Since I just joined the site, I thought I'd post my own journey to finally accepting who I am, just to get some thoughts from the rest of the members who've gone through what I did, and have results.
I suppose everything started in middle school really. I didn't identify well with guys, and I had a lot of female friends. That continued into high school, where the serious stuff started. I was envious of the clothing girls got to wear, how they looked so beautiful with what they could wear: skirts, V-necks, heels, etc. That's when I started going through my mom's drawers and trying things on. Eventually, I got to doing it after school every day until my dad would get home. I was able to convince my dad to call me when he was close so I'd have time to change back to regular clothing. There were close calls, but I was never caught.
When I started college, everything stopped. I started dating my first girlfriend, just to keep up an image. At college, I was in a dorm with a roommate, so there wasn't a lot I could do physically. However, the freedom of college meant I could go online and do whatever I wanted. Sexually, I wasn't active, but I had desires. So, I spent my time doing online sex. However, I always pretended to be a girl.
During the summers, when I was home, I'd save a little bit of money and nervously grab panties or a skirt, and hide them at home. However, I was always scared my parents would find them, so I threw them away after a week or so.
When I met my wife, we went through a summer where I revealed to her that I liked wearing women's clothing. She was nervous about it, but she loved me and decided to go along with it for a little. She bought me some panties and a skirt, and a pair of pajamas. But, after a few weeks, I didn't wear any one day, and she was convinced I was over the "phase." Since she was convinced, so was I. So, I went back to wearing clothing when no one was around.
After college, we lived with my parents for a few months, and then moved to an apartment. At both times, I would wear when no one was around. I stopped spending money on clothing though, and just wore hers.
Even after we got married, and eventually moved into a house, I still wore when she wasn't around. I spend a lot of time while she's at work wearing, and sometimes I go online and act like a girl.
Overall, I have a happy life with my wife and son, but when I wear, I feel like I'm cheating on my wife. That's sort of where I realized something had to be done. That's why I'm ready. I'm done hiding. But I need the support of others, so I want to start therapy first. I'm almost certain I'll lose my marriage, and I can't imagine how a judge would rule for custody. I suppose I'll deal with that when the issue arises. Right now, I need to learn to be honest with myself, find a therapist, and work with them for some time.
Any advice you can give is helpful. Thanks!
