Quote from: Bookworm on May 29, 2013, 11:42:12 AM
Well I have talked to my mom twice today once through a short text and once over the phone when she went on break. Both times she made sure and called me son. She also seemed angry. I guess telling her was a bust.

*bear hug*

Things can always turn around, and when you least expect it. A lot of the forum members here can attest to that.

Quote from: kyh on May 29, 2013, 01:01:13 PM
*bear hug*

Things can always turn around, and when you least expect it. A lot of the forum members here can attest to that.

I agree with kyh on this.  Also, she's still talking to you and not getting overtly hostile.  So, that's a good thing.  You should expect it will take her time to come around since it's hard for parents to accept their child is transgender.   But, that doesn't mean it can't happen in time. 

Well she has sent texts checking up on me today, so yeah at least she is still talking to me. Every single one has started with "son" this or that. Thanks for the hugs.

That could be her way of dealing with the shock, reaffirming that you are her son. Maybe she's trying to deny it in her mind, but that's at least a little better than shouting at you or insulting you. It just means you need to regroup and come at this from another angle.

Maybe she will come around. Maybe not. But whatever you do do not ask for permission to transition. I know you're young but life can get messy and before you know it it your transition will have become that much harder. My family has not accepted me and never will and I will have to abandon them and I am planning to just that. And I am getting to a point where there will be no forgiveness and I will not let them back in my life. I will simply no longer cry these tears. I mean my mom says she does not believe me and said I am an incredibly masculine person. Some history: I got in a bunch of trouble in first and second grade for using the girl's room, I always told them I wanted to be an actress, at 15 I was caught crossdressing and my sister told my entire family right at the dinner table, I am fashion obssessed, at 23 I became a fashion and beauty editor, I went out with a girl who was the dominant peartner in the relationship, dressed masculine and could be best be described then as a butch lesbian. The only thing masculine about me is the fact I like sports. But I consider sports gender neutral so that doesn't really count. She even told me my FB profile pic is "strange" and all it is a basic picture of myself.

It took a lot of courage to come out and you should be really really proud of yourself. It does take time for some people to come around. Without knowing your relationship with your mom it is hard to say but from your other posts it seems you are close so I think she will come around. Remember, you haven't even talked to her yet face to face. You should do that.

I'm proud of you!

Bookworm, try to keep in mind that for your whole life your mom has known you as her son, while you have had time to think things out and come to terms with who you are. Please give your mom time to digest this news.

This is the advice I was giving when I first came out and expected everyone to be on board with it. And the person who told me this was absolutely correct.

I know that it will take time. My situation won't allow me to transition any time soon, but I was hoping for acceptance. I did just talk to her. I find it funny that she was okay with the idea that I might be gay, but the thought of being trans is another story. I know that my family stability really rests on my shoulders. I know that is sad to say, but in some ways it really is. That is why I know I cant transition at the moment, but I wanted her to know.. I know I am being vague, but that is intentional.

Hi Bookworm,
Give her time. Your mom loves you but this is a shock to her and she needs some time to deal with it. It may help both of you if tell her that you would like to talk this through when she is ready. A parent who loves her daughter will support her (that is you) through everything.
Don't feel that the family stability rests on your shoulders. You being trans may come as a surprise but will certainly not destabilise the family.
I hope everything works out for you.

Love,
Ciara

I agree that you should give her more time.  ignore the "son" comments for now, this is a shock for her and she can't be expected to use female pronouns right away.  If she's still talking then keep the conversation going ad hope that she eventually sees things your way.  Hugs and good luck!

I'm not out yet, but my mom always mentions what a special "boy" I am and how happy she is to have a "son".  She says it a couple of times every single day.  I suspect she knows and is trying to direct me a particular way.  This sounds like what your mom is doing.  That's okay.  It's not rejection.  She just hopes that she can change it.  In time, she will realize she can't and will adjust.   

I don't know your personal details, but it's always possible to transition if you want to.  However, if you feel the need to wait, that's fine.  You certainly don't have to rush into it.  Besides, I don't believe in a late start.  So, proceed when you want or feel that you can.

Well my mom is kind of ignoring what I told her at the moment. I know she is at a loss for what to do and I don't blame her for that, but it would have been nice for her to jump on board and be a major supporter.

I'm really sorry things didn't turn out the way you were hoping they would!

Like everyone else has said, though, you really might just need to give her some time to adjust. It's definitely a good sign that she's still keeping in touch with you and checking up on you, even if she might be referring to you incorrectly. And for all you know, once she has time to adjust, she might be a big supporter. At this point, I think your Mom just needs time to adjust and help understanding.

Quote from: Rinzler on May 31, 2013, 08:39:29 AM
I'm really sorry things didn't turn out the way you were hoping they would!

Like everyone else has said, though, you really might just need to give her some time to adjust. It's definitely a good sign that she's still keeping in touch with you and checking up on you, even if she might be referring to you incorrectly. And for all you know, once she has time to adjust, she might be a big supporter. At this point, I think your Mom just needs time to adjust and help understanding.

This.  I've seen stories where parents went from out right rejecting their kids in a hostile manner to holding their child's hand before srs.  Time is needed for people to adjust.  Though, I understand why you want acceptance and acknowledgement right now.  It's tough and imagine I'd feel the same way.  But don't let it get you down because there is hope.

Hi Bookworm,
If we think back to when we all first realised our dysphoria and how we struggled to come to terms with it, then it may help us to understand the place your mom is now in. It has been part of our lives for years. We have had support from friends here at Susans. This is all new to your mom and she is alone coming to terms with it.While she may be avoiding ypur gender discussion,she is talking and I can assure you as a parent myself that is very positive.
When she is ready she will talk to you and will love her daughter as she always loved you.
Just give her time

Love,
Ciara