as a transguy i find my self always in some really embarassing moments , like 90% cases its about my gender ofc..
last year i was trying to get a driver license all the test was normal , the last one i had to take a car with a guy to give me points about my drive he was talking to me as a guy evrything was normal till the end he look to the papers and saw my femal name -.-' i cant forget how his face was ..

second situation and that happen a lot is in my work i work as a secretary and when people come i have to take there names and give them a date to comeback see the doctor when they comeback most of them tell the doctor that guy outside is the one who gived us that date and he is always ready to tell them oh you mean the secretary , she is a girl -.-' and they always comeback shoked and asking some embarassing questions espesially the ones with kids..
   
3- we were in a Marriage ceremony and a girl there was looking at me and smiling all the time i didnt go talk to her cause i was sure that she think i'm a bio guy i ignored her then i go out to drink some juice outside she followed me and sit near and she start talking with me normally about the ceremony and life stuffs till she asked about my name then i had to tell her my femal name she  was like that= *.* and she said but thats a femal name and i had to tell her i'm bio a femal and she said omg i'm sorry i thought u r a guy then she run inside i heard her tell her friends i'm a lesbian and stuffs thats really hurt and make me really angry....

and more and more embarassing moments happened in my life that just some of...so what u think guys ? how would you act if you were in my place? and did u have such moments too?

ty and i hope u like the subject..

Yeah, I think all of us have had a few embarrassing moments. Just do your best to try not to let it get to you too much. There are certain situations that involve identification or work that you kinda can't avoid. However, patients at work shouldn't be approaching you with embarrassing questions. I understand you can't be rude to them but I would politely tell them that I don't discuss my medical history at my job and leave it at that. The girl outside the wedding? I wouldn't have told her my birth name. I probably would have given her a gender neutral version of my birth name or a nickname back before I had a legal name change.

Yep, I still have issues every once in awhile. It used to be bad with people asking me if I was a boy or girl openly at my old job or in public. I was sorta used to it at a certain point because I had gotten that since I was a kid. Most of the time I would ignore people and if they asked again I would get rude with them. Now I see that wasn't the best way to handle it but I got sick of it.

Now 99% of my issues come from my license still saying female on it. I want it changed but I'm kinda indifferent. There really are only a few times a year that I have to show it to anyone. Besides, I am me and I like who I've become. If someone sees my identification and asks in a polite or surprised manner then I'll tell them I am transgender. Most of the time when that has happened the reaction is positive. People usually just say they never would have guessed and that's it. I think most are just curious and that is fine. It's the rude ones I can't handle but they seem to be few and far between.

Yes i have had a few very very unpleasant situations. Especially when i was a teenager. One time an old man on the bus asked me "Who are you? You are not a man and you are not a woman? So who are you?" I tried to ignore him but he couldn't ignore me so i had to say something in the lines of "<not allowed>... off" to him.

When i was in school some girls would ask me "Hey are you a guy or a girl?". And i didn't want to answer because they would understand i was a girl since my voice was a girl's voice. So i would ignoe them and they would be like " IT is so strange!.."

Some guys would come to me at school and say "Hey mate, how are you?", then pretend they wanted to shake my hand and start laughing. Because they were from my class, they knew i was a girl and they were just making fun of me.

I am very sorry to hear about the situation with your work! This is sooooo sad that the doctor is an idiot! Maybe you can find another job? But as far as i understand it, you still have your female name on your documents... This will be a big problem to find a new job then. Why can't you change your documents? Is it because there are no laws in your country regarding the change of name/gender marker?

I am not out, even though i am dressed like a guy 80% of the time and the rest of the time i am dressed in unisex clothes. But i act like a guy all the time and i am sure 80% of people think i am a lesbian and the rest just think i am strange. But i can't imagine what it would be like if i came out at my work!  This would be the end of me for them. They would think i am totally and completely crazy and i can't be trusted, therefore i can;t do my job properly. They would think i am an idiot and i need to get my head examined. Also, there is a possibility they would think i have gotten into heavy drugs and this is the result of doing drugs. Here, NOBODY knows what transsexualism really is.

Btw, where are you from? I am from Eastern Europe (Bulgaria to be precise). But the situation with transgendered people is the same everywhere in Eastern Europe so i can speak for the whole region because i know what i am talking about. Everybody thinks transgendered people are crazy, they are out of their minds and they must be treated in mental hospitals. This is awful to be an FTM or MTF here in this region because people DO NOT understand you at all and they hate you because they think you are bringing your insanity with you everywhere you go and you should be isolated because you are sick.

That's totally and completely awful and sad. One of the many many reasons why i am not out yet. (((((

I've been in embarrasing situations.

One guy in high school opened the door for two twin sisters who were butch ladies and he said to them "ladies, ladies" and then when I came up he mumbled and went in front of me.  Then later on I had to get in a lunch line and unfortunately had to be behind the same guy and he looked at me and out of no where said "just because you look like a man, don't think you can pass in front of me"

In another situation my 5 year old nephew asked me in front of some young boys if I was a boy or girl.  I asked him what he thought I was and he said boy.  I just said okay.

In another situation I was going into the girl's room at my middle school and one girl became scared and said she thought I was a boy.

Then I got asked a question of why I dressed like a boy.

Not totally trans related but I thought I'd share.  Look on the bright side, at least you do pass pre transition!  It can only get better if you do decide to transition in the future.

First day of high school, my friend from middle school who knew I was biologically female (but didn't know I was trans, she never questioned it didn't care, probably thought I was a lesbian) and I were on the bus back home, and met a bunch of girls and hung out with them the entire way back. They gave me a hug and thought I was a regular guy. In the next few days, my friend said "she" or "her" or something like that and all 5-6 of the girls' mouths dropped open and they wouldn't shut their mouths for the next few minutes. Kept on saying "THAT'S A GIRL? WHAT?" It was horrible; I ditched my friend, changed my class schedule, and never went on that bus again.

Also within that week, my teacher called out my name for the first time in that class. All the guy friends I made were shocked and disgusted. The guy behind me was like "you're lying. pull your shirt up! you're a guy...pull your shirt up dude! stop lying to us this is stupid" and I said "no...I'm a ... girl" Ugh that was terrible. The whole class was like what the...? :O In another class, same issue. An idiot said "YOU'RE A ->-bleeped-<-?!?!?!" and he and his buddy were sitting there laughing for 45 minutes non-stop, the teacher was wondering what happened to them, if they were on drugs. Anyways, I left school to be homeschooled at home within the next week. I couldn't take it. It was terrible.

I was recently beaten twice by a woman who doesn't approve of my transition.  The first time was just outside a 7-eleven on a busy street.  She basically insured I wouldn't hit back by having someone film it and saying things like, "Real men don't hit women.  Why don't you hit me and prove you're a girl!"  I got a bible to the eye and then the second time I got the side of my eyebrow cut open with a blow.

They were hurling abuse and outing me in public and that's what hurt the most because it was embarrassing.  Then reporting it to police was twice as bad.  I haven't been able to change my name for immigration reasons, and the police kept using wrong name and pronouns.  Then responding to me saying something like, "I didn't want to hit a girl" with things like "But, you are a girl!"

So yeah, there's always embarrassing moment out there, you're not alone, bro.  Hang tough!

Oh man, Jack! I really feel sorry for you. That totally sucks! ):

I never experienced anything like that, but when I arrived at high school I had short hair, wore boyish clothes, etc. so everyone mistook me for a boy at first. I had just made a friend, and she said later that she didn't dare to ask whether I was a boy or girl, thus avoided pronouns, LOL! Well, I couldn't lie to them, the thought never occurred in my naive child's brain, so I just said "I'm a girl" a couple of "WUT!?"-s"WOW!"-s and "she must be crazy"-s later it was more or less done with the 'fun'.
Some guys in my class kept calling me 'it' all the time though, and obnoxiously asking "ARE YOU A BOY OR A GIRL?" (not out of curiosity, they already knew the answer) They just kept going, and eventually I just decided to grow my hair out to appear at least a BIT more female. I've had shoulder length hair since, and dreaded up in 5th grade. (after which I was called 'rasta' and 'pot-head' for a couple days, but I didn't care)

But yeah, in middle/elementary school 90% of my friends were guys. In high school that changed, 'cause they started treating me noticeably different because of my gender (in elementary school is was enough if you weren't too wimpy, not afraid of dirt and liked 'rough' games), and I got mainly (tomboyish) female friends because the guys kind of bullied me out of the group (EVERY single guy was picking on me ALL THE TIME. At a point I got totally fed up with that and told myself I would NEVER befriend a guy again (I have broken my own vows already lol))

I think embarassing moments are part of transitioning. Not all guys are lucky enough to pass right away, so there is this awkward phase in which you are in between. Depending on the light, your stance etc people see you as a guy or girl.

One very awkward moment I had was with a friend of mine. She didn't know I was trans yet. We were doing fieldwork, catching and bloodsampling birds, in spring on an island. There were many tourists there. When we were having a lunchbreak in the woods, a tourist stopped and asked what we were doing. My friend explained the research. Then the man turns to me. "So you are out and about with your girlfriend, eh?". It was so obviously clear he thought I was a boy, and she was my girlfriend. My friend looked at me like O.o. Aaaaakwaaaard.

Or that time when we were all standing outside of a student's café after a nice evening of drinking beer together. Two guys approach me and ask me what my deal was. They had no idea if I were a boy or girl, and if I were the former, I would be very young, which was odd at a university. I just told them I was a 15 year old genius boy....They believed it.

There are more examples like that when I am called a Sir by others, and friends (who don't know I'm trans) look at me funny. I always say that I don't mind it at all. It's my way of preparing them for when I do come out of the closet to them. That's how I deal with it. I laugh about it (which is easy, because I always enjoy being called a Sir) and then shrug it off. It's no big deal, and apart from the awkardness that seems to go with it, I love it!

Mr. X:

Quote from: Mr.X on June 16, 2013, 03:58:58 AM
I just told them I was a 15 year old genius boy....They believed it.

Lol!

Jossef:

For most of my life, I was extremely shy, nervous around people, and hardly had a day where I didn't get embarrassed over something. Then when I started transitioning, it seemed like although I had fewer embarrassing moments, they were a lot worse, and sometimes I just wished I could be invisible or move to some distant country just to escape the embarrassment.

I got tired of having my whole day revolve around one incident (like if someone called me "she," I used to spend the whole rest of the day thinking about it and getting angry and upset over it). I got tired of getting embarrassed over every little thing and worrying about what other people think of me. I wanted to change, so I did.

Now, I'm at the point where nothing really embarrasses me anymore. For instance, I just remind myself that if someone gets my gender wrong, it doesn't say anything about me; it just shows that they're not smart enough to figure out that someone with a male haircut, male clothes, male voice, and male mannerisms is, shockingly enough, a male! If someone does or says something that makes me feel awkward or uncomfortable, I either confront them about it or I brush it off and don't think about it for a second longer than absolutely necessary.

The way I see it, you can only be embarrassed by something if you let yourself believe it's embarrassing. So the easiest way to not let things like that bother you is to just assign them no importance in your mind. If someone gets my gender wrong, I don't think things like, "Oh no! I'm not passing today; what am I doing wrong? Is my voice not deep enough? Is it because I don't have facial hair? Is it this shirt?" anymore. I don't even think about it. I don't try to analyze why they got my gender wrong. If anything, I tell myself that that person really doesn't know me at all, since they can't even see that I'm obviously a guy.

This may sound strange, but I've found that if I act as though I'm superior to everyone,* it compensates for any fears over how people perceive me. If I act as though other people's opinion of me is completely irrelevant, then, since their opinion is worthless, it doesn't have the power to effect me. I am the only one whose opinion counts regarding whether I'm masculine enough or whatever.

To sum it up: confidence is effing amazing. You can compensate for practically anything if you have enough confidence. I've had people get my gender right, then after talking to me for a few minutes, notice my chest (I can't bind; it's noticeable) and then continue the conversation still using the right pronouns. To me, that's proof that confidence is more important than whether you "look male" or not: if there's no doubt in your mind that you're male, other people can sometimes sense that, and there's nothing to be embarrassed about.


*I don't mean that I act like a jerk. It's a mindset thing, and I use it to feel more confident, not to be mean to people.

Jack, that's so awful! What a dumb hoe. I'm sorry to hear that.
I'm constantly worried about not being able to hit women now. I haven't gotten in many fights, but I have anger issues and worry about not being able to keep from beating a woman down one day. I got into a fight with this doped-up 40-some year old woman in a Waffle House last year because she started talking crap on my MTF friend and then threw a punch at my other friend who was defending her. If a woman's throwing punches at my female friends, I'm not quite sure where the line is on that one.

I can't imagine the embarrassing moments I'll have once I start on T, but I already have them sometimes now. Last week, when I was delivering to this woman's house in my female pants and long hair wig, as I turned to leave I heard her little girl ask, "Is that a girl?" I know I look a little MTF in my wig, but usually young kids see long hair and assume it's a girl. So that was pretty baffling to me.

Then I went to my midnight grocery store in male clothes without my wig. The cashier had seen me without my wig before with my friend (we're semi-regulars there), but this was her first time seeing me alone. She kind of looked at me strange, and when she talked to me while checking me out, she kept switching between asking indirectly about my FRIENDS to asking about my one specific friend. She looked uncomfortable the entire time, and I thought maybe she was mistaking me with someone else somehow. Then it dawned on me: she wasn't sure if me and wig me were different people or not, and she wasn't sure whether there were just two of us who went in there or three of us altogether.

I've had so many awkward situations I don't think much of them anymore.  There's the obvious bathroom ones, which are leaning more towards the scary side than awkward, such as when the landlord of a pub opened the door and tried to pull me out by the collar.

Just plain awkward ones always happen to me when I have to show my (female) ID though.  I was in the bank once to deposit a cheque and some cash, and the woman asked if I had my card, I said that I did and put it into the machine.  She stopped what she was doing and asked if that was really me, and then started grilling me on where I'd gotten the money.  It wasn't until I asked her to change my address from the one of the pub I'd previously lived and worked in to my new house that she twigged and realised that I really had gotten the money from working.  I don't know where she thought I'd gotten the money from, or suspecting me of doing with it, but she clearly didn't believe I was old enough to have the money that I did have.

Another time I went to the library and it was all going well until she saw my name come on the screen as she scanned the card to check the book out.  She looked surprised and said "Oh so it's not actually your library card?"   I'd been doing something with my grandmother's the day before and picked it back up to check it was mine, and then had to explain that it was mine, and my name is [birthname].

A lot of awkwardness happens when I'm with my friends and someone talks to us, calling me "young man" or referring to us collectively as male, because I'm not out to them.  Then there normally comes a situation where they asks for our names, and have to get me to spell mine out despite it being three letters long because they can't believe they've heard me right the first time.

Oh the joys of being trans and not yet having a name change...

Yesterday at work they put me in the little kids' section, which meant I was getting questions and comments all day.  "Are you a man or a woman?.  "Why you do sound like a girl?"  *whispers to her sister* "He sounds like a woman".  "Why do to you look like a boy but you sound like girl?"  It doesn't bother me that much when it's just the kids.  I can usually just joke with them or brush over it and they drop it.  It's when the parents are listening that it's really awkward.

I was also out with a bunch of friends last week when someone who knew me from high school recognized me and was like "what's your name?" and I had to tell her my former name.  Luckily most of the friends I was with knew me from before I changed it and didn't think anything of it, but a few of them had no idea i had changed it and they started a conversation about it.  I like to keep as few new people knowing as possible.

The worst recently was at an awards ceremony for my little sister for JROTC.  I was in it when I was in high school and at one point they have all the former cadets stand up and they introduce us.  When the Colonel introduced me by my female name and made sure to point out that he's had all four of us girls I was mortified.  Especially since the kids sitting around me had been calling me sir all night.

Just to reiterate what dreaming.forever said: confidence is key. 

I've lost a lot of confidence but it's slowly coming back and you notice a big difference between great confidence and being unsure of yourself.  Before I was passing a lot better and now, well nothing really has changed physically but by questioning my own pass-ability it's reflecting in others where I can tell they're unsure.  It wasn't helped by having a butterfly stitch on my face and with each 2nd look wondering if it was the injury or if they were questioning what I was.

But being confident can get you a long way.  Like when that girl was talking to you, Jossef, would it have been possible to give a male name?  Maybe just using a guy name regardless of legalities would help, depending on circumstances of course.  If this isn't safe for you to do so, I understand.  I'm not legally Jack yet but I give that name anyway.  My GP even has me down as Jack and it's not legally changed yet (lucky!)  You don't have to have the name on an ID for you to use it.  Another way to handle it is making a masculine name out of your name, or going by initials.  Like instead of me saying I'm Jack I could say I'm J, or JM.  And if you cannot do any of that, just say your female name and look nonchalant.  If they go running, shrug it off and move on.  Even though it may be eating you up inside and you may feel embarrassed to the max, just act like you really don't give a crap and brush it off.  That confidence will speak wonders.  We're going to get the "lesbian" label a lot when people find out, but just be confident and say, "There's nothing wrong with being a lesbian, but I'm straight; I like girls".  The former part is up to you, I just like to add that because I find that to judge over sexual orientation is just as bad as to be dismissive of transgenders.

Know how I get a little boost out of my negative experience?  Realising I'm embarrassed because I am a guy.  I got beaten by a woman, which is embarrassing.  However, I took the moral high ground and didn't hit back.  I could have destroyed her very easily.  I have 2 black belts and several medals and trophies for sparring.  I could have ended her in seconds.  But instead, I took a minor beating and resisted the temptation to fight back because as a guy, I couldn't justify hitting her. 

Have to point out here that if a woman comes at you in a life threatening manner - fight back!  I'm not stupid.  If she had a gun, knife, or any proper weapon other than a bible, I WOULD have struck back.  I'm not suggesting one get killed over chivalry.

So it may be a cheek to talk as I slowly but surely regain my confidence, but try to seek something positive out of every negative or embarrassing situation.  If something embarrassing happened as a result of being "figured out", then yeah, that's horrible and embarrassing...BUT, you initially passed!  If I can find the positive in an assault, there's some hope out there.  Not suggesting it's easy, not at all, but just remember that we've all shared our embarrassments here, and even sharing my own actually helped me to a degree, along with hearing all the other stories; some I could relate to or some that just made me cringe and feel empathy.  So you're not alone and we all fight through those embarrassments in the quest to be who we really are.

Being transgender is like a hero's journey.  It's not an easy life to live and it's not going to be something that comes easy to very many.  Along the way we're going to be knocked down and defeated, but look at every superhero movie, that's the staple of every story.  Bane kicked the crap outta Batman before he came back to win the day.  He could have just stayed in the hole and felt sorry for himself for the rest of his life, but he fought back.  We're the Batmans and Supermans of reality.  We face the beat-downs and we have to fuel ourselves to get right back up and fight back.  And to help us do that we have a community of superheroes to rely on when our chips are down to get our hopes and spirits right back up and ready for the next battle.  As our journeys progress, we may face less battles and maybe live our lives blending in with society, no longer up for the battle call (stealth).  That call may yet still come one day, then it may not, but we're superheroes to the end and we should be proud to live out the journey.

This nice lady I work with brings her son to work some Saturdays, he's around ten years old. Though all my co-workers call me Ash or Ashton and use the correct pronouns this kid insists that I'm female. It's actually pretty strange to me since I pass 99% with boys until the age of 16 then they start questioning my gender. :/  Just really annoying having to deal with that kid.

Almost got in a fight with my sisters boyfriend because she told him about me. He started calling me "hun" and "babe" all the time and started chanting "Ashley, I love you" one night. When it came time to fight he hid in his car. It was a scene for the neighbors so cops were called. They were on my side and didn't care about my being transgender, but my sister stayed by her man. That was the lose there, we used to be so close. ...But since I beat the ->-bleeped-<- out of the douche bags car that night he hasn't harassed me. (shrugs) Guess I proved I'm a man.