Two of my friends on facebook posted something that says "You can't ruin friendship with sex. That's like trying to ruin ice cream with chocolate sprinkles." Neither of them know I was raped by people who called themselves my friends or that so many guy friends I've had pressured me for sex and then tossed me aside because that was all they wanted. Even if they did, it's not like they should care. I understand there's nothing I can say that won't make me sound completely self centered and oversensitive right now. After all, just because I've been damaged by friendships ruined by sex, doesn't mean anyone else has and why would people watch what they say just because I'm a freak? I'm just triggered, creeped out, and angry (in general) and wish I could let it out somehow. The fact that anything I say would just make people scold me for making a big deal out of nothing is only adding to my anger.

You know, this is a very good way to handle these feelings. Remember, your feelings are valid. It's understandable that that would be upsetting. I have some triggers from drug addiction. Not that I'm comparing what was done to you to a voluntary act such as drug addiction. But I understand how you can get upset at these things. Triggers can sometimes be dangerous.

Quote from: Edge on June 21, 2013, 05:54:23 PM
The fact that anything I say would just make people scold me for making a big deal out of nothing is only adding to my anger.

Not everyone is born with empathy, I suppose. I'd like to think that most respectful people, if a friend were making a big deal, they would not assume it was a "big deal out of nothing". Instead, they would understand that their friend was hurting and see what they could do.

But Edge, IMO the fact that your friends were defensive says more about them than about you. They're not secure enough to handle a friend's emotional reaction without trying to justify themselves.

I know how hard triggers can be, but regardless you are hurting and your friends should be helpful. I have a friend that understands what it is like for me to go through everything with being transgender. She helps me to vent. I find that just talking to her helps. Do you have anybody close that you can vent with? If you don't it is okay to vent here. Bottling up your emotions for the sake of others when you are hurting like that often leads to more hurt. I have been in that cycle and it is never fun. On that note I know it is hard to open up. I hope everything works out hun.

-hugs-

I'm not close to anyone. Empathy does not exist for people like me. Or maybe I'm the only person like me. I don't know.

Believe in yourself and your feelings. If something that someone else says or does means that your feelings are meaningful and you are not making something out of nothing. If I went thru what you went thru and one of my friends knew and still just played it off like it is no big deal I don't think they would be my friend anymore. So no it is not just you.

No, it's not just you. I also get triggered by things that other people might find trivial, and it can put me into autistic shutdown when I come across them. In fact, it happened to me today, right here at Susan's, and I'm still not fully recovered.

You're entitled to feel upset, and I understand your reluctance to confront your friends. These things tend to escalate when they try to defend the indefensible and you could wind up feeling worse.

If you think you need to say something, have you considered responding in an oblique way? Such as by mentioning a celebrity who has been through something similar to you, without alluding to yourself? I can't think of any off the top of my head, but you could post something like 'well, it sure ruined the friendship of Jane Doe and Joe Bloggs, when he forced himself on her - and there's nothing funny about that'. That could get the message across without outing you.

I considered that, but I think it would just make people mad at me for being too serious.

*hugs Edge* I'm sorry.  I'm always the person who gets unhappy when people tell dead baby jokes because my mom had 3 misscarriages, one of which was when I was 5.  I told my mom I didn't want to have a little brother anymore and she said that was ok, that I wasn't going to have one anymore.  I didn't know what that meant till I was older, but I digress..

Some people just don't know what a filter is.  Sorry that happened to you.  You can always vent to me if you need.