First, an introduction. Hello - I'm Henry, 21 now from a small part of Northern England. 

Without boring you too much about my past and feelings, the "trans feelings" have been getting me down on and off since I was 17. I successfully shrug them off for months on end in between, but I don't handle it very well. Seems like the inbetween periods involve me entering "fits of masculinity" where I can never feel "man enough" and get extremely aggressive and horrible at other people over absolutely nothing. It involves putting myself down over things where I  think I wasn't man enough - even so far as to avoid getting acquainted and involved with women for fear of not being man enough.

Anyway, I don't really see taking these issues further as an option. Which leads to my question: is there any way to put this stuff behind me without transitioning, and to avoid it from creeping up again in future?

I think it would ruin my life as I'm already past puberty, too old and puberty has basically turned me into a neanderthal, so it's impossible for me to ever look female and be treated seriously.

But I don't want to feel like this again in the future, and I want to be able to relax without judging myself and being nasty to other people because of my own insecurities. Is there anyone here who has taken a "non transition" route and is coping with it?

Thanks for your time.

Quote from: Bwe on June 18, 2013, 03:59:05 PM
First, an introduction. Hello - I'm Henry, 21 now from a small part of Northern England. 

Without boring you too much about my past and feelings, the "trans feelings" have been getting me down on and off since I was 17. I successfully shrug them off for months on end in between, but I don't handle it very well. Seems like the inbetween periods involve me entering "fits of masculinity" where I can never feel "man enough" and get extremely aggressive and horrible at other people over absolutely nothing. It involves putting myself down over things where I  think I wasn't man enough - even so far as to avoid getting acquainted and involved with women for fear of not being man enough.

Anyway, I don't really see taking these issues further as an option. Which leads to my question: is there any way to put this stuff behind me without transitioning, and to avoid it from creeping up again in future?

I think it would ruin my life as I'm already past puberty, too old and puberty has basically turned me into a neanderthal, so it's impossible for me to ever look female and be treated seriously.

But I don't want to feel like this again in the future, and I want to be able to relax without judging myself and being nasty to other people because of my own insecurities. Is there anyone here who has taken a "non transition" route and is coping with it?

Thanks for your time.

Non-transition is an option.. But you will need the help of a gender therapist. This is something that will follow you for life - it does not go away.

Quote from: Bwe on June 18, 2013, 03:59:05 PM
First, an introduction. Hello - I'm Henry, 21 now from a small part of Northern England. 

Without boring you too much about my past and feelings, the "trans feelings" have been getting me down on and off since I was 17. I successfully shrug them off for months on end in between, but I don't handle it very well. Seems like the inbetween periods involve me entering "fits of masculinity" where I can never feel "man enough" and get extremely aggressive and horrible at other people over absolutely nothing. It involves putting myself down over things where I  think I wasn't man enough - even so far as to avoid getting acquainted and involved with women for fear of not being man enough.

Anyway, I don't really see taking these issues further as an option. Which leads to my question: is there any way to put this stuff behind me without transitioning, and to avoid it from creeping up again in future?

I think it would ruin my life as I'm already past puberty, too old and puberty has basically turned me into a neanderthal, so it's impossible for me to ever look female and be treated seriously.

But I don't want to feel like this again in the future, and I want to be able to relax without judging myself and being nasty to other people because of my own insecurities. Is there anyone here who has taken a "non transition" route and is coping with it?

Thanks for your time.

Hello Bwe and welcome.

I don't really know if there are any ways of actual coping but there are some things you can do that help.

Kelly's right. It is always there and if anything grows stronger in time. Your only 21 and I would suggest working through it now if you can. Therapy can allow you to see options, also to come to terms with yourself, what you need to do to be happy with yourself and so on.

I have taken the non transition route but I am feminine mentally, fairly feminine facially and not so masuline bodily (but can be masculine if I want or need to be) and don't suffer crippling GID like so many do. Transitioning for me is not off the table though and I have no idea how I will feel in 5 minutes or tomorrow let alone a year from now or longer. But I am afforded opportunities in public to let the femme side show in the way I dress, makeup, hair and so on without all the negative actions and reactions that come along with it so that has helped me cope in the past and still helps in the present.

I can tell you agression is part of it right along with anger, anxiety, depression, low self esteem, self hate and other things and one of the main reasons I suggest therapy. I still suffer these things sometimes but can usually get it under control. If not, it don't last as long as it used to anyway.

I hope this helps. If you have anymore questions about the non transition route just ask. Again welcome.

Hi Henry 

Welcome to Susan's    Glad to have you here

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V M

Hi Henry, welcome to Susan's Place from New England! Poke around the boards, most of the heavy lifting here is in the form of learning from others through shared experiences. Your experiences help build the site, too. See you around, hugs, Devlyn

Hi Henry,

Welcome to our little family. Over 11705 . That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another member.


Janet  )O(

Hi Henry,
     You're not alone my friend! Be sure and read through the Androgyne forum, there are a lot of us that aren't transitioning all the way and some not at all while still having and coping with similar issues.

Henry, as Shantel points out, we are a diverse community with member from all parts of the gender spectrum.  Our non-binary members often post in the Androgyne forum.

You may very well be genderfluid, to some extent.  Not everyone transitions, and for some of us, there is nothing to transition to!