Quote from: D0LL on May 29, 2013, 06:06:51 PM
I'm glad I don't care how I come off to people, so that I don't end up losing a part of myself in trying to convince others of what I am.

Quote from: Malachite on May 29, 2013, 07:09:24 PM
This really won't relate to me for a while but when I do transition, I'm going to express myself how I want to and if someone doesn't like it, oh well.  In fact, after discovering that I'm trans, it has actually brought out my effiminate side more. 

Same for me, I really don't care how others perceive me much now. I am not on T, haven't had top surgery, so I know no matter how much I try, I am either just going to be read as female or seen as a little boy. So, I just wear what I want and if I pass, yay for me!, if not, no big deal. When I thought I was a butch lesbian, I dressed very masculine and often had crazy haircuts, sometimes I passed but I wasn't trying.

Right now, I really don't even try to look male, since I am working Mon-Fri where I dress as female, so by the time I get out of work, I am usually just going home so there's no point in trying to really look male at home. On weekends, I usually just go to the grocery store. I guess I am just lazy, but I really don't care what people at the supermarket think of me, so I don't bother getting all dressed up to go out. Sometimes I wear my binder there, other times I just go in my workout clothes. 

The only time I ever worried about it was when I unexpectedly ended up going stealth at 6 months on t. I spent a few months worrying about my chest and hips all the time.

Never really thought about mannerisms, though. That to me seems like it'd be more annoying than being really careful with clothes.

I've become more confident now, but what really holds back my ability to pass is my voice. Hopefully T will deepen it enough to change that.

I wear tshirts and jeans or cargo shorts and sneakers. That's how I express myself and that's how I'll eventually pass. I don't have a reason to dress up but when I do I'll make choices that are more masculine. Shirt, tie, vest, slacks, dress shoes to match the belt.

My personality won't change if I can help it. So many people love me the way I am that I don't want to disappoint them. I'll still be goofy, cute, and make jokes constantly. The one thing I am looking forward to with transitioning is my confidence level going up. It already has in many ways but once I am passing full time I feel that I'll be the cocky sob I've always been but have buried because 'women don't act like that.'

I want to clarify that I don't actually care that much what others think *except* I get angry if I am misgendered (so I guess it is what others think). But I am more saving my own feelings in a way.


--Jay

Here's my current viewpoint on it. I am going to dress and have my hair exactly how I want it, regardless of what other people think about it. I grab a little bit of this and little bit of that. Whatever I like. I don't have a personal style that I would say would lead to me taking a bunch of sh*t for it from other people, but I'm "eclectic" for lack of a better word.

My personal opinion has always been, if you're going to work a certain look (punk, emo kid, metal head, lumberjack, pirate, ninja, raver, whatever ...) there are going to be people who won't like it, and who will do or say things to you about it. A guy wearing makeup or a dress is another example. Sure he can do it, but he's going to catch some slack for it that could include actual physical violence against him.

There's people out there in the world who can't even deal with gay as a concept, let alone trans, and their fear and hatred will drive them to lash out. It's a terrible thing, but it's reality. So I don't judge anyone who conforms or changes something about themselves when they're seen in public in order to "blend in" more.

I also applaud anyone who is out there pushing the boundaries. It takes guts and an inner confidence to pull off being yourself sometimes.

Quote from: insideontheoutside on June 01, 2013, 07:33:16 PMif you're going to work a certain look (punk, emo kid, metal head, lumberjack, pirate, ninja, raver, whatever ...) there are going to be people who won't like it, and who will do or say things to you about it.

I once had a goth tell me it wasn't Halloween. I find that hilarious.
It also depends on balancing dysphoria with personal style. For example, I almost always wear baggy pants now because my hips bug me (it helps that I also like baggy pants).

I'm selfishly glad that my "freedom of expression" is quite stereotypically masculine, so I don't need to even think about this dilemma between being read as male and being myself. I have a friend who has decided against some "girly" or non-masculine clothing and expression choices because he wasn't "passing" consistently. His tastes aren't my tastes, but I wish he could just wear what he wants and paint his damn fingernails without being questioned or ridiculed.

Quote from: Edge on June 01, 2013, 10:47:36 PM
I once had a goth tell me it wasn't Halloween. I find that hilarious.
It also depends on balancing dysphoria with personal style. For example, I almost always wear baggy pants now because my hips bug me (it helps that I also like baggy pants).

Oh yeah, that sort of thing is highly amusing. It's like, ok, you're going to rock your look, but then you're also going to diss someone for doing their own thing?

Quote from: Arch on June 01, 2013, 11:04:38 PM
His tastes aren't my tastes, but I wish he could just wear what he wants and paint his damn fingernails without being questioned or ridiculed.

I wish this too. I wish people would just lighten up and let everyone just be whoever they are.

I feel you, I'm not terribly feminine and everyone I know knows that, but I do like to wear some jewelry that aren't excessively feminine and I like to cross dress just to push gender boundaries. I too suppress these things however in order to pass better, since I just look really androgynous otherwise. I decided I wouldn't suppress these things any longer if I could ever move to a location where HRT was possible to get and covered by my insurance.

Ultimately you do what you have to do. You have to decide whether expression or passing is more important. Maybe balance it and let the feminine side out only at home or with friends if you hate being mis gendered by people that don't know you.