...of giving us one of the toughest challenges anyone can ever face, but ultimately, through successfully transitioning (or even just coming out and boldly being you for non TS's), to grow so much from it, possibly so much that one could even be glad to have born transgendered in the first place?

Disclaimer:  I'm putting my thoughts out here for others to think about and comment on, nothing more.  What I'm saying may be interpreted by some as controversial.


In other words, if one overcomes the challenge of being transgendered, it could be one of the most rewarding things anyone could ever experience, as well as the challenge of being gay.  People grow from challenges, from experiences, and come out of them with a better sense of what their capabilities are, a possibly expanded sense of freedom, as well as life itself opening up (in the way one's sense of the world around them expands as they travel more) and as a result one's satisfaction with life increases.  Challenges are tough, but the rewards can be well worth it.

So is this fate?  Is life throwing us a potentially very tough challenge that we must overcome?  One of the potential rewards of being transgender is that, from what I've seen, one is free from the shackles of conforming to society, and transgender and gay people are one of the few groups of people that really understands how precious is "being you."  I'll tell you from what I've seen that lots of cis-gendered people just conform to society's expectations and are too afraid to be themselves.  Even me myself, even in being in limbo, I at the very least am glad that in large part, I don't feel shackled to the male gender anymore, including its expectations, which to me feel silly.  I don't agree with all the female gender expectations though, but one of the good things about not conforming to one gender is that you get to be more independent minded and can see things from a third perspective and not have to do things just because other people in your gender are doing them, you have more free will.  Another possible reward is losing the fear of what other people think of you, as well as gaining the sense that "I'm a human, damnit, and I have the right to live, be happy, and enjoy my life!" which is something that many more passive cisgendered people don't have.

And this probably mostly applies to transgender people who are more out, as from what I've seen, transgender people who are stealth don't enjoy many of the benefits and sort of remain living in fear about being outed.

Now much of us probably wished that we were born cis-gendered, and we can't change our past, but I think we may overlook or not appreciate the things we gain from the experience of transitioning.  Friends and family may be lost, but friends and family that truly love you may be gained.  A spouse may be lost, but a truly great person as a spouse may be gained.  A life may be lost, but a truly magnificent life may be gained.  Look at how many cisgendered people have phony friends, a spouse that doesn't really love them, must keep appearances including working long hours as a result, and have to deal with not so pleasant family members, and ultimately aren't happy with life as a result?

Kimberley Reed, a high school football player that transitioned to become a lesbian filmmaker, had said that she was glad that she was born transgender, because it taught her boldness, something that many women don't have.

"If she could go back, Kim says she would have made the transition much earlier, but she is glad she was raised as a boy for one reason. "I think that just [by] being a boy, it's okay for you to be bold and independent and do whatever you want to do. Sometimes, I see girls who are growing up where they reach that age where they really start to doubt themselves and question and kind of withdraw like 11, 12, 13," Kim says. "I'm glad that I was kind of given this license to [have] this boldness.""

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/Filmmaker-Kimberly-Reeds-Transgender-Transition/4#ixzz2Xk5VuF8W

One could take the easy, the straight road, that doesn't lead to anywhere nice, or one could take the bumpy, winding, treacherous road, that leads to the most beautiful and majestic places one could ever be in.  Which is the road more worth it to take?

I am trying to be happy and positive about being trans but it is very hard. I really don't like being trans at all and having to tell people and all this other stuff. The impossible regret that comes from having wasted several years of my life and not transitioning earlier. Though I'm hardly old and am transitioning well, well before the average age. Wondering if I'll ever get married or if the guy I'm with is suddenly going to leave for a "real" girl. Not being able to get pregnant. Heck, I wonder if I'll ever get SRS which is something I've wanted for, like, ever.

That being said I love that I am transitioning and sometimes have to pinch myself to make sure I am not dreaming. And yes I do think I will be stronger as a result. But I'm not sure transitioning by itself makes you stronger as there seems to be many suicides or attempts for some people during and after transitioning. But maybe they were mistaken and shouldn't have transitioned in the first place. That's where I think all this trans pride really gets in the way. If you are having doubts and this is the wrong path, and you keep getting cheered on, that is a really bad thing.

Will I ever be glad I was born trans? Prolly not. But I think I can become stronger and be happy with the half-life I am attempting to pull from the ashes of my former life. So yeah I love transition but not being trans?

Anyhoo, good post and reminds me of the end of my fave poet as a child (I am oh so more grown up now and into like Baudelaire and stuff).

Frost:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—   
I took the one less traveled by,   
And that has made all the difference.

Katelyn you are really speaking my language, thank you for this thread.

I think about this on the daily.

I have come to the conclusion after the initial trials and tribulations of transitioning that I am extremely happy to be who I am, trans history and all. I have no regret about my previous life as a male or being born with the "wrong" body. Overall, this has and continues to be a wonderful life experience.. chalk full of rewards in the form of eye opening self discoveries and a feeling of uniqueness that I know only I can hold true to my heart.

You can absolutely be happy about being transgendered. In fact, I wonder if the times will change and many many more people will feel the same way. I think that one of the big things many people seek in life is a sense of differentiation or identity within themselves. Being transgendered really lets you explore that aspect of life. It can be a really beautiful and positive thing

Very good post...lets see if this goes anywhere!!.....

I am somewhat that person this may not apply too as much since I am stealth as much as I can be...I have transitioned in the same city I have lived in for most of my life...so being stealth isn't always possible. With that said... I would like to know if the trans that are "out and proud" so to speak don't enjoy the normalness that comes with being stealth...I am sure that some who are not worried about being defined as transgendered still don't walk around with a sign that says I'm trans....This is how I sometimes feel when I'm somewhere that my status is known. I don't get treated any differently (well sometimes nicer :/ ) (see similar post) but I just don't feel as myself....personally I am a woman not a "transgendered". Its not that I am ashamed of it...its just I want to be defined as something in the normal spectrum of life!!

To be honest I can't say I am glad I was born transgendered since most of my life I wished I wasn't...but since transitioning I do believe it has made me a better person....or maybe the person I always was!

My spiritual beliefs caused me much turmoil early on when accepting myself as someone changing their sex. The one thing that got me passed this was the belief that this was meant to be...part of this reason is my belief in that we as humans do not have free will. This in its self is an oxymoron when talking about transitioning...since I believe I am the one changing myself...:/ My belief is that God gives us challenges in life with certain decisions to be made already known...we may end up taking the wrong path at first....but end up on the right one eventually. I feel I am now on the right path!!

I do not have any regrets of my past life...without it I would never have had 3 precious things called my children. There is much I have learned throughout my life...some may have been because I was once a man...some from my social status and I'm sure some because of what I am.  There could be many things about my life that have taught me things....transitioning is just another one of those. Most days I accept the challenge...some days I hate it!! I rarely think of the past and think "what if". I stopped doing that years ago when I learned you can't change the past. I only struggle with this now when regretting not being a teenage girl. I feel I missed out learning so much...its not that I regret that I didn't go to prom or I didn't experience puberty the right way...its that I didn't learn how girls think and communicate on such a different level. This is something I am experiencing now....l feel this learning I am doing is dependent on being stealth. I am treated completely the same as any other woman by other women as well as men. There are things I am starting to understand that women learned when they were a 14 year old girl.

I hope one day I can look at it as a gift, but right now it's a curse. I constantly think of reasons why I'm not trans and therefore don't need to go through all of this. None of it sticks though.

There is plenty about being trans that is the pits, granted, and looking at the positive side of things doesn't make any of those things go away, but, imo, it does take away their power over you.

I wish everybody on Earth could experience what I experienced a couple summers ago, when I felt an amazing child-like wonderment as I saw the world again through new eyes.  I was myself, I was full of joy that I had never in my life felt, and the world was suddenly a new place full of brilliance and light.  Most people get to experience coming to life and discovering themselves in a new world only once, and never as an adult.  That was a gift that I will always cherish.

Challenges make us grow and make us stronger only if they don't crush us into the dust and I think it does take a strong person to survive being born this way, especially when they don't get the support that others get.  There is nothing in my life that I am prouder of than being able to make it through this.  I would have never given myself credit for being strong enough.

If you feel like the challenges you have dealt with have left you shattered and you wonder, even though you are still standing, how you can come out of this anything but weaker than you started, I just want to say that I learned just this year that the fractures criss-crossing all through my soul have started to mend.  I am so much more emotionally resilient than I have ever been.  Not that I don't cry, I cry at the drop of a hat, but I don't fall into depression from small setbacks like I used to.  Things that left me despondent for 6 months, now make me sad for a couple hours, if that.  You don't carry those fractures for life, you heal from them.

I don't know how I am here.  I am amazed at myself that I made it through everything I have.  Which sounds really weird, but I just did not have any confidence in myself.  Now I know I can take anything on, because I took this on and survived.  I have no bigger accomplishment in my life than just simply being here.  That I am able to feel sustained happines, joy, and peace with my existence now is really just the cherry on top.