Hi,

   As bizarre as this is considering that I was born male bodied, I need to ask what it is like to be a male.  I've been wondering what it is that I've been missing. I also think the only people who can give me a good response are people who understand gender issues.  I have male friends who couldn't possibly answer this because they've never had to think about it.

  What does it feel like to be male?
  How do you feel or see the world through a male perspective?
  How does being male effect your daily life?
  How does being male effect the way you present yourself to the world?

  Thanks for any responses.  I don't mean any offense. I'm just curious and I'd like to hear it from people who understand what it means to be male.


Peace,

Rebecca
 

I don't know.....

I could never figure it out nor understand the essence of it.

I'm not at all saying this pejoratively but as a woman, I just didn't get it.

And it's astounding how much pain that this caused.

feels right.  I can do anythin I want.  dont gotta hide.  feels like my life.

Quote from: Hidrix on June 28, 2007, 03:29:08 AM
feels right.  I can do anythin I want.  dont gotta hide.  feels like my life.

You know Chris, there is alot in that simple and clear statement.

It says it all.

Hi Chris,

   Are we calling you "Chris" or "Hidrix", or is either one okay?

   I'm glad that being male feels right for you. Your answer really is a good one.

It feels free and natural and I feel unselfconscious.

Dennis

For me, it felt like being a soldier or police officer: strong(er), protective, with a responsibility to watch out for others. There's a certain nobleness to it, which ain't half bad really. And as with soldiers, there's a respect that comes with it as well - which I guess is part of that "male privilege" people mention. You even see the male comraderie thing, just as soldiers do...

Yea, yea I know, I'm transitioning to a female, so I should be saying, "I was NEVER a male!" But hey, let's face it, I grew up that way, I was socialized that way... though I'll admit I was STILL treated AS IF I was a girl anyway - which frustrated the heck outa me.

But I DID get a taste of it, and I have to really give a nod of respect and admiration to the men... *especially* the ones who fight like hell to become the men they always were. It's a bit of a thankless job at times I think, and I just hope they'll forgive me for deserting them now for the "other side"...

~Kate~

Quote from: RebeccaFog on June 28, 2007, 06:48:49 AM
Hi Chris,

   Are we calling you "Chris" or "Hidrix", or is either one okay?

   I'm glad that being male feels right for you. Your answer really is a good one.

I do not wish to offend the man and he will correct me if I have inadvertently done so.

The intent was derived from affection.

And my tone toward you Rebecca, is not at all born of disrespect nor terseness. 


Posted on: June 28, 2007, 05:18:59 PM

---

Quote from: Kate on June 28, 2007, 01:38:01 PM
For me, it felt like being a soldier or police officer: strong(er), protective, with a responsibility to watch out for others. There's a certain nobleness to it, which ain't half bad really. And as with soldiers, there's a respect that comes with it as well - which I guess is part of that "male privilege" people mention. You even see the male comraderie thing, just as soldiers do...

~Kate~

I hadn't thought of that characteristic, but it exists still, undiminished in intensity.

Mine is something of a 'killer instinct' if you will, but it is only active in a defensive or protective posture.

Cold-blooded, calculating, vicious and utterly fearless, I protect those whom I love and care about.

This has always been characteristic, but after starting HRT and transition, I found myself ruminating upon it and really analyzing it.

And then I was really questioning what the "gender" of that mode really was, all of these years.

I don't know....it somehow did not feel totally masculine and the sheer ferocity of the 'instinct'....I don't know.

Obviously, much of the intensity of the mindset was clearly sublimated rage and anger, but these didn't explain it all.

And then I thought, "Is this in reality not a 'paternal' instinct, but a maternal protective instinct greatly augmented by accrued anger and rage?"

[nodding her head solemnly]

Perhaps so.

Hi Rhonda,

  No sweat here. I didn't take your response as terse or anything. 
  I was just wondering how I should address Chris.

I think I thought of a new question.   How do you men know that you are male?

   Again, I am not trying to be rude. I am curious and maybe I'm going about asking this in the wrong way. If you were blind from birth, and nobody referred to you by gender as a child, how would you know what you are.  What defines your self image.

Maybe this is too slippery a topic for me to tackle.  I myself am neither male nor female and so it's possible that my mind will never grasp the concept.

Looking at the replies so far on the two threads. For both male and female it feels the same. If you are the gender in question it feels right, if you aren't it feels wrong.

Becky,

If you are born with a male body and don't tell people what is going on in your head then people with think you are a male.

Here are a few things to consider:
1. Males always talked about how many females that did or were going to do.  That never appealed to me if that is a true male.  I am only very gentle and considerate with a female.   
2. Most males do not like to be pretty.
3. Most males want females to handle something.

I have both male and female friends.  I can relate to activities of either gender.

I can relate to a lot of what is stated by both the MTF and the FTM.

Every question that someone asks generates new questions for me.

I ask, "How do you know if you are female?"

I seem to relate very well to the not being a male except males tend to be muscular and I much stronger than a female.  I am not sure if I totally relate to being a female.

I am not going to take my shirt off in public and I do wear a shirt to bed.  I am not comfortable with anyone knowing that I have gender issues.  I hide everything I can hide related to gender issues.

Becky does any of this make any sense?

Yes, Wendy.  It makes sense.  I think you've come the closest to saying something I can work with.

Maybe it's me, but I think the answers in both threads tend to be vague. I suspect that the nature of the question may be difficult to capture with words.

Quote from: RebeccaFog on June 28, 2007, 10:02:09 PM
Maybe it's me, but I think the answers in both threads tend to be vague. I suspect that the nature of the question may be difficult to capture with words.

Becky,
I always thought things were black or white.  At 25 I learned that some people that were born males were actually female and vice versa.  I wondered if that was my problem.

At 51 I joined this forum and learned there are people that are "gray".  They can be both or none!  What?

Here is my reasoning if a person goes from MTF and feels exactly the same as the end as when they started then they are non-gendered and just wasted a big part of their life.  That is not good.

If a person has both genders then their should be a point in which they feel "balanced."  (Unless there is such a thing as a "sliding" scale.  Then they might be good one day and wrong the next.)

Is there such a thing a a person being male and female but moving between the genders over time?  Could they be 30% male then 70% female and years later move to 70% male and 30% female and then years later have another ratio?

We need our resident androgyne experts.

Quote from: Wendy on June 28, 2007, 11:06:29 PM

We need our resident androgyne experts.

yeah, they rule.

I'll take a stab at it...

What does it feel like to be male?
Being born with a male body or desiring to have the same type of physical body as men aside... feeling male means identifying WITH other males. The feeling of being male is the ability to understand and strongly empathize with the group of humans we call men. Mens' interests, desires, and concerns are in kinship and accord with one's own. Feeling male is an emotional resonance.

Feeling a little like the other sex or gender is normal for just about everyone. Most Cisgender folks have the ability to feel kinship with the other gender to a healthy degree. If you took a poll, the average Cisgender person would likely say they understand and empathize with the 'opposite' sex somewhere between 20% to 65% while retaining a full identification with their own birth gender. But most Cisgender folks don't think about it much. Generally, I think the human ability to understand and empathize with the 'opposite' sex has a tendency to increase with age.

In a Transgender Community, where it's ALL ABOUT GENDER, we have a habit of putting any male or female feelings and identifications under a microscope. Feeling 100% male or female, or 80/20 or 70/30 is a BIG DEAL because of the strong crossgender identification and desires to be accepted as a member of the other sex.

Androgynes, on the other hand, feel no positive identification with either sex/gender group, or can be so full of empathy and understanding for both gender groups as to encompass and transcend gender entirely. An Androgyne can feel anything feel anything from 0/0% to 25/25% and upwards to 100/100%. See the difference?

I have spoken to a few Androgynes who have transitioned, or nearly transitioned, from male to female. One of them lives in Thailand, owning a business that caters to patients newly recovering from SRS. For a short time after their own SRS they lived as a woman. Today, they dress in a gender neutral manner and live a happy and contented life, with no regrets for their prior SRS. For an Androgyne, it seems a male body is equally good (or as bad) as a female body. For a non self-aware Androgyne to be diagnosed in error as transsexual it would likely be an entirely different story.

That's it for my observations and insights! For further info on male feelings and how gender identification may shift over time, I think you'd need to ask someone who is crossgender or Cisgender.

-Emerald 

QuoteWe need our resident androgyne experts.

I identify as androgyne, but I'm no expert  As I replied in the thread about what it feels like to be female, I never received the owner's manual for being male. I don't know how to be a guy, plain and simple, it's just never felt right to me. I don't know how to relate to men as one of them. I feel more female than male, however I don't think I can truly say what it feels like to be female either. I'm not even sure I could say what it is to be androgyne, except that for me it's a feeling of being neither gender, none of the above options fit.

zythyra 

Its uh...not feeling like a woman? :x

People always ask me this when I mention I'm trans, and all I can say is you just know.

Nick