I accepted myself as transgender just over 6 months ago and began transitioning soon after. I am now on HRT and out full time as Tessa James. I had previously announced, first privately and then very publicly, about my transgender status. My public "outing" included a front page newspaper article. My family, way back in Minnesota, responded with phone calls and some letter and email dialogue. My family of origin includes 13 siblings with some of those being fundamentalist christians and yours truly a secular humanist. I had some trepidation about the trip home with worries about potential hassles with security, public restrooms and family acceptance. As as has often been the case for me, my worries and fears were worse than reality. I traveled with a copy of my medical clinic paper identifying me in treatment as a transsexual. I have not yet changed my name legally so my licenses and passport still picture a bearded guy. At my life stage there are literally hundreds of documents that may need to be changed so I am ambivalent about it. I might just start with new pictures....
The security people were very cool and I suppose they have dealt with trans people before. My IDs did cause them to give me extra attention and when I explained I was TG they said OK and informed me that any "pat down" could be conducted by a woman in private if I requested. Sure enough the xray picked up the metal on my bra and with being less passable and having a male ID they did the pat down and I elected to just do it in public. The security folks seemed both respectful and unconcerned about me as TG.
Big airport terminals in the US often have gigantic restrooms with no private moments until we get to a stall. I was a bit nervous but again it was no big deal to anyone else and I probably caused more attention by running in and out of there so fast. As long as I kept a confident stride and smile the world seemed to mostly smile back. Clerks and business folks care more about our $ than our gender status and all were quite accommodating.
My closest brother picked me up and let me know he was laughingly relieved that I "wasn't as ugly" as he feared and suggested that I was "kinda passable." Getting reacquainted with my family was continuously a series of OMG! OMG! OMG, you really did it! with shy sideways looks to study my new profile. I felt great and found my 5 sisters to be very supportive while a couple of the more biblically oriented guys were having trouble processing and accepting the changes. Some shared a real sense of loss for the old Jim and I was honored they found me approachable. We had a huge family reunion on the North Shore of Lake Superior where we rented all the cabins at a resort and transformed the place into our tribal village. We wander from cabin to cabin sharing food, frolic and fun. Campfires surrounded by a big family circle with laughter and song filled the night. My sisters had a private "induction into the family sisterhood" for me. I just cried it was so sweet. One of my sisters coined the term "brister" and told me that is how she sees me while in transition. Most of the family tried earnestly to deal with my name and pronouns. Not too surprisingly, the christian guys had the usual reactions that included "god dosen't make mistakes" to "do you realize you could be deceived by demons?" For those I patiently responded and was politically incorrect in sometimes calling them "honey" which they did not like. Funny thing is those are just the guys that did not respect my name or their own childrens gay orientation. Seems we are capable of so many imaginary barriers to recognition of our shared humanity.
With a huge family there are other out gay nephews and a wide spectrum of perspectives to share. Many family members told me that their childhood life with me now made more sense. I was the stereotypical sissy that hated haircuts and sports and liked taking care of the babies. I never did much dating and was a very cynical teenager that ran away from home at 16. I was so wanting to be free and that desire burns even more brightly and securely today. I also met with one of my grade school-life long buddies and he too said he always knew I was different and my TG was not at all surprising--gee i wish he'd let me know sooner:-) All my life of guarding and hiding became too automatic and in hind sight, unnecessary.
The week long visit was exhausting and absolutely affirming of my new life as Tessa James. If midwestern america and I can handle each other there is no bridge to far and dreams really do come true. I am now living a dream that for decades seemed an impossible and unspeakable fantasy.
For families and dreams come true,
Tessa James
