Ok I will try this again on this site, for those who have experience dating how do you handle boys? And how did you improve um... Your skills like kissing and stuff. I could really use some big sister advice because apparently I'm cute and I keep attracting alot of guys and a few girls

Ummm... Not sure I understand the question? How to handle them? In what way? Telling them what you like, your expectations?

Are you talking about bedroom "skillz"? Kissing and stuff... ? Like how to kiss a guy?

I can't give you much advice...

Maybe you could try being less attractive to them... Like tell them you haven't showered for a month because there's too much mold in your bathtub? That'll get them to at least pause and rethink the situation! >_< hahaha

Quote from: Tristan on May 29, 2013, 10:53:07 PM
Haha that's to funny. Idk I'm learning fast I'm just trying to be careful. This attention is really good but it's new and I'm sure I'm not the only one getting some summer time heads to turn. You girls probably do too. I'm just trying to learn some things and play catch up

You could try saying something to the effect of "I like you, but because of some bad experiences I've had in the past, I find it hard to be totally comfortable doing things like this. Is it okay if we take it slow?" Some guys will respond to this, but the ones who just want sex definitely won't. You gotta kind of screen the guys you meet before letting them in your home, or going to theirs, otherwise it can get to be too much trouble. >_<

I've heard somewhere that if a guy is getting a little too frisky, get him to drink a big tall glass of ice water. That has the effect of reducing the intensity of his feelings.

I don't know, I think I read that in a biography of a hooker years ago.

I hope this isn't worthless, or worse...btw, you're hot, I'm not surprised you're getting a lot of attention! 

Quote from: Tristan on May 29, 2013, 10:28:30 PM
Everything. Since I'm new to dating I'm realizing I don't know much about kissing or even how to get them to slow down. I mean I have tried stuff like no slow down but I guess some guys don't respond well to that? And French kissing is another thing. Figuring that out is not the easiest either. Just any help or advice you have about dating . I know to meet them in public places at first until I am comfertable with them . I just want to improve in any way I can from advice you girls may have

Where to begin...

1. Don't date jerks. There are a lot of other words I could use, but for the PG crowd, jerks will suffice.
2. Know what you are looking and what you aren't. Have a few things in mind as far as your perfect ideal Mr. Right go.
3. Do not ever let anyone treat you like an object. We are people and have feelings, emotions etc. Same can be said for never letting anyone touch you if you don't want them to. If a guy is looking for a fetish sex doll, tell him to go buy one.

I know what type of guys and girls I'm in to... and what types I'm not. I takes times sorting thru the trash to find the treasure. It's hard, time consuming, and generally frustrating. Before you even meet anyone in person, make sure they fit in to your basic definition of a good guy. Do they have a job? Where do they live? Do they have their own car/place? Education? Finding a boyfriend/girlfriend is sort of like hiring someone for a job... you have to select... not settle. It takes time to select Mr. Right... instead of settling for Mr. Right-Now.

So take the time to think about things you like and would like to have in bf/gf. Sense of humor (this is huge for me), education, hobbies/sports/activities, food like/dislikes, political beliefs, looks, etc. This way you have a way to weed out the ones that just aren't what you're looking for.

Keep the first date light and casual. No fancy diner in an expensive restaurant. I like to do lunch or drinks for a first date. Do it during the day, and don't set your expectations too high. That way you won't be disappointed.

As far as physical contact... never on the first date... never. The only exception would be a hug or attempted kiss (which I usually give them the cheek) as a goodbye at the end... and that's it. I hate grabby, touchy, feely guys... especially when it comes too soon or out of left field. If it is the sort of physical contact that makes you feel uncomfortable, it's not good, and should stop. If they don't understand the word "No"... there are other means to get your point across.

Take it slow, and don't rush things. As far as physical contact, kissing, etc go... I usually let guys initiate... but only let it go on if I want it to. Otherwise, hell no. There's no need to rush to sex unless it's something you both want... just not one side. I never put out until date #4-5. Never. Especially with guys... they've got to earn it. It's not free. Few things in life are. So there are certain things like a little romance, PDA, holding-hands, that has to come first. Any guy that wants: sex or talks about sex or his ex or about himself too much is big red flag. Danger Will Robinson. Danger. Bail. Don't look back.

I never advertised I was trans, even when I was preop. I wouldn't tell them until the third date... this way you can do some research to see if they are worth your time and effort. Putting TS/TG/Trans in your dating profile just attracts the wrong sort of crowd IMHE.

Best way to meet decent guys is thru friends IME. That way your friends can do most of the research and vetting up front. So you have less of a chance wasting your time. Places like the grocery store, bank, and beach have worked well for me.

Go for Mr Right not Mr Right Now.I had a few flings with guys when I was one but my first boyfriend only saw me for a few days each month.It was when his girlfriend was having her period,what a dirtbag and he still owes me £5!

Have you read "The Rules" book. I find it's fun to read and so true on many things when it comes to men. Many argue it's manipulative though.

http://therulesbook.com/

Quote from: mintra on May 30, 2013, 04:44:20 PM
Have you read "The Rules" book. I find it's fun to read and so true on many things when it comes to men. Many argue it's manipulative though.

http://therulesbook.com/

...And your point is...?

Quote from: Tristan on May 30, 2013, 05:06:45 PM
I'm going to Rees this now

Cool, let me know what you think about it. I read it over 10 years ago after I broke up with my then boyfriend. I think it's really useful for ladies who tend to be too accommodating or tend to be doormat. It's also funny and easy to read and English is not even my 1st language!

Quote from: Beth Andrea on May 30, 2013, 07:10:44 PM
...And your point is...?

I think the point I was trying to make was to read it with an open mind and don't believe everything in the book. Some of the rules are so old fashioned. I just don't think playing hard to get works with all types of men.

IMO, learning how to kiss nicely, whether light, or strong, is based upon experience. I do not think anyone can ever tell you how to kiss or not. You kind of just do it!

And men are a horny lot. Do be careful, always screen, and make sure they appreciate your space too! Because if they 'ain't doing that now, what to speak of what will happen to you in the future!

Kissing might be fun to try one day.

<----never actually kissed anyone

Oh Tristan, im right there with you sister...

I have had a few "flings" and wonder if they ended because of something I did wrong.  However on reflection I think its a mixture of different things including dating just losers 

I would agree with what has been said already.  Dont put out on the first date and make him earn it.  I was given this advice and twice I chose to ignore it.  It doesnt work,  You need to keep them on a well controlled leash.  Despite what I had thought before I transitioned, as a woman my approach and emotions towards men has changed .....it has intensified.  Not from a pure physical sense but from desire and need point of view.  If the mood is right, just making out a little can be totally amazing by itself.  Some of my fondest memories of recent dates have been the kissing and touching.  The laughing and chatting. 

Sex is the submission of yourself to another. Your demonstration of feelings in physical form.  Its important it isnt given away lightly.  If he wants you as much as he says, he will wait. 

So good luck.  Keep us posted and go enjoy yourself!!

xx

Having been a man long enough to be married with a child I can tell you that "kissing" is just something you will learn. Thankfully women usually decide what is appropriate in that department. Guys just go with whatever. They are just happy to be able to kiss someone.

Making out and sex again should be to your taste. You should discuss sex before starting. It's important for both parties to know what the other likes. And those likes can be turn offs. Mostly for guys, unless you want them to do something humiliating, they will go alone with whatever. Male hormones tend to make a male focused on the act and forget about how to get there so be prepared.

I was always annoyed by that. The not being able to give attention to foreplay and not being able to slow down my sex drive.

Quote from: Tristan on June 12, 2013, 02:42:29 PM
Joanna i could not agree more. men are dogs and need to be kept on that short leash. i make sure to keep them chasing me. now i make them work for it if they want me. im very nice to them but i am learning fast how to deal with guys and if they dont act right i know another will take his place. after all, we have what they want

Now you are learning. 

Quote from: Tristan on June 12, 2013, 06:17:36 PM
JennX i am learning snd fast. i so understand why i have not been aloud to really date until now. but im enjoying it for the most part. so far maybe only one keeper.
Christine167 your right. they do need to know what you like cuz if not they go for any and everything....so crazy

Men are like kids... they'll try to do whatever they want unless someone tells them not to. Where to eat, what to eat, what to watch on TV, when to f^&k... etc. They love to push your limits. Set the ground rules upfront and stick to them. You've got to be the adult more often than not. If they don't play nice... move on. There are plenty more out there. Trust me.

Quote from: Tristan on June 12, 2013, 02:42:29 PM
Joanna i could not agree more. men are dogs and need to be kept on that short leash. i make sure to keep them chasing me. now i make them work for it if they want me. im very nice to them but i am learning fast how to deal with guys and if they dont act right i know another will take his place. after all, we have what they want

Wow, what?

Am I truly the only one who sees the inherent sexism of this post? It's not even aimed at a particular breed of men (if such a thing exists), it's insulting an entire gender.

More than anyone else on earth, I'd think we (as in, transsexuals) should know better than to criticize a specific gender openly. Really, with remarks such as "men are dogs and need to be kept on that short leash", what sort of respect and acceptance can we even expect from anyone?

"after all, we have what they want"? Really now, is that what you transitioned for? I should inform you that the men who date you will be thinking of a whole lot more than what's between your legs.

Just pathetic, really. Doesn't make it any better that remarks like this don't get condemned or pointed out at all, instead they get backed up with more "you go gurl, now you learning" bullcrap. This surely isn't the first time I've read comments of the sort around here, I often have to read sexist trash... it's to the point where I sometimes think I don't belong in this place because some people are so openly sexist without seemingly realising it...

Quote from: Tristan on June 12, 2013, 02:42:29 PM
men are dogs and need to be kept on that short leash.

Quote from: JennX on June 12, 2013, 09:11:20 PM
Men are like kids... they'll try to do whatever they want unless someone tells them not to. 

I've found my best relationships are partnerships based on mutual respect. I don't think I'd ever be happy with someone who needed to be treated that way.

Quote from: JennX on June 12, 2013, 09:11:20 PM
If they don't play nice... move on. There are plenty more out there. Trust me.

I'm with you there, Jenn. Truer words were never spoken.

There are definitely differences between men and women, but men are not dogs or beasts. They are delightful, delicious, unique human beings.

I highly recommend never dating someone you wouldn't want for a friend. If you are dating men, you want to be befriending men, or how will you ever come to love and understand them?

With a good man, your lack of experience is not a negative; good men also like to teach, and will expect that you will teach them many things in return. In the mean time, being with an avid, thoughtful,  attentive pupil is a huge turn on for an intelligent and grown up man.

Quote from: Mermaid on June 13, 2013, 06:50:23 AM
Wow, what?

Am I truly the only one who sees the inherent sexism of this post? It's not even aimed at a particular breed of men (if such a thing exists), it's insulting an entire gender.

More than anyone else on earth, I'd think we (as in, transsexuals) should know better than to criticize a specific gender openly. Really, with remarks such as "men are dogs and need to be kept on that short leash", what sort of respect and acceptance can we even expect from anyone?

"after all, we have what they want"? Really now, is that what you transitioned for? I should inform you that the men who date you will be thinking of a whole lot more than what's between your legs.

Just pathetic, really. Doesn't make it any better that remarks like this don't get condemned or pointed out at all, instead they get backed up with more "you go gurl, now you learning" bullcrap. This surely isn't the first time I've read comments of the sort around here, I often have to read sexist trash... it's to the point where I sometimes think I don't belong in this place because some people are so openly sexist without seemingly realising it...

I agree that it isn't right to stereotype or critique an entire gender; however, I think you're getting a little too serious. I'm detecting playful joking than severe man hating in the above post.  I don't think anyone here believes that men are inferior or need to be put in their place.  If I'm wrong on that, well, then I'm fully behind you.

Having said that, I do think you guys are like dogs.  They are very cute and you'd be crazy to not want to cuddle with one.   

Quote from: kyh on June 13, 2013, 12:19:04 AM
My experiences haven't been like that at all. Maybe it's just straight men who are hard to deal with like that? Before I dated bisexual guys. But I'm going on a date with this straight guy who's really sweet tomorrow. Wish me luck girls! I will report back and let you know if he tried to *you know* me right away, not that he could even if I wanted him to do that...

Good luck on the date!  Keep us posted.