mums old clothes to take to the church jumble sale,I took the ones I liked and which would fit and kept them.I had a few girlfriends but nothing serious,I always felt if the right one came along I could be a normal boy.
I became a biker,I grew my hair and wore ear rings,in 1977 the right ear pierced meant gay,the left for straight and both for bi,I had both pierced  but never had any abuse for it.In 1978 not long after my 21st birthday I found a story about a transexual in a paper and her story was so like mine it was as if I  had a bucket of ice water poured over me when I realised.I drank even harder smoked more weed bought a Chevelle and a Triumph Bonneville and grew a beard. I soon realised it wasn't going away and it took me another 10 years to seek help.In 1989 I came out of a 3 year relationship with a violent alcoholic shoplifter who used me as a punchbag.I was drinking to much,smoking to much weed and doing speed and not eating at week ends.I saw my doctor who sent me to a psychiatrist who threatened to section me.I asked the doctor to send me to someone else and he refered me to Charing Cross hospital in London.I met a local transexual who lived near me and who sold HRT on the black market and became one of her many customers.I grew my hair out and started electrolysis.I watched spellbound as my arms became slim and I lost muscle,my breasts started to develop and my hair became thicker and the small bald patch filled in.I was living androgynously as a feminine guy and socialising on the local gay scene as a woman,it was one of the happiest periods of my life.
I changed roles the following year and had my op 3 years later,i wish i'd done it sooner but I never had the confidence and society wasn't as accepting.Sorry if I've gone on to long and bored you

As if it was boring. Thanks for telling.

I started having feelings and dysphoria when I was 11/12 and would lay in bed at night praying to wake up a girl. Before then I dont have an overly fantastic memory but I remember things like only having girls at my birthdays when really they were probably only two there in a room of a dozen boys and wanting to be able to just hang out with the girls. I had no sisters, no girl cousins and I ended up in an all boys school for high school, I just assumed that everyone was always miserable like me and that is what being a teenager was all about. I hid it from everyone and anyone, myself included.
I was miserable with brief moments of happiness for the last... 9-10 years? I drank, was reclusive etc. and pretty much stopped myself from thinking about it because it scared me that I might just be transgendered because I had been fed my whole life by society that we are "wrong" and "messed up".
Finally one sunny day in January I stopped caring what other people would think were I caught and "let" myself ponder this female side of me. One thing led to another and I found a huge part of me that I had been trying to bury for the last 15 years of my life. At first I thought that it would be enough to just dress every now and then but soon realised that the cat was out of the bag and that I was just plain miserable as a boy and that the only times I was actually happy were when I just relaxed and let go of all the BS that being a boy is supposed to be about and truly let my female side through. Since, I have had a complete turnaround, instead of having a good day a week I have maybe two days where I just have the typical "OMG what if I am stuck looking like this FOREVER!" moment, so I hop on Susan's and I feel better
I came out to my family in March. They were stumped and at first had a real problem seeing "where this came from" but they're coming around to not thinking that I am crazy which is kinda nice
So now I have been seeing a psychologist for about 2 months and first psych and endo appointments in a month! Very very happy how things are coming along! For the first time ever I actually care about the future, my health and my body. It's great!!!!!

I felt like there was something out of place when I was little but I didn't notice a difference or care about the difference between boys and girls at the time. Though I spent most of my time with the girls in my classes in elementary and preschool. I finally figured out what was out of place when the girls I always hung out with went through puberty and I was left sitting there going... wtf where are my hips and breasts. Then I started looking around on the internet around the age of 12 and about the same time my puberty started and I was having none of it so about the age of 12/13 is when I came to terms with being transsexual and started planning my transition. Though I didn't actually act on it till my dysphoria and depression was so bad that I couldnt contain it and had to come out before I had planned to. I was going to wait till I was financially independent and out of college but sometimes we don't always get what we want and In my case I was lucky to have very intelligent, understanding, helpful parents.

I NEVER came to terms with it!

Born in 1949 I seemed to have an instinctive dislike or shame about my genitals - my mother said even as an infant, I would cover my genitals and not let her bath me there. (I had lots of health problems as an infant and spent a lot of time in hospital - don't know if there is a connection?)

As a child, I identified as a girl, played as a girl, and was quite timid and shy but if an adult referred to me as a boy, I would correct them. Childhood was pretty good. There were lots of girls in the neighbourhood, mostly a little older than me, so I had lots of playmates.

Everything went to he!! in a hand basket when I started school and encountered gendered washrooms. No way on god's green earth would I use the boys room and more than once was dragged out of the girls room and forcibly dumped in the boys room! The other girls started to shun me because I was supposed to be a boy and I had no interest in playing with the boys. Fortunately I was so feminine that there was no honour or prestige in picking on me so even the bullies left me alone. I started getting used to being called "it".

By age 8 (1957) I had figured out what was wrong - being labelled a boy and my genitals being different from other girls - and I prayed that everything would sort itself out at puberty ...... it didn't. At puberty (about 1961) I started developing BOTH ways! My breasts started to develop  and I started to get hair on my face  I begged to go to the doctor but  my mom wouldn't allow it. By 14 I was in full rebellion against my 'assigned sex' and was living a double life - pseudo-boy at home, androgynous at school and around the small town I grew up in,  and girl whenever I could get away. I had no idea WHAT I was but I knew what I wanted and when I heard about Christine Jorgensen I knew it was possible and started self-prescribed hormones whenever I could get them. By high school, my development was problematic for school officials and I was exempted from gendered activities (like gym class).

At 17 (1966) I heard about Dr. Benjamin's book and was on my way to New York to see him. After a cursory examination, he pronounced me to be a "Type VI transsexual" and I started fighting for treatment back home in Canada. "Transsexual" seemed to be the closest match for my situation. I found a doctor willing to prescribe hormones (without parental consent - I was still under age) but there wasn't anything more anyone could do. (My hormone levels were abnormal but the cause was never investigated.) The only surgery available was in Europe and was WAY beyond anything I could ever afford. By 19 (1968) I was sinking into deeper and deeper depression and was seriously suicidal by my 20s. Dr. Biber opened his practice in Colorado and I was GONE! Off to a new life.

It wasn't until my late 50s that I discovered there had been elements of Intersex causing the "split puberty" and abnormal hormone levels but nobody had ever done a deep enough investigation to find the abnormalities. My chromosomes are XY, my genitals appeared male (after 6 months in hospital as an infant!) but never developed at puberty while my breasts did and I still have a uterus. No friggin wonder I confused people!  LOL!

Quote from: Northern Jane on May 16, 2013, 04:10:36 AM
I NEVER came to terms with it!

...It wasn't until my late 50s that I discovered there had been elements of Intersex causing the "split puberty" and abnormal hormone levels but nobody had ever done a deep enough investigation to find the abnormalities. My chromosomes are XY, my genitals appeared male (after 6 months in hospital as an infant!) but never developed at puberty while my breasts did and I still have a uterus. No friggin wonder I confused people!  LOL!

Thanks for sharing all of that Jane. This sort of story really does highlight how far things have moved forward in a relatively short period of time. While I don't believe I am in the same situation as you, there are several aspects of my own development which have me wondering if I also didn't have some serious hormonal issues at puberty but at this stage in my life, it doesn't really make any difference.
Warm regards.
Donna

Quote from: Carlita on May 15, 2013, 10:56:19 AM
I so, so, so remember that article! It was actually an extract from the book and I can remember exactly where I was when I read it. That was the first time that a light went on over my head and I thought, 'Oh, so THAT's what I've been feeling all my life!' But then I had no idea what to do with my discovery, being a boarder in an all-male school ... And besides, I'd learned the habit of surviving by just burying all the unhappy feelings I had about never seeing or really even knowing my family, so I buried this feeling as well. It was just a matter of survival ... but that habit has turned into my worst enemy ...

That really is quite a coincidence. I was so impressed when I read that extract that I can  still remember exactly where I was in my parents house when I came across it. I finally got around to buying the whole book a few years ago, another text which shows just how much things have changed in quite a short period of time.
Other than that, should we understand from your last phrase that you are still struggling with your GID?
Warm regards.
Donna

Quote from: summerbreeze on May 16, 2013, 01:00:16 PM

My entire life was a battlefield when I was trying to comply with my duties, but at the same time trying to defend my INNER ME.
I have been an Outsider for my entire Life. And I NEVER ever accepted any male gender role. I dont even know what a man feels and I have no experience with male sex. I was never ever interested in anything what men do, neither when dressed, nor sexually...

Hi there!
I think a lot of us can empathize with those feelings , and the rest of your post, except maybe that we tried to fully live the role that was expected of us for as long as it was feasible. Being attracted to women certainly made it easier but even that was not enough at the end of the day.
Just hoping that in your own case life has become a little less of a battlefield as the years have gone by.
Warmest best wishes.
Donna

Quote from: Donna Elvira on May 14, 2013, 04:31:45 PM

Because of this, when I met my second  wife, I very quickly told her about my feminine side which she accepted from the beginning.  She accepting me for who I am is the single most positive thing that has happened to me in all of my life and over the years, this acceptance has allowed us to reach a level of understanding and love as a couple which I had never thought possible. Actually, the difference between my life with second wife and  my first is so great that I still have to almost pinch myself to make sure that it is real.

Her acceptance also created the conditions which allowed me to further explore my feminine identity. In September 2008 I started HRT. The most obvious immediate effect of this was a feeling of inner peace that I had never experienced before.

Donna,
      Your entire story is remarkable as if you spent time in limbo and even tasted the bitterness of hell at one point. I am pleased for your sake that you have such a wonderful and supportive partner, the rest should be comparatively easy. Love your avatar as well, it radiates the inner peace that you are finally experiencing. So wonderful, kudos!

Quote from: Donna Elvira on May 16, 2013, 02:28:32 PM
That really is quite a coincidence. I was so impressed when I read that extract that I can  still remember exactly where I was in my parents house when I came across it. I finally got around to buying the whole book a few years ago, another text which shows just how much things have changed in quite a short period of time.
Other than that, should we understand from your last phrase that you are still struggling with your GID?
Warm regards.
Donna

Yes, every time I think that I just can't stand things as they are and am about to transition something happens in or to my family and I just can't face adding to their problems ... though I think my unresolved transsexuality is actually at the bottom of a lot of the issues affecting my wife and children.

But it's clear that the moment I start transition is the moment my marriage ends. That means selling the house ... and I still have dependent children. I can't do all that to them. So I'm just dying inside instead.

Quote from: Carlita on May 17, 2013, 06:16:53 AM
Yes, every time I think that I just can't stand things as they are and am about to transition something happens in or to my family and I just can't face adding to their problems ... though I think my unresolved transsexuality is actually at the bottom of a lot of the issues affecting my wife and children.

But it's clear that the moment I start transition is the moment my marriage ends. That means selling the house ... and I still have dependent children. I can't do all that to them. So I'm just dying inside instead.

Hi again Carlita,
You don't use a lot of words but those you do use carry so much weight and my heart goes out to you ! Some subjects are best kept for private discussions but your comments above made me think of how, for many years,my own unresolved issues created a lot of problems between my son and I. I was so conflicted about the masculine role I was having to play that  I was really negative about his masculinity and made life pretty hard for him when he was a young boy. He was just being a pretty normal boy but everything I saw in him reminded me about everything I hated in myself. It would be an exaggeration to say that I really beat up on him but I was much, much nicer to my two daughters and he couldn't but  notice it.  By the time he hit his adolescence, I finally understood what was going on inside me and our relationship improved remarkably. When I came out to my kids, Summer 2011, I used the opportunity to explain all of this to him and also to apologize for for how hard I had been on him as a kid. We were already on a very good footing by then and that was just another step in reinforcing a very open, warm and trusting relationship. Interestingly, of my three kids, he was by far the most supportive of what I am doing. Maybe he saw the change as an opportunity to get revenge on the "old man" but if that was the case, it hasn't been very visible so far..
All of that to say that maybe you are not doing anyone a favour by allowing yourself to "die inside" .  It sounds like your kids are younger than mine who were all over 18 when I came out, but I can say without any doubt that, in spite of the shock this was to them, they would all agree that today I come across as a much happier and warmer person.
Have you already spoken to your wife about the subject or is it just an assumption that starting a transition would bring your mariage to an end? Where there is already a solid, loving relationship, many women seem to be more open on this issue than you might imagine up front.
Warmest regards.
Donna

Quote from: Shantel on May 16, 2013, 04:37:53 PM
Donna,
      Your entire story is remarkable as if you spent time in limbo and even tasted the bitterness of hell at one point. I am pleased for your sake that you have such a wonderful and supportive partner, the rest should be comparatively easy. Love your avatar as well, it radiates the inner peace that you are finally experiencing. So wonderful, kudos!

...and your words always radiate warmth and kindness Shan. Thanks for that!
Bises.
Donna

I first realized that I was transgendered when I was about 13. My memory is vague, but I feel like when I realized that, I was just so happy. Until I told my mom and she said it was just a phase. 7 years of struggling with who I was (which would make me 20), I came to terms with myself, for the most part at least. I just get second thoughts sometimes but that's due to a couple of crushes I have and my career. Both of which will likely never happen lol. Anyways, I've committed myself to start transitioning after I move out of my parent's house and to go through with this because if I don't, I'm always going to continue struggling. This will help me figure out who I really am: a guy, or a girl. Now I can't wait start. I wish I could nowwww.