My son is 18mo and his mother wants to know how I'm going to tell him or handle it with him. But I have no clue what to do!
How did yall handle it?

Quote from: Christinaaaa on June 23, 2013, 06:33:38 PM
My son is 18mo and his mother wants to know how I'm going to tell him or handle it with him. But I have no clue what to do!
How did yall handle it?

An 18-month old should have no trouble with a parent transitioning. He will grow up knowing you as one of his two female parents.

There is nothing you can say to get a 18-month old to understand. At that age they're just learning to recognize objects and put words to them. The concept of male or female, let alone transgender or transitioning is beyond him.

Just spend as much time with him as you can in your female presentation and he will grow up loving you as the woman you are.

As far as my daughter is concerned, I'm just her other mother.
I came out just before her 1st Birthday.  In three months I will have been Rowan for more than half her life.  If she ever asks, I'll explain things to her but I fully expect it to be something that for her, is basically irrelevant.  Given that your son is still so young, I wouldn't worry about what you'll say or not at this time.  He'll just end up surprising you anyway!

But his mom doesn't want him growing up with two "mommys" she thinks it will hurt him down the road. In school and such.

Quote from: Christinaaaa on June 23, 2013, 07:07:22 PM
But his mom doesn't want him growing up with two "mommys" she thinks it will hurt him down the road. In school and such.

This is not a problem with your son. This is a problem with his mother.

He will have a harder life than if he had a "traditional family", just as he would if you were in the military, you were famous, you traveled a lot for your job, you had a disability, you were a mixed-race couple, you practiced a religion with a commandment on how you were to dress, etc. etc. etc.

Luckily it is not our job as parents to furnish our kids with a perfect life. It is our job to make sure they learn from their challenges and grow up ready to face the world.

Research into children with LGBT parents consistently shows they do just as well, in every measure, as children raised by non-LGBT parents.

So what your really asking here is how you you convince your wife that your transition won't hurt your son.
That's a very different question, and one that would be very hard to answer not knowing you, or your wife at all.
I think the thing to do is talk to her about her concerns.  Ask her what she's afraid of and try to get to the root of her concerns.
My wife wis initially very resistant to our daughter calling me mother as well, so I was just going to be Rowan.  Eventually she relented, but it turned out what she had been most concerned about was that I I was allowed that title too, then somehow she was replaceable!
It's kind of Ironic that she had, essentially, the same fear that I get whenever I see her and her boyfriend (who is a great guy) together with our daughter.
They look so happy and hetero/cis normative.  It scares the crap out of me to think that I might be considered an unnecessary difficulty in my daughters life.
I guess my point is that what people say are their concerns often aren't their real concerns.

Also, "Damn you Suzi!" always just ahead of me with the same advice...

Quote from: Christinaaaa on June 23, 2013, 06:33:38 PM
How did yall handle it?

LOL What?? Trans can't handle diapers? If like my son . . .

question is : "How will he handle you" ! 

"Hey dad! (in a very loud voice) that person just called you "ma'am" ! 

"Being all you can be" doesn't mean you have to "dress the part too" !!

My son will be four in August and he's perfectly fine with having two dads. Mind you, he hasn't gone to school yet and he may be bullied, but bullies would find something regardless. As Suzi said, it is our job to teach and support them. Personally, I hope that showing him it's ok to be myself will help me teach him that it's ok for him to be himself too.

I'm glad that this thread is here. I'm going through the same thing now. My son is two and my wife thinks he's going to get bullied when he goes to school. 

Thanks for posting it Christinaaaa. 

Quote from: Christinaaaa on June 23, 2013, 06:33:38 PM
My son is 18mo and his mother wants to know how I'm going to tell him or handle it with him. But I have no clue what to do!
How did yall handle it?

Generally, people don't have conscious memories before the age of three.  It have been termed "childhood amnesia."

As a result of some recent life events, I find myself with 2 step-kids.. The eldest is 26, she just calls me Kelly (or Kel).. The youngest is 9 and we met while her mum was still alive, she calls me 'other Mum'..

My son, aged 2, has always been a tough squirt. He takes well to new situations and has no problem coping with mom now being dad and dad being mom. We still use our old terminology around others since we're not always passable (plus live in a conservative town), but he isn't bothered by it. If people ask "Why do you have two moms/dads?" Just say that, "We're just his parents and love him very much!" You don't have to go into detail or shame your son into thinking his family life is "weird". Just do your best to be the best mom you can be and keep open communication with your wife and son.

Just don't make it that big of a deal, but don't leave you family to deal with the hungry wolves. You have to find the balance as you start transitioning more. You might be surprised at how little your son is bothered by it especially if you've just not fussed over all the little things. Be supportive if he's upset by other kids but assure him that his family is normal just like the other kids' families. (Single parents, hetero parents, ect.) Before too long, not many people will get a second glance to gay/lesbian couples.

Most of all though, stay positive! All parents undergo drastic changes but they do their best to overcome. I wish you the best.