Today I had my first therapy session and it went amazingly well.  I was very scared about going, but I was comfortable once I sat and spoke with her. Not only is she understanding, but she is incredibly supportive of my transition and seems very much on board.  I thought therapy was going to be a major inspection.  Instead, she listened to me and understood my determination to transition.  It was amazing.  If anyone reading this is considering therapy, please make an appointment with someone.  It really will make you feel better.

I asked her about hormones and she told me that she would be fine with me starting; however, she would like to discuss it further.  Next session we are going to go over the pros and cons of Hrt.  If I am okay with it and consent to everything, she will set me up with an endocrinologist.  Right now it looks like I will be starting the process in June, but that depends on how long it takes to get an appointment with an endo.  While I didn't get a letter today per say, she said she will write one for me before my endo appointment.  So, I sort of got approval which is awesome!  Now, I just have to find a way to afford everything. 

I wanted to share this with everyone because you all have been so supportive and inspirational.  Before I joined this forum, I was really inspired by many of you here on this board and it helped me feel better about myself.  Since I have joined, a lot of you have come to my aid and helped me move forward through your advice and encouragement.  I can't thank you all enough.  Also, thank you Susan for creating such an awesome place.  You have helped many by creating this network, and I'm very appreciative.

Yay! 

I understand the feeling of being scared out of your mind when you first go there, and am very glad it all worked out so well for you.

Quote from: learningtolive on May 22, 2013, 05:51:39 PM
Today I had my first therapy session and it went amazingly well.  I was very scared about going, but I was comfortable once I sat and spoke with her. Not only is she understanding, but she is incredibly supportive of my transition and seems very much on board.  I thought therapy was going to be a major inspection.  Instead, she listened to me and understood my determination to transition.  It was amazing.  If anyone reading this is considering therapy, please make an appointment with someone.  It really will make you feel better.

I asked her about hormones and she told me that she would be fine with me starting; however, she would like to discuss it further.  Next session we are going to go over the pros and cons of Hrt.  If I am okay with it and consent to everything, she will set me up with an endocrinologist.  Right now it looks like I will be starting the process in June, but that depends on how long it takes to get an appointment with an endo.  While I didn't get a letter today per say, she said she will write one for me before my endo appointment.  So, I sort of got approval which is awesome!  Now, I just have to find a way to afford everything. 

I wanted to share this with everyone because you all have been so supportive and inspirational.  Before I joined this forum, I was really inspired by many of you here on this board and it helped me feel better about myself.  Since I have joined, a lot of you have come to my aid and helped me move forward through your advice and encouragement.  I can't thank you all enough.  Also, thank you Susan for creating such an awesome place.  You have helped many by creating this network, and I'm very appreciative.

I just did my first appointment 3 weeks ago, she was a lot the same and made me feel way better about myself.  She, however, seems a bit more hesitant to rush on the hormones.  She's planning psychiatric testing and what not, she said probably a few more sessions before she came to a proper conclusion.

It's great to hear that you're moving forward.  Yay!

Big hug! What a great post, thanks for sharing the news with us! Hugs, Devlyn

Thanks for the support everyone,

Quote from: Anna! on May 22, 2013, 06:12:37 PM
It's great to hear that you're moving forward.  Yay!

Is that a tux doll in the background of your avatar.  I love tux

Quote from: Sierra Belle on May 22, 2013, 06:09:26 PM
I just did my first appointment 3 weeks ago, she was a lot the same and made me feel way better about myself.  She, however, seems a bit more hesitant to rush on the hormones.  She's planning psychiatric testing and what not, she said probably a few more sessions before she came to a proper conclusion.

Every therapist is different.  The practice I went to is known for lgbt counselling and my therapist is trans herself.  She pretty much is the person for gender issues where I live.  So, that may be why she was so accepting and willing to help me move forward.  I think she saw how determined and  desperate I was to make progress as rapidly as possible, so we are taking the steps that will allow me to do so.  Still, I need to write a coming out letter for next session which terrifies me a bit.

I don't know what psychiatric testing means, but I hope your therapist is understanding of the transgender community.  Many therapists still follow the 3 month guideline, so I wouldn't be too concerned if she seems understanding and knowledgeable. 

Quote from: learningtolive on May 23, 2013, 12:43:47 PM
Is that a tux doll in the background of your avatar.  I love tux

It is a Tux doll!  I wanted to change my avatar but I still wanted a penguin in it.  I figured that would be a good compromise

Quote from: learningtolive on May 23, 2013, 12:43:47 PM
Thanks for the support everyone,

Is that a tux doll in the background of your avatar.  I love tux

Every therapist is different.  The practice I went to is known for lgbt counselling and my therapist is trans herself.  She pretty much is the person for gender issues where I live.  So, that may be why she was so accepting and willing to help me move forward.  I think she saw how determined and  desperate I was to make progress as rapidly as possible, so we are taking the steps that will allow me to do so.  Still, I need to write a coming out letter for next session which terrifies me a bit.

I don't know what psychiatric testing means, but I hope your therapist is understanding of the transgender community.  Many therapists still follow the 3 month guideline, so I wouldn't be too concerned if she seems understanding and knowledgeable.

I have no idea what it means either, but apparently it's an hour of testing w/o actual interaction with her? Idunno. But she says she's worked with a lot of trans people in our area, so I trust her judgment on what's necessary. Although, it has been becoming increasingly more difficult to live the way I do, to the point where I question why I'm even here and why it has to be me with this problem.  I'm not one to inflict pain on myself or anything of the sort. But I do think I'd rather not exist sometimes. It only gets worse each passing day.

@learningtolive - That's great you are seeing a therapist and progressing forward. I'm happy for you! It really helps tremendously to air out your feelings and talk openly about trans issues. I just started last week and have had 2 sessions thus far. It's helped so much already. It's interesting that she may be writing the letter for HRT so soon. I know I'll have at least 3 months, partly because my therapist likes to wait that long, but also because my insurance still has wording based on v6 of the SOC and requires at least 3 months psychotherapy.

@JulieR - That's interesting about the sudden bouts of crying. I hadn't considered that either. I find crying very therapeutic though, so I wouldn't mind unless it was at work or something.

Quote from: Anna! on May 23, 2013, 01:00:30 PM
It is a Tux doll!  I wanted to change my avatar but I still wanted a penguin in it.  I figured that would be a good compromise

I'm a linux fan myself so I understand

Quote from: Sierra Belle on May 23, 2013, 03:14:39 PM
I have no idea what it means either, but apparently it's an hour of testing w/o actual interaction with her? Idunno. But she says she's worked with a lot of trans people in our area, so I trust her judgment on what's necessary. Although, it has been becoming increasingly more difficult to live the way I do, to the point where I question why I'm even here and why it has to be me with this problem.  I'm not one to inflict pain on myself or anything of the sort. But I do think I'd rather not exist sometimes. It only gets worse each passing day.

Hang in there. I feel this way myself a lot of the times.  It's tough to have to wait.  Believe me, how I wish it was June-July now so I could already be on the hormones.  But I have to wait patiently for an appointment to open up with an endo.   Remember, you are taking action and moving forward.  Soon enough you will be on hormones and starting the process. If your therapist is familiar with your situation and you feel comfortable with her, I'm sure things will work out in the end.

Quote from: JulieR on May 23, 2013, 03:31:15 PM
Sierra Belle, hang tight, you'll get there.  Being a young adult is tough no matter one's situation.


learningtolive, that's great, I hope you finally are breaking away from that "no progress" feeling.  I'm happy for you.

I had my first therapy session last Friday, and a second one with a different therapist on Monday.  It was soooo nice to finally talk openly about all this stuff that has been bottled up inside for so long.  I'm going to start regular, full time sessions with the first therapist I saw and keep the second in the loop for occasional consultation.  I truly don't know if I would ever be one to start HRT, I want to fully explore the thought of it first.  The first therapist I saw challenged me with a thought I hadn't considered before: being on HRT can sometimes cause sudden outbursts of crying at odd times.  I hadn't really been aware of that but if it took me by surprise,  I would be aghast.  I would need to seriously consider and mentally prepare for such an event.

I'm sure there will be other things such as crying jags to know about as well.  I'm giving my therapist full measure to teach me about HRT before I consider a first step.

Awesome new Julie!  Remember, there is nothing wrong with not taking hormones either.  You just have to find out what you want.  The only thing that matters is that you do what will make you happy in the end.  As for the crying thing, I would be a little scared about having a crying fit in public.  Then again, I already am fairly emotional and have embarrassed myself by crying in front of others before.  God knows I can't get much more emotional than I am now.

Quote from: Miss Bungle on May 23, 2013, 04:33:26 PM
Congrats on your first therapy session. I still remember mine back on 1/8/07. It was an hour and half long and the therapist only spoke for about 10 minutes tops because once I got going I couldn't shut up. It was like "you want to know the WHOLE story? Well here it is!"

My experience was a bit different.  She had a lot of questions and input, but it seemed like she guessed everything I felt.  Though in my case I have a lot of fear about rejection. She's probably trying to help me think differently and realize it's okay to come out and be myself.  Even though I know that, I need to start to FEEL that.  So, it's great to have someone help me get into the mind frame

Quote from: Alaia on May 23, 2013, 04:28:30 PM
@learningtolive - That's great you are seeing a therapist and progressing forward. I'm happy for you! It really helps tremendously to air out your feelings and talk openly about trans issues. I just started last week and have had 2 sessions thus far. It's helped so much already. It's interesting that she may be writing the letter for HRT so soon. I know I'll have at least 3 months, partly because my therapist likes to wait that long, but also because my insurance still has wording based on v6 of the SOC and requires at least 3 months psychotherapy.

@JulieR - That's interesting about the sudden bouts of crying. I hadn't considered that either. I find crying very therapeutic though, so I wouldn't mind unless it was at work or something.

I'm glad to hear of your progress as well!  In the grand scheme of thing 3 months is not that long.  I know what it's like to wait and it sucks, but you will get there.  After a lifetime of waiting, we can all handle a few months.  At least that's what  I'm telling myself until I have the hrt script in my hand,lol. 

Congrats Learningtolive! That's awesome you're well on your way to starting HRT. Maybe after a couple months of hormones you'll post a pic!

Quote from: Joanna Dark on May 23, 2013, 08:55:59 PM
Congrats Learningtolive! That's awesome you're well on your way to starting HRT. Maybe after a couple months of hormones you'll post a pic!

Thanks Joanna,

I don't know if I'll ever get the courage to post a pic, but we'll see.   It would crush me for people here to tell me that I don't pass or something.  One thing I love about this site is I can be one of the girls without judgement.  Everyone who knows about me has told me I have nice features and will be able to easily pass in time, but I don't want to get my hopes up.

By the way, I love the new avatar pic.  You have really nice hair!  If I could pass with shorter hair, I would easily do so.  My mid length hair is a pain in the *** to maintain and is driving me insane.

Quote from: kyh on May 24, 2013, 11:57:19 AM
Yep! My hair is shoulder length and it's just so hard to make look good. It keeps curling up at the ends and doing weird things! xD

And I'm so so so happy for you! It's good that you're finally starting your transition! Must feel good right? ^_^

My hair isn't even that long yet and it still does the curling thing.  It's fairly straight at the top, but the ends just curl everywhere. It is very frustrating because it looks so sloppy.  I just want it to freaking grow out already    I haven't gotten a hair cut in almost a year and it's still not even close to being long.  Pardon my rant, but my hair and I are mortal enemies. 

Quote from: learningtolive on May 24, 2013, 10:03:17 AM
Thanks Joanna,

I don't know if I'll ever get the courage to post a pic, but we'll see.   It would crush me for people here to tell me that I don't pass or something.  One thing I love about this site is I can be one of the girls without judgement.  Everyone who knows about me has told me I have nice features and will be able to easily pass in time, but I don't want to get my hopes up.

By the way, I love the new avatar pic.  You have really nice hair!  If I could pass with shorter hair, I would easily do so.  My mid length hair is a pain in the *** to maintain and is driving me insane.

Aww thanks! It takes a lot of work to be this beautiful lol jk I am thinking about keeping my hair short and I trimmed it in the back the other day because it looked like a mullet and I am going to get a proper pixie cut soon enough. I prob will end up growing it long but for now it works and I pass most of the time.

Yeah but you def shouldn't post a pic if you think it could be detrimental. Your well being and your transition should come first. And if people are telling you you will pass with time, believe them. In 2008, one of my best friends said I would pass but make an ugly woman but I don't think he understood HRT then and at that point I was drinking a lot and had a fat face so he was right. I never flat out told him I was trans but given when he said that I was like that is so so mean he obviously knew fo sho. Most guys wouldn't care if you told them they make ugly women lol My ex said the same thing so I can't wait to see her.

Quote from: learningtolive on May 24, 2013, 03:23:07 PM
My hair isn't even that long yet and it still does the curling thing.  It's fairly straight at the top, but the ends just curl everywhere. It is very frustrating because it looks so sloppy.  I just want it to freaking grow out already    I haven't gotten a hair cut in almost a year and it's still not even close to being long.  Pardon my rant, but my hair and I are mortal enemies.

On the bright side, once your hair goes past your shoulders, it'll look really good because curly/wavy ends on long hair looks better than straight ends. So we just have to suffer for a while longer, after we'll have awesome hair haha

Oh my, congrats on the progress. I'm just starting to make progress too. And if my health starts cooperating, things will continue looking positive... good luck with everything!

First therapy session, HA!. Mine was many many moons ago. It is only recently that I found someone I can truly confide in, enough to discuss my gender. The fact that you have already talked to someone about what is really at the heart of who your are is amazing. Please be patient with yourself and your therapist. The therapist's job is to make sure that what you want to be is right for you. What may be evident to you will take some time for them to see the same. After all, even in the best of circumstances it has taken you years to find who you are, waiting a few appointments, may seem intolerable at the moment, it is truly for the best. To have the support of all those around you, both professionally and personally will be invaluable moving forward. Above all, Rome wasn't built in a day, neither should 'you'. Have patience in regards to your therapist, ultimately, if they are not helping you, you should feel confident in changing, if they are just being slow, also feel confident in being honest about that. If they are worthy, they will be honest with you and tell you what exactly they are looking for in order to move forward in what you are wanting. I wish you the best.

From many years experience with 'professionals',
ChristyB.

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