I have been diagnosed with ADHD when I was a kid and had been seeing like 20 psychiatrists and psychologists since, none of them had an idea what they were doing (in the country I ve grown up they dont really know much about transsexuality and stuff like that and all these doctors were really not professional)

I am more than sure that I have either Asperger or some kind of mild autism, and I decided to see a doctor because I want a solution and I am fed up with people telling me I just need attention/ am upset/etc when I tell them something is wrong with me. Also, without a proper diagnose I cant prove anything and am just a "whiny someone with a bad excuse".  The fact that my GP refused to prescribe testosterone does not help either. (Before I moved to London, after struggling with pyschiatrists for 3 years, I finally started testosterone therapy, but for some reason my new GP wont re-prescribe them, even though my three previous GPs in London did because they knew its consequences, both mentally and physically) and Ive started to gain weight and I am emotionally unstable day by day.

I am currently waiting for an appointment with the psychiatrist to start therapy. I am very worried and dont know what to do, how to approach employers as it is 100% I cant do anything thats customer support-related... I look and seem completely normal but inside I`m always on the edge of a freakout when among people, sometimes I even start to shake/shiver, in worst cases, I tend to basically escape the situation and hide and cry.

I am experiencing very severe difficulties, mostly in social situations, and I will have to get a job in August. I have no useful work experience whatsoever, I`m only 20, I`ll be attending university from September and I will need a part time job to cover my living expenses. Im already ->-bleeped-<-less scared of university, let alone of finding a job....

Any ideas where could I start looking? (I live in London, UK)

I`m terribly scared

Thank you

Sorry to hear you've had to go off T unexpectedly. Please don't be scared; there are plenty of things you can do to improve your situation:

• If you think you might be autistic, please ask your doctor to apply for funding to get you tested by your local Autism service. In my case, they had to get special funding because the nearest Autism service was in another PCT area, so I had to jump through several hoops to get an adult diagnosis. Please keep trying... I had to be persistent get to see an autism specialist & get my diagnosis, but it was worth it in the end. However, please be aware that you'll probably need to be seen by someone more general in your Community Mental Health Team before you'll be sent to an autism specialist, so if you're waiting to see a shrink that might be the best place to start.
• In the meantime, have you discussed your anxiety levels with your GP? There are certain therapies and medications that are available to help you cope; your GP can help you find something suitable.
• If your GP has refused to renew your prescription, have they told you the reason why? Generally speaking, the NHS route to hormones (in England, anyway) is that the patient has to be seen by a Gender Identity Clinic first before the doctor will prescribe hormones. Very few GPs will prescribe hormones without a recommendation from a GIC and an Endocrinologist. Here's an NHS guidebook for doctors explaining their Best Practice for gender-dysphoric patients: http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/Transhealth/Documents/gender-dysphoria-guide-for-gps-and-other-health-care-staff.pdf
• As for employment, it's difficult for me to work with people too; every day is a massive struggle for me. But there are part-time jobs you can get whilst at Uni that don't involve working directly with other people. As a suggestion, most UK supermarkets have night-time jobs when there are few or no customers around (such as shelf-stacking) and in many cases you can make your initial application online. Many of them also have LGBT networks to assist and promote LGBT staff; for example, here are the details of three of the big LGBT support networks: Tesco: www.outattesco.com/ ; Asda: www.asdalgbt.co.uk and The Co-Op: (no website, but you can contact their Respect LGBT network at respectLGBT@co-operative.coop)
• Stonewall has a list of the top-100 LGBT-friendly companies in the UK: https://www.stonewall.org.uk/at_work/stonewall_top_100_employers/default.asp  They also produce a 'Starting Out' guide that contains employment advice for LGBT people, as well as current vacancies: http://www.startingoutguide.org.uk

So as difficult as it may seem, there are employment opportunities out there. So I'd recommend you ask your GP help you work on your anxiety, and then see if you can apply for some out-of-hours work.

Transitioning in London is a long, slow process (on the NHS, at any rate) so your GP might simply be going by the rules. Everything on the NHS is a long, slow process. It's frustrating, but that's the way it is and the only alternative is to pay for expensive private healthcare. At least on the NHS, things get done. Eventually.

Good luck!

I will keep trying until I get my new diagnosis. The doctor who have seen me had no idea about their job, so I dont trust anything they said about me.

The funding might be difficult as I do not have UK citizenship yet, so I dont know if I`m eligible, but I`ll definitely ask. I have not talked about this with my GP. This is the reason:

After moving to London, I went to the GP, told her I`m FTM and asked her to refer me to a psychiatrist so then I can be referred to the transsexual centre. She referred me, but then I moved, and even when I called her, there was no sign of the referral. The next doc referred me, I ve waited for 2 months to go, the psychologist was a nice man, he referred me right away (he was also the very first doctor who took my problems seriously and did not refer to me as "she" which made me so happy I felt like crying). So basically I am waiting for a letter from the transsexual center to arrive with my appointment to a specialist. I have been waiting for 3 months and I am growing more and more unstable, so I called my GP and made an appointment because I just can not take this anymore.

I am strong in a way, that I do not intend to "quit" (in any meaning of the word, be it suicide or simply give up), ever, and I can say I am quite patient (took 3 years of begging to start T)... but the reason for this is that I kind of "switch off" emotions completely. I dont feel anything, no pain, no happiness, no sadness, no nothing, Im an empty shell these times and there were times when I was so unbearably empty that I started cutting and burning my hands to feel something already. This has started again and very severely and I dont know how should I talk about this to anyone because when I did, I always got "LOL you are sick, you emo attention whore"

The reason they refused to prescribe T for me is that I got my therapy started in the country I was from and the new GPs before this one just prescribed T for me off real prescription, they knew I cant just stop taking it. They said they will prescribe it to me until I get an appointment to the center because they can take over from there. The new GP said that it is not legal to prescribe hormones for me without the written permission of a gender clinic/endochrinologist and that she wont, no matter the consequences. I understand her in a way, but just cutting it off so suddenly didnt help at all, and I started gaining weight as well. I have been on T for 9 months, now I ve been off T for 2 and everything that T has changed is nearly completely gone without trail and people take me as a woman more often than before, despite the short hair and male clothes.

I was too thinking of doing a night time job, I actually prefer being awake in the night anyways, so that might be the way. I`ll definitely ask my GP for suggestions and advice, I can not do this alone anymore and I want to feel better. Thank you a lot for the links, I`ll look at them right away.

As for the NHS; compared to where I was from, NHS is a miracle. Seriously. Things actually get done in the UK, I am very impressed. I just love everything in the UK (people are more aware of LGBTQ stuff as well, I love to see gay/lesbian couples, androgynous people and such, I love that you can basically run around even naked on a bicycle -actual example- and people wont even give a flying damn about it.


edit:
Okay. Okay. I am trying not to panic... My sponsor just sent me a message that ->-bleeped-<- went down at his company, and he will not be able to pay my project and I have 3 more weeks of payment left. I really need to do something ASAP

If you're struggling with the long wait to be seen by a GIC and you've been referred to Charing Cross it might be worth asking if you can be referred to a different GIC.  That's only if you're willing/able to travel though.  Apparently the majority of people get referred to Charing Cross, and one person's videos I've seen on youtube have said that he got seen much quicker at The Laurels in Devon than he would have done at Charing Cross.  It does depend on whether your GP will try and get your referred there instead though.

As for jobs, shelf stacking on a night shift is one option, but would possibly doing something in the kitchen of a restaurant be an option?  Kitchen porters aren't paid the best money in the world, and you'd have to be able to do fairly physical work work in a hot and busy environment, but you won't be anywhere near customers, just the staff in the kitchen.  You'd mostly just be washing up.  Another option is looking for cleaning jobs, around here quite a few people are looking for holiday cottage cleaners, or cleaners for business firms offices.  Cleaning in either of those jobs don't require seeing anyone most of the time, unless people are working late.  On the off chance that people are there, the majority of them will just see you as a lowly cleaner and won't pay any attention.

https://jobsearch.direct.gov.uk/register.aspx?redirect=http%3a%2f%2fjobsearch.direct.gov.uk%2fhome.aspx is a pretty good place to start searching for jobs.

Well, there you go. NHS services are only available to people who are 'ordinarily resident' in the UK - and it's your responsibility to prove that you're entitled. Being registered with a GP isn't enough, I'm afraid. 

People from elsewhere in the EEA (including Hungary) are entitled to a limited range of medical treatments on the NHS, using their EHIC card (so the cost of your treatment is claimed back from your country). This is basically to give you only a very limited range of standard treatments (such as emergency care in an accident) when you're in our country. But it doesn't entitle you to use the full range of NHS services; and it doesn't entitle you to any treatment you wouldn't ordinarily get in your own country.

I suggest you start with your doctor; tell them you're not sure whether you're entitled to full NHS treatment and ask them to check your records to make sure. If you're not entitled, contact the UK Border Agency to apply for proof of residence, and use this to get access to full NHS healthcare.

I'm very sorry to break this to you, but it is against NHS policy for a GP to prescribe medication on the recommendation of unknown foreign doctors, so your GP is doing the right thing according to NHS rules. You were very lucky to get a couple of prescriptions written out by a sympathetic GP but that's not standard procedure. If you want ongoing prescriptions of any sort, they need to come from a British-registered doctor and the NHS in England generally insists on you being assessed by one of our GICs before they'll give you hormones, even if you're used them before. I'm sorry; I know this must be very frustrating.

I presume you've been referred to Charing Cross; please be aware that they have very long waiting lists. As AlexanderC says, it's worth checking whether you can be referred somewhere else, like The Laurels. But first, check to see whether you're entitled to these services so that your referral can move along smoothly.

I know you speak very highly of my people and our NHS (thank you). But please bear in mind that those services are not free-of-charge; we pay a great deal of money for them so everyone who wants to use them has to prove they're entitled to use them. Including me.

Thank you both of you for the kind words.
I have been referred to Charing Cross, yes. I have checked The Laurels and Im afraid I cant afford to travel that far in the foreseeable future, so Charing Cross, it is. As for entitlement, I dont think there will be a problem, I can prove I live in the UK for a year now and have been paying tax as well. I have a bank account with regular money income as well, so there should be no problems. I have no EHIC card whatsoever, when I wanted to have it done before moving to London, they told me I wont need it...

I know this situation is as it should be, I am aware that the GP is not supposed to prescribe T for me, but I was not told this by my previous GPs. They have seen my medical papers with the pills and the pills themselves and they just prescribed it, they did not tell me that they should not be able to or anything...

As for looking for a job, I`m in some game development indie teams and one of my project managers suggested that I post on the Unity forums. This way, plus with him vouching for me, I will hopefully be able to get a job as a concept artist.

Sounds like you have a couple of different things going on. Why to you think you have Asperger's Syndrome?

I can identify with your problems with dealing with people and that sounds a lot like like social anxiety to me. My personality is introverted so I tend to do things and enjoy doing things alone or in very small groups. I also have social anxiety due to being an introvert and get real uncomfortable among large groups of people. I even get really uncomfortable when people are closer than three feet around me. I am surprised that with all the Psychologist and Psychiatrist you have seen they never picked up on that. Social anxiety issues are fairly common and can be crippling and I really don't think they are addressed very good in the field of Psychology or Psychiatry.

If you do indeed have social anxiety working on a game developement team may be a good choice especially if there are only a few people on the team or you are working from home.

As for the T, I really can't say for sure either way. Maybe the doctors in the UK need to see papers from a Therapist or Psychiatrist based in the UK. I would definately ask the GP why though. I would then try to get it corrected or go through the proper channels. Good luck.

QuoteI am currently waiting for an appointment with the psychiatrist to start therapy. I am very worried and dont know what to do, how to approach employers as it is 100% I cant do anything thats customer support-related... I look and seem completely normal but inside I`m always on the edge of a freakout when among people, sometimes I even start to shake/shiver, in worst cases, I tend to basically escape the situation and hide and cry.

I am experiencing very severe difficulties, mostly in social situations, and I will have to get a job in August. I have no useful work experience whatsoever, I`m only 20, I`ll be attending university from September and I will need a part time job to cover my living expenses. Im already ->-bleeped-<-less scared of university, let alone of finding a job....

Any ideas where could I start looking? (I live in London, UK)

Sounds to me you have some social phobia/anxiety. There is another possibilities you could just be an introvert.

I would go with what AlexanderC suggested about what kind of jobs to get were you can work alone most of the time or with a few people, and what you said about getting night jobs helps too.

Yeah I know not having citizen can really limit things, Since you are going to be a student I think you could likely qualify for the NHS services.
See this link: http://www.nhs.uk/chq/pages/1087.aspx?categoryid=68&subcategoryid=162

Good luck.

I have some news, I thought I'd share.
Turned out I have been diagnosed with ADHD very long ago and with Borderline Personality Disorder not so long ago which explains 99% of my problems right now. I found a job, it includes me drawing scenes of my favourite video games for a video production team and I receive my assignments by email, payment is fair, and Im seeing a specialist psychiatrist in 3 days to consult about my problems and treatment, so I can say I'm on the right track, it seems.