Thank you for sharing your story, WileyCoyote.

Quote from: Tadpole on June 28, 2013, 07:10:15 PM
So I think this is more than a little embarrassing but I'm having two strong urges right now that seem to be coinciding and contridictory. I still want to and probably plan to start testosterone and transition to being a man, but I also have this odd desire to abandon all defense and have unprotected sex with some cisguy, get pregnant, have his kid and raise a kid. I don't know why I'm thinking about this now, and I feel like it condradicts a lot and maybe I should just go ahead and go with the transition but forget about the sex thing because how do you explain that to your kid? At the risk of sounding offensive do any of you find this morally wrong or irresponsible? I haven't even started testosterone yet but I'm having another odd experience where since I started dressing all in guys clothes and using a guys name or identifying as a guy more often, it's almost as if my testosterone levels have raised already. I'm sex crazed all of a sudden and I'm acting really macho and wanting to get into fights. What's up with that?

honestly would you listen to all those men don't get pregnant crap?
arn't Susan a place for suporting each other, and not to label each other put us in diffrent boxes and make the whole "trans enough" speach
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Tadpole:
I wonder if your urge is more like a wish or a desire.
I got sexual fantasys by unprotected sex, but its more a fantasy cause im deathly scared of it in real life and always been very carefull. or maybe if its more like a wish to get a famely on your own? maybe abit of both, but you can only answer for youself.

I don't feel its wierd or wrong for transguys getting pregnant. I know a couple of guys who is pregnant I guess specially because in my area we either had or have forced sterilization and laws like that which made it very difficult to get kids otherwise. the guys do not feel less or more of a my for that, the same way I know a cisguy who would love to be able to get pregnant but its not posible for him. I think its up to onceself, for chidren explenation its not a big problem, most kids are more openminded than adults, they just love there parrents whatever its a man or a woman or somewhere in between.

only thing I belive you shouldn't is taking T or being pregnant at the same time, So if you want to get pregnant you should stop taking T for a while and during the pegnacy, then afterward you can start T again.

It's possible that you've just reached a certain stage in life where your biology is doing the 'must make baby' dance, causing you to feel that you need to get pregnant, even if rationally it's not what you want. My mother talks about how, when she was into her twenties, even though she'd never wanted children before she suddenly became desperate to get pregnant and procreate - like an urge. It's a natural thing, I suppose. I don't know if this happens with lots of people.

I know that I can tell difference between what I want and what my biology wants. I hate children, thoughts of sex and pregnancy make me feel sick... and yet, when I think about transition, there's still a voice that goes 'But don't you want to continue your genetic line? You probably won't be able to do that if you do this.' And I think one part of me does want to do that. I almost feel guilty because every single one of my ancestors up until now has survived and had children - if I didn't I would be the end of the line. But my sensible mind, the part of me that's 'me', cannot stand the thought of any procreative process.

In my opinion, forgive me for I may be wholly mistaken, you are just experiencing a discord between your natural maternal urges and your rational desires. So while what you feel may not be incredibly sensible, I think it's perfectly understandable.

I'm sorry if all of this was a bit incongruent and unhelpful, I'm rather sleepy this morning!

From another perspective, there are a heap of trans*woman on this site who have fathered children and love then dearly. The urge to procreate is very strong in humans as in other animals. Many trans*woman went into the relationship knowing they were trans* and I believe in some cases as a way of 'curing' themselves. That of course doesn't work. But their love for their children is in most cases the exact same as the father of any child.

That a trans*man desires to have a child while they can, is no great difference in my mind. Without wishing to offend, trans*men will not father a child just as a trans*woman will not carry a baby to birth. It is one of the common tragedies we share.

It does not in any way invalidate us as humans, indeed it is a flag of the biological curse we carry.

I don't have any advice to the OP except to share my love and understanding of the dilemma he faces and wish him well in his journey.

And to wish us all understanding of people who share our path.

Hugs
Cindy

Quote from: Cindy. on July 02, 2013, 03:12:07 AM
From another perspective, there are a heap of trans*woman on this site who have fathered children and love then dearly. The urge to procreate is very strong in humans as in other animals. Many trans*woman went into the relationship knowing they were trans* and I believe in some cases as a way of 'curing' themselves. That of course doesn't work. But their love for their children is in most cases the exact same as the father of any child.

That a trans*man desires to have a child while they can, is no great difference in my mind. Without wishing to offend, trans*men will not father a child just as a trans*woman will not carry a baby to birth. It is one of the common tragedies we share.

It does not in any way invalidate us as humans, indeed it is a flag of the biological curse we carry.

^ This.

Many of us have a strong, biological urge to become parents. The problem for those of us on the trans* spectrum is, we generally have the 'wrong' reproductive organs for our gender identities.

Wanting to become a parent isn't a male or female thing; it's a human thing. And for those of us who want it badly enough, sometimes we just have to make use of the reproductive organs we have in order to become parents. Our MtF sisters are no less women because some of them once fathered children; and I am no less of a man because I've given birth. And yes, I've met plenty of cisguys who would love to know what it feels like to be able to carry their own children (although they're less keen to experience labour & childbirth, LOL). So as Cindy says, it doesn't invalidate us.

It's not unusual to want to be a parent. If you're considering it, please take your time to think things through. You don't need to rush into medical transition if you need to sort out a few other things first (or at all, for that matter).

Just please remember that a child is a lifetime commitment. That cute little baby will very soon be a tearaway toddler, then a messy schoolchild, then a grumpy, angst-ridden teenager... and even after they grow up & move out you'll still be worrying about them. They're also frighteningly expensive - again, also after they grow up & move out (they'll want help with their college fees/home deposit/first car/wedding/whatever). If you're ready for that level of commitment, go ahead. For all it's ups & downs, I thoroughly recommend being a parent. But if you're not 100% sure that you're ready for it, please don't rush headlong into something you might regret.

This is not a simple issue.

I can tell you that personally, at this point in MY life, I shudder to think of myself ever being pregnant. It's not something that can happen for me anyway, but still...the thought of it ever happening, even when I was being sexually active with a man...gave me the creeps.

BUT

Not all ftms, androgynes, and other female-bodied folks feel this way. It is your body and your life. Personally, I'd sit down and think long and hard before committing to the idea of having a child, pre or post transition. If it is important that you have your own biological children, then perhaps you should consider delaying HRT or not doing that at all. There are guys who have kept their female organs and decided to carry their own children. Some are gay and conceive using their partner's sperm. Others are straight and use donor sperm. Some raise their offspring as daddies (Tom Beattie, for example). Others choose to take a more maternal or egalitarian approach (Milk Junkies, for example).

Both of them transitioned prior to getting pregnant and giving birth. Milk Junkies breastfed his son, for crying out loud. I'm positive that there are plenty of ftms and mtfs who have become parents after transition, during transition, prior to transition. Some have bio kids, some adopt, some raise their partner's children from prior relationships.

As for the whole "Men don't have babies" thing....well, typically, they don't. But let's not use that as a justification for why they shouldn't or can't or won't. I do believe that some guys would be willing to carry children if that were an option. I know that some mtfs would love to be able to carry and give birth to their own children as well. Just as many ftms would love to be able to father children. Life ain't fair, but we shouldn't let that limit us when it comes to living our lives.

Just my two cents. 

Well, I can agree with biological urges not going away but everything gets more complicated when you throw in sexuality and gender switches. Especially if you're one of those people who shifts their interest thoroughout their life. I believe there might be biological urges to have anal sex or I know there have been biological urges for me to cuddle with the gentleness of a woman. For so long a man wouldn't do. Then you start having changes. I have honestly not been with a transgender partner well, I change that, I could include one of my exes and I could include myself. I think that it's probably perfectly natural for a trans woman to want to be a mother and a transman to want to be a father when they have souls of a gender that's assigned to be "mother" or "father". Where is the label for inbetween parents? Unfortunately I don't have a penis and I will never produce sperm so I might be able to imagine myself acting like a father (even though I could see myself as motherly in a way too) but I will never be a father as it's described in the "health books" even if that's what I want. Maybe in a new life I can be a biological man but maybe it's not all that great. I'm respectful of there being an inbetween and transmen being father figures, but I probably won't be one of them.