Quick question, so let me get straight to the point.

You're married, you come out to your longtime spouse.  Did she (or he) leave you?  (She in this case.)

And not to be too intrusive, but if she stayed, what did you do?  Become friends?  Was it awkward living together?  Was it still a marriage but a very weird marriage? Did she ever get comfortable?

And if she left, did she ever speak to you again?  Was it as if you had been lying the whole time? Five years down the road do you talk? Do you think it would be easier to end the marriage first and then come out afterwards?

I'm just so lost here. I know that MMMV, but I'm grasping at straws.

My wife and I are still together and plan on being together for the long term. My transition was tough for her but she persevered. She still does desire me but that aspect of our relationship continues to change. That being said though, most of my trans girl friends are divorced.

My wife currently wants a divorce. I've been married to her for 6 years and we have a two year old son.

But I can't torture myself like this anymore and my wife is not attracted to women.

So at the moment it is converting to an awkward friendship. A strong one but definitely awkward.

The worst part of it is the hurt that we are now causing each other. It seems like we argue once every few nights and then things are good for a few more then rinse and repeat.
I still love her with all my heart and would stay married to her if she would let me.

Quote from: E-Brennan on June 12, 2013, 04:40:29 PM
Quick question, so let me get straight to the point.

Short answer: Divorced, I got house, she got kids, but kids prefer me . . .

. . . so still working on "all getting along together" 

Downside? If existing "family" is important you it will derail any "rad" dressing plans.

Upside? I am "out", very militant (if needs be) about a cis male's right to "choice", "do her own thing" as well.

A hip DFS rep (aren't too many) once said : "" Yer like two natural mother's fighting over same kids.""

BE CAREFUL She Can Make Yer Life A Living 'ell ! !

We're still together, and happier now than before. I had GRS last summer, and yes, we're still romantically and sexually involved and have been all along. I feel *very* lucky. I wouldn't say it's a weirder marriage than before, but we were both kinda weird from the beginning.

The actual year (well, 11 months) I spent transitioning was hard on us both, but that's probably not a surprise.

(We got involved when we were 17, got married at 22 and had been married 9 years when I came out to her. We'd both changed a LOT since we first met anyway... so we had some experience with trying to navigate how to grow up and change together. This was a huge challenge, but thankfully not an insurmountable one.)

Good luck.

Told my wife of three years in april.

It was rough for about 2 weeks

Now shes fully supporting the idea including SRS.

We plan on being together forever being that im not attracted to men.

We are looking for a new state to live in so that we can remain legally married.

I've been with my SO for 10 years. Actually, my transgendered issues are a main reason why we're not married. Our relationship is strained and very unstable right now. We are barely holding it together.

I feel horrible for her though. She's seen one of her friends get divorced after 20+ years, another friend is in a collapsing marriage and another married friend of hers came out as a lesbian. She must think the whole world has gone mad and everything around her is falling apart.

I came out around twelve weeks ago.  My wife was shocked but not hurt, which I find odd.  She is dealing with physical changes reasonably well as long as I dress more or less male.  She goes through phases where she tells me quite often how manly I am at something or why I can't be a woman.  I just smile and tell her how much I love her.  We used to fight when she was upset and yelled.  I just stopped yelling or responding harshly. She used to yell at me for working on my voice and talking or singing in my "high" voice but stopped a few weeks ago and now, sometimes, joins me singing.  In the bed room, she has started getting more assertive or in control aand she really likes playing with my breasts. She admitted last week that she has struggled with her own issues of being herself, which my coming out has been causing her to deal with.  I don't know enough to even comment further on that as she immediately clammed up and started yelling at me again.  We are friends and we rarely fight although she seems to want to sometimes.  It's very odd right now. 

Yup - after 10 years together I came out to her and she divorced me shortly after.  She has no interest in women and saw no reason to drag things out once the attraction was gone for her.  We do have joint custody of our children and we're trying to make the best of the situation and remain good friends - but it takes time to adjust to things as they are now.

Quote from: Erin S on June 12, 2013, 06:22:12 PM
Told my wife of three years in april.

It was rough for about 2 weeks

Now shes fully supporting the idea including SRS.

We plan on being together forever being that im not attracted to men.

We are looking for a new state to live in so that we can remain legally married.

Omg you are sooooo  lucky. I wish my wife was half as supportive, I don't ever even plan on fully transitioning. I think she has her own issues to deal with so I'm still unsure of our future as I slowly partially transition. I love her to death and also am not attracted to men at all so it would totally work for me.

Btw you look gorgeous as a female.  if I could pull that look off I'd highly consider fully transitioning  :-)

I met my wife 10 yrs ago and told her back then about me. She was fine with that as an occasional occurrence. Had a false start on full time transition in 2011, - looked like end of marriage so I didnt go ahead. Now I transitioned a few months ago, wife had counselling and came to terms with it after a few months, prospects for the future looking quite positive. Home life is very good, loving & supportive.

20 year marriage down the tubes. Looked for a few months like it might be OK, but she had to bail when it started getting real.

Marriage had cracks in in before. Basically no sex for the past few years (her choice, my disappointment), and progressive annoyance on her part over my character flaws. So marriage probably wouldn't have lasted until death did us part anyway.

We're still living together, in the middle of an expensive divorce (though it looks like it may stay out of court, thank heaven). She alternates from being civil to being so furious she can barely talk.

Pretty much had to happen in this order. I take marriage seriously, and was not going to abandon her unless she wanted out.

Nope - in fact she was only my girlfriend but wanted to be married.  I felt I had to tell her before I asked her to marry me.  I told her, and, for her it as no big deal.

I do want to say one thing. She has been amazingly accepting of me and of things like having shaved legs, lasers, etc. I mean, she even paints my toes and pretty much tolerates anything I want to do. I think a lot of her apprehension comes from when things leave our house, then what...