Hello to all. My name is Maxx. Im FTM and 20 years old. My story may seem like everyone elses but Im here so I might as well tell it. Since I first learned the difference between a boy and a girl I knew something was wrong. I felt out of place. Me and my mother would fight over what I wore to school and how long my hair would be. At the age of 13 my mother couldn't take living with me so she shipped me with my grandma. I liked it there but my dad was never in my life and since they lived in the same town I started to get to know him and I moved in with him. My mistake since he truly could care less about me. He dropped me off at school at the age of 15 and told me to find another place to live. So I have been on my own since then. Ive had a job but quit due to personal reasons. I now have no contact with any of my blood family. I live in a singlewide trailer with 4 other people just to make ends meet. I go to school which is a start in my new life but I only take online classes. I cant step foot out of my home without feeling completely out of place. Even with a binder on I still feel ucomfortable. Not to mention that in general the binder is uncomfortable. I have searched for years and years for some sort of financial help even just to start testosterone and I just can't find anything. I can't even go see a therapist because I cant afford it even with them offering a sliding scale. I have done everything I can to come up with the money but anything that I get goes straight to bills. I don't even have a car and I live in a small tow where there is nowhere to work. Truthfully right now Id be happy starting T and getting top surgery. Id feel so much more comfortable. Life sucks. Point blank. I can't watch a movie, go to sleep, even do school work without thinking about it. It drives everyone crazy that I live with because I constantly talk about it. I envy famous people who have so much money and nothing to blow it on. Heck, Id even pay them back if it took my whole life work three or more jobs. Just the fact of feeling a little more normal would make me happier than I could think of. So this is a gist of my life. Im to my breaking point of not seeing the point in having one. Though I would have a few people that would talk me out of it. Truthfully I see no help for me. Im hoping someone can though. If anyone has any advice PLEASE feel free to give it to me. The usual "get a job" "save up for it" " apply for a loan" already tried. Didnt work. I have nothing to sell and even if I did the money would go for bills. I could lose my home any day and be out on the street. Any advice right now would help...

Hi Maxx 

Welcome to Susan's    Glad to have you, we have several FTM folks here and I'm sure you'll find many great friends with helpful and supportive ideas 

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Hugs

V M

Hi Maxx, welcome to Susan's Place! I'm up near Boston. Glad you found the site. I would say move to a big city, you could find work, use public transportation, and blend in. See you around the site, hugs, Devlyn

Hi Maxx,

Welcome to our little family. Over 11795 . That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another brother.

And be sure to check out these links ( MUST READS )

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Janet  )O(

Maxx, I guess the first question is, "What are your marketable skills?"  Second, did you finish high school?  Sounds like you are in school, maybe college?  Do you have student loans?