Quote from: vegie271 on May 20, 2013, 11:55:31 PM


I have tried, this is why I am just running away and hiding, I just give up , I actually even almost considered just striking out and doing really bad things, either self or other destructive, so leaving and forgetting is the best. I had someone who tried to represent me and complain and it went no where, the system in my city and county is completely corrupt.

I'm really sorry to hear everything. 

Please, don't hurt yourself whatever you do.  While you went through a terrible situation, life can and does get better.  You are planning on making a fresh start in a new city.  That sounds like a good plan.  I'm sure you will have a bright and productive future.  Don't let the villains of your past destroy you.  They are scum and don't deserve to destroy your life.  Things will get better.

Quote from: vegie271 on May 20, 2013, 11:55:31 PM


I have tried, this is why I am just running away and hiding, I just give up , I actually even almost considered just striking out and doing really bad things, either self or other destructive, so leaving and forgetting is the best. I had someone who tried to represent me and complain and it went no where, the system in my city and county is completely corrupt.

Dear Vegie,

You have no idea how sorry I am to hear that there is no comeback on the police. No accountability breeds corruption. I hate to say this but find a safe haven then document everything that you can and approach the media, Local, State and National. Police Departments do not like embarrassing questions from the media. It is a long shot but the best I can suggest. Your country is certainly different to Australia.

Also, Please, please, please do not do bad things. It is a downward spiral which only makes things much worse. If you feel like hitting something take up some form of Self Defense Class or Martial Arts, learn the pressure points and various wrist locks and take downs. Its good exercise, confidence building and legal.

Still wanting to hold your hand and give you a hug, be strong.

Jen

Aaaah, now I understand   My view is that anyone going stealth has a right to do so, a right to choose how they live.  It reminds me of a recent interaction with a MTF I met on Thailand.  She had wonderful SRS surgery with Dr Suporn and she insisted on telling everyone that she was "trans"  She didn't look like anything other than a large woman.  I was a little shocked at her behavior but then, it was hers, not mine.  Another person was there who looked totally male but in a skirt, and she too was given SRS...It seems different people choose to give out different messages.

Oh, Vegie, what a terrible story ... it's just appalling that there are still cops with that kind of prejudicial, pig-ignorant attitude.

But on the question of stealth, here's the thing ... A certain kind of transsexual gets incredibly offended if she's not treated as a woman, and not just a woman now, but as someone who was always a woman, even when born as a boy and living in a male role.

And then it's the same people who tell other transsexual women that it's wrong to live in stealth because they have some kind of duty to the rest of the TS community to be 'out' about being trans.

Well, hang on ... if a person was always a woman, shouldn't she live as a woman - a regular, normal, garden-variety woman? Why does she have to proclaim the fact that she owes her body to surgery and HRT? Where's the logic in that?

My point is that the aim of MTF transition is surely to be as female as possible. And if you pass well enough to be just another woman going to her job, to the mall, to the movies, whatever ... and if that is what makes you happy .. then you go right ahead and do it.

You've suffered enough at the hands of intolerant straights. You certainly shouldn't suffer at the hands of intolerant transwomen. This is YOUR life, live it the way YOU want.

(Memo to self: take your own advice you daft cow! )

I cannot see how ou'd be betraying anyone by being stealth. In fact, based on your experience, you will be betraying yourself if you do not. You feel you need to do stealth to be safe. You should sacrafice your safety for the sake of someone elses feelings? Hmmmm where have you heard that logic before?

I do hear you about moving. I was living in a town of about 1000 people. I started m transition of sorts 3 years ago. I had no issues at all coming and going and running around town as Joanne. A few weeks ago I got a for real job back home in NJ just across the river from NYC. Guess what? I know it is impossible to leave the house presenting here with these neighbors and all their pettiness and hate.

Quote from: Jennifer Snowskier on May 21, 2013, 12:16:41 AM

Also, Please, please, please do not do bad things. It is a downward spiral which only makes things much worse. If you feel like hitting something take up some form of Self Defense Class or Martial Arts, learn the pressure points and various wrist locks and take downs. Its good exercise, confidence building and legal.

Judo is an excellent martial art for locks, throws, and such stuff. It can be great fun, with the benefit of keeping you active and social. I would also suggest a good boxing class, if you're more into hitting things - it's remarkable just how much difference there is between a boxer and a non-boxer in terms of their ability to fight and/or defend themselves. Kickboxing accomplishes a similar goal, but obviously with kicks incorporated, which may leave your punches weaker in terms of technique.

If you want to learn self-defence, though, you'll probably want to learn it in a class that permits contact. It may sound obvious, but learning theory doesn't help you out much when you need the skills for real - you can't practice locks and throws on someone who's letting you throw them, and you can't learn to hit someone properly without actually hitting them (and hitting them hard).

I'm all for women learning how to toughen up defend themselves... Some may not see this sort of thing as a feminine activity, or they worry that they'll put on muscle and look manly, but those claims are unfounded in my opinion. It's not all that easy to put on enough muscle to make you look masculine, so it's not something women do by accident, and if self-defence is the goal, and the femininity or masculinity in learning how to protect oneself from harm is a non-issue.

Too many women become victims, and these scenarios can be avoided or reduced in likelihood by a few simple principles, and maybe some joint locks. Due vigilance and good running shoes are probably the best assets one can have to defend themselves, and having a few good friends with you also helps.

I wish you the best, Vegie, I really do.

That is not typical cop behavior so everyone please don't start judging all policemen and women by that one. Most are quite respectful of any and everyone.

I would definately start climbing up the chain of command. Start by filing a comlaint to the chief of police. If that don't work go the the county sherrif. If that don't work, file a complaint with the county DA and if that don't work still, the state DA.

Did you file a complaint with the officer? Was 911 called? Who called 911? Did you go to the hospital afterward? All of these things will have records, written and recorded, with them. Dispatch records will show what officer was dispatched to the incident.

Whether or not you are transgendered, you still have the right to be protected by law enforcement. Just leaving the attempted rape out of it and if you were beaten that bad, you have one hell of a case of assault and battery which by the way is against the law. Like I said, if the officer was dispatched, 911 was called and you were treated at a hospital or clinic, there will be records of the incident even if the officer didn't file a report. If the officer was driving by and saw what was happening, likely he or she would have gotten on the radio to report it to the dispatcher before stopping and getting out.

You can be discreet about it and you can bet that the chif of police and any and everyone else will be too. You are specifically talking about a crime being commited and not acted upon by law enforcement. Hate crime? Who knows? Was he saying anything about you while he was pummeling you? Did anyone else witness it and overhear anything? Sometimes hate crimes are hard to prove but you definately have an assault and battery going in your favor that was not acted upon by the officer investigating the case. That in itself is a crime and a pretty serious one at that.

Quote from: vegie271 on May 20, 2013, 09:39:15 PM
Ouch! don't want to do that! but I don't want to give up

Yeah, so most say it's OK, see here in town everyone is saying that me going stealth when I move is like betraying the "cause". "if we don't let people know who we are how are they ever going to know that we are real people just like them and get used to us"

but none of them have ever been victims!

Oh for crying out loud... What 'cause'? I can't help thinking that some people really enjoy or need the persecution and enjoy being victims.

I'm openly trans but this doesn't mean I walk around with a sign round my neck with big letters proclaiming 'trans'. I'm not openly trans to carry any sort of banner or torch it's just a small part of who I am, I've overcome all the discrimination and prejudice, it doesn't bother me now and in fact it's not even a topic of discussion but something which is private and personal to me.

People know me as Stella, and I can put good money on the fact that, if you were to ask them, the first thing they will tell you about me would be something about my work, what I'm like as a person, and I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be that I'm trans.

It might come as a surprise to a few but the vast majority of people don't really have an issue with someone who is trans. They've got far more important things to think about.

Look, nobody else is living your life, they're not you, nobody else walks your path in life, and if you find it better to live in complete stealth then do so. It's your life and you've got the right to live your life the way you want to without needing the approval or validation from anyone else.

Life is too short to live on the basis of an opinion poll on what other people think.

Sorry, but the truth is the truth-Without SRS there is no stealth, unless you're willing to join a monastery...That's reality. That leaves moving to one of two places here in the United States: Los Angeles or San Francisco. Here you're free to be yourself.

With respect to preop dating, you have a responsibility to be truthful to your partner. It would be easier to date women as a preop woman, but if you're interested in men, you need to be honest, because none of have any business dating ->-bleeped-<-s.  We don't have that luxury.

We need to date men.


Post restored

Honestly, if you have the energy, as it's not going anywhere locally, then you should bring your complaint to a higher instance. I don't know how it is wherever you are, but there should be a place you can call for such cases, at the state/province/area/etc. level.

Quote from: DrBobbi on May 21, 2013, 01:29:56 PM
I work in an emergency room and see what happens when you don't tell an jerk your trans status. I've seen trans women nearly beaten to death, requiring intubation and admission to the ICU.

Yeah I know it's a worry of many of us. But telling can still fault in this outcome. That's why I agree. Keep it to yourself and if your just going to sleep with them and run. All true blood state then why tell them anything?

Kia Ora,

Re: "What do You Think of Someone Living COMPLETELY Stealth ?"


It's no skin off my nose...How a person chooses to live "their" life is of no concern to me, unless that is, they are intentionally going out of their way to physically harm others...

What all sentient beings strive for[whether they realise this or not]  is to achieve a sense of well being ie, happiness in whatever form it takes...

So Vegie, if going stealth give you a sense of well being then go for it, you're not really 'helping' anybody by being out and proud if this means living in fear...


Metta Zenda:)

Quote from: Kuan Yin on May 21, 2013, 03:50:49 PM

So Vegie, if going stealth give you a sense of well being then go for it, you're not really 'helping' anybody by being out and proud if this means living in fear...

+1. Exactly. Wise words.

Quote from: StellaB on May 21, 2013, 05:45:23 PM
+1. Exactly. Wise words.

Kia Ora Stella,

Thanks 

Sadly some trans-people have no choice but to be out (and being proud often helps one to cope), however for those who are fortunate enough to 'blend in'  but choose to run society's gauntlet, they would have to entertain some kind of masochistic tendencies, especially if they choose to live in areas that are not so trans-friendly...

I'm all for helping members of the trans-community, but it would defeat the purpose of my transition if I was to put myself in the firing line on a daily bases...But then this is just how I personally see things, others might see things differently and I respect that...

Metta Zenda

Dear Vegie,

I fully agree with with the comments of Jess42. What happened to you is not typical Police behavior. It is the behavior of the lazy and indifferent who cannot be bothered doing their job.

One thought I have had, Police Dept's in Australia have web pages that detail how to report corruption or give information about different programs, such as;

http://www.police.nsw.gov.au/community_issues/gay,_lesbian_and_transgender_issues

Check and see if the Dept. you have concerns with have a similar home page and use it. Also as I said before, make any submissions in writing. It is very hard to ignore a written complaint, especially if it has been sent to their version of Internal Affairs.

As to the Stealth issue. You do what you have to do to keep yourself safe. Your own protection is your first priority.

Hugs

Jen

Blending is a privilege directly dependent on your level of passability, but stealth is a delusion.

Quote from: Seyranna on May 21, 2013, 07:25:02 PM
Blending is a privilege directly dependent on your level of passability, but stealth is a delusion.

Please elucidate, I pass quite well, the last time I went to an emergency room for a CAT scan they insisted I sign a statement that I was not pregnant before doing the scan. I simply told her "I am a lesbian we don't use sperm" she made me sign anyway.

but why am I deluded?

Quote from: Jess42 on May 21, 2013, 10:01:59 AM
That is not typical cop behavior so everyone please don't start judging all policemen and women by that one. Most are quite respectful of any and everyone.

I hate to differ but my local gay newspaper is in big battle with the police over several trans murders in the last five years. The police don't do anything. At all. That is what the paper is concerned about.  Almost all trans murders are unsolved. Sorry these are the facts and they can not be disputed. Not trying to be disrespectful but I can't help but see this. And other trans women should too.

Evidence of such conduct I have here:

http://www.avp.org/resources/avp-resources/231--ncavp-deeply-concerned-about-three-unsolved-homicides-of-black-transgender-women-in-the-month-of-april-2013-calls-for-thorough-investigation-in-all-cases

http://www.glaad.org/news/transgender-star-lorena-escaleras-murder-still-unsolved-year-after-death

http://www.edgeboston.com/news/crime/news//144048/trans_murder_remains_unsolved

http://www.advocate.com/news/daily-news/2011/09/12/wave-transgender-murders-grips-dc

http://www.myfoxal.com/story/19634858/year-old-murder-in-woodlawn-still-unsolved

There seems to be a pattern. And the kicker:

"Stop killing and beating down my family," says Sharon Lettman-Hicks, executive director of the National Black Justice Coalition. "As a mother, sister and advocate, I am deeply troubled by the violence that plagues our trans sisters. I'm even more saddened by our level of indifference and inaction. Where is the outcry?"

Well all this has made me cry.

Edit: Oh and if you think there are no consequences to not living stealth I have this: In Oakland, Calif., Brandy Martell, 37, was shot on April 29 in her genitals and then her chest after sharing that she was transgender.

I'm not trying to scare people just saying jchoose your friends wisely and watch where you go. If you do this, you will most likely never be a victim of violence.

...It seems different people choose to give out different messages.
[/quote]

Which is their right.  My point is I thought the object of the exercise was to become something else...in this case female.  So why would you insist people know your "trans"?  It seems to defeat the purpose.

In the case of the other person (who looked totally masculine) who also had SRS, I was shocked when I first met her and whenever she was around me.  There just wasn't anything female to relate to (apart from her clothes)

What I learned from this is that everyone is different, and just because someone has had SRS or their breasts "done" it doesn't mean they want to live necessarily as female, perhaps it's a form of attention seeking?  A mental health issue or a personality disorder?

i think that (or at least hope) all of us are aware of the fact this can happen to any of us. my dad reminds me of it every day about how you cant guys go hang out with a guy because he seems nice or go somewhere and not pay attention to your surroundings. it sucks but trans folk seem to be at a higher risk for violence even more so for some reason in African American communities which i still dont fully understand. just i guess everyone be safe, careful and if nothing else happy with a smile
being stealth is ok as is out and proud. no matter what crazies are out there