I am going crazy. I came out to my mother. She did not take it well. I am still trying to figure out about myself, but keeping it all inside to the people that are close to me was eating away at me. I told her in hoping that some of my stress my be alleviated, but in fact the opposite is true. I can't sleep at all. I have never had a great sleep schedule, but at the moment I just go until I crash. I am at the point I don't really know if this is what I want. I wanted it so bad, but at the moment just thinking about everything is driving me crazy. I can't even be in the same room as my mom. She does not accept it, but she is trying to understand. Yeah I should be happy about that, but every time I see her that is all I can think about. My close friends are going though some personal issues of their own not related to anything here on this site. I don't even know if they fully accept or understand it either which does not help matters.

The only real point of this post was to get it out there. I just needed to talk about it.

That sounds like you are making headway towards getting help. You're most certainly welcome to vent to us here. 

Thats very brave of you.
I still havent come out to my family. My SO knows and is slowly coming to understand and accept it. But you do seem to be on your way to getting help.

I would highly recommend seeing a therapist if you havent already. At least having that one person that can listen to your crazy has helped me in ways I didnt expect. 

Good luck to you and you are indeed welcome to vent here to us.

I know it's all tough right now, but it seems like your mother and friends are trying to understand.  This is a good first step.  I know it's not the best situation, but I'm sure things will improve in time.

I hope they do get better. At the moment that is all I can do. I don't know anymore if my mom is even trying to understand. That is what sucks so much. I think she has kind of just tried to forget about it. I know my friends are trying to understand. I guess really I am being selfish and knowing that makes me feel bad. I hate making other people feel bad.

Have you tried to share some informational sites with your mom?  Maybe you could try opening up her mind to the idea of it all.  Some people need to learn what being transgender is.  I remember you said before that you were shy about brining it up again.  Since you already opened up the pandora's box, you can't shut it.  So, try to bring it up with her.  I'm sure you have heard of the navy seal who came out as transgender.  That could be an interesting conversation point to start things off.  I'll be using it myself to spark up a conversation with my family.

I asked her if she wanted the sites and she said no. Now things might have changed, but I doubt it. I heard about the navy seal, but I have not read the details yet. I am going to look it up in a sec.

Quote from: Bookworm on June 08, 2013, 03:37:33 PM
I asked her if she wanted the sites and she said no. Now things might have changed, but I doubt it. I heard about the navy seal, but I have not read the details yet. I am going to look it up in a sec.

The navy seal story is all over the forums, so it will be hard to miss.  Anderson Cooper has an exclusive interview on CNN this Monday.  I suggest you make some family viewing time. 

Don't let her have a chance to say no.  Let her know that she is rejecting you and hurting your feelings.  She needs to confront this.  Don't be confrontational, but don't back down either.   She needs to face this.

That's tough you can't even be in the same room. It's really impossible for her to unknow it that's why I think people should be absolutely sure they want to transition before coming out since there is no going back. And you're having doubts now? That might be connected to the rejection I am not sure. Sometimes I think this site isn't always helpful as it reinforces things like coming out when one is not ready for the consequences. You could have the most loving mom in the world but that doesn't mean she will be okay with her child being an MTF. far from it. If a mom is real attached to an idea of you as a son, especially if you are the only son, I imagine it is even harder. However you are not being selfish. They are. It is not selfish to be honest. It is brave. For now, you will just have to stay strong and convince her this is the right path for you, if that is still true. You said before you can;t transition for years and years but part of me thinks you want to soon or why else did you tell her? Maybe I am missing something. I really am trying to help so I hope I have not hurt your feelings. Stay strong.

I wouldn't give in to fear and frustration, if I were you. I think you're very brave to have told your mom (I haven't yet) and friends and that you're really on your way. We can't really expect the people we love and who love us to understand and accept huge news like these right away. It takes time even for the most understanding person!
I have told my friends and my wife and even though they are all understanding people very supportive, they all needs time to really be able to accept and understand. They are trying, just like your friends and your mom do and that's in itself is enough to keep me hopeful.

I really do want to transition as soon as I can, but the position I am in at the moment will not allow it. I wanted to come out and at least get it off of my chest. It was so bad that I could not sleep. I could not stand having to keep it to myself. I was selfish in that regard. I told her because I could not handle it. I am still figure somethings out. I think a big part of my inner turmoil at the moment is because nobody is fully supporting me at home. My friends are helping. They are not sure what to do, but they let me rant a little. Things have been better today. We are communicating more today. Neither one of us knows how to proceed. She sees me as her strong son. I don't know how to talk to her about it, and she does not know how to either. We are trying though. We have our good days and bad days. I am not sure what is going to come out of all of this,  but whatever is going to happen will happen.

Quote from: Bookworm on June 09, 2013, 01:28:34 PM
I really do want to transition as soon as I can, but the position I am in at the moment will not allow it. I wanted to come out and at least get it off of my chest. It was so bad that I could not sleep. I could not stand having to keep it to myself. I was selfish in that regard. I told her because I could not handle it. I am still figure somethings out. I think a big part of my inner turmoil at the moment is because nobody is fully supporting me at home. My friends are helping. They are not sure what to do, but they let me rant a little. Things have been better today. We are communicating more today. Neither one of us knows how to proceed. She sees me as her strong son. I don't know how to talk to her about it, and she does not know how to either. We are trying though. We have our good days and bad days. I am not sure what is going to come out of all of this,  but whatever is going to happen will happen.

There is nothing selfish about coming out.  It would be selfish of others to expect you to hold it in. 

It just sucks at the moment. I want my mom to support me. I mean she keeps going on about how she loves me and wants to be there for me. Her thing is she does not understand and really cant. I started to grow my hair out a while back. it has gotten kind of long. She now wants me to cut it. She was fine with it while she did not know. Now she wants it gone. She keeps telling me "It will give me time to adjust and when we have worked through it and everything then yeah you can grow it out again". I know my mom she is just a suborn as me and so I dont see that as happening anytime soon. She has even said that she know that it is selfish of her. She has basically said that she wants me to stay the way I am until she is ready.

Quote from: Bookworm on June 09, 2013, 09:29:26 PM
It just sucks at the moment. I want my mom to support me. I mean she keeps going on about how she loves me and wants to be there for me. Her thing is she does not understand and really cant. I started to grow my hair out a while back. it has gotten kind of long. She now wants me to cut it. She was fine with it while she did not know. Now she wants it gone. She keeps telling me "It will give me time to adjust and when we have worked through it and everything then yeah you can grow it out again". I know my mom she is just a suborn as me and so I dont see that as happening anytime soon. She has even said that she know that it is selfish of her. She has basically said that she wants me to stay the way I am until she is ready.

You need to be firm but loving with her.  Let her know this is who you are and that it pains you to keep pretending.  She needs to know that holding things back is not an option for you.  Therefore, she needs to adjust with it now and not some point in the future.  Maintain your conviction in a loving way.