As a newbie oldie in my late fifties I have lots of questions to ask, but this is the first of many. My spouse of over twenty years was initially very shocked when I told her about the torment I have been through regarding my gender uncertainties all my life. She was annoyed with herself for not having picked up on it earlier and with me for not having said something before we married. She is gradually getting used to the idea, but naturally doesn't want me to come out in public or be an embarrassment to family neighbours and friends (we have no kids). Is there any way I can transition, yet still go to work in male clothes and retain a fairly male appearance when necessary in front of friends and family? Or would the changes due to hormones/antiandrogens be just too obvious?

I would say that most people would tell you that hormones would be too obvious after a period of time. If you are not planning on going full time then taking hormones would not be the best thing to do. The biggest thing that would make it difficult is the breast growth. As we have seen, even in your later years you have a potential for adequete breasts that would be difficult to hide.

What you need to figure out at this point is not whether to take hormones or not, it's whether you are willing to supress yourself after starting the transtition. In my opinion, I couldn't dream of taking hormones and starting transition, just to end up having to hide it all when I go to work, meet friends, or visit family, which basically consists of everything one does in day-to-day life. I've done that my entire life already and am sick of it.

I would suggest seeing a gender therapist and start talking about where you see yourself on the gender spectrum and what your goals and needs are to obtain a happy and fulfilling life. If you can live with hiding yourself from the world, which will become increasingly difficult once on HRT, and living only half your life then by all means go for it.

Low dosage's might be ok for a while though after a while the changes would be noticeable.  It's less noticable when at work every day, but people that you only see once every 6-12 months will notice changes right away.  Plus the boobs may become harder to hide after a while if your lucky.  I'm 51 so know some of the, hum... more mature womans issues.

In any case good luck.  Your going to find life interesting,  Hard sometimes, very hard some, but there is also lots of good too.  I always wanted to be me and now I am.  Oddly enough the world did not end, though it was touch and go there for a while.

Take care

Beni

People always think we'll look like "men in dresses" but very few TS look like that after a while on HRT (those that have majorly male faces (say very strong brow bossing) and monster frames, which is not as much as we'd assume). I've seen plenty of TS in photo and in real life and while some may be clockable if you know what to look for, they're all resplendant womens that live full happy lives.

Even in older TS women, the facial changes can be quick enough to make them obvious eventually even to the blindest of person (usually it happens within a year, but for me it was 3-4 months (I'm not your age though, I'm 39)). Those that haven't seen you in awhile will surely notice something, and will probably be able to guess what's going on.

Thank you for your replies. The truth is I'm only in the early stages of counselling and HRT is probably still some way off - I'm worrying about bridges I've yet to cross! Basically I'm trying to balance my intense and long held desire to shed my miserable male persona and be able to live as a woman with an equally strong wish to maintain my relationship with my spouse - if I can do both that would be wonderful, but I'm not at all sure it will be achievable. The reality is I may have to choose or make a compromise.