I've been really confused about whether or not I'm transsexual, I understand that only I will be able to answer this question, but I want to get some opinions about it.

So, as far as I can remember, I've felt a desire to be a woman, I haven't done anything really feminine, partly because I'm very afraid of being considered weird, it just doesn't feel right to be doing stereotypically feminine things (eg makeup and shopping) since I'm a guy, but if I were to become a girl or get diagnosed with transsexualism and begin transitioning, I think I would be pretty interested in these things. Another thing is that I'm not really interested in some things a lot of guys are interested in (eg bodybuilding).

I really want to be in a female body, I really wish I was born a girl, if I were to one day wake up as a woman I would be really happy! I would be willing to transition to become a woman, the only thing I would be afraid of and that would possibly cause regret is the reaction from society. I'm very afraid that if I transition, I'll be rejected socially, being thought of as weird, and it would probably also make work more difficult. Also, if someone was to offer to make me very masculine and remove my desire to become a woman, I really wouldn't want that at all!

I don't find being the guy in sex to be appealing at all, I'm only aroused if I'm the woman in my fantasies.

I haven't done much to make myself more feminine, my hair is relatively long, but not so long that people criticise me about it. I always shave body and facial hair and avoid smelling masculine but apart from these things I haven't really done much. I don't want my feelings to be publicly known if I'm not even sure of them myself. I really hate seeing masculine features on myself, I generally make myself look masculine enough to not cause confusion but if something is not really necessary at all to be identified as a male and would make me look more feminine without it (eg body hair), I avoid it. I also don't want to be a feminine guy, I want to be an actual woman, being a feminine guy just doesn't cut it, it actually doesn't really sound appealing to me.

I think I've read somewhere that to be considered transsexual, your gender has to cause lots of trouble for you. Well, I'm still really positive and happy most of the time, and my feelings haven't caused me much trouble at all. I'm also able to mostly comfortably live as a guy, but when guys I know start talking about generally manly things, I feel distant and uninterested.

So that's what I have to say, please tell me your opinions everyone, I'm very confused about this!

Hi,

As you said there is only one person who can answer the question and that is you.

Probably a question that you need to work through is what are you going to do about it? In practical terms seeing a herapist is usually a good start, particularly if they are experienced in trans* issues.

But the work comes when you do decide what to do about it.

My decision, my need, my only chance of living as to accept my female gender and to live as me. OK hormonal reassignment helps in many ways, I'm lining up for surgery and I have no doubts in my mind who and what I am and how I will live my life.

It is not for everyone.

I'm me everywhere, I am me at work rest and play. I have burned, demolished and buried every bridge to 'his' life. Even if I wanted to de-transition I could not.

I accept me as me and I am incredibly and totally happy with my decision and my life.

But it hasn't been nor will it always be easy. I had to face my work colleagues, my students, my family, my next door neighbours, the people in the local store, the guy who services my car, my bank teller, my doctor. EVERYONE.

They have full rein and total personal freedom to think as they wish. It is up to them to accept me, not for me to force that acceptance.

OK there are strong anti-discrimination laws where I am, but they don't stop the laughter or the jokes or the comments behind my back.

And guess what? I don't give a damn. I'm me and living my life as me. I am the only important one in all of this.

And that is the selfish attitude that most of us need to do what we do.

Can you do that? You of course will have help from your therapist and hopefully friends and supporters but in the end if you as a male bodied and male presenting person you need to think about what you want to do - do you want to live, act, present and socialize as a woman?

There is a vast spectrum of gender ID, and going as far as I have may not be necessary or even desirable for you to be happy and to live a contented life. Only you can answer that.

Are you TG? Only you can answer. What are you going to do about it? Well to be honest only you can answer that as well.

But one thing I will add, is that the members and staff here will help you in any way we can. Because we do know what it is like, and we don't let members of our family down.

Hugs

Cindy

By the way, You can be transsexual and still be interested in manly activities - either because living in certain body shapes Your life into certain way, or You might think that doing manly things will help You to feel better. Bodybuilders, military, mechanics - we have all of them here on the board, and even many many more .

Quote from: Sammy on June 15, 2013, 05:50:45 AM
By the way, You can be transsexual and still be interested in manly activities - either because living in certain body shapes Your life into certain way, or You might think that doing manly things will help You to feel better. Bodybuilders, military, mechanics - we have all of them here on the board, and even many many more .

I guess you're right. I guess the reason I decided to state the manly/feminine activities thing was because I had come out to my parents and they said: "But you don't do any feminine things". hehe

Quote from: AgendaDysphoria on June 15, 2013, 05:58:15 AM
I guess you're right. I guess the reason I decided to state the manly/feminine activities thing was because I had come out to my parents and they said: "But you don't do any feminine things". hehe

You know what? My mother said me the same thing. And when I gave her countless examples, she just dismissed them all either as irrelevant or being my childhood fantasies .  Now she offers me some of the clothing she has picked up in shops but later decided not to wear .
And I have read about other MtF having the same experience: "You what??? But then You were supposed to do this, this and that, instead of what You did...". Those all are gender stereotypes and things luckily for us are changing very rapidly . And I have done my share of amateur bodybuilding, by the way . I like cooking, plants and flowers - but I hate gardening, I adore romantic music, but not that kind of movies. I like shopping and hate all kinds of sports which involve balls or pucks and scoring, but I enjoy archery, fencing and martial arts  - not for the purpose to win in competitive environment, but they help to stay fit and flexible, and can keep You safe at times

I know that in the end only I can decide what gender I am, but is it possible that someone could give an opinion please? Thanks.

I think it likely you have a gender identity condition that requires some professional help to deal with.

But my thoughts, and anyone's thoughts on this site is commentary and that is all.

Quote from: AgendaDysphoria on June 15, 2013, 07:47:03 AM
I know that in the end only I can decide what gender I am, but is it possible that someone could give an opinion please? Thanks.

Not really no, everyone here is different and much like a therapist isn't going to tell you that you should transition I don't think anyone here will either. You might find similar experiences among some of us and that might help you make your decision, but it is your decision to make.

I understand you want the opinion of other's, but it's not so easy for us to know what's inside you with only a forum post.  Judging by what you said, it sounds like you have some gender dysphoria.  Does that mean you're transsexual or you should transition?  I honestly don't know.  What I can say is that it would help to discuss these issues with a trained therapist if you feel confused about what path to take.

By the way, don't feel bad about having some masculine traits.  I'm listening to Dio's "Sacred Heart" as I'm writing this.  I play guitar and video games (activities that are more associated with guys).   Still, I'm secure with my identity and know this is right for me.  Everyone has diverse interests, traits and hobbies.  That doesn't mean anything at the end of the day.   

I'm a lot like you AgendaDysphoria. I'm not really out either. I have two seperate personas. When I am a male, I AM A MALE. Same way if I am female. A couple of days ago some friends and I were talikng and the gay marriage debate came up. Some are for it and others against it and I told them if I were gay I'd be the first to vote against it. No offense, I'm just anti marriage across all spectrums. I got told by all of them that they couldn't see me as being gay. I asked them what if I started wearing makeup, high heels and dresses. They all busted out laughing and saying, "yeah right and I'm _______." I honestley didn't know whether to feel insulted or proud that I can put out such an image that is totally opposite of who I really am. I play in a band so I sort of have to put out an air of sleeziness, craziness and borderline insanity. I have a funny feeling that when and/or if I do come out, people are gonna think it's just another crazy thing I do sometimes for shock factor. When I dress for a gig, it's way out there, if not I really can't play in front of people. It's sort of like an alter ego and just happens to be the one I also put out to the world but toned down quite a bit.

I though, enjoy a lot more feminine things than masculine things if there is such a demarcation between hobbies and likes and dislikes. I know a lot of ciswomen that have a lot more stereotypically masculine interests than I do. Especially fishing, hunting and sports. I would rather watch a "chick flick" instead of a football game and I would much rather have a nice sparkling wine and chocolote than beer and chicken wings. 

If you want opinions, all I can say is you probably need to find a therapist and work through these feelings. Think hard about what would make you happy. I still go back and forth and I am in my forties. Having both aspects has kind of made me who I am and I'm kind of worried I will miss the masculine side if I ever decide. Expect feelings to change over time though because I'm starting to believe that I may not miss the masculine that much after all and quite a few days I am certain that I wouldn't miss it. Like others have said though, it is all on you to decide.

Quote from: learningtolive on June 15, 2013, 09:16:47 AMI'm listening to Dio's "Sacred Heart" as I'm writing this.  I play guitar and video games (activities that are more associated with guys).   Still, I'm secure with my identity and know this is right for me.  Everyone has diverse interests, traits and hobbies.  That doesn't mean anything at the end of the day.

Hey, learningtolive, I had never heard about Dio - I checked that song out and adding it to my jogging playlist . Seeing as You like some older stuff, can I suggest You listening to Jethro Tull "Broadsword"?

Jess42 - I totally know what You mean and how You feel! But I wanted to ask You, dont You get tired of being male? Or You are comfortable in both genders?

Quote from: Sammy on June 15, 2013, 11:48:16 AM
Hey, I had never heard about Dio - I checked that song out and adding it to my jogging playlist . Seeing as You like some older stuff, can I suggest You listening to Jethro Tull "Broadsword"?

I thought everyone knew who Ronnie James Dio was, but then again that is my kind of music. The little man with a tremendous voice. He was also in Rainbow and Black Sabbath. Also as a side note; May he rest in peace and live live long in the hearts of all his fans. The metal world sure lost a jewel when he died.

I'll go out on a limb here and state that I think you are not only TG, but a full transsexual.

Most of us are experts at denial.  I was so deep in denial that my wife and friends had to sit me down and tell me I wasn't  really male.

After a few years of estrogen, I find I'm in the right body now, and that is unbelievably comforting.  Every morning when I wake in my feminized body, I realize that the youthful dream of waking up a woman has been, at least partially, realized.

I have boobs and a round shapely butt and fantastic looking legs for a 63 year old.  I'm much healthier now that I am in a body that I can tolerate.

I was very good at denial from age 16 to 56, but with naturally decreasing testosterone and increasing estrogen, it became evident that I was not male at all.  Perhaps not completely female either, but there isn't any man left here.

Don't worry about labels though.  If you are transsexual, eventually you won't be able to deny it any more, and you will have no choice but to accept it.

Best Wishes,

Randi

Quote from: AgendaDysphoria on June 15, 2013, 04:48:20 AM
I've been really confused about whether or not I'm transsexual, I understand that only I will be able to answer this question, but I want to get some opinions about it.

Quote from: Sammy on June 15, 2013, 11:48:16 AM
Hey, learningtolive, I had never heard about Dio - I checked that song out and adding it to my jogging playlist . Seeing as You like some older stuff, can I suggest You listening to Jethro Tull "Broadsword"?

Jess42 - I totally know what You mean and how You feel! But I wanted to ask You, dont You get tired of being male? Or You are comfortable in both genders?

Yeah Sammy, I'm starting to. I'm staying more and more in the female way of thinking, grooming, habits and emotions, God it feels good to cry watching a sad movie. I used to never cry. It's really hard to explain but I'm sure you and a whole lot of others can relate. It used to be 50/50 but now it's more like 80/20 with female being 80. It's kind of like I'm doing more and more female things and not really caring who notices when I used to really care and be self concious others would notice. Maybe my T levels are waning a bit or I'm getting more comfortable with the female and less so with the male. Maybe its just a midlife crisis, but I really don't think so. Or worst case, I got really baaaaaaaaaaaad Psychological problems in the way of multiple personalities. I don't think so though because there are none of the normal indicators for that.

By the way, I like Jethro Tull too. My favorite from them is Locomotive Breath. I think that's the name of the song but I got a brain fart right now.

My advice, OP, is that gender dysphoria doesn't have to be this life-debilitating thing in order to validate or invalidate your transsexual desires. Because that isn't always the case. Just because you are able to be relatively happy as a guy doesn't mean much. I'm assuming that it's probably a similar mindset to what I had for years: the mindset of "well, I was born this way, so I might as well make the most of it." I lived in that mindset for many, many years before finally deciding to transition, and I was relatively happy for the most part.

For me, though, although my life was pretty much fine, and I had plenty of hobbies and interests and drives in life that made me pretty happy, and my dysphoria really wasn't this crippling debilitating thing that it is for so many people, what finally pushed me over the edge was when I realized that I really was not happy with myself on a deep level. And it was that way every single time I looked in the mirror. I hated being big, I hated having a blocky masculine shape, I hated having tough skin and body hair and the male anatomy, I never really smiled in pictures because I really hated the way that I looked, and every time I saw a woman I realized I was jealous, and felt like I really should have her physical features instead of my own. And I realized that the only thing that was holding me back was my fears about societal rejection... fears about what others would think if I ended up getting those features.

A few years ago, I honestly could have written exactly the same things that you did. Not a lot of stereotypically feminine interests? Check. Only feeling sexual arousal through imagining that I'm the woman? Check. (I watched a lot of female-pov sex videos back in the day...) Taking physical steps to make myself more feminine, but just feminine enough that people won't notice them and still treat me like a heteronormative guy? Check. These feminine things not cutting it? Realizing that you really don't want to be an effeminate guy, you want to be a woman doing those things? Check.

I'm not saying that transition is necessarily right for you, because only you can know how deeply those feelings go, and just how much you feel like you should have a female body instead of a male body, but there are a LOT of things in your post that ring very true to me, and which I myself very well could have written not too long ago.

Thanks for the replies, it's nice to know that I'm not alone here

Quote from: AgendaDysphoria on June 15, 2013, 07:43:04 PM
Thanks for the replies, it's nice to know that I'm not alone here

You're never alone here on this forum   Hugs

Quote from: Sammy on June 15, 2013, 11:48:16 AM
Hey, learningtolive, I had never heard about Dio - I checked that song out and adding it to my jogging playlist . Seeing as You like some older stuff, can I suggest You listening to Jethro Tull "Broadsword"?

Sorry for the tangent, but Sammy you have some homework.  Make sure to purchase or check out the following albums listed below.  No one, I don't care who you are, has an excuse for not owning these gems. 

Dio- Holy Diver
Rainbow- Rainbow Rising
Rainbow (self titled)
Black Sabbath- Heaven and Hell
Black Sabbath- Mob Rules.

In my opinion, if you're not so unhappy, it just means you've been dealing with it better than most people, and as thus you might have fewer problems with psychological evaluations. I think a transsexual is just someone who deeply feels they're really the other gender and would ideally do everything they can to change their body to conform to the target gender as much as possible. Ideally, that is. I'm not saying someone who's, say, not having SRS for health, money, family, -whatever- reasons is less of a transsexual. The main thing is how you feel.

AgendaDysphoria,  Your post and Carrie's described me perfectly to the dot only a couple years ago.   I am now living fulltime and very happy.

Listen to Cindy, she hit the nail on the head!

Quote from: AgendaDysphoria on June 15, 2013, 07:43:04 PM
Thanks for the replies, it's nice to know that I'm not alone here

Also, you are never alone you are among friends here. You may message me if you would like to chat, I remember feeling alone and having no one I could chat and relate with.

Quote from: learningtolive on June 15, 2013, 07:57:23 PM
You're never alone here on this forum   Hugs

Sorry for the tangent, but Sammy you have some homework.  Make sure to purchase or check out the following albums listed below.  No one, I don't care who you are, has an excuse for not owning these gems. 

Dio- Holy Diver
Rainbow- Rainbow Rising
Rainbow (self titled)
Black Sabbath- Heaven and Hell
Black Sabbath- Mob Rules.

Also get Rainbow - On Stage and Live in Munich 1977