Just want to ask how your first time dressed went? It doesn't mean your first time in public, but your first time fully dressed as you were meant to be. I know I am supposed to be feminine, I have dressed a little, but what was it like the first time you felt truly "feminine", and how was that experience? I am worried that my first time fully dressed will not live up to my expectations, as if what I am going through will be "wrong". I do not have unreasonable expectations, I think, but what if when dressed en femme will feel like I am adopting a persona rather than revealing to the world what I am meant to be. Can you share both good and bad your experiences and feelings that you had when you presented to the world as "you" for the first time.

Curious,
Christy.

P.S. Yaaaaay me, 15 posts.


Corrected typo

I waited a long time and was very conflicted with way too much anxiety and apprehension.  This is, by definition, unfamiliar territory and when I first fully dressed with a skirt it was like lightning.  The feeling of fitting was awesome.  My comfort was undeniable and I did not have any mirrors to mare this pure sensation of delight.  My face and full body felt round soft, and easy.  I wanted to bend and dance.  I was out in public the next week and will never go back.  I know now that this FEELING of being connected to the real feminine in me is far more important than the distorted image of how I compare to a culturally contemporary woman.  It is a psychological challenge to "think outside the box" but if we can let go of the inner cultural critic we may approach the ability to Live Free!  We all start somewhere and with experience we ascend that teenage like blossom to grow.

Go with your feelings ChristyB and maybe letting go of the right and wrong will help. ;-)

Hello Christy,

        I can understand your dilemma, as I have been there too. I think we all started out dressing in the clothes and having the feelings that we were supposed to be female. I took me a long time to admit to myself that I am truly a Woman. After reading your post I sat here and though about my first time being completely dressed as a woman and how it felt. Keep in mind I was always wearing girls clothes as a teenager but I was not completely dressed as a female. For me this happened in two different phases. The first being home alone and the second going into public. I believe that both of these are very significant in being who I am today.

         The first time I dressed as a complete woman at home was about 10 years ago. I had everything the dress, heels, makeup, nylons. you name I had it. So I spent the time dressing up and trying different things with my makeup and hair until I had it just the way I wanted it. Once it was completed, I looked in the mirror and was shocked at what I saw. For the first time in my life I saw the real me and I knew at that moment, the only way I was going to be truly happy was to become the woman that I should have been. Like you I wondered if I was going to just adapt a new persona. That simply was not the case. I was still me. Just a happier version of me.

        The second phase was going into Public. This was a little harder and the first time that I did it thankfully I had a friend to support me. I wore a cute dress with a pair of heels. It took me almost 2 hours to do my makeup and hair. Once again i looked in the mirror and saw just how happy I truly was. I left my apartment and walked to my car, I was very nervous and scared. Several people were walking around but no one paid attention to me. I met my friend at a local cafe and we sat and had lunch. To my surprise no matter where we went or what we did that day not a single person to my knowledge treated me like I was a boy dressed as a woman.  By the end of the day I realized that it was my fears were holding me back. I was truly a woman.

       I understand the doubts that you might have  and your expectations might be a little skewed, mine were. But to truly become who you really are is the most wonderful experience you can have. Today i live as a woman full time, I do not own a piece of boys clothing or anything else that might be considered manly. Key word being own because there are some boys things around my apartment only because my boyfriend leaves them here. I honestly believe that once you dress in feminine clothing completely than you will have the same joy that I did my first time. Its a hard challenge but also a milestone in your life that once surpassed will lead you down a path to freedom. I wish you all the best in everything you are facing.


Sincerely
Katie

Hi Christy,
I agree with Katie and Tessa. It is all about how you feel. Before I accepted being a girl I had felt a little like "a man in a dress". Having accepted my femininity I am now "a GIRL in a dress". This made such a difference to me. My first time was exhilarating and it still is so.
Perhaps you should not fret about expectations and enjoy the moment. You will feel perfect and you will be fabulous.
Love,
Ciara.

Although I dressed as a child, I never had a full outfit - just whatever I had been able to steal from clotheslines and borrow from my mother's drawers when she wasn't around. At 13, when I had a weekend job, I bought a few items of my own and began sneaking out en femme but, being in a small town, I usually tried to avoid being seen. I didn't go ultra femme but tried to stay  a bit unisex. At 15 I met a couple of TS girls in a city not too far away and put together a complete outfit, did makeup, and went clubbing with them (straight clubs, 1964). At first I was terrified everyone would know! Gay/TS wasn't tolerated back then and I was afraid of being beaten to a pulp but I found out I not only passed but attracted a lot of male attention - more than I wanted actually. Still, it took a couple of years to be comfortable and a couple more to be confident. I found out that the female aspect of me was really a lot more outgoing and personable than the pseudo-male aspect  had ever been. By the time I transitioned (at 24) it was a piece of cake and totally natural.

Dressing was no big deal. The clothes didn't fit well, I was always afraid they would ride up or bunch, exposing body hair, that my fake breasts (rags) would slip, etc. I'm like, OMG, maybe I'm not trans after all, maybe I'm just crazy.

All that changed when I actually did go out. True, the clothes didn't feel any better, but when people called me ma'am and treated me like a woman, well, indescribably wonderful.

First I would like to apologize for such a "long" time in replying, it has been a difficult few days. I am struggling with whether this is the 'right' path for me. I keep trying to find another path that both feels right and explains my inane sense of self. Nothing has been forth coming. If I had the ability to chose another path I would jump on it as this path is not only difficult as it goes against societal norms. but against 40 years of ingrained learning and behavior. On any given day I want to shout from the roof tops that I am trans-gendered, but the very next day, I say that it is just that I am 'crazy' and this is one more thing that if it were to be true it would make me happy (i.e. if I had a new home, or had a new job, or was happy with what I had). I keep falling back to the fact that if I did have just one more thing that I would pick a much easier 'thing' to be, because it would be much easier. Oh well ours is not a path of 'easy' ours is path of 'necessity' .

Tessa James - I understand the anxiety and apprehension of what you describe, anxiety has been as intimate to me as a lover. It influences me in everything that I have done up to now. I am spurning the easy and the less 'safe' path on my journey to who I am. My self-critic is still VERY loud in that my journey is heavily influenced by my experiences. I struggle , sometimes with the help of alcohol, to who I am. Your message is both understood and heeded with the limitations that I must struggle with what I have been, with who I am, to achieve that which that I am to become.

Katie Cleaves - As with all the replies to my initial post, I reread yours with tears in my eyes. I hope that my first time 'officially' dressed , clothes, make-up, shoes, the whole nine yards. I will feel as completely female as you did. My first time dressed was just in a dress no shoes, no make-up. I felt like a man in woman's clothes. A little foreign, but only a little more foreign than my every day "man's" clothes. I think you understand.  I am planning a 'full' dress-up session with make-up soon. Until then,  I hope to allow myself the freedom to pursue this endeavor without the stigma that I have imposed upon it.

Ciara - I appreciate the comments. I hope with all my heart that the first time truly fem will be as you described. Unfortunately, there is a lot of emotional baggage I am bringing along for the ride that no amount of preparation will diminish.  That it is simply a matter of 'doing' that will move me beyond where I am.

Northern Jane - Having grown up in the 70's I know how society viewed anyone of 'different' persuasions. I wish that in my teens I had the courage that you had. When I was 13, I only wished that I was invisible, and that no one would even acknowledge my existence let alone my differences. Still, you give me courage, in that most of my hang-ups are my own, not those of my surroundings. I only have to overcome my own feelings of self-worth, or lack thereof, to achieve true happiness.

suzifrommd - Your words "I'm like, OMG, maybe I'm not trans after all, maybe I'm just crazy." I have repeated to myself 1000's of times. I must be crazy if I am even considering myself to be trans. To be trans is to invite any number of discriminations. I must be 'gay', or I must be any of 100 other sexual proclivities. Not to say being 'gay' is any less descriminatory, but sometimes I feel that to be gay would be a blessing to what I am feeling. I know that I am not 'gay'. To say that I am, would diminish both my own feelings, but the feelings of those that identify as being gay. I would never influence the feelings of any other over my own feelings. I am different, I know that. I feel coming to 'Susan's' site I am coming to understand that my feelings are not unique only similar to others that have come before me. I hope to not only learn, but to accept myself, for being who i am, and who I was meant to be.

Thank you all for your replies. I know that to reply to my question was not taken lightly, nor was it easy.  I, if not every member of Susan's, appreciate every post submitted here. To take the time to post is to take the time to reflect on our own personnel inventory. An exercise worthy of our utmost honesty.

Thank you,
Christy.

Well it looks like I am a little late. I don't remember the first time I was dressed, but I do remember the first time I do so in front of somebody else. It was just about a week ago or so. I went over to my best friend's house. We are so close that I call her my sister, so forgive me if I refer to her as such.

Well I told her that I did not know if I was trans, or a cross dresser. I don't even know what my sexuality is for sure, but to the point. I came out to her and thus far to her alone. Of course I have shared my story with everybody here. Well I talked to her and she said it would be okay if I over and dress up with her. Well I jumped on the chance and did as much. It was a little odd for me to be in front of somebody else and for me to be wearing female clothes. It felt nice, but odd. I guess for me I could not get over the fact that I was in front of my sister and I was wearing her clothes. It felt right in a lot of ways. I only wish I had more time to dress. I wore her jeans and that was the first pair of female jeans I have ever worn. I really like those, but the leg hair was a pain. I even wore a dress and well apart from the face and the fact I did not fill the top quite right I looked kind of good. It made me sure that at the very least I am definitely a cross dresser. Now as far as everything else I have no clue.

I am still working things out for myself, but I wish you luck .

My first time dressed in boys clothes was so long ago I don't even recall how I felt. I think I just felt like it was normal, and I've dressed like a boy for a long long time now lol.

It felt weird hahahaha

Oh and I cried. So I guess I was also really happy.

Hi - my first time fully dressed I must have been about 13. I remember it just being incredibly sensual, and at the same time utterly confusing.   I loved it and felt Complete but denied my feelings .   So here I am a lot older taking hormones to readdress the balance of male vs female in my life.  My first time out and about was scarey.  But in general, and To my utter surprise I  have generally passed.  However that took an awful amount of practice in terms of make up, dressing and movement.  the web is great to help our female knowledge!  Yes I've had times when I've been clocked as a guy, but all in all I've had some fantastic times out where I have been completely accepted as a woman and as a trans woman.  What i have learned is that yes people might stare if they see a guy in a dress for a second or two, but, when it feels right, it doesn't matter - its all about confidence and a smile.  Being accepted as the gender that you believe yourself to be is incredibly empowering and scarey at the same time, because it makes you question your very self and soul.

Gemma

Bookworm, I see late as matter of fashion. To me late is not a matter of fact as it is a matter of opinion. For me there is no late only a matter of time. I wish I had a friend that accepted me for who and what I am regardless of their own personal agenda or views of their own self. I have a loving wife, but I know that her views are impacted by her own views of what it means for her to have fallen for a 'man' that does not view himself as a man. I hope that she can view 'me' as me rather than 'what I am' means to her own self worth.

Jerred1985, I hope beyond  hope that being dressed is a reflection of 'me' rather than a reflection of the person that is perceiving me. Something that I think you have already come to terms with. I admire your resolve.

kyh, I know how you felt, I cried the first time too. I was soooo happy, but I realize that others, especially those close to me,  might not be happy for me.

Gemma Jenkins, I completely understand. To be accepted by others makes you question 'who' you are. That resonates to your very core. I don't think that I accept the idea of a soul, but if there is such a thing, to be appreciated for who you are and for others to see you for being just that, is an idea that appeals to me. I have little hope passing as a female. I know that my perception of who I am is tainted by my experience for the last 30+ years. I have looked at the after pictures of many of the women on this site to know that no matter how others may perceive me, I will see me as a man in a women's clothes. Something I hope with my fore knowledge I will adjust, but it is very hard to forego experience. I struggle with who I am vs. who I think others perceive me to be.

Thank you all for your responses,
ChristyB.

The first time I went out was also the first time that I felt fully totally feminine, walking alone in public with my tall heels past sidewalk cafes with lots of people. I was with a couple of bigender friends so i had some support from them. There was a few moments of terror early on in the evening but I stuck to my plan and bravely kept going.  I kept looking around and NO ONE was looking at me with a WTF? expression, even when we went to a straight bar and I was ordering drinks for my friends. After 30 minutes i totally forgot that I was dressed en femme and just relaxed and enjoyed the evening being the feminine side of me. It was a blast!

The first time I dressed myself as a boy I was about 3yo. I dressed that way (and refused all girl's clothes) until I was 10-11. When I was about 11, I folded under society and my family's pressure and started dressing as a girl. That phase lasted many years through adulthood, as I lived a life that I felt wasn't the right for me. About 2 years ago I changed it all and I finally started my new life. The first thing i did was going out and buying men's clothes. the first time I went out dressed as a guy after starting my new life, I felt great! like it was the most natural thing for me to do, something I should have never changed. I felt like finally  I can be myself and people could see me as I am too.