Quote from: BearGuy on June 11, 2013, 05:48:55 PM
Do some of you feel like you'd rather be a man and be happy but single, rather than be something you're not (a female), in relationships with other women, but unhappy with yourself?

That's how I feel at this point, yet, when I think about it...I feel depressed that I may never again be able to have sex in my life, nor be loved. I feel like I'd be deceiving the other person before they'd find out. I mean, admit it...bottom surgery, especially phallo, other men and women can easily see it's not a real penis. It's all psychological; and since sex is about genitals, well, you get the idea. I don't know how a human can live without physical intimacy for the rest of their life.

When I realize this, I think...what have I gotten myself into? Potential misery? Yet, I could never be happy with myself in a female body.

I have had sex numerous times with my phallo and not disclosed. I have also been propositioned by guys in the locker room (I am not gay so i cant say anything about sex with guys). So I am not entirely sure which phallos you are seeing but I disagree with your statement that people can "see its not real" also, below my phallo i have a meta and that has passed under a doctors scrutiny (who i would never disclose to) as a micro penis.

My phallo was called a "transplant" by the doctor so i just sort of went along with whatever he meant by that.

I find it so strange that guys feel compelled to "disclose" and then put themselves through misery that they disclose. If you get a meta you tell girls that you have an icredibl small penis. iif you get a phallo then its a bit different.

But to answer your question directly, I would rather be single and happy. I personally love being single: watching start trek and eating steak in my underwear ftw

oh and one final note - I have never ever even once had a girl turn me down for a relationship after i talked about my body (I just explain that i am different, my genitals are different then what she might be used to) If I get into a serious relationship i always feel more comfortable saying that. If its just a hook up - I find it pointless to discuss my anatomy.

I don't think I could have a fulfilling relationship as a female because I would be pretending to be someone I'm not.

i'm unable to imagine myself in a fulfilling relationship the way that i am, and right now i've gone for about five years without sex, i think it is. i've tried a relationship as a woman, but it was disastrous. next time i have sex it will be with someone who takes me for me, and is just as interested in my preferences as i am in theirs. not saying our preferences have to be the same, but there should be an equal amount of give and take, and no crossing borders that shouldn't be crossed. like i'd be willing to act like a woman just for fun if we're both just playing around, but only if my partner would act like a cat for me, and generally doesn't see me as a woman, just an occasional crossdresser.

I've tried relationships for years as a female, and the dysphoria and sexual problems that ensue just aren't worth it, nor is the inevitable liver damage from coping with alcohol. Although luckily I know that just because you're FTM, that doesn't mean you can't have relationships and sex. While I don't expect my relationship with my boyfriend to last too much longer, especially once I start on T, I know that there are others out there more open-minded and don't mind what body someone has as long as they're infatuated with them. Yes, it's certainly much harder to find a good relationship as a transman, but for me, I definitely think it's worth the wait. Besides, we've all got hands, don't we?

Quote from: D0LL on June 13, 2013, 12:40:40 PM
I've tried relationships for years as a female, and the dysphoria and sexual problems that ensue just aren't worth it, nor is the inevitable liver damage from coping with alcohol. Although luckily I know that just because you're FTM, that doesn't mean you can't have relationships and sex. While I don't expect my relationship with my boyfriend to last too much longer, especially once I start on T, I know that there are others out there more open-minded and don't mind what body someone has as long as they're infatuated with them. Yes, it's certainly much harder to find a good relationship as a transman, but for me, I definitely think it's worth the wait. Besides, we've all got hands, don't we?

I couldn't agree more with you.

I tried relationships with both, males and females as female thinking it would help a bit to have a less dominant partner. (I never had problems with dominant people but in relationships with males I always felt forced into the female role... in the end both didn't work.) I hope once I'm at peace with my body I'll be able to have a healthy relationship again and maybe even sex though in the end I guess I could live without it but that doesn't mean I gave up my hopes of having a 'normal' relationship someday. I'm not really worried about not finding someone who loves me just the way I am but more afraid of not being able to let any kind of close relationship happen.

chuck, I am glad you have such good results with your phallo.  It is great to hear of positive results when so many talk about the problems they have.  You must have the erection device you pumpup too. 

Quote from: D0LL on June 13, 2013, 12:40:40 PMBesides, we've all got hands, don't we?

And toys...

Quote from: Arch on June 13, 2013, 04:04:50 PM
And toys...

and video games

I can see where you're coming from, and why you'd be concerned.
Though I'm a virgin, and have never really gotten far with anyone, I used to feel much the same way.
For years, I thought that I needed to have sex to be happy, that that was something that I was really missing out on.
But at the same time, I'm absolutely terrified of both physical intimacy, and emotional intimacy.
I've always run away from relationships before they had a chance to get too deep.
But the funny thing is that I've found a way to be happy without it.
I'm part of the roleplaying community online, and yes, my RPs tend to be very sexual, at least from time to time.
I have a very close friend that I have 90% of these RPS with, and even though my relationship with her is far from sexual
(Hell, I'm gay, and have never even met her face to face)
But I'm still getting a way to experience sexual feelings, without having to even be near someone.
It's actually kind of nice, in my opinion...

Quote from: chuck on June 13, 2013, 04:29:49 AM
I have had sex numerous times with my phallo and not disclosed. I have also been propositioned by guys in the locker room (I am not gay so i cant say anything about sex with guys). So I am not entirely sure which phallos you are seeing but I disagree with your statement that people can "see its not real" also, below my phallo i have a meta and that has passed under a doctors scrutiny (who i would never disclose to) as a micro penis.

My phallo was called a "transplant" by the doctor so i just sort of went along with whatever he meant by that.

That is really encouraging to hear.  If I may ask, how long do did you wait between the meta and the phallo, and did you plan on getting a phallo eventually even as you were getting the meta?

Though - when you don't really have to tell a doctor because of appearance, at what point is it actually necessary to tell them because they may need to know for whatever is wrong?  I guess it is probably just a judgment call specific to the situation.

I think sometimes I could just forever abstain from sex, especially when I think about how the sex will never exactly normal without bottom surgery like Chuck is talking about, and that seems far away for me. I'm not in a relationship, but when I am, if the girl is straight I will always doubt the fact she wouldn't rather be with someone who has a normal downstairs.

Quote from: Malachite on June 13, 2013, 04:31:08 PM
and video games

Wrong kind of "toy", lol.

Quote from: Simon on June 13, 2013, 05:34:42 PM
Wrong kind of "toy", lol.

Well, what about that joystick, eh?

Quote from: spacerace on June 13, 2013, 05:22:48 PM
That is really encouraging to hear.  If I may ask, how long do did you wait between the meta and the phallo, and did you plan on getting a phallo eventually even as you were getting the meta?

Though - when you don't really have to tell a doctor because of appearance, at what point is it actually necessary to tell them because they may need to know for whatever is wrong?  I guess it is probably just a judgment call specific to the situation.

I think sometimes I could just forever abstain from sex, especially when I think about how the sex will never exactly normal without bottom surgery like Chuck is talking about, and that seems far away for me. I'm not in a relationship, but when I am, if the girl is straight I will always doubt the fact she wouldn't rather be with someone who has a normal downstairs.

Hey
I had the phallo ad meta at the same time.
I think it is rarely needed to disclose to a doctor, especially a gp. But I had a sudden emergency injur (broke both of my legs) and had to be catheterized. Since I my urethra is in a different location than a doctor might suspect, i let him know ahead of time that the bigger dick did not have a urethra. No one cared i the slightest.

I can relate to your isecurity about girls. I always felt inadequate (and i still have my moments) but as i get older (i am about to turn 30) I have realized that when i am with a girl, it is because she wants to be with me. There is no need to feel insecure because if she wanted to be with someone else, she simply would leave, break up, ask for an open relationship, invite aother guy to bed or whatever.

I hope that gives you some insight

I suppose it's easier for me, at fifty, to reconcile myself to possibly living a life without sex (except DIY) than it is for a young guy just starting out. But I made sacrifices and played mind games with myself to have the sex life I had, and it didn't fully work. At times, it broke down completely. Throughout my life, the only way I was able to make it work was to live a good portion of my days inside my head, and that included a sex life in my head. Now I look back and feel sort of dishonest, as if I had been cheating on my ex. But without the fantasy life, I could not have been with him.

I don't know how I would feel if I were, say, twenty and looking ahead to a trans life. On the other hand, the younger generation now seems to be much more accepting of fluidity of body, identity, and sexuality. And a young guy has the asset of youth and a long time to find a compatible mate.

I would rather not have to play "mind games" just to have sex. Sex honestly has very little importance to me 99% of the time. The 1% I think it does, it really becomes more of a bother than what it's worth. People seem very wrapped up into it. Some seem addicted to it. Some feel it's very important to a romantic relationship. I really don't understand any of that.

I had sex as a girl, and was utterly disgusted by it. Like many others, I thought that having sex would make the trans feelings go away. After all, the first time is always scary. I figured that if I passed that first time, the scaryness would go away and I could function as a normal girl sexually. Of course, I couldn't have been more wrong. It flared up my dysphoria something fierce. I was also stupid enough to think that this was caused by the guy I had sex with, so a few years later, I tried with another. The same thing happened and I immediately signed up for therapy.

Now I don't think I will ever have sex again, even though I am 26. It's depressing, but seeing that my former experiences weren't happy ones, it's something I can live with. And if I do find a guy who's willing to accept me the way I am, then it's going to be a big bonus!

QuoteI'm part of the roleplaying community online, and yes, my RPs tend to be very sexual, at least from time to time.
I have a very close friend that I have 90% of these RPS with, and even though my relationship with her is far from sexual
(Hell, I'm gay, and have never even met her face to face)

And wow...just wow. I could have written that! I too have a female friend with whom I RP a lot. It's by far not always sexual, but our male characters are in a relationship, and do have sex at times. It is nowhere close to the real thing, but it is nice to experience a relationship like that, especially because I never had the real thing. I think its good practise and a great escape from sucky real life.

I'd much rather be a single gay man than be in a relationship as a female. I'm okay with the possibility of never being in a relationship again. Being in a relationship as a female was... omg... just messed up. Wasn't me, at all. It was one of the many factors that pushed me towards deciding that I definitely wanted to transition.

The thought of potentially being single forever is depressing, but I figure if I ever get really really desperate, I can always go on vacation to Amsterdam lol if I can't find someone who wants to be my boyfriend, I can at least pay for sex, right? Haha, no, I probably wouldn't ever do that.

Overall, I feel somewhat optimistic about whether I'd ever be in a relationship as myself (as a guy). I don't think being trans makes me "un-dateable" or whatever; it just automatically weeds out the really superficial guys, who I don't want to be with anyway. I think I'll find someone. I think everyone will, eventually.

I don't know why you assume this. I am MUCH more sociable and happy as a guy because it is who I am.
I am meeting more people much easier.


--Jay

Quote from: dreaming.forever on June 16, 2013, 08:38:45 PM
Overall, I feel somewhat optimistic about whether I'd ever be in a relationship as myself (as a guy). I don't think being trans makes me "un-dateable" or whatever; it just automatically weeds out the really superficial guys, who I don't want to be with anyway.

Frankly, I'm not interested in dating trans guys, especially pre- or non-ops (bottom surgery, that is) but I don't think that makes me superficial. I just like really like...the standard apparatus.

I'd really rather be male and single than female and in a relationship- I was in a five year long relationship as a female and I just couldn't stand it toward the end, I hate it so much (I came out as trans* whilst in the relationship).

Thankfully, however, I recently entered a relationship with a woman who accepts me as man. We've not been together too long and the relationship is somewhat long distance, but it's going really well. If it comes to having sex, I'm not sure how we'll handle it- I'm pre-op, so yeah.