Though I do not know what will happen when I come out to my wife. I predict it won't be pretty. My question is : is there any way for her to stop my transition? Does she have some power as my spouse? I know I want to transition, as long as my therapist OKs it. Insurance is through my job, and I will be getting a credit card and taking my paychecks okff direct deposit (as precautions) . So money isn't going to stop me.
I guess what I'm asking is, can she go to my therapist or a lawyer and say "he's not allowed to continue "

I well not really. If you love her she can say do it and I will leave. Or if you have kids she can say she will take them away or crap like that. But she can't really make you not transition. She can have a say in how much you lose if your married with kids though

Don't worry at all about her being able to stop your treatment. It's your medical insurance and its entirely up to you to make your own medical decisions.

Everyone is right above about the other legal issues involving potential divorce or custody issues. I say custody because its not like one parent can just unilaterally make you give up your parental rights. There are horror stories, but if the worst comes to worst, get an attorney and do it right nd you'll be fine don't freak out yet though, you haven't told her and you don't know how she'll react. You may be surprised

The worst case scenario is all that I think about. I would give up things for wasting 8 years of her life (at least that's what I feel like). I know I might get surprised, but I doubt it'd last with her family. I want to do HRT, and live female. Sure, my wife might be supportive, but once it becomes real, it'll only take a year or so before she has to say something. And then it'll either be her losing her entire family, or losing me. I don't think she'd tolerate living with a woman for the rest of her life.

She can't physically stop you but she can withhold her love and hurl emotional abuse your way. The only way to find out is to do it. Without knowing more about your situation and if she has any indication that you are trans, it is very hard to gauge her reaction. People can surprise you though. Hope it works out!

Quote from: ChelseaAnn on June 21, 2013, 04:58:10 AM
Though I do not know what will happen when I come out to my wife. I predict it won't be pretty. My question is : is there any way for her to stop my transition? Does she have some power as my spouse? I know I want to transition, as long as my therapist OKs it. Insurance is through my job, and I will be getting a credit card and taking my paychecks okff direct deposit (as precautions) . So money isn't going to stop me.
I guess what I'm asking is, can she go to my therapist or a lawyer and say "he's not allowed to continue "

Nope.  She can leave you though.  Not sure what state/country you are in, or if you are under community property laws.

Communication is the key.  Tell her you are in therapy.

FYI, in S. Korea where I live, married transsexual person is required to be divorced legally before undergoing SRS.

Although it is not any kind of law, the physician refused to prescribe medications for my transition. He said he will do if I visit his office again with my wife. And I gave up HRT. My wife accepts me very well, and I have to respect her thought and emotion.

IMHO, talking (not arguing) frequently with your spouse would be more important than legal issues.

barbie~~

If you can afford it see a lawyer for peace of mind and it also demonstrates that you have intelligently considered the consequences. You will be advised to see a qualified therapist for an acceptable time and demonstrate you have explored all avenues and are fully aware of this decision and the social consequences.  She cant do anything other than divorce you and fight for custody. I have three ex wives and was more concerned about them declaring me incapable of managing my affairs and trying to take control of the Family Trust. No way they can do that either, if its just the gender issue and not aIn some mental one. The richer you are the more protection you should take with lawyers- you will be suprised what some people - especially a scorned spouse- will take.

Good luck.

Well, there is one thing that we never fixed: I'm the only name on the house. Of course, I wouldn't take it from her. Worst case scenario, we'd sell it and I'd give her half. I wouldn't want to take anything from her, considering if we got a divorce, I'd already have taken 8 years from her.

I'd only take what I need, and anything that was mine before we got married. I don't want to be a jerk and fight things out. I'd already feel bad enough coming out. So, I guess the ace in my hand is being the only name on the house.

Quote from: ChelseaAnn on June 22, 2013, 07:06:55 AM
Well, there is one thing that we never fixed: I'm the only name on the house. Of course, I wouldn't take it from her. Worst case scenario, we'd sell it and I'd give her half. I wouldn't want to take anything from her, considering if we got a divorce, I'd already have taken 8 years from her.

I'd only take what I need, and anything that was mine before we got married. I don't want to be a jerk and fight things out. I'd already feel bad enough coming out. So, I guess the ace in my hand is being the only name on the house.

It really doesn't matter who's name is on what. A judge usually looks at what youy guys accumulated together in that instance. In a worst case scenario and divorce is immenent, you can always work out between yourselves and your lawyers who get what.

Well, the house would probably terrify her. Her grandparents got a divorce years ago, and her grandfather only had his name on the house. So, he kicked his wife out and kept the entire house for himself.

I'd just want to make up to her the time I took from her. Guess there's no monetary value to be put on 8 years together...

The only way you get to keep the house for yourself is if you inherited it or if you bought and paid for it prior to the marriage.  Even in the latter case she would be entitled to 1/2 of the appreciation from the date of your marriage until now.  But to answer your question, no, she can't stop you.  And stop trying to predict what will happen - she may be more supportive than you think.  I would read everything I could find about how to have this conversation before I had it though.  There seems to be quite a bit of information out there.  Is she already aware of your being transgender or is this al whole new conversation for both of you?  I would take this in steps if you haven't had any conversations on this yet i.e. conv 1) I'm transgender and planning on going or am seeing a therapist about this.  I don't think I would start at I'm transitioning...

Good luck- positive thoughts - xoxo

Quote from: ChelseaAnn on June 21, 2013, 04:58:10 AM
Though I do not know what will happen when I come out to my wife. I predict it won't be pretty. My question is : is there any way for her to stop my transition? Does she have some power as my spouse? I know I want to transition, as long as my therapist OKs it. Insurance is through my job, and I will be getting a credit card and taking my paychecks okff direct deposit (as precautions) . So money isn't going to stop me.
I guess what I'm asking is, can she go to my therapist or a lawyer and say "he's not allowed to continue "

My advice is to think positively. So many times we think the worst and the opposite happens. Maybe she'll be content or even happy.

As for power to stop you? No, she can't tell your doctors or therapists they have to stop. She also can't tell your insurance company not to cover it. Just don't ever give anyone any reason to believe you're going to harm yourself and you should be safe with all that.

I wouldn't cut off direct deposit yet. Honestly I personally think you need to tell your wife before you get too far into the transition or the preparation for it.  The last thing you want is her to perceive it as you were/are sneaking around to transition. It's sometimes scary - especially at first - and challenging for our significant others, they often think all sorts of things at first while trying to cope or adjust. They need to know that you're there for them as much as they are for you. This won't send that message at all.

Quote from: ChelseaAnn on June 21, 2013, 04:58:10 AM
Though I do not know what will happen when I come out to my wife. I predict it won't be pretty. My question is : is there any way for her to stop my transition? Does she have some power as my spouse? I know I want to transition, as long as my therapist OKs it. Insurance is through my job, and I will be getting a credit card and taking my paychecks okff direct deposit (as precautions) . So money isn't going to stop me.
I guess what I'm asking is, can she go to my therapist or a lawyer and say "he's not allowed to continue "

I wouldn't stop that direct deposit until you're ready to tell her. That's going to raise some HUGE suspicions and if you try to sidestep the trans thing, her most likely response is going to have something to do with you planning on leaving. It'll probably make things worse if you're not open and honest with her up front.

If she can make your therapist prevent you from transitioning, then your therapist needs to not have a license.

Sounds like an awful lot of fear over how she'll react without actually saying anything to her yet. Where does it come from? 

Some is her family, most is previous experience. I told her years ago I wanted to wear women's clothes, but that lasted 2 weeks, and one day I didn't wear, and she was convinced I was "over it "

Quote from: ChelseaAnn on June 22, 2013, 09:52:20 AM
Some is her family, most is previous experience. I told her years ago I wanted to wear women's clothes, but that lasted 2 weeks, and one day I didn't wear, and she was convinced I was "over it "

This right here is a sign that she is probably going to handle it pretty well.

Quote from: ChelseaAnn on June 22, 2013, 07:06:55 AM
I'd already have taken 8 years from her.

This here I disagree with you about.  I don't think anyone who comes out as trans has necessarily taken something of value from their spouse.  Were the two of you happy dating, having kids and building a life together?  If so, and you have good memories, then don't let this overshadow all of that good stuff.  I assume you were a good spouse and built a lot of happy memories together.  Coming out as trans doesn't change the past, only the future

As a side note - if all the legal talk bothers you and you really wants to advice about it, I am an attorney and might be able to just put your mind at ease about all of that by letting you know what to worry about and what not to.  Just give me a shout