So as I go further into my journey I have to say I absolutely love living as a girl but there are times where I'm perfectly happy living as a guy also. I'm finding this as I explore my gender more, don't get me wrong the transition and hormones have been doing wonders for me. I feel as if I lived completely as female  wouldn't be completely happy and that I have to find the right balance. I wish to go through the full transition hormones and SRS so I can definitely feel complete and whole in my body. Also asides from gender I'm hoping that as my RLE comes that living as a guy on occasion won't hurt my chances of getting SRS. I really feel that the RLE is a test to make sure I know that I'm ready for it and that I dont necessarily have to live 100% female. Is there anything really wrong with wanting to live as both even though I heavily favor my female side?

Quote from: JuliaVB on June 29, 2013, 08:11:36 PM
So as I go further into my journey I have to say I absolutely love living as a girl but there are times where I'm perfectly happy living as a guy also. I'm finding this as I explore my gender more, don't get me wrong the transition and hormones have been doing wonders for me. I feel as if I lived completely as female  wouldn't be completely happy and that I have to find the right balance. I wish to go through the full transition hormones and SRS so I can definitely feel complete and whole in my body. Also asides from gender I'm hoping that as my RLE comes that living as a guy on occasion won't hurt my chances of getting SRS. I really feel that the RLE is a test to make sure I know that I'm ready for it and that I dont necessarily have to live 100% female. Is there anything really wrong with wanting to live as both even though I heavily favor my female side?

It's really on you, right? I mean your gender therapist isn't going to follow you with a cell phone camera or call your friends and family as witnesses.

RLE is for your benefit, not your gatekeepers'. Make of it what you want.

And remember, cis women often play typical male roles.

I'm finding that I'm still comfortable wearing some male clothing, especially when I'm lounging at home, that fits the contours of my body better.

Quote from: JuliaVB on June 29, 2013, 08:11:36 PM
Is there anything really wrong with wanting to live as both even though I heavily favor my female side?

Julia I don't see nothing wrong with that. The point of transitioning is to be yourself and if your not able to fully be yourself then all your going to do is make yourself miserable. 

Quote from: Heather on June 29, 2013, 08:24:23 PM
Julia I don't see nothing wrong with that. The point of transitioning is to be yourself and if your not able to fully be yourself then all your going to do is make yourself miserable. 

I've been questioning myself a lot recently about my gender that it's now time to be more honest with myself. I'm finding these questions on gender are really popping up as I really begin to experiment. I want to be happy and I'm right now beginning to find it. I guess it's because I'm still kind of scared of everything as it's all new and truthfully I don't completely know myself yet.

Mmmh, it might be good to talk about this with your therapist. I'm not saying it's a problem, but you know, there might be a little knot to untangle somewhere. The reasons for this might be useful to learn about. But yeah, you know, there are plenty of men and women, trans or not, who have and embrace their feminine/masculine side, without compromising their gender identity. I've heard of an FTM who does his nails in all kinds of fancy colours and chats like a girl and such, while still not being any less of a guy, for example. So I do think this warrants some investigation, but I don't think it's intrinsequally wrong.

Quote from: JuliaVB on June 29, 2013, 08:39:02 PM
I've been questioning myself a lot recently about my gender that it's now time to be more honest with myself. I'm finding these questions on gender are really popping up as I really begin to experiment. I want to be happy and I'm right now beginning to find it. I guess it's because I'm still kind of scared of everything as it's all new and truthfully I don't completely know myself yet.

Julia transitioning is a scary thing. And there is nothing wrong with questioning whether this is the right path for you. I still do it from time to time. Your still young and there is still plenty of time to figure yourself out. The point of this is to be the person you see yourself as. The worse thing you could do is run to the other gender thinking you could be happy there and finding out that doesn't make you happy either. Julia above all else don't try to put yourself in a box be the person you want to be. If you don't feel 100% feminine all the time then you don't have to be 100% feminine all the time. Most of what society expects a man or woman to be is all bs anyways so always be true to who you are.

Quote from: JuliaVB on June 29, 2013, 08:11:36 PM
I feel as if I lived completely as female  wouldn't be completely happy.

There's nothing wrong with it no. Not at all. I would, however, make the most out of your RLE and not just race forward towards SRS because you think you have to (don't know ur reasons for wanting it). Obviously that is the point of no return. Well two years of HRT is pretty far as well.

If you are not comfortable being female 100 percent of the time you'd obviously want to find it out before SRS. Remember: There is no law that you have to give up male interests. Many people here have lots of male interests like cars, computing or whatnot, gaming and whatever else I'm forgetting.

I just want to live my life happily, I like having a comfortable balance between the two genders. Overall I want to find happiness but I'm still discovering what is making me happy,  So far I know that I'm on the correct path with hormones and I haven't been happier in my life. Honestly I dont want to run back to my male body, it's a horrible thing for me. With that said I feel as if I can live out both roles.

I know it isn't a race to SRS and that it is part of transition. It's something that I know I will be going through which I plan on getting in two years, the point for me of SRS is to make sure I'm 110% behind my decision and that I am ready.

I know it isn't a race to SRS and that it is part of transition. It's something that I know I will be going through which I plan on getting in two years, the point for me of my RLE is to make sure I'm 110% behind my decision and that I am ready.

You sound like you have a very well thought out plan and I think everything is going to work out perfectly for you!

Quote from: Joanna Dark on June 29, 2013, 09:32:19 PM
You sound like you have a very well thought out plan and I think everything is going to work out perfectly for you!

Thanks, I'm finally getting on a good dose of my hormones and will hopefully be able to start my RLE in January when hopefully I pass well enough as female.

There is nothing wrong with being open with both gender roles. That is something I have had to work through myself.

Quote from: JuliaVB on June 29, 2013, 08:11:36 PM
So as I go further into my journey I have to say I absolutely love living as a girl but there are times where I'm perfectly happy living as a guy also. I'm finding this as I explore my gender more, don't get me wrong the transition and hormones have been doing wonders for me. I feel as if I lived completely as female  wouldn't be completely happy and that I have to find the right balance. I wish to go through the full transition hormones and SRS so I can definitely feel complete and whole in my body. Also asides from gender I'm hoping that as my RLE comes that living as a guy on occasion won't hurt my chances of getting SRS. I really feel that the RLE is a test to make sure I know that I'm ready for it and that I dont necessarily have to live 100% female. Is there anything really wrong with wanting to live as both even though I heavily favor my female side?

I'm at a lost as to what you mean....are you talking about how your presenting?? Perceived?? I'm not sure what it feels like to live as a woman 100% does this mean I have to wear a dress all the time, call everyone hun, cross my legs all the time, shriek at spiders. hate sports....LOL...well I can tell you then...there are many women that aren't 100% women!!

True...what you wear may make people perceive you differently...and how you act may also...but what you do can only make other perceive you differently if you want...most times it how you perceive yourself. I have a large yard...I need to trim branches and haul them away...this is something a woman or man can do I don't feel any less a woman for doing it....just tired!!

It sounds as if your not liking being perceived as a woman at all times...?? maybe its because of the difference in male friendships, or maybe missing the male privilege??

Myself I know I could not and would not want to be perceived as anything other then a woman...sure its not always fun...I have now lost a few points of my IQ, I no longer can give an knowledgeable opinion about any sport, its allowable to talk down to me, I'm a bad driver, I can't open a jar of pickles (kids think so) basically I know 20-90% less than men now....at least that's what some men think. It doesn't bother me too much since I was perceived the same when I was a man.

I would like to be more attractive, better figure, nicer person and have more money...but I'll be happy the rest of my life if I am never perceived as a man ever again!!!!

Quote from: JuliaVB on June 29, 2013, 08:39:02 PM
I've been questioning myself a lot recently about my gender that it's now time to be more honest with myself. I'm finding these questions on gender are really popping up as I really begin to experiment. I want to be happy and I'm right now beginning to find it. I guess it's because I'm still kind of scared of everything as it's all new and truthfully I don't completely know myself yet.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with experimentation.  It is all about getting to know who you are and giving yourself the greatest chance for happiness.

I've been questioning myself heavily since I started taking on the trans beast head on 4 years ago. I have a good 50 years of being (somewhat) "comfortable" in my make role. As well as adept and successful at it from an outsiders view. On the inside I know all too well now what sort of a lifeless, soulless, joyless person I became.

For about 3 years now I've been doing part-time. I rediscovered joy and happiness, even passion. I also still change my own oil, and brakes, fix stuff around the house, etc.. When I am presenting as Joanne I tend to lean towards girlie-girl. When doing dirty work, ratty guy clothes in guy mode. In essence I've been living both.

I know plenty of women who are quite similar. Sometimes girlie-girl, other times, very not girlie when swinging a hammer or a wrench.

As Shelly asked, I'd like to know exactly what you mean... Is this living both socially? Internally?

Quote from: Just Shelly on June 29, 2013, 10:01:49 PM
I'm at a lost as to what you mean....are you talking about how your presenting?? Perceived?? I'm not sure what it feels like to live as a woman 100% does this mean I have to wear a dress all the time, call everyone hun, cross my legs all the time, shriek at spiders. hate sports....LOL...well I can tell you then...there are many women that aren't 100% women!!

True...what you wear may make people perceive you differently...and how you act may also...but what you do can only make other perceive you differently if you want...most times it how you perceive yourself. I have a large yard...I need to trim branches and haul them away...this is something a woman or man can do I don't feel any less a woman for doing it....just tired!!

It sounds as if your not liking being perceived as a woman at all times...?? maybe its because of the difference in male friendships, or maybe missing the male privilege??

Myself I know I could not and would not want to be perceived as anything other then a woman...sure its not always fun...I have now lost a few points of my IQ, I no longer can give an knowledgeable opinion about any sport, its allowable to talk down to me, I'm a bad driver, I can't open a jar of pickles (kids think so) basically I know 20-90% less than men now....at least that's what some men think. It doesn't bother me too much since I was perceived the same when I was a man.

I would like to be more attractive, better figure, nicer person and have more money...but I'll be happy the rest of my life if I am never perceived as a man ever again!!!!

Honestly, I think there's a problem with the people you're with. I've never seen such misogyny. If anything women seem to be put on an undue pedestal here.

Well to put it straight, I couldn't think of the word for the life of me, I'm a tom boy. at times I like to present as male and am fully comfortable with it but most of the time I like presenting as female. It's a time for experimentation for me now that I'm out and becoming more and more comfortable with myself. Do I think the whole transition is appropriate for me? Yes I do because I couldn't be happier on hormones and I'm finally starting to become happy about my body as it changes

Quote from: JuliaVB on June 30, 2013, 10:19:31 AM
Well to put it straight, I couldn't think of the word for the life of me, I'm a tom boy. at times I like to present as male and am fully comfortable with it but most of the time I like presenting as female. It's a time for experimentation for me now that I'm out and becoming more and more comfortable with myself. Do I think the whole transition is appropriate for me? Yes I do because I couldn't be happier on hormones and I'm finally starting to become happy about my body as it changes

sounds like fun. enjoy that experiment and keep us updated. im guess for you at some point once you cross over to much from the hormones and long hair tom boy will be the best you can pull off
you will seen as all Julia within 2 years which is a good thing

Quote from: Tristan on June 30, 2013, 10:28:24 AM
sounds like fun. enjoy that experiment and keep us updated. im guess for you at some point once you cross over to much from the hormones and long hair tom boy will be the best you can pull off
you will seen as all Julia within 2 years which is a good thing

It'll be fantastic when the day comes, I'm really excited at all the prospects of transition. When the day finally comes that I can't pass off as male will be a glorious day and tomboy it will be for me lol, I don't mind at all taking up male roles or even being perceived as such if I can at that point. Overall it has been such a wonderful experience so far. :3