Hi,

As you all know I have a fun time and seem to be pretty well accepted.

Yesterday I had a bad experience and I thought about posting it and possible triggering, but I feel it important that I of all people tell my friends about the bad times and how I deal with them.

I was giving a lecture (I have an academic appointment at a University) and the course coordinator is a person who I hab known for a long time, and seemed very accepting.

He introduced me to an audience of about 100 students.
He mis pronouned me in every single comment.
I was standing in front of them wearing a skirt, top, boots and presenting as me, and my title slide had my legal female name on it in view.
I felt like s**t.
He sent me an email later thanking me for my lecture. This was my reply.


"It takes a certain strength to be a trans*woman. Many suicide, we have a suicide rate of 30-40%. I've tried three times, I fail at most things I do.

To stand in front of a lecture theatre and lecture as a trans*person takes something. Fortunately I have it.

To be introduced by someone who I thought was a friend as 'He' not once but in every f*****g sentence nearly made me vomit.

I wanted to cry. I was thinking of just walking out, but I thought that would hurt me more.

I have been insulted by ->-bleeped-<-s in the street and I can deal with that.

To be so casually and deliberately insulted by a 'friend' and colleague I have problems with.

To keep going in front of a group of students when I have just been identified as a '->-bleeped-<-' in front of them all, and to hear their s->-bleeped-<-ing and to cope is something that I hope will make me stronger. At the moment I'm looking at a whisky bottle and thinking I may start living in one again

I do not feel like talking to you to be honest and I certainly don't feel any inclination whatsoever to assist you in any way.

With Sadness

Cindy

Assoc. Prof. etc (removed)"


He was totally devastated not realising what he had done.

I have forgiven him

But one important comment.

Not one student, not a single student, was rude, in fact they were one of the most attentive classes I have taught.

Maybe it was a good thing?

I cried and was upset, but I'm OK now


Cindy

Big hug! Thanks for sharing this Cindy, it takes strength to revisit something unpleasant and turn it into a positive.  You have that strength, and more. No whiskey, hon, it won't fix anything. Hugs, Devlyn

We could blubber in to a nice chardy if you like...

I would have loved to have had a transgender professor who was open enough about to talk. I probably would not have waited this long in life to start changing. I definitely would not be as afraid of it as I had been all my life.

Please keep up what you are doing. Even if there are no transgenders in the audience you are helping people understand us. And that makes me so proud of you. 

Well it sounds like you probably got through to him. At least you won't have to worry about him doing that to you again. I get flustered enough when someone mis-genders me to just one or two people. I can't even imagine how a whole room filled with people must have felt.

Glad to hear that you got through it un-phased and unscathed! And thank you for sharing the letter with us, Cindy. I think for a lot of us -myself included- you are a bit of a role model with your succinct (yet graceful) actions and verbiage. You have definitely made me a stronger person, I know that for sure

I'm so sorry you had to endure that. You're such a great person, I don't understand why someone that's suppose to be a friend would do you like that. But you were strong and stood your ground, something I probably couldn't have done and I probably would've tucked my tail and ran.

Reminds me of my accountant. She is transfemale. My business is part owned by my father and he constantly refers to her as "him" or "he". To see this woman, she presents nothing male but of course in a small town people talk. I was friends with her brother back when she was actually "he", so I remember her journey from part of the beginning. It angers me so much with my dad when he refers to her that way, I want to knock his head off sometimes. And my dad doesn't know about me, my mom does but she's the only family member that does.

So it happens unfortunately and I wish it didn't. But you, like her, are strong enough to keep your head up and move on. I think the ones who deliberately misidentify us or poke fun, don't have the strength that some of us do, like you. I know I don't, that's why I'm still where I am and who I am today.

I don't know why, but this made me feel really sad. Maybe because I think you are one of the truly special people who I have met online.  You're wonderful, Cindy and a beautiful woman. That was a very unfair and inconsiderate thing he did. It says more about him than it does of you. Please do not give the voice of one ignoramus more weight than the dozens of others singing a chorus of praise for you.

Best,
Toni

I am so sorry this happened Cindy; i would have crawled into a hole and died if it had happened to me. You, however, exhibited tremendous grace under pressure and I admire you for that. And with what you said you undoubtedly have caused him to be aware of his actions going forward and you may have saved someone else from enduring the same treatment.

FWIW I'm with Devlyn, no whiskey. Doesn't solve anything.

Hang in there Cindy. Can you give yourself credit for the poise, strength, and courage it took to go out and give the talk after the disastrous introduction?

*hugs* to Cindy...in a way, it's good to know you're not Superwoman, able to leap tall insults in a single bound. You're human and you can be hurt...but you overcome.

What an inspiring story! Thanks for sharing.

I'm sorry you had to go through this,what a tosser

I'm so sorry that you were treated that way by anyone, Cindy, especially by a friend! I can't imagine how rough that must have been for you! :C You handled the situation extremely well, though! I'm really glad to hear that the students in the class weren't rude and that they were so attentive. And I'm also really glad to hear that your letter got through to your friend and that he realized that what he did was wrong. Thank you very much for sharing this experience with us. It helps to know that, even after having such a bad experience, it's possible to handle such situations with strength and dignity and that, even though we might feel upset, we can be okay afterwards.

Hugs,

Cindy, you amaze me in tour ability to cope and forgive.

When I read your posts you always try to help or shed light on a particular issue. Thank you for being you.