I've discovered that the narrow-minded people I grew up around are not the norm. If I hadn't been trans, I'd probably be one of them. The fact that I was different is what made me seek support groups and that allowed me to meet people that are at least trying to focus more on their own happiness than on how others perceive them. This blew me away.

I have been going through "layers" of adjusting to being transgender.

The first layer was when i realized that something was up and figured out that that i was androgyne. My past now made now made perfect sense, and I was able to accept that I had a male & female brain. One thing that was explained was that in my job i deal with all kinds of people and I had been subtly shifting the way i talked and related to people based on their gender and personality type to connect better. I never understood how that worked, exactly, before. Now i knew.

Until i figured out that i am actually bigender, and i needed low dose HRT to control it. Oh well, i can always hide the boobs, right? I went out en femme a couple of times at this stage and i learned how ridiculous women's shoes are, how long it actually takes to get ready, found out that the safety threats are real, and wondered why my pants had no usable pockets. As a forger guy i was oblivious to all of that. It made me appreciate my wife all that much more, and it made me appreciate the day to day crap that women are expected to go through. I also found out that my female side is far, far different than my male side. She is assertive, flirty, and fun loving. Me/boy? Not so much, carrying the burden of the world on my shoulders.

Money & time recently finally allowed me to be able to go to therapy, where the therapist told me that i'd probably eventually transition to MTF.

Whoa.

I'm still mulling this over, but one thing is clear - an elephant is consumed one bite at a time, right? If i am truly MTF than it will happen one bite at a time. I know that there are also benefits waiting for me at this stage too.

Pretty good introspective Riven, it resonates with me completely! 

Always thought I responded to this one, oh well. Strange thing but for me there really has not been a downside. I'm not saying that there haven't been difficult moments or frustrations but I am really happy to be able to transition. I didn't know you could do this til lately.

--Jay

The upsides are I have been able to become more empathetic of others, and that I've been able to see things from a male, female, and even androgynous perspective since sometimes I get seen as andro.

Quote from: E-Brennan on May 18, 2013, 05:17:59 PM
Sorry to be a downer, but I've yet to see the good news.  Perhaps it's far too early.  But right now, it's all bad news.   

It's always darkest before dawn, right?

Or brightest after it. 

For me it simply helps to have a label; it has given me a sense of self-confidence and security in my own identity. Non-binary people aren't often represented in the media, and for a while I wasn't aware that there were really options beyond "male" and "female", neither of which I identified with. Finding out about non-binary identified people helped me understand why I struggled with gender dysphoria without identifying as a woman, why thinking about my body so often caused me distress and yet I didn't want to have curves or boobs, why I shriveled up inside whenever anyone called me a "man" or "guy" but didn't want to be called "she", why men's thought patterns seemed like those of another species sometimes, yet women's too were sometimes quite different from my own.

I also shed my kind of bitter feelings towards trans people. Don't get me wrong, I was always very accepting of different expressions of gender, and vocally supported people I knew who chose to transition. I was always friendly and even celebrated their identities. But there was this not-so-subtle envy that they were expressing themselves the way they wanted, whereas I felt trapped. Putting my finger on what it was has allowed me to be more open and generally more content with myself than I was before.

Quote from: Brightest After Dawn on June 14, 2013, 09:09:23 AM

I also shed my kind of bitter feelings towards trans people. Don't get me wrong, I was always very accepting of different expressions of gender, and vocally supported people I knew who chose to transition. I was always friendly and even celebrated their identities. But there was this not-so-subtle envy that they were expressing themselves the way they wanted, whereas I felt trapped. Putting my finger on what it was has allowed me to be more open and generally more content with myself than I was before.

I totally get it. It seems so unfair how others can be so happy while we have to suffer. How others could be seen as themselves whereas we always have to hide ourselves, as if who we are is a shameful secret. But the good thing is, you can always turn that situation around.

Btw, there are options for you too, Brightest After Dawn, as far as transition goes. Not all trans people, binary or not, choose to transition. But if you do, it doesn't have to be a full transition. Just hrt if you feel that's right for you, or just changing the way you dress, or the way you speak, or even changing your name and the pronouns you want to be used for you. Anyways, I love that you're so positive now and are becoming more content with yourself and your life. That's the best part about accepting yourself. The joy of it all so amazing.

Quote from: suzifrommd on May 17, 2013, 08:52:43 PM
What are your upsides to transgender?

For me:

1. I have a whole army of trans brothers and sisters at Susan's who I can relate to.
2. I get to see life from two sides whereas nearly everyone else only sees it from one.

Suzi, I have read through your topic several times now.  And marveled at all of the super answers, even from those who have not found a silver lining in that cloud yet.

By far, the best thing that has happened to me is being able to meet and get to know so many wonderful people in the community.  From our pre-teens to the geezers like me.

The realization about the nature of my gender issues has been a long time coming.  Almost too long.  I almost lost myself behind the façade of over 40 years.  And for the entire time I thought I was alone in my feelings.

For me, the process continues.  There was never an "Aha!" moment.  Instead there has been growth and maturing.

I suppose the down side is, the process continues.  I freely admit that I'm not the person I should be yet.  And my 50+ years of male socialization still rears it's ugly head from time to time.  At times I can be a real a-hole.  But I am getting better.

Quote from: kyh on June 14, 2013, 02:43:52 PM
I totally get it. It seems so unfair how others can be so happy while we have to suffer. How others could be seen as themselves whereas we always have to hide ourselves, as if who we are is a shameful secret. But the good thing is, you can always turn that situation around.

Btw, there are options for you too, Brightest After Dawn, as far as transition goes. Not all trans people, binary or not, choose to transition. But if you do, it doesn't have to be a full transition. Just hrt if you feel that's right for you, or just changing the way you dress, or the way you speak, or even changing your name and the pronouns you want to be used for you. Anyways, I love that you're so positive now and are becoming more content with yourself and your life. That's the best part about accepting yourself. The joy of it all so amazing.

Thanks for your words; life is really easier when you adopt a positive attitude. Gratitude and looking to the best in every situation. It doesn't even mean life is always fun, or easy, just that you will almost always be better off focusing on the good as opposed to bad. And there is almost always something in our lives we can be grateful for, as hard it it may seem to be find it sometimes.

Quote from: Malachite on May 17, 2013, 10:11:01 PM
For me personally, the only good thing about being transgender is finding out the reason why I've been so screwed up all of my life.  Of course this is just for me personally and doesn't apply to anyone else.

I agree with you. For me the only good thing was finally understanding what was going on with me. But I'm also finding that I'm enjoying the community that I get to be a part of on Susan's 

The good news is...

Acknowledging/realizing that fact is the first step toward being able to smile again (if you ever could.)

That once you start fixing things you will get to look at the world through new eyes and feel childlike wonderment for a second time.  This is a magical gift almost nobody experiences.

It takes somebody who has never felt joy to truly understand its unbelievable power and grace.  I promise you will feel it and be astonished by it if you just hang in there and take the steps that you need to take .

I have changed mentally quite dramatically, without effort. We are lucky to be able to experience both male and female perspectives. For me I have many more layers to shed and I look forward to the experience whaich has brought me calmness and empathy.
The bad side - other than the fear of social acceptance - NONE

1. I'm starting to figure things out that I would normally never have figured out if I was off hrt.
2. I'm way more laidback and mellow, and if I get angry, I got a good reason for it, so far most of my witnesses concur
3. I'm way more tolerant of my girlfriend, coworkers, neighbors, and general humanity for their frailties

If anything, I feel that the main upside for me is that I've been more open and aware, and acknowledging of emotional and identification struggles regarding gender and other related issues, more so than what I imagine an average person would be.

I sometimes feel like the situation has been directly responsible for my growth and maturity over the years, though I admit I have much more to learn.