I'm a gay FTM, and in my state (Ohio) we are unable to change our gender on our BC. So in the eyes of the state, my marriage next year to my MAAB partner will be legal. While our family and friends are aware of the situation, I'm stuck as how to reply to others when asked if our marriage is legal or how we are legally married when gay marriage is illegal in Ohio.

I would like a response that is essentially a non-response; something that doesn't give away my trans status but is more than "that's none of your business". Im especially worried about those who might view our technically-legal marriage as a slight to the GLBT community who are unable to legally marry yet. Any ideas or help?? Anyone gone through a similar situation??

Are you able to just try and sneak and get married and not show your BC

I wouldn't worry about the "community".  Just be happy your marriage is legal.

I'm was also born in Ohio, so I understand the BC issue.

Worst case you tell them you were married in a state where it was legal.

Tristan, I'm not sure what you mean. My marriage will be legal because my state will see us as a M/F couple no matter what my name or drivers license says. I'm just not sure how to tell others about us without having to out myself.

Sarah Louise, glad someone else gets it. I'm glad we can change our names and DL stuff, but the BC still sucks. Unfortunately I know the questions will come up, which is why I'm trying to figure out a response now.

Just say you're married. What's it to them if it's legal or not? I know many gay people who are in a civil partnership but say they're married even though legally they're not. So I'd just say that you're married and that's that. I don't know anyone who would ask if it's legal, more than likely they'll just congratulate you. All the best with the wedding

Quote from: Joey. on June 04, 2013, 07:18:07 PM
... I don't know anyone who would ask if it's legal...

Aside from marriage snots, the only time I've been asked for a legal certification that my wife and are actuall married was from a health ins comp.

In California, where it was legal for a short while, someone in the gay community will sometimes ask whether the couple got married during that window. It's essentially the same question as "Is it legal?"--but not quite. So it does happen. But I don' t think I've heard any straight people ask. It's all in the tribe, which means that we're not questioning the validity of the commitment but wondering whether CA will ever finally grant full status to people who married then.

I used to think about how to answer when I was thinking that my partner and I might stay together. I came up with a few answers, although I don't remember all of them now. The trick is to answer in a way that satisfies the other person's curiosity or shuts them down, without your coming right out and lying or outing yourself. I figured that if a straight person asked, I could always say, "You know, that question is a real no-no in a lot of gay circles." Another answer was of the "Does it matter?" variety.

I figured that if anyone asked when we'd gotten married, I could fortunately say 2004 because Massachusetts started legalizing gay marriage that year. I could always say that or state that my marriage is legal in Massachusetts (which it would be, given the situation there) and let the questioner assume that we had flown to Boston or something. The only trouble with this response is that it's very close to lying. But I'm sure that a little brainstorming will give you a good creative answer.

If you are both happy... and as you posted, your marriage is legal under the laws of the state... don't sweat the rest. Let others think what they will. You owe no one or no community an explanation.

More and more states are legalizing same sex marriage ... I believe it's 13 now ... so just answer yes -- they don't need to know anything else. 

Thanks everyone, guess I was overthinking it. I'll just say yes and leave it at that. Thanks for all your responses!!